Mine Alone
by WinndSinger
Summary: A vampire's love is forever. But what if Bella chose to be with Jacob instead of Edward after Eclipse? Edward slowly loses his mind after losing Bella and will do anything to keep her. This has some Darkward in it and the story will get dark at times.
1. Chapter 1

*Hey Guys ! This takes place after Eclipse – there is no wolf pack, Jacob is not a werewolf. Sorry. Edward is very dark in this, but there will still be glimpses of Sweetward mixed in. You've been warned. Hope u like it.*

I hate funerals. Once, a lifetime or two ago, I used to think that they were kind of peaceful, a sad but quiet time of letting go, saying goodbye, thinking of all the wonderful moments had together…but of course those were funerals of old people…Gran, who was 87 when she passed away…she had lived a full life, a good life. It was hard but I was able to let her go and smile and know she was a free spirit now, able to fly and do backflips in the clouds if she chose to…she was so frail and in pain at the end, it was almost right that she was gone and not trapped in that body anymore.

But this funeral is different. Jacob is…WAS…only 19 years old. And it's my fault he's dead.

If I hadn't pushed so hard…if I didn't confront Edward and act so tough…if I had gone with Edward when he told me to…then…I can hardly even think this…

Then…Edward wouldn't have killed Jacob.

I want to let the sobs pour out of me…I want to scream and howl and make a fool of myself in front of Billy, and all Jacob's friends and relatives…but I won't…not yet. I know Edward is watching me…waiting to see me break. If I do, he'll taunt me about it later, even mock me…before he punishes me, that is.

Edward's punishments were severe and heartbreaking, as well as physically painful. He would think for hours on how to make it hurt me in every way, not just a bruise or a cut that could heal. Edward's punishments never healed…and would never go away.

Once, I begged him to stay with me. I would've gotten on my knees that day in the forest if I were able to move my legs as Edward so callously spoke the words that meant he was breaking up with me and would never return. My heart was crumbling, withering like a rose in the snow as I watched his eyes. They were ice – no love for me there, no emotion, no sadness I could see no matter how deeply I plunged to find that light I once knew. And for the first time since I knew him, I could find nothing human there. I glimpsed the monster he warned me about that lived inside him.

And then he leaned in and kissed my forehead, a gesture of innocent love such as a father or grandmother would bestow upon someone dear to them. I think that was the cruelest goodbye of all. A kiss without passion, romance, or anything even mildly warm. I was broken at that moment. I died.

Now I wish I had really died then. But my body lived on, despite my heart's decision that it was over.

But, now that I'm older, I look back and see that even though first love nearly destroyed me…second love was so much sweeter. And stronger.

Second love, Jacob Black, was even more intense because there were things he had to go through with me that first love could never know. Second love has to be tender…they must care for and heal the wounds left behind of first love. Jacob did that, so patiently…selflessly…without even trying to stake his claim on me. He came in the name of friendship, just wanting to see me smile and have the sun on my face.

Second love has to endure. Jacob had to watch me suffer, so many times. Even when it seemed like we were having fun, just hanging out, first love would cross my mind and my heart…and he would see my whole face just lose light and warmth…he knew what was happening inside me almost every time. And there was nothing he could do about it, just be there with me. And he was. He never faltered or failed me.

But I was stupid. I kept pining away over first love who couldn't care less about me…while a noble, sweet man like Jacob hovered around me like a guardian angel, loving me all the time I cried and longed for Edward. I want to go back and slap myself in the face and yell, and demand to know what her problem is. But I can't. What's done is done. I know that's all my fault, too.

I saved Edward. Just when I had gotten to the edge. I was ready to cross that line and love Jacob. I had almost kissed him that night in my kitchen. Then like he could sense it was about to happen, Edward called.

I flew to him as fast as I could when Alice said he was going to kill himself. Nothing else mattered to me then…not even Jacob. He begged me to stay with him. Even in front of Alice he would humiliate himself to make me listen…but I was a stupid teenager and ignored him. I even told him goodbye.

A single tear cuts down my right cheek before I can stop it and I quickly wipe it away, as if it's acid on my skin. Edward saw. I know he saw. Part of me doesn't give a damn and is willing to take whatever Edward decides to dish up for crying at Jacob's service. But another part of me, the part I hate…is terrified.

You see…Edward has changed.

Yes, he still loves me…in his way. It's this eternal vampire love for me that I think was the problem in the first place. How terrible for a vampire to fall in love with one person for all eternity…when that person does not feel the same way about you in return. What is the vampire supposed to do then ? Edward only had two choices – to leave me alone and let me live in peace with Jacob – or refuse to leave my side.

Edward chose the latter.

When we first came home from Italy, I was so happy Edward was alive, and that he truly loved me all along. I couldn't think straight. I was alive again, too, as if I'd never felt all the pain since the moment he left me. My heart broke when I realized Jacob would not be my future, although I tried to lie to both of us when I said we could be friends. In a way, I was now worse than Edward in my words to Jacob.

If Edward stood before me and told me that he loved me, but not as much as someone else, say Tanya, for example, I think that would have been even more cutting than the real breakup speech he gave me. And if he then said, "I'm still living here in Forks with her, and we'll be going to Forks High together, but can't we still be friends?"

I think I would have to kill him, Tanya, and then myself. I would find a way. But this is what I was doing to Jacob. And yet he still loved me.

Edward wanted to marry me. I was still in so deep then. I wanted Edward forever, but I had no idea what forever meant…and how long it could be. Even in the deepest part of night, when no one seems to be around, I can hardly make myself even THINK the words…I should have let him die back in Italy.

And I hate myself for letting the words creep into my thoughts. But they're there. Like dirt I can't wash off. I want to be free. I want it even if it means my own death. But I already tried that once. I did not succeed. How can you when you have a vampire always watching over your every move?

There is no way out.

He loves me. He will always love me.

That was once a dream come true, a gift. Now it's a curse, an eternal life sentence I can never escape.

I know you all only know the Edward made from music, dreams and love. I knew that Edward, too. I still love HIM. I don't want you to hate Edward but I will tell you my story…from the day I told Edward I had made my choice. That is where Hell began for all of us.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I remember crying…weeping so hard the words could hardly get out. I'm sure a normal human wouldn't know WHAT I was saying…but he did.

I remember him holding my trembling hands…his were cold, as usual, but I could feel that they were shaking too. It was what I had just said that turned him into afraid immortal were a moment ago he was concerned lover.

"You…", his voice was barely a whisper, "You love…him?"

I hated the way his voice sounded, so hurt and vulnerable. I only cried harder, my vision so blurred, fat, wet drops plopped onto the Cullens' marble dining room table.

We were meeting tonight to discuss wedding plans, but the more we talked about things like the dress, the table settings, the location…the more I felt it wasn't right. For the past few months, I dreamed of Jacob, longed for him. He stopped coming around lately, deciding to give me my space to figure things out. He had last said to me, "If you pick him, I will be happy for you. But I can't watch it happen, Bella. You belong with me."

And now that Jake wasn't always around, trying to convince me of those facts, I finally started to feel it too. And strangely, when I was with Edward, I felt…down. He hadn't done anything wrong. He was always perfectly right. Maybe that's what it was. Maybe if Edward had just made one little mistake, I don't know, burned something or dropped a jar of tomato sauce, I would've laughed with him and maybe fell in love with him in a whole new way. I had that with Jacob.

I don't know when or how it happened but I just knew at that point I wanted Jacob, I craved him. I felt as if I were always about to cry from loneliness, even though I was always surrounded by Cullens.

And this night, it finally came out. I think Edward had to have known and sensed it before it was spoken, but he still responded with fear and shock….and horrible pain.

For the longest time we just sat there, stunned. Me sobbing and him staring at me, praying to God he was dreaming all this somehow.

It seemed like ten years later one of us moved. It was Edward, stroking my hair on both sides of my head, a gentle "shhhh" almost purring out of him.

Then I cried more.

I did love Edward too. He was amazing, sweet, true, loyal, beautiful, protective…everything girls like me read about in romance novels. Everyone would say I was crazy for not wanting Edward. I thought it too. But I couldn't help what my heart was feeling. It was crying for Jacob, but still, I loathed doing this to Edward. I didn't know how I'd live with the guilt and pain I was feeling now.

Here is a boy who never knew love, romantic love, that is, all his life. He had to watch lovers in and out of his house for almost 100 years and never got close to feeling it himself. Then finally, I came along and changed all that. He told me I awakened his frozen heart. That I brought him to life.

And now I had to destroy him and that precious, beautiful love and force him to know eternal heartbreak.

I suck.

And then I tried to sputter out that sentiment in between my heaving sobs while Edward's brow furrowed as he tried to decipher my words.

"You-were-better off…", I took a big breath, "Before you-met me! I-don't-want to-do this-to you."

I thought I saw him give a little grin even though his eyes were filled with anguish.

He leaned in gently and placed his lips on my forehead and I loved that icy burn I was feeling.

"No, Bella.", he whispered, "I was not better off without you. I would rather die today than to wish you erased from my life. A hundred thousand years without knowing love, without knowing YOU…is nothing."

I heard myself really bawling now. Jacob didn't say things like this, his love was different. But I would really miss this magnificent creature who was comforting me while I was tearing his heart from his chest. He was just too good to be real.

I hadn't felt Edward leave me, but suddenly, there was a glass of icewater in my hands, Edward's over mine, guiding the glass to my lips.

"Drink, beautiful girl.", he said with a deep voice, a little above a whisper now as a tiny mouthful of water passed my lips.

I almost choked a little on it and then he took it away and patted my back lightly.

"More?", he looked into my eyes with those heavenly butterscotch orbs of his.

I nodded.

Again, a little grin crossed his lush lips and he fed more water to me.

At least my crying stopped, maybe that was his plan, to shut me up. I'm sure all the Cullens were listening, wherever they were hiding now.

No, I know he's trying to comfort me, he's gorgeous that way.

After a few minutes and a half glass of water, I finally took some deep cleansing breaths while Edward stroked me, and then I was able to speak clearly again, my eyes not having the nerve to look straight into Edward's.

"You're too good to me.", I began, thanking him for taking care of me first.

"I love you…I love being good to you.", he answered simply.

"It would be so much easier for me if you yelled or something…threw a vase…", I muttered.

Then I heard a faraway Esme's voice yell out, "Don't you DARE Edward !"

"I've broken my limit of treasures this month.", he said, trying to sound lighter.

"Why aren't you mad?", I heard myself blurt out, then I looked into his eyes.

"I am mad.", he said in all seriousness, "Mad at myself, for whatever I did that pushed you away."

"You never pushed me away.", I quickly corrected, feeling even worse now, "You have treated me like a Queen, always! I don't know why this is happening."

"I think I know.", he said softly, one hand gently dancing along my hair, "I've treated you as a Queen…but you're a woman. You don't belong sitting on a throne. You're more at home on the motorcycle."

He didn't say it as a put down. It was a compliment and it sounded that way. He was right, too.

When I met Emily, I think I felt it then. She was happy in her little forest cottage, making muffins for Jake and his friends. I remember thinking then, that could so be me. I would be happy here.

Edward had been so noble, so understanding with me that night. Part of me thought maybe he didn't really want me all that much since he let me go so easily. But as he kissed me goodbye while we were parked in Charlie's driveway, I heard a pained hitch in Edward's breathing that said it all.

He pulled away suddenly, as if his secret was out. I looked at him and new tears filled my eyes as he hid his face from me in the darkness.

"I won't say goodbye.", he said with a cracked voice, "I'm always your friend. All you need to do is call me, even if it's with your own voice in the middle of your kitchen…and I will be there."

"I know.", I whimpered, tears escaping from both my eyes at once. I let them be, I didn't wipe them away.

There was a moment of silence. I couldn't leave. Edward didn't want me to go either…I just knew it in my heart. We both figured if we didn't say anything, we could just go on sitting in the Volvo forever, like we planned. But it became clear it was time for me to go, to end this and stop hurting Edward. I thought the sooner I go, the sooner he could start to heal. I prayed he could. And then the thought of him finding love again with someone else just made me want to vomit. What the hell am I doing ?

"I love you Edward.", I managed to squeak the words out into the blackness of the car, only the blue and green lights from the dashboard colored Edward's profile slightly, making it look a little eerie.

Before I saw him, he was holding me in his cool arms and I heard him exhale into my hair, it almost sounded like he was crying.

"I love YOU Bella.", he whispered then pulled away again, as if I burned him.

"You should go inside.", he said in a very monotone voice right away, "Charlie is wondering what's taking so long. He thinks we're making out."

Then I looked at the house and indeed, Charlie was flicking the porch lights on and off, his signal to me to get my butt in the house. I almost laughed but I couldn't ignore what I was doing to Edward. It scared me. I felt like I needed to say more. It didn't feel right to just end it here and walk away, not after all we'd been through. We both nearly died for each other, more than once. How could it just end like this ? In a car?

"Edward, I—"

"Please Bella!", he cut me off with a harsh tone, "Please go inside!"

Then I saw his hand clutching at his eyes to hide them from me. He was in agony and I was prolonging it. He was probably fighting every instinct he had to just let me go this sweetly without a fight and I was making it harder by hanging out.

Then my hand flew to the door handle and opened the door, and as I went I said "I'm sorry, Edward."

It was a statement made in a sob and it was so delicate but I know he heard me.

Before I knew it, I was running up the steps to the front door, tears clouding the view again…it's a miracle I didn't fall on my face. I deserved to. I just killed all the feelings Edward ever felt for me and threw them in his face. I felt evil. And when I spun around to watch Edward drive away, the Volvo was already gone.

It was weeks before I could even CALL Jacob. It just felt wrong to call Jacob the next day and happily squeal, "Jacob, I choose YOU ! Come over and get me!"

I suspected Edward was always nearby, still watching and listening from afar, protecting me…loving me.

My cell phone vibrated in my purse and I felt every eye on me. I'm glad I made the ring silent since I was going to a funeral. I hurried to get into my purse to answer it fast because I knew exactly who it was. And if I didn't get the call before it went to voicemail, I was in for it when I got home.

I didn't need to see the name EDWARD on the screen to know who it was. Edward is the only person in my whole life now. Who else would call me?

"Hello?", I answered quietly as possible as I made my way towards the back of the room, my head down.

"Bella, I want you home now.", the silky but stern voice demanded calmly.

"But I've just been here for a half an—"

"Are you arguing with me, Bella Swan?", he sounded a tad bit more irate now.

"No, I'm not arguing with you, I just-", I stopped myself there, hating the way I sounded…so weak. But I knew I couldn't win against him. I had tried fighting him before.

"I'm leaving now, okay?", I gritted my teeth and in my heart fell to my hands and knees, begging Jake to forgive me and my goddamn pathetic existence.

"Attitude.", he observed with displeasure, "After I was kind enough to let you go to your dead human's wake. Very nice."

By this point I was in the parking lot and nearly to my car. I felt hot tears rise up in a half second at the words 'dead human'. I still can't believe this is Edward, every time he speaks anymore, it's hateful and cold and cruel. I don't even see the real Edward that I used to love anymore. I used to see him now and then, but lately, it's just the monster I ever see.

He took Charlie away from me. He took Alice and his entire family away from me. Renee and Phil are gone too. And now Jacob, the last person I had left. One by one, every avenue of escape was shut off by him. And I was so broken by it, that I didn't even realize how much anger and rage were boiling inside me…until now.

I threw my purse at the car as hard as I could and let the tiger loose.

"You FUCKING MURDERER!", I screamed into the phone, my eyes clenched tight, "YOU'RE THE DEAD ONE, BITCH ! YOU CAN NEVER KILL JACOB, YOU HEAR THAT? NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU STAB HIM, YOU CAN'T TOUCH HIM! BECAUSE I STILL LOVE HIM AND I ALWAYS WILL! NOT YOU – HIM! JACOB IS THE ONE WHO WILL LIVE FOREVER, NOT YOU! HE'S IN MY HEART, HE'S ALIVE THERE AND HE ALWAYS WILL BE! AND I'LL STAY HERE AS LONG AS I WANT TO DRACULA! YOU CAN'T PUSH ME AROUND ANYMORE – I WON'T LET YOU ! I HAVE NO ONE LEFT SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW TO KEEP ME QUIET? MAKE YOUR FUCKING MOVE, CULLEN, CAUSE I'M READY!"

I actually wanted him to kill me. I would be free then. I would be with Jake.

I wanted to hear his rage, I waited to hear him scream at me. But it didn't happen. One thing is for sure…Edward is never scarier than when he's dead quiet.

Then he hung up.

And my heart stopped.

I waited. I couldn't move from the spot I was cemented in. I looked around, thinking he would come and take me home by force. But nothing happened. And this frightened me more.

Shivering, I found myself in my car rushing home, unsure why. Maybe I just wanted it to be over, so much so that I couldn't even wait a couple more hours to be there for Jake before facing Edward.

But the ride back took longer than I thought. There was construction going on along the highway and I didn't get home until about two hours after Edward hung up on me.

I peeked up at the Cullen house, where we lived alone now. It always amazed me how this place used to be so magical to me…and was now a prison. Without Carlise, Esme, Alice, Emmett, and even Jasper and Rosalie…this place wasn't the same anymore. Nothing was.

I ran up to the door and went inside. Once in the foyer, I could breathe again. But then a second after, a new fear took hold. Now I'd have Edward to deal with. This last fight was the worst one yet, at least on my part. I had never yelled like that before. I hoped this would be enough to earn his wrath and force him to finally finish me.

"Edward…", I whispered. The house was so dark. Every light was off.

I really wanted to just fall into a ball on the floor and wait for him to come to me. But that's my weak side talking again. I thought of Jake and how he suffered in his death. I remember the detective telling me how Jacob fought for his life with all he had.

I had to be brave. I had to make Jake proud.

"Where are you Cullen?", I called out, sounding hard as nails.

Nothing.

"Are you afraid to face me?", I forced myself to walk into the living room, boldly flicking the light switch on. No one was in this room. For a flash, I almost saw Emmett, Edward and Jasper there on the floor, playing XBox together. And my heart broke once again.

"Isn't this a tad corny, Edward?", I went towards the kitchen, scared to death but not showing it at all.

I shoved my hand up under the switches here, and found another empty room. He is just playing with me now. Bastard.

I dug into my purse and pulled out my cell phone. It's stupid, but I need more courage. I know just where to get it, too. I went into my old saved incoming messages. I had saved a very special one. I listened to it all the time and I needed it now for sure.

I couldn't wait until it started and then finally – "Hey Bells, it's Dad. Just wanted to let you know I won't be home tonight. Working late again. But don't worry, we'll do something you like next weekend, I promise, anything you want. I'm sorry I'm not around a lot. But I'm always thinking of you. I know, enough, sorry. Love you, see you tomorrow for breakfast. I'll have pancakes."

Then he laughs a little and says, "Goodbye, Bella. Sleep tight."

Tears are all over my face, like always when I hear this message. But I have courage now.

I shove the cell into my purse and put it on the counter. I want to grab one of the butcher knives in the wooden block staring me in the face but I don't. It won't hurt Edward and I'm not interested in saving myself. I want him to end me.

"Come on, Edward, stop this and just do it already.", I call out again, with no shiver in my voice.

"I was wrong.", I said loudly again, "I don't WANT forever. It's too hard. You were right. I'm only 21 years old and I want to die! What does that tell you ? I'm not strong enough for this ! You were the one who warned me over and over about this life! I believe you ! And I don't want it…please…"

Now I was pleading. As I went from room to room, turning lights on, and finding nothing but memories of the beloved family that disappeared, I was feeling more and more alone with each step.

"But first I want to know it ALL EDWARD !", I found myself shouting again, a new erupting strength in my veins, "I want to know what you did to them ! All of them ! I want the stories in detail ! Charlie, Renee, Phil ! And Carlisle ! ESME ! ALICE ! YOUR WHOLE FAMILY ! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID WITH THEM EDWARD MASEN ! I'M NOT CALLING YOU A CULLEN ANYMORE BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT WORTHY OF IT ! I know you killed them ! I just want to know HOW before I join them !"

They all just vanished without a trace. Every time it seemed like I might leave him.

Only Jacob was left behind for me to find. And that was on purpose, because of his jealousy and because I foolishly told Edward that I was leaving Forks with Jake. I lashed out and told Edward off then, too. And poor Jacob paid dearly with his life. After Edward locked me in the basement, he took his time with Jake. The police said it was the grisliest and most demented murder they had ever seen. Edward tortured Jacob. It was bloody and slow. I will never be rid of those images. I didn't even recognize the body as Jake's when I found it. But I knew. I didn't tell the police it was Edward because I knew they'd only die trying to arrest a vampire.

After I reached the room that was Edward's when I first came to this house, and found no one, I sunk to the floor on my ass and just cried. I missed the Edward I fell in love with. I still remember the exhilaration when he danced with me on this very spot. I was his in every way then. I would've done anything for him, I was his slave.

"If any part of you feels any love at all for me…", I said softly, knowing he could hear me wherever he was, "Then please…please just let me go…please Edward. I can't stand it anymore."

Nothing.

Weeping, I felt myself say the words, "I hate you."

And I got to my feet, hoping maybe he really wasn't around after all. Only a couple more feet…I was slowly walking to the glass window that Edward liked to leap out with me on his back. I pushed the glass and it moved out and to the left of me, the blue moonlight world below waiting for me. It was so far down…and so beautiful.

"I'm sorry Dad.", I whispered as the wind pushed my hair back loosely around my shoulders, "I need to."

And I jumped.

Only I wasn't afraid. I knew Jacob would catch me at the bottom of this cliff and Edward could never reach me again. I hoped I would get to be with Jacob. I was technically committing suicide and Jake had not. I prayed God would understand my side of things.

And then I felt a tug and I spun. Something cold was holding my arm…no, wait, I was being lifted.

In seconds I realized what was happening and who I was with. I was bent over Edward's shoulder and his hand held my kicking legs like a vise against his chest. He stopped me again. I knew he was listening and closeby.

"NO!", I was screaming at the top of my lungs, thrashing and fighting even though it was no use, "NOOOOO ! Let me GO !"

"Stupid, stupid girl !", Edward's voice muttered to himself as he slowly walked me through the house. I already knew where he was taking me.

"I WON'T GO EDWARD!", I shrieked, trying to grab walls, corners, anything I could as we descended into the lower levels of the mansion, "PLEASE EDWARD, PLEASE ! JUST LET ME DIE!"

"What attempt is this, number 15, now Isabella ?", he sneered, "You are so pathetic !"

"Shut up !", he snapped, "No one can hear you out here, you know that!"

And for reasons I don't know, I heard myself calling for help.

"Jacob!", I was howling, "JAKE !"

"Prince Charming is dead, Bella.", Edward reminded with an ice cold tone, opening the basement door.

He went down the stairs with me on his back and didn't bother to turn the lights on. He didn't need them. I felt myself be placed on the queen sized bed he put here for me long ago. It was a basement, but in the Cullen home, even the basement was posh and huge.

I knew the restraints were coming next. This bed had hospital restraints to keep my hands down at my sides and my feet the same way. This is where I would go when I misbehaved. I could spend weeks here…months even. But I would give in sooner than that before. There was always someone I cared about for Edward to threaten, so I would apologize and give in. Now there was no one left to hurt except me. I wondered what card he would have to play against me now.

Before I could feel it happening, my arms and legs were restrained. I felt Edward's weight on the bed as he sat beside me.

I felt a wet swab on my inner elbow and then a little prick injected the vein.

I let out a little half growl half squeal sound. He had drugged me again to calm me down. I guess without Jasper around he had to use drugs to soothe me now. This wasn't the first time he'd done this. I knew I'd be asleep very soon, maybe for days.

Everything was already dark but now it was also spinning.

The last thing I remember was Edward taking my face in his cool hand and making me look at him. Nose to nose we stared each other down for a moment.

Then he said what he always says when he's won.

"You are MINE."

-end of chapter two-


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

*Hi Everyone! I just want to say I am Team Edward, I just like to make Edward a little dark and deadly sometimes.

I heard his voice humming my lullaby. Still hardly able to open my eyes, my body felt so weak, like a kitten's. I tried to open my mouth to speak but all that came out was a whimper, a breath.

"That's my girl…", his voice cooed so sweetly above me, "Wake up, beautiful girl. I miss you."

As I felt a tiny bit of my senses coming back I realized my body felt damp and warm. My eyes opened a slit and I saw his face hovering above me, smiling down upon me like an angel's.

"Good girl.", he stroked my cheek with the back of his hand, a little circle of cold doing its part to awaken me a little more.

Then I heard a sloshing sound…water. A sponge squeezing…

I tried to talk again but there was just this weak little gasp sound coming out of me. I hated it. I wanted to yell at him again and say "How DARE you inject me with drugs to keep me here!"

"Yes, I know.", Edward spoke to me as if I were his three year old daughter, "Speech will probably be possible in about an hour. Just relax and let yourself wake up. I was just giving you a nice bath."

I don't know if I actually did it but I felt my eyes widen.

Bath? Is that the water sound ?

"You got very sweaty being down here.", he said softly as he lifted the sponge from a little bowl on the nightstand. He squeezed it slightly and then brought it towards me, and I felt warm water moving over my bare breasts. The smell of lavender filled the air and I realized I was naked.

I was horrified but paralyzed at the same time. All I could do was gasp and breathe heavier to show my discomfort. My nude body was not for Edward to see now ! He just killed Jake ! I belonged to him, not Edward ! And he knew damn well what he was doing, too, making me realize that I am his in every way and that he can do whatever he likes to me.

"Shhhh, my love, don't be afraid.", he put his fingers on my lips, kissing them very very gently, almost not touching them at all, "I would never do anything sexual to you without your consent. You know that. But you really needed a bath. You smelled like dog."

With that last sentence his eyes hardened as they stared into mine. He always called Jake a dog because he was a teenage boy that wanted me at first. Edward considered himself a gentleman, something better than a human boy just after some tail, as he put it.

I felt tears in my eyes as my body just hung there, not responding while I told it to struggle.

Edward's eyes moved over my body as he continued stroking his sponge over it.

"Your body is beautiful, though, I must say.", he observed, "In just a couple of years so many curves…"

He moved his fingers over my right breast and cupped it in his hand as I gasped again, a tear falling from my eye and moving straight into my hair.

I closed my eyes and prayed for it to end, for him to stop touching me. I saw Jacob and that made things even worse.

"So warm…", he smiled tenderly down at me, like I was consenting to this and enjoying it.

He leaned in and kissed my lips very softly, like he used to when we first began kissing, when he was afraid to break me. My lips couldn't do anything at the moment but I could still make my little kitten sounds. It was all I had to protest.

After a minute, he stopped and looked into my eyes…he was so close.

"Please Bella?", he whispered, hurt in his golden eyes, "Just remember…please?"

And he was kissing me again. I was trembling against him and panting for air. He almost kept forgetting I needed to breathe. His hands were in my hair, touching my face…he wants me to remember our love, as if I could forget. The painful part is, I do remember. He doesn't always. I can't say it's all his fault. I know when I chose Jake I drove him slowly into what he is today…a sad monster that wants his girl back.

I could feel his marble chest press into my naked one. He was wearing a white t shirt and jeans, very casual today. Or is he trying to use Jake's look thinking that's all I need to win me back over to his team?

Edward's lips were moving down to my neck now and he said, "I can remember a time when you were the one jumping ME and I was trying to fend you off. Do you remember that, Bella?"

I clenched my eyes shut so tight it felt like something strained inside. With all the energy I could muster, I made another sound, but this was not a weak sound. It was a gasp but it had edge to it…it was hard. Edward got the message because he pulled away when he heard it.

Then he started the crazy talk again. This he does all the time when he doesn't get his way and it still terrifies me.

He started pacing back and forth alongside my bed and was arguing with…himself. It was like good Edward vs. bad Edward. Bad Edward usually won out in these little battles. He was stronger.

"What the fuck are you doing?", he shouted as he paced, "You stripped her clothes off !"

"Fuck YOU !", Bad Edward spat back, "She was filthy! And if I want to, I'll do whatever I like to the BITCH! She's mine and she'll do what she's told or she DIES !"

"She WANTS to die, thanks to YOU!", Good Edward shouted back, snarling, "I should just let her next time she tries it ! It would be more merciful than THIS !"

"You faggot!", Bad Edward replied, "You and all your useless lovey dovey SHIT ! She hates you, she never wanted YOU ! She's a little SLUT and she wanted to give herself to that horny dog Black!"

"Shut up !", Good Edward looked like a knife was stabbed into his chest.

"You saw her getting naked for that TRASH!", Bad Edward provoked.

"Shut UP !"

"Go cry somewhere else, you little bitch!", Bad Edward demanded, "You sicken me and you sicken Bella even more! Stay out !"

And with that, my sweet Edward was gone.

Now I was left here alone and naked with bad Edward.

"Well, well, well…", Edward approached the bed, standing over me like a mountain, "What do we have here?"

Now I was shaking full force. I couldn't move that well at all and I knew all about bad Edward. I was in big trouble.

"You said some very nasty things to me a few days ago.", he informed.

A few days ago? God, how long was I asleep ?

"And now you can't say anything at all…perfect.", he smiled as he sat beside me, looking at my breasts again.

He took his pointer finger and slowly moved it around my left nipple, a whimper was my only way of fighting back.

"You're soooo vulnerable right now, being all naked and tied up this way…", he began to mentally toy with me, as he liked to.

"I could do…just about anything to you right now…", he continued, pinching the nipple in between his finger and thumb, just enough to sting a little bit.

"Don't worry I'm not going to rape you or anything…", he shared, "When we make love, it will be making love. And you will ask me to make love to you."

I relaxed for half a second.

"I just wanted you to see what it is to be vulnerable and naked, like I made myself to YOU." He said, "I was strong once. I can knock trees out of my way. And then you put your little curse on me and had me on my knees at your feet like a little lapdog. I exposed myself completely because you forced me to…and then right when I was in the palm of your hand…you crushed me. You threw me away and tried to give yourself to that DOG !"

I hated hearing this, I wished I could cover my ears but this is the hurt inside Edward speaking now. This is what he believes I did to him. This is part of his sickness.

"Now for your punishment.", Edward got to business suddenly, trying to forget that night I was going to give my virginity to Jacob. I wish I could forget it. I was nearly undressed and then Edward swooped in and kidnapped me. That was the first time I saw that something was terribly wrong with Edward. Up until then I knew he was sad, but he had never done anything angry or violent against me or anyone else for that matter.

I was waiting for this. Usually, my punishment meant someone else I cared for was hurt somehow. Now I had no one left.

"A little boy is missing in the neighborhood.", Edward said casually, looking down and off to the right, "It's so sad…he's only four. The parents are devastated, they've been on the news and everything."

I heard myself fighting for air again. No…Edward would never hurt a little child…I don't believe it. I know he's sick but…not that sick.

"He's been gone about three days now…", Edward said, "There may be a chance for him to be saved if he's found in time. He must be very hungry and thirsty by now…wherever he is."

Then he looked deadly and stared into my eyes.

"Do you wish to save him, Bella?"

I tried desperately to nod my head.

"Oh, wait, you don't like children, you said.", Edward reminded, "And you certainly never wanted any of MINE!"

I was able to let out a little scream as he clutched at my stomach.

"You were going to have HIS little PUPS weren't you, Bella ?", he taunted, "Was I supposed to just stand by and watch you, the dog, and your twelve snot nosed kids walk to church every Sunday? Was that the plan ?"

Tears were in my eyes again and he noticed them this time.

"Awww, poor little Bella…", he played with my tear with his finger, moving it down my cheek, "Did I hurt your feelings again ?"

He yanked a sheet up over my body and let it lay there over me. Standing up, he looked at me with disgust.

"I'll be back when you're able to talk again.", he informed, "And the tone better be sugary sweet. If you please me, maybe the boy will be found alive. Don't ever think you have ME at a disadvantage, Miss Swan. The world is filled with innocent people. I can hurt them all. You're never going to be without me, so give up this suicide idea. Just know this, if you ever DO succeed in killing yourself, hundreds of little children will pay the price."

"And for your insubordinate remarks to me over the phone…", he scowled at me, "I think thirty strokes with the single tail should do it. I'll be back in one hour."


	4. You Made Me Love You

Thanks for all of your wonderful reviews, and thanks for remembering me and welcoming me back so sweetly. It's very nice of you all ! I hope I don't disappoint you, but I have learned that not every word I write will thrill everyone. I'm not afraid anymore of bad reviews – NOT THAT I'M ASKING FOR ANY – LOL!

I am Team Edward, I LOVE EDWARD and enjoy making a hero into a darker, more tortured type. I believe that if Edward lost Bella, and you will see flashbacks throughout this story that shows why he slowly lost his mind along the way, that we would see the monster in him emerge.

PS I don't think Edward would've really harmed the child he kidnapped, but he knew Bella would be more agreeable with him if a child was in danger. In Edward's head, Bella hates him sometimes, and when she shows that, he desperately and insanely has to find a way to make her stop behaving that way. He wants to believe that she still loves him. To me, this is sad. But anyway, let's see what our cute little kiddies are up to, shall we ? See ya !

Chapter 4

"Say the words Bella.", Edward folded his arms and waited as he stood over me.

I was sitting up now on the bed, my whipping had just ended and my hands were free. Absentmindedly rubbing my sore wrists, I tried to forget the pain in my body. He would treat the wounds and take care of me…after I said the words he wanted to hear.

The fact that I was still naked didn't matter much right now. A little boy's life was waiting on me to say my lines. I forced myself not to think of Jacob just now.

"I love you…Edward.", I said, trying to sound true in my conviction.

He sighed hard and turned away.

"I don't believe it, Bella.", he was clearly disappointed, "Again."

I shivered and closed my eyes. I had to speak to that Edward I first loved, that would sound true because it is true.

Standing up, I hurled myself into his arms and buried my face into his neck, smelling his seductive fragrance and breathing it in…for a moment I was 17 again…in his arms…untouched by pain or heartache yet. I hoped the right Edward inside him heard me this time.

"I love you Edward.", my voice cried and I felt my lips open and close over the skin right below his beautiful jaw line, "I love you…"

And I'm so sorry I destroyed you…God, I am sorry…

His arms gently coiled around me, being careful not to touch my injured back too tightly. The tension left his body and I felt it as I clung onto him.

It was several minutes before I heard anything from him at all. Then I was relieved to hear the velvet voice responding.

"Bella…", he choked, "Bella, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

Is he reading my mind? I just thought the very same thing.

"I forgive you.", I felt a tear escape both my eyes at once. It's myself I can't forgive.

A flash of recent events stabbed into my brain as I forgave him. The whip made hard contact into my lower spine and I had screamed out like a savage at that stroke.

Edward sneered, "That's for _crying_ over Jacob BLACK, you sickening little WHORE !"

I couldn't speak. I had forgotten how. I felt blood slowly moving down between the crack of my ass cheeks. I prayed Edward would lose control and just drink me…drain me…let me die. Please!

"Apologize you little bitch.", he demanded with a low deadly voice.

"I-", I sputtered, tears spilling out of both my eyes as I stared straight up at my useless bound hands that were turning a light shade of lavender, "I'm sorry."

My voice was so small.

"You certainly are.", he spat the words, his hand clutching my hair at the scalp and yanking it back so I was looking into his eyes from upside down, "Who do you belong to? Say it !"

I gasped and hurried to reply. "You, Edward.", I said meekly, "You!"

Jacob, please save me! Give me a heart attack and kill me, take me with you!

He gave a tsk sound and shoved my head away from him in disgust.

"I never believe you.", he growled, "Lying little slut."

I was broken out of my memory by his new voice…angry Edward was gone for now.

"What's happening to me, Bella?", he sounded like he was crying softly, tortured beyond repair.

"It's alright.", I lied, stroking his hair, my mouth kissing his cheek, "It's not your fault."

_It's all mine._

At this, he cried harder, probably knowing I was just lying to calm him.

"God…", he quivered all over, "What have I done? Please, Bella, help me…"

This was another horrible part of all this…the Edward I loved had no control over the angry side of himself…and sometimes, when I did show him love…he would awaken as if from a deep sleep and remember what he'd done to me…and beg me for forgiveness. It was the most heart breaking thing for both of us. I couldn't find it in me to hate this Edward.

I had to take this chance to save that boy before Evil Edward returned.

"Edward?", I whispered into his ear as both my hands kept stroking the back of his unruly hair.

"Yes Bella?", he couldn't look me in the eye but I had his full attention, I felt his hands gently touching my slightly bloody back, and they were trembling hard. No part of me cared anymore that my blood might insight him into biting me. I prayed for an end to all this, and lately, as each person in my life disappeared, I dreamed of death.

"Let's go and free the little boy.", I dared to breathe the words, then pulled back to stare into his dark eyes, adding firmly, "Now. Alright?"

He nodded right away, anxious to set this travesty straight. This was my Edward…I was sure of that now. I wondered how long he would stay with me this time.

"You need clothes.", he averted his gaze from my body but quickly moved around the basement in a blur. Treating me as if I were made of wet sugar, he carefully helped me into an extra large t shirt, which was soft and didn't cling to my sore back, and a pair of my favorite most comfy jeans that had a couple holes in them. If Alice could see me now.

I almost smiled, thinking of her face if she saw these jeans, and then instantly, my heart shrunk with intense pain. Alice…my sister. My missing sister.

My mind went back to the last time I saw her. She was disappointed that I had not chosen her brother and even more devastated that she would not get to be my sister like we planned, but she did not abandon me. Still my friend, she listened to me for hours after my talk with Edward that ended our romance. I had found it easier to talk to Alice as we sat on the floor of my bedroom than to talk to Edward in the dining room of their home. I found the more I said, the more maybe she could tell Edward so that he would know I still cared for him and loved him a great deal…and I always would…and that it wasn't really anything he'd done or said that made me want Jacob. It's just the way it was. I didn't have control over it. I wanted Edward to know all these things. I prayed he might be in my trees, listening. Sometimes it's easier talking to your best girlfriend about things.

Edward led me upstairs into the mansion by my hand, not going too fast so I could easily keep up. My legs were heavy and slow, still affected by the punishment I had just endured. The t shirt felt damp on my back and I knew that Edward would take care of me as soon as the boy was back home again. I couldn't think of myself first in this case. The poor little kid was probably terrified. I was so afraid I'd find him tied up, blindfolded, and gagged.

But I was surprised when Edward unlocked the door to Carlisle's old bedroom. Inside was a little boy sitting on the bed, playing video games on the TV screen a few feet away. There was a bag of Doritos opened and nearly gone beside him and an opened coke can making a wet ring on the cherry wood night table at his side.

He was fine. Part of me was so glad that even when I thought Edward was totally gone and wickedly cruel, my sweet Edward was inside there somewhere, doing what he could to stop the monster or at least slow him down.

Edward looked at me with shame in his eyes and then turned his gaze to the little person who hardly noticed us come inside.

"Did you win Kevin?", Edward asked with a kind tone, even half smiling at the child's enthusiasm.

"YEA !", he spun his head towards us, smiling brightly and proudly at Edward, "TWICE! I'm a level 3 NOW !"

"Cool.", Edward tried to sound happy and did it pretty well, though I could see he was more in agony, thinking about what he'd just done to me and to Kevin's parents.

"I knew you could beat it.", Edward informed, sitting on the bed next to the boy.

I didn't know what to do except be there in the corner like a dumb umbrella stand.

Edward ruffled the boy's hair playfully and looked down, saying, "Kevin, pause it for a sec. I need to talk to you, 'kay?"

He obeyed and smiled up at his big friend. I knew that feeling so well, completely charmed and in the palm of Edward's hand…I wanted that feeling back again. But I knew it would never be. And that hurt worse than any whip.

Edward looked deep into the child's big blue eyes and stared for at least a minute before saying a word. The boy didn't blink…he was locked on Edward's golden irises as if helpless to pull away. Then I realized he was.

"Kevin…", Edward said softly but firmly, "You're going to go home now. You got lost playing soldiers in the woods. You lost track of time. You didn't mean to wander off out of your yard. You're very sorry."

I flashed again to Edward making me say I was sorry. I shivered against my will.

"You were never here.", he continued, "Now go."

The boy didn't say anything. He just got up and jogged out of the room like he was told to go get some candy. And that was that. He was free and it was over. I hoped.

I spoke before I knew I was doing it.

"You've had him for three days…is he hungry?", I asked, concerned.

"I had him for two hours.", Edward said with a monotone voice, purely ashamed of himself as he switched off the TV.

"Don't believe everything I tell you, Bella.", he warned, "I'm not a gentleman anymore."

I almost tried to argue that point but he stopped me.

"Let me take care of you.", he gently approached me, hardly able to look into my eyes, "Please? I know it's a lot to ask but…"

"It's alright, Edward.", I went to him and took his hand into mine. His was shivering.

"I want you to take care of me.", I said truthfully, knowing this Edward was not the guilty one who'd hurt me.

I had seen this Edward from time to time. He would appear after an especially rough time with mean Edward to clean up his mess. To beg and grovel for forgiveness, although he didn't think he deserved it. And again, Edward was with me…treating my wounds as he wept without tears. He gave me some medicine for the pain and I took it without questioning him. I trusted him, as weird as that may sound.

Edward brought me to his bedroom and tucked me into his bed. As I laid there, looking up at him, I noticed his hand nearly brushed a lock of hair from my eyes. But then he stopped himself, not thinking himself worthy enough to touch me that way anymore.

That hurt me. And I know it's not right, feeling that. This is the one who killed my father, my Jacob…all the Cullens…or maybe I'm the one who did that. I played with an immortal's mind and heart…I was playing with fire. I deserve to get burned…but I never thought others I loved would pay for my sins.

"Edward?", I called as he was about to turn away and leave me.

"Yes?", he kept his eyes downcast, as if a servant of mine.

My voice cracked and broke all the way though it but I found myself asking, "Would you stay with me…please?"

His eyes looked up and found mine as if I was insane to ask it. The little frown painted across his face did not please me, even though it should have.

He shook his head, almost to himself and hesitated…"Why?", he began and stopped, "What I did…"

"What you did wasn't YOU.", I pointed out without thinking about it, adding softly, "I know that."

He didn't move. I wanted to comfort him somehow, to make him see that I still cared for this part of him, the sick part that I was responsible for. I didn't know if I was doing something good or making it worse, but I asked in a whisper, "Sing to me?"

At this, he let out a pained breath and looked away, wondering how I could still ask this, how I could still want this from him. I didn't know either, I just knew I needed it to keep me sane. He is all I have left. I don't get this Edward back very often. I wanted to remember those sweet times…even if they were gone forever. I needed him to be tender with me…to strengthen me so I could handle the monster coming back later.

Without a word, he finally made his way over to the bed. As if it were made of acid, he just sat on the edge, clearing his throat nervously. I never knew vampires could clear their throat, but maybe it was just the fear clogging things up there. I closed my eyes and tried to relax, waiting.

He began to hum a melody…I didn't recognize it right away…it wasn't my lullaby.

Then his voice sang in a slow, haunting lyric…I got chills.

"You made me…love you…", he sang low in his voice, "I didn't want to do it…I didn't want to do it… "

"You made me love you…and all the time you knew it…I guess you always knew it."

I opened my eyes and saw he was rocking a little bit, staring at the floor, his fists clenched tight. Uh oh. This wasn't good.

"Edward…stay with me…please…", I whispered, afraid.

"You made me happy sometimes…you made me glad…. " he ignored me, "And there were times, dear, you made me feel so bad."

Oh no. Think, Bella, think.

"Ow!", I blurted out, holding my side, trying anything to snap him out of it.

He did, thankfully, perk right up and stop rocking and singing.

"What's wrong?", he rushed to my side, on his knees beside me in the bed. So concerned…so fragile.

"Cramp.", I lied.

He moved his fingers under the sheets and rubbed the fake area of my cramp on top of my shirt. I pretended it was in my rib area.

I was stupid, I was about to push my luck…but I had to try. I tried every time sweet Edward appeared.

"Edward?", I asked timidly, watching his face as he stared at my cramped area.

"Bella?", he responded with no anger at all.

"Can I ask this time?", I almost breathed the words.

His eyes darted up to mine in fear. He shrank back away from me but I didn't let him go far. I grabbed his hand.

"Please Edward?", I felt tears come to my eyes, "Please just tell me if Charlie's alive. I won't ask where he is or anything, just tell me that much, say yes or no."

"I don't know anything about that, Bella, I told you!", he pleaded, looking more tormented than before.

"Please, Edward, don't be afraid.", I assured him, rubbing his hand, "I won't tell him you said anything…I won't hate you, I swear!"

"STOP!", he roared and stood up, pulling away, clutching at his hair as he half paced beside the bed.

I felt the tears escape down my face and my voice was going all on its own.

"I know he can't be alive…", I nearly sobbed, "He wouldn't stay away for this long, he wouldn't be locked up somewhere all this time."

"STOP IT !", he shouted, turning away from me.

"I just need to know, please Edward!", I begged.

"I didn't DO IT !", he roared, spinning and shoving his hand into the row of records on the shelf over his stereo. They flew across the room into the corner, loud sharp crack sounds echoing in the stillness. The covers were all intact but I knew about 100 records just bought the farm. Those were precious to Edward and I knew that. Music was the one constant throughout his life, both in human and vampire form.

"You NEVER believe me!", he cried, pacing and yanking at his hair with both hands.

Then when he noticed the stereo staring at him he yanked it out in a half second, raging, smashing it to the floor. It crashed in a startling explosion sound, tiny little pieces all over the carpet.

Lie, Bella.

"I believe you.", I tried not to sound insincere.

"You think I killed Charlie!", he accused, "You think I killed JACOB! You think I killed my WHOLE FAMILY !"

Christ, this is going to wake up Bad Edward. Shit ! Why didn't I just let him put me to bed and leave it at that?

I decided to try and stop it from happening. I was on my feet and ran towards him.

"No!", he rushed forward and lifted me into his arms, bridal style.

We were nose to nose…panting and searching for the other through our eyes.

Finally, he whispered.

"You'll cut your feet.", he said, looking down at the debris of the stereo all over the place around his shoes.

"Oh.", I retorted, "Thank you Edward."

And I kissed his cheek, my fingers moving slowly down the other side of his face. Still so beautiful…when he's in there.

He closed his eyes as if my touch gave him a pleasurable slow burn.

"Don't thank me.", he almost asked, and he placed me ever so gently back on the bed, moving the sheet and blanket over me.

I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing.

Edward sat closer to me this time, and I closed my eyes, deciding not to provoke him any further. I almost hoped he wouldn't sing this time. It brought back memories that hurt too much.

After about five minutes or so, I felt his fingers on my hair. It was almost such a soft touch that it didn't even really touch me…but I felt it. It was silent…no lullabies…no songs. I was afraid that the music was dieing inside of him along with everything else…would there be a day when this sweet Edward was gone for good? What could I do to save him?

See Chapter 5 soon !

I will be going back into their past from time to time to show Edward's descent into madness along the way…sprinkling it in little by little.

See u soon ! Thanks for reading !


	5. How Shall I Hold My Soul

Chapter 5

When Edward and I first broke up, I was sad for him. So sad, and guilty that I didn't call Jacob for about two weeks after that horrible night in the Volvo.

Even then, we just talked on the phone for a few days. I couldn't even tell him about Edward and me then. I felt wrong and dirty, saying the words to Jacob that meant I changed my mind and wanted him now, like Edward was some old shoe I was sick of. Something in me knew Edward was always watching and listening.

One day Jacob just came to my house on his own, his face worried when I opened my door.

"Jacob.", I huffed in surprise, not thinking I was ready to SEE him in person, have the chance of him touching me.

"What are you doing here?", I still stood in the doorway and didn't move to let him come inside.

"I know, Bella.", he informed, still looking sadly at me.

"Know what ?"

"I know about Edward…and you.", he said, his eyes gazing deeply into mine, daring me to deny it.

Oh. This is why Charlie suddenly got a phone call and had to go to the library. What a phony excuse. I knew that didn't sound kosher. Charlie told him! I'd kill him !

Charlie always did favor Jacob over Edward, I think his instincts told him that something was off about Edward.

And before I had a chance to say another word, Jacob plunged in and was kissing me, his hands gently on my cheeks. I tried to push him away but my heart wouldn't allow it. I was kissing him back, crying at the same time.

After that is when thins began to happen. The next morning, when I went to drive to the food store, my windshield was smashed. Immediately, I looked around, up into the surrounding trees. I didn't see anyone.

I didn't let myself believe it was Edward who'd done it. Charlie was immediately worried and kept talking to me about fatal attraction stories. He made sure I had a mace all the time, as if that would harm Edward. Charlie called my cell phone all the time when I wasn't with him, always to make sure I was alright. I remember rolling my eyes once and almost yelling at him that I was in no danger. Edward wouldn't hurt me and I knew that. Even if he did lose control and break my windshield, I just knew it was a one time thing. He would never do that on purpose. And he would never harm a hair on my head. I knew that without question.

Jacob was angry and wanted to confront Edward but I wouldn't allow that. I kept denying it was Edward and told Jacob to stay out of it. He was my boyfriend now but Edward was my concern and if anything had to be settled there, I would handle it.

So this time Jacob stayed out of it. He didn't like that, but he didn't have a choice.

I told myself that I couldn't blame Edward for doing it, if he did. If he had seen Jacob kissing me that way, I knew he probably lashed out because he was hurting. I understood that. I forgave him. But then I told myself it wasn't him. It was some kid that got drunk and was driving by or something…someone threw a rock or was just being an asshole, maybe someone was mad at Charlie, he was Chief of Police. Maybe this was someone Charlie had arrested once.

The summer was going by slowly. Jacob and I had a lot of nice times, most of which were clouded because of my guilt over Edward. I would wonder what he was doing, if he was still in Forks, if Alice was keeping him out of trouble, keeping him from brooding too hard. I had tried to call Alice a few times but always got the voicemail. Was she mad at me? Was she going to act like I didn't exist because I hurt Edward so badly?

I wanted to go to the Cullen house and find out. But then I didn't want to go and face Edward. I was afraid it would hurt me as much as him if we saw each other again now. I selfishly wished that I didn't care about Edward anymore, that I could just shrug my shoulders and move on, and be happy with Jacob and live our lives. But I couldn't. As much as I hated to admit it, part of me would always love Edward. He was part of me. Even if I hadn't chosen him to be the one in my life.

Edward said he'd always be my friend. He said I could call whenever I needed him.

No. I just can't.

That's the first time I considered moving out of Forks. Would Edward follow me? Would it be easier for him to move on without me so nearby? I so needed Alice to tell me my future.

But still, I didn't try to contact any of the Cullens. I felt like a drug addict going through withdrawal and I loathed it.

More time passed. It was still summertime. Jacob kept bringing up the future, what September would bring. Was I going away to college? He would still be in high school. That would be an obstacle for us. Would Edward follow me to college if I went? There would be no Jacob there. I was leaning towards the idea of going to Community College. I could stay in Forks, be with Jacob, and still work at Newton's to save money to go away to college for the final two years to get my degree. By then, Jacob could come with me.

Charlie didn't love that idea, he said Jacob was great but my future came first. He didn't want me to give up my dreams to be close to Jacob. But I wouldn't be. I'd still be going to school, just here in Forks.

I wondered if Edward would go to Dartmouth like he wanted. I pictured some other girl being Edward's Biology partner and almost felt sick to my stomach. God, what is wrong with me? Why can't my heart just stay on Jacob and be happy?

A couple other strange things happened. Charlie said my insurance company informed him that my windshield repair was all paid for by a third party. They weren't allowed to give any names. I knew then it was Edward. I still didn't hold any ill will against him.

Then, one morning, I woke up to find a dark red rosebud with lush green leaves sitting on my window sill. I never closed my window. I at least left it open a crack. I never wanted Edward to find my window closed. It would mean that he was no longer welcome. And that wasn't how I felt then.

There was no note, no indication who it was from, but I knew. I wondered what a dark red rose signified. Each color had its own meaning. I went to my computer and fired it up, waiting for awhile as I peeked out my window, my eyes scanning for bronze red hair, finding nothing.

I found out that rosebuds symbolize first love and my eyes began to prick with oncoming tears I tried to hold back. Black roses meant death. I looked at it very carefully. No, it was dark but it was NOT black. I could see red in it. Maybe this meant our first love was nearly dead ? No. No matter what, our love wasn't dead. I couldn't believe that.

Then I read further and my heart pulled in my chest when I think I found the right message. Crimson red roses mean "I still love you."

My eyes closed and a silent little tear slipped out. Without opening them, I whispered my reply, hoping he was within earshot, pretty sure he was.

"Edward…I still love you, too.", I breathed sadly, "I'll always love you. Don't you know that?"

I waited to see if he would come and talk to me. But he didn't.

Then the phone calls started.

For four days, our phone rang a lot. As soon as we answered, the person would hang up.

After the first few times, Charlie would start saying, "Edward's calling again."

I got mad that every bad thing that happened was somehow being blamed on Edward. Edward was no 17 year old kid. He's 109! He's more mature than that.

During one call, Charlie said right into the receiver, "Edward, we know it's you. If this doesn't stop now, I'm coming to arrest you for harassment."

I nearly laughed. That would be something to see. No jail could hold Edward.

A week after it started, Charlie changed our phone number.

Good one, Dad, I thought, Edward is a mind reader. I wish I could tell my Dad what I knew. The fact was, simply, if Edward wanted to call, he would. Nothing could deter him. One night, I was thinking about his motivations. Maybe he wanted to talk to me and was afraid to ask.

So I called him. It had been awhile. I told myself I could handle this.

I used my cell phone and laid on my bed, playing with my stuffed lion, pretending it was Edward, my masochistic little lion cub.

On the second ring, I heard, "Bella?"

"Hi.", I nearly squeaked at how lovely his voice sounded after all this time. Two whole months.

"Hello.", he sounded happy to hear from me, "Are you alright?"

Typical Edward. My protector. Well, not anymore.

"Yea, I'm fine.", I assured him, "Just wanted to call and say hi. Is that okay?"

"Oh, absolutely.", he sounded like he was smiling but nervous, "That's perfectly…okay."

"I know you hate that word still, don't you?", I teased, "Okay."

"It's growing on me.", he sounded so pleasant, I was amazed.

Then a little pause of silence. Hmmm…awkward. I hate that.

"So…", we both started at the same time. And Edward laughed. He honest to God laughed. Maybe he was more alright than I imagined.

"You first, love.", he said, then his breath hitched, "Shit. I'm sorry Bella. It was an accident."

"No problem.", I felt my chest tighten a bit and warm up as I put my lion doll's paws over his mouth, going along with what Edward was saying.

"How's your summer going?", I asked and rolled my eyes at myself. God, it sounds like I'm talking to Newton.

"Oh, excellent.", he sounded like he was joking, "Got a nice tan, been surfing, cruising the beach for chicks…"

We both laughed then.

"Chicks?", I teased, "Wasn't that like from Happy Days?"

His laughing calmed and he sighed, "I miss you."

I stopped playing with the lion doll and felt a little pang of hurt travel down my chest into my heart. He wasn't trying to get me back or beg me to be his again, he just stated it like a fact, sadly.

"I miss you, too.", I whispered.

There was a silence. I tried to hear if he was even breathing, but there was nothing.

"Still there?", I asked.

"Always.", he replied, still sounding empty.

I began to say something but Edward spoke just before me.

"Well, maybe we could have lunch tomorrow.", he suggested with hope, "I mean, you could…I could watch you have lunch. Just as friends."

"I don't know…", I hesitated. I feared if I were to be around Edward for long he'd charm me right back into his arms again. Jacob and I had agreed that Edward and I should give each other space for awhile.

He took a breath and tried again. "You can have whatever you want, anywhere you want."

Now he sounded like he was begging almost. I hated hearing him like this.

I tried to change the subject but the question just fell out of my mouth.

"Was it you who left me that rose on my window?", I asked, already knowing it was him but wanting to see if he'd tell me the truth.

Another deep breath. "Yes it was me."

"Edward, we're supposed to try being friends.", I tried to be tough but caring at the same time, "This is really hard for me. You're trying to blur the lines."

"I'm sorry I feel the way I feel.", he said in a more clipped tone of voice.

"Are you?"

"No, I didn't mean it that way.", he struggled verbally, "I meant I'm sorry if it's hurting you. I don't want to do that."

"I have to go.", I felt like I would cry at any moment and wanted to say goodbye before I lost it.

"Wait ! Wait !", he raised his voice a bit, desperate to keep talking, "Can I read you something? It's very brief. I've been reading it over and over all day. It reminds me of you."

How could a girl deal with something like this? How could I say no and hang up?

"Alright and then I have to go.", I tried to set the boundaries firmly.

"Alright.", he agreed, then read:

"How shall I hold my soul

That it may not be touching YOURS?

How shall I lift it, then, above you,

To where other things are waiting?

Ah, gladly, would I lodge it, all forgot,

And place it with some lost thing the dark is isolating.

On some black and silent spot that

Does not tremble when your depth vibrates.

You and me…all that touches us draws us together

Like a violin that draws one voice from two strings.

On what instrument have we been strand ?

And what violinist holds us in his hand…

O…sweetest song…"

Yes, I was blubbering, my lion doll stuffed over my mouth so he wouldn't hear me.

"I have to go.", my voice was clearly weeping and he could hear it, I'm sure.

"Bella, wait.", he stopped me again, "Bella…I love you. Please…please don't do this to me…to us."

"Edward !", I almost screeched, "That is not fair ! You said –"

"Fuck what I said !", he cursed, shocking me, "I love you! I tried to live without you, I really did, but I can't! That Jacob kid is just a kid, he'll fall in love with some new girl in 6 months – my love is forever, Bella, not HIS !"

"That is horrible Edward !"

"It's TRUE !", he raised his voice again, "Bella, listen, everything I have, everything I am is yours already…it's all laying here at your feet, like me. Our love is so true, it's magic, you felt it too, didn't you ?"

"Yes, Edward, I did.", I clenched my fist in pain, "I do. First love is the strongest ever. No one ever loses their first love. But, unfortunately, first loves don't always last. Sometimes, they end."

"No Bella!", he sounded so afraid.

"It's no one's fault.", I kept soothing, "That's just the way it is."

"Not for me.", he pointed out, "You are all I ever wanted, all I'll ever want. How can you just throw me away like this?"

"I have to go.", I was ready to cry all night now.

Then…it happened. The first time I was ever truly afraid of Edward.

"DON'T you hang up on ME!", he shouted, with venom in his voice. I also heard a loud crashing sound on his end of the phone, like he crushed or threw furniture.

I was frozen, listening in shock.

"You have taken everything from me !", he yelled, "My heart, my soul, my mind, I can't even PLAY PIANO anymore ! I won't live like this, sitting around all day, reading poetry and thinking of you every second, every month, every year ! I WON'T !"

"Edward, you're scaring me.", I said quietly, hiding my terror.

"Well you're KILLING me !", he spat back.

"I'm sorry you feel that way.", I shivered, hoping my real sorrow could be heard by him, "But I love Jacob. That hasn't changed."

"Bella—"

"No, Edward, don't, please.", I begged, wiping tears off the right side of my face,"I have to go."

I pressed END before Edward could utter another syllable.

Shaking, I found my feet traveling downstairs and before I knew it, my Dad was holding me, and I was crying, quivering, and he was comforting me, asking me what happened.

I was so afraid Edward would crash through my window, I knew Charlie couldn't have saved me from that, but still I felt safe in my father's arms. I couldn't speak, I just cried and clung to him. Something about the way Edward's voice had been…chilled my blood. I never saw that side of him turned against ME. I saw it when he fought James, though. He was enraged.

The scary question now was…what would he do now?

My eyes darted open and I remembered where I was. In Edward's bed. It was so comfortable and cool here where I laid and I nearly jumped when I saw Edward was sitting right beside me, smiling down upon me like a gorgeous angel.

I waited to see which Edward was with me now. Should I say something?

"Good morning, my love.", he cooed, his hands in his own lap as he admired me with his eyes. It was still the Edward I loved. I just felt it.

"You're still here.", I began to sit up. This was strange for this Edward to be here with me this long. It gave me a little hope.

"Yes, I'm still here.", he assured me, his hand about to reach out to touch my cheek with the backs of his fingers, but then he withdrew it right away, as if he did something bad, looking down at his naughty fingers…(oooooh, naughty ! lol sorry)

"I'm glad.", I said softly, touching his arm for a moment.

For that, I got a little smile from him…that adorable crooked one I fell for.

"I made you breakfast, if you're hungry.", he said with a low voice, looking down again at his fingers, "And then, if you like…"

He stopped and I was curious now.

"What, Edward?" I gave him a grin to continue.

"I know you didn't get a chance to…say goodbye…to Jacob.", he looked so ashamed, glancing quickly at my eyes, then down again, his brow furrowing in pain, "If you like, I can take you there. There's no headstone yet but…he is there."

Tears flooded my eyes so fast I couldn't make Edward out anymore. It had hurt that I wasn't able to go to the real funeral, I had only been at the viewing for 20 minutes before Edward called.

"I don't think Billy can afford a big headstone…", I mumbled incoherently.

"It's been taken care of already.", Edward said, "He will have the largest and most decadent headstone in the place. It should be there in two days."

Tears fell at his admission and then I got a clear view of his face.

I was touched…but at the same time, Edward WAS the one who killed Jacob. Did I want his headstone bought by the man who murdered him? Then I had to remind myself that the man who killed Jacob…was not the Edward I was looking at right now. I would save my hate for that Edward when he appeared.

I rubbed my eyes hard and ran my hands through my hair.

"I would like to go.", I gave a sad smile to Edward and he looked a little tiny bit more at ease…but not much.

Edward offered me his open hand and I placed mine inside. He helped me up and he led me downstairs towards the kitchen. I just hoped that mean Edward didn't come back before I got the chance to say my goodbyes to the man I loved.

See next chapter soon !

Love WinndSinger


	6. The First Night

Chapter 6

I had eaten so fast that Edward was worried I'd choke on my food but now that the idea of visiting where Jacob's body was resting was too good to be true. I didn't get the chance often to do what I wanted, especially when it came to Jacob. I had missed the funeral, did not get a chance to touch his hand and whisper my love and apologies to him while he laid in his coffin. I would never get this chance again and for Edward to offer to take me there…it was beautiful.

How can I love him and hate him and fear him all at the same time?

But now that I was ready to go and looked at Edward, I saw heavy worry there in his face.

"Edward?", I bent my head down a bit to look into those lovely fire-gold pupils of his, "Are you alright?"

"Yes.", he picked up the keys to his Volvo off the hook on the wall, licking his lips so fast I'd almost missed it.

"I'm just thinking…", he said as if he were afraid of someone else hearing him, "This is a big risk…to you. What if I—what if I do something else to hurt you there? What if I lose control when I see you talking to him?"

He looked absolutely tormented.

I took his hand that was holding the keys and made him look at me.

"Edward.", I said firmly, being brave, "I thought about that. How could I not? I know this is a big risk. But I'm taking it. I can't live my life in fear this way. I need to stand up to…_**him**_."

"Bella, he'll kill you.", Edward pleaded with his eyes.

"He might.", I said without fear, giving him a little smile, "But I'm going anyway. And listen…if he ever does…hurt me that way…I want to tell you something. It is NOT your fault. I don't want you going on forever blaming yourself for this, okay? I LOVE YOU. That will never change…or end. Got it Cullen?"

I tried to make him smile but he didn't. Giving him a little playful shove, he went through the door that led to the garage.

They were still all here. Carlisle's black BMW, Emmett's jeep, Alice's yellow Porsche, every one of the cars all of the Cullens owned. I got a lump in my throat. If they had simply left and were alive, they would have their cars at least. Edward opened my car door, ever the gentleman, not paying attention to what I was seeing here.

I remembered Edward's distress when I asked him about his family or mine. Maybe he truly didn't know what the other demented side of him did to them. Maybe he had to block it out to protect his little piece of sanity. One thing was certain. If I was to find out the fates of all the people I loved, it would have to come from the other Edward. That made my skin go fish cold.

Edward was starting the car and the garage door opened. We were off like a rocket and I held on tight, forgetting the speed demon in my tender hearted vampire. Or maybe he just sensed that we didn't have much time.

He looked terrible as he drove. Still afraid for me, still afraid of the psycho that lived inside him.

I wanted to ask him what he's thinking but I decided not to. I tried to think back to the last time I saw the Cullens. It was not a favorite of mine but my brain went there anyway. Is every memory of mine a heart ache now?

The first time Edward hit me was the night I had decided to give myself to Jacob. We had waited about a year after our first date. Edward was still very much a part of our lives. He constantly bothered Jacob. It seems the sadness I made him feel had turned to anger at him, not me.

Among the things Edward did to make Jake's life more fun were: slashing his tires, playing with his car brakes, painting lots of fun words on Jake's car and house – words I didn't even realize Edward knew. He even messed with Billy Black. So many times his wheelchair would be missing or broken. Once he was sitting in it and hit the button to move forward slowly – the thing went at full speed and smashed him face and knees first into the wall, cracking it…and causing broken bones to Jacob's father.

Jake's college applications kept "getting lost in the mail" when he sent them out. Also, Jacob couldn't get a job anywhere in the town of Forks. Finally, one storekeeper leveled with him and said there is someone who is spreading bad rumors about him. Every businessman in Forks thought Jacob to be a drug addict and a thief. I heard a nasty story from some ladies at the hair cuttery that Jacob molested a child.

There were lots of other things but those were just the highlights at first. Maybe Edward thought it would make Jake get tired of it and leave me. But he didn't. He said it would take more than that to take me from him. And I believed him.

Of course, I would call Edward and raise Hell. But Edward would deny everything and he would get so nasty back. He could yell louder than me and his insults were far more brutal than mine. Every time I hung up, I'd be crying and near hysterical.

Soon, I just stopped calling Edward altogether and Jake and I counted the days until he graduated high school and we could leave Forks forever. Jacob was also very worried to leave his father alone, afraid Edward would torment him if we were gone. Edward was basically ruling our lives now.

I finally did get to talk with Alice from time to time. But she couldn't do anything about his behavior any more than I could and soon, it seemed like all I talked to her about was how rotten Edward was. With time, I didn't talk to her either. But on my birthdays and special occasions, I always got a nice card from her. And also, I noticed that nothing bad would happen to Jacob on those same days, either.

The night I planned to be with Jacob I was still a virgin. He said he was too. Charlie was working overnight and I had worked all day to make my bedroom romance central. Red silk over the lamps, new sexy sheets made of satin, black in color. I bought a little teddy from Victoria's secret over the internet, it was red, too, Jake's favorite color. It fit nicely, it pushed my little breasts together and made cleavage ! I was thrilled. My butt cheeks showed just a little bit. Sexy but not sleazy, at least, not to me.

Edward was on my mind only for one reason. He would try to ruin this for us. I almost called Alice and asked her to take him hunting, but I chickened out. Part of me said, 'He would not do that to you, Bella.'

But I scoffed at myself right away.

Edward wasn't the same anymore. He was cruel. He seemed to hate me now. But then he would still ask to come back to me. When I would say no, he attacked…verbally. I still had not laid eyes on him since the night we broke up. Now the thought of seeing him scared me. And I wasn't sure why. I didn't want to hate him. But I was really angry with him now.

Jacob knocked on the door and I put my long pink terrycloth robe on. I wanted him to think that I was all frumpy and then, once in my room, I'd take the robe off and wow him. I couldn't wait to see his face. I switched my CD player on and my soundtrack to Somewhere in Time softly danced into the air. I loved this music and knew it would be perfect for us tonight.

When I opened the door, I saw roses right away. I almost flinched, thinking of the rose Edward had given me that first time. There had been lots of those same crimson rosebuds on my windowsill since that night. I didn't keep them, though. I had gotten used to tossing them out of my window and into the back yard. I didn't want to be cruel to Edward, but after all he'd done to us in the last year, it's the way I felt. My window was closed now always.

But it was Jacob, and his roses were full bloomed and bright red, healthy and alive, with baby's breath mixed in. The smile I gave him was true and returned completely. His hair was very long again and I loved it that way. It mesmerized me. I was always playing with it or brushing it. Maybe because it made Jake seem so much different from Edward. Whatever the reason, Jake kept his hair long for me, he knew how I adored it.

He was a cross between rock star and Navajo warrior for me. And his eyes…God, his eyes.

Right now it was the colgate smile I was being dazzled by, as I called it. His teeth were so perfect and white…you could almost see them sparkle when he smiled big like right now.

"Aww Jake!", I gushed, taking the flowers from him, "What did you do?"

I smelled them as he came in, my other hand taking his.

"I got roses for my girl.", he shrugged, "What's the big deal ?"

"They're so expensive, though.", I whined, feeling guilty. No one would give Jacob work still. He had to pretend to be someone else, fixing cars part time to earn six dollars an hour.

"Nothing but the best for my Bella.", he leaned in a little, letting me have the choice to kiss him back if I wanted.

I took it. I grabbed that long soft hair and pulled him to me, laying a humongous kiss on those perfect wet lips of his. He tasted like orange soda and Doritos but I didn't care. I loved Jacob, flaws and all.

"Nice mouthwash.", I teased afterwards.

"Yea, yea…", he smirked and I felt instantly warm inside, "I thought we were going out."

I smiled to myself as I filled a vase with water in the kitchen.

"Nah.", I sighed, "I don't feel so good. I think I'm coming down with the flu or something."

"Euuwww.." he wiped his mouth with his sleeve, "Thanks for telling me before licking every inch of the inside of my mouth!"

I had to laugh, I couldn't help it. I blew my act but he was so cute.

"Germ-o-phobe.", I took his hand now that his roses were in the vase water, "Come up and take care of me."

He came without complaint. I think once we were inside my bedroom he got the hint. The music, the sheets…the red light. The only thing missing was a big neon sign over my bed saying, "Bella wants you !"

Before he could say anything, I was kissing him harder than before. Wrapping my hands in that to die for hair, I pressed my breasts against him and kissed him savagely…so full of need for him. I was sure about this. Edward wasn't in my heart that way anymore. Jake had been so patient with me. We both deserved this. It was time.

I kept kissing him and let go of that sinful hair, undoing my robe belt and letting it fall to the floor at my feet.

Jake's eyes bugged out a bit and I heard him mutter against my kissing lips, "Shit, Bella."

Then he let his hands touch my back and I heard "Jesus…you're SO beautiful."

"So are you.", I opened my mouth and full on French kissed him, taking his hands and laying them on my breasts.

"Oh my God.", he growled in his throat, his eyes a little wet as he looked into mine.

"Bella…", he whispered, "Are you sure?"

"Very sure.", I said without question, "I am yours Jacob. Completely."

We kissed each other again, as if we needed each other more than air. It got a little rough but I loved it. Jacob could be rough with me and not break my bones. This was exciting. There was no fear. Just lust…and love.

My mind wasn't working now, my body was just feeling all the wonderful sensations. Jacob's tongue on my lips, his teeth taking a little nibble on my bottom lip. So hot.

I was biting Jacob's neck and sucking, unaware of what that meant at the time. He never knew Edward was a vampire. I would never break that trust.

"Oh FUCK !", he exclaimed loudly, obviously liking this.

"I want you Jacob.", I panted.

"You've GOT me Baby.", he purred in response.

Then I heard a terrible roar. It shook the whole house, like an earthquake. A man's voice screaming in excruciating pain. Then everything stopped.

I opened my eyes and found myself laying in bed. Still in the teddy. I heard Jacob's breathing. It was labored. He was struggling.

"Don't hurt her!", I heard Jake's voice snarl.

I looked and sat up. Jacob was sitting in my computer chair, and his hands were bound behind him. He had a black eye and his mouth was bleeding. And next to him, stood Edward.

He didn't say anything but the way he looked at me. I felt like a diseased prostitute under his glance.

I closed the robe with my hand, trembling. I was frozen in place. This was the first time I saw Edward in over a year. He was still flawlessly beautiful, eyes still butterscotch – that's good –but something in his eyes…was evil…calm but terrible.

"I didn't want you to miss this.", Edward turned his back to me and took something off the dresser behind him. When he turned back to me, he had a big pair of silver scissors in his hand.

Jacob tried to stand up, he nearly did, but Edward shoved him down hard with one hand, his strength too much for Jake to fight.

"Please don't hurt him Edward !", I stood and was ready to launch myself at the vampire but he put the open scissors to Jacob's throat.

"Sit down!", he ordered me, a growl following his words. His eyes looked at me with hate and distaste.

I plopped back down on the bed, shivering, watching his every move with those scissors.

He grabbed a long hunk of Jacob's hair and snipped it off very close to his scalp. I felt my stomach fall to the pit of my body. He yanked at Jake's hair, cutting without care, throwing the jagged locks into Jacob's lap as he worked.

I was crying and Edward ignored that. Jake struggled angrily, but held still when Edward said, "Keep it up, you can watch me shave Bella's head next."

"Oh God…", I wept as I watched this horrible scene play out. Edward was demented looking, chopping away.

"Please stop Edward, please!", I cried, my hands over my mouth as I sobbed harder.

It didn't matter, he wouldn't make Jake ugly to me, no matter what he did. But I felt my heart break for Jacob. His beautiful hair. This was the first physical attack Edward made to Jacob and it was awful. I had to wonder what he'd do next.

All I could do was cry. Jake was nearly bald now, chunks of hair here and there sticking out.

"Much better.", Edward stabbed the scissors halfway into the dresser, liking his work.

Dusting his hands off on each other, Edward smirked at Jacob, turning the chair towards him so he could see the hurt in his victim's eyes.

My legs were shaking so hard, I knew it was visible to both Edward and Jacob.

"There.", Edward lifted Jake's face up roughly, "Less is more."

"Fine, you got me.", Jake said through gritted teeth, "Now go!"

Edward laughed and it sounded so insane.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jacob, don't you get that yet?", Edward asked playfully, spinning the computer chair, making Jake go around and around.

"I'll always be here because Bella is mine!", he shoved Jacob's chair down as it spun and he crashed to the wooden floor, grunting as his face struck the surface.

"No one will have her but me.", he informed, "If I have to I'll use those scissors to make CERTAIN you'll never be inside her."

"Edward, no !", I begged and then he turned to me.

"And you.", he looked me over and frowned in disgust, "Look at you!"

He grabbed me by the hair and yanked me to my feet as I yelped out in pain and fear.

I was standing in front of him and he forced me to look into my full length mirror.

Hand still in my hair, his other hand yanked the robe down and off my body.

I tried to wrap my arms around myself but he stopped me.

"No, don't !", he sneered, "We all want to see what a whore you've become!"

I closed my eyes and heard his voice stab into my ear, "RED – what a slut you are!"

He yanked at the lacy fabric and I struggled as I heard it rip off my body. I felt the breeze from the window on my flesh and I screamed out, hearing Jacob shouting and growling profanities at Edward.

I couldn't look but I knew I was nude. I was quivering all over so hard, I felt like I might actually pass out or throw up, either one.

He shook my head by my hair and said, "Open your eyes !"

I did and winced at my nakedness. My hands tried to move to my hair to free myself but I knew I didn't have a chance to stop him.

"Stop IT !", he shook my head again, "Hands down!"

I obeyed and hoped he would just leave now. I prayed for it. Who was this monster ? What had happened to Edward?

"Make up.", he scowled at my reflection, disapproving of my eyeliner and lipstick.

His other hand came up and with some of the torn teddy in his fingers, he wiped my eyes and lips and face without care or patience.

I let out another scream, it was hurting me and pissing me off at the same time.

I could see a peek of myself when he took the lace away. My eyes were huge black holes smeared and ugly, my mouth a red messy smudge. I looked dead, like a zombie.

"OW!", I squealed, struggling again, "You're HURTING ME!"

"GOOD!", he shoved me into the bathroom, pushing my cheek hard against the mirror over the sink, not enough to break the glass, just enough to be a bit painful, "Wash your face – WASH IT !"

He let go of my hair but stood right behind me as I hurried to turn on the faucet and lather the bar of soap in my hands, scrubbing quickly. Some of the soap went into my eyes and I hissed at the sting and blindness they caused.

"Good enough!", he grabbed me by the hair again and brought me back into my bedroom, the water still running in the bathroom sink.

"Excuse us, Jacob.", Edward taunted as he stepped us over him as he laid on the floor, still bound to the chair.

"Put that fucking robe back on!", he shoved me so hard I fell but I still scurried to get the robe on, glad I wasn't naked in front of him anymore.

"Leave her alone, you FUCK!", Jacob roared from where he was.

But Edward kicked him in the stomach – hard. I screamed, knowing how much strength Edward had over Jake. I flew to them and leapt onto Edward's back, about to punch it, but before I could, he spun around and backhanded me across the face. It felt like my whole cheek split open as I landed with a thud on the floor again.

"Bella !", Jacob growled, trying to get up onto his knees even though his arms were trapped behind him.

Edward turned to him again and kicked once more, sending Jacob down hard.

I didn't hear Jacob after that.

"Good idea, take a nap.", Edward said darkly to the silent boy, coming back over to get me.

"NO!", I put my hands up, trying to shield myself, "NO !"

"Oh, yes.", he answered calmly, almost smiling, throwing me onto the bed on my back.

I grunted with an angry throat as he straddled me, my robe still tied closed as I struggled.

"Let me see.", he touched my cheek that took the blow. It hurt so bad I cried out.

"You're fine.", he said dismissively, "It'll be a nice bruise. I didn't hit you THAT hard."

"Rrrrrr!", I kept struggling, trying to get him off me as he looked down, unaffected by my little hissy fit.

"GET OFF ME !", I screamed.

"Mmmm…", he moved his hands over my robe where my breasts were, "Later."

"No, Edward, NO!", I cried and pleaded, "Please no ! GET OFF !"

"Shhh…", he cooed, opening my robe, "Be a good girl."

His cold fingers were groping both my breasts as I whimpered, moving my legs underneath him in vein.

Then I heard a very stern voice from the corner shout, "EDWARD CULLEN!"

I turned and saw Carlisle at the window. My hope skyrocketed.

"Carlisle !", I screamed, struggling harder, "Carlisle, HELP ME PLEASE !"

Edward clamped his hand over my mouth as I sobbed into it. My eyes stared at Carlisle, pleading for rescue.

"Edward, what the HELL are you doing ?", Carlisle was in the room now, afraid to move too soon in fear I'd be hurt in the battle.

"Fuck off, Carlisle.", Edward growled menacingly low, "She's mine."

"It's not going to happen Edward.", Carlisle was deadly and unmoving, "Let her go."

Edward ignored his father and bent down, taking a long huge lick up my entire neck as I cried out again, kicking my legs uselessly.

"Don't Edward.", Carlisle warned, "Son…you're very sick. Please…I know you don't want to harm Bella. Look at her…look what you're doing to her."

"She was going to FUCK that KID !", he cried out without tears, in agony, "What was I supposed to do, just sit and watch ?"

"Edward…", he held his hands at his sides, opened, "I'm coming over and I'm going to help you get up and come home with me."

"Stay BACK !", he bared his teeth like an animal and I was paralyzed with fright.

"I'll bite her, I swear to GOD I will!", he threatened.

"GOT HIM !", Emmett's voice darted out from behind Edward and I saw his arm was around Edward's throat, holding him securely as he fought back. But Emmett was stronger, bigger.

"Come here, Bella.", Carlisle reached out to me and I saw that Edward's hands were busy on Emmett's arm so I slipped my body out from between his legs and scurried to Dr. Cullen as fast as I could.

He was holding me tight, stroking my hair as I cried in relief.

"Bella !", Edward was roaring my name, angry that I had gotten away for now.

"Take him home, Emmett.", Carlisle said as Jasper and Alice came crawling through the window Carlisle had come from. They had thick silver chains around their arms, coiled up.

"BELLA !", Edward struggled as Alice and Jasper wrapped the chains several times around his ankles and around his wrists behind him, huge padlocks clicking in place to secure him as he raged and protested.

"IT BURNS !", he howled, "CARLISLE !"

"It's alright.", Carlisle assured me, "It just hurts but it will do no damage to him. It's only until we get him home."

"Easy, Edward.", Jasper tried to comfort his brother but Edward was not having any of it.

They were about to take Edward out the other window, Alice was freeing Jacob from the ropes around his wrists.

"Carlisle, can you please check Jacob?", I cried, "Edward really kicked him in the stomach."

But Carlisle was already on the job, carrying Jake to the bed and laying him on his back gently.

"Bella !", Edward was resisting his brothers' efforts to get him out the window.

I looked at him, not able to hide my anger as he spoke to me.

"I'm not done with you, Bella.", he said with a low deadly voice, and evil eyes, "Just know that. You're never going to be rid of me. We are forever. Everywhere you go, I'm watching you. Every thing you love, I can take from you. This isn't over. This is just the beginning. Nothing can keep me from you."

"Get him out of here!", Carlisle shouted at his other sons.

"Sleep tight, Bella.", Edward smiled before they forced him out.

"Bella?", Edward was calling my name gently, breaking me out of my haze.

"Yea?", I focused and saw we were parked a few feet away from the burial plot.

"We're here.", he informed.

I looked and saw a mound of dirt under a large oak tree. It provided peaceful shade, the sun streaming over the spot in lovely rays. I felt tears in my eyes, thinking Jake would like this resting place.

I got out of the car on my own. Edward rolled down his window as I came around.

"Go on, I'll drive around and come back in a little while."

I nodded, thankful for his kindness in letting me be completely alone with my Jacob.

See next chapter soon !

More darkward coming soon !


	7. Thanks for your Help

Chapter 7

Good Morning ! Some of you have diagnosed that I have a touch of Team Jacob and am trying to spread it around…LOL…I love that line, it's great ! I must admit, long haired Jacob…yes, I really loved him. But the second he cut his hair I was like, "Oh damn." I don't know why, no insult to Taylor, it's just how I felt. I miss the hair…I mean, the wig. I really would love to see the pics of Robert when they gave him long hair extenstions before Twilight came out. They were toying with the idea of having Edward with long hair. Robert hated it but I would still like to see it. Oh well, one can dream, right ?

Silently I approached the quiet rectangular mound that held no stone yet. Before saying anything, I began picking leaves and sticks off of the soil, cleaning things off.

I glanced back and the Volvo was gone.

"Hey Gorgeous.", I said with a quiet voice as I sat on the grass near the rich brown patch of land.

I closed my eyes, finding no words. He killed Jacob. He stabbed him 68 times. And here I was, being driven here by Edward.

"I know you know…", I said to him, knowing he could hear my thoughts, knowing what was happening without me having to say it aloud.

I took a little handful of the dirt and caressed it in my palm.

"So soft.", I said, tears on their way.

"Don't worry, Jake.", I promised, stroking the soil as if it were him, "I'm coming with you. Please wait for me. I'm scared to die alone. Scared it won't be quick. I'm not like you…I'm a big baby about pain…and blood. I know you'll be with me in the end."

"He won't even do me the favor of killing me.", I shook my head, "He claims to love me."

I waited a couple minutes more, thinking over all that happened since I met Edward.

My only reply was a little bird chirping high above me.

"I'm so sorry Jake.", I heard my voice crack, "Sorry I got you killed. Sorry I never told you what he was. But I'm not sorry I love you. He can't take that away from us."

I heard my voice echoing in my brain, going back to that night Edward attacked Jacob for the first time.

Carlisle was amazing, as always, taking care of Jacob.

"Broken ribs.", Carlisle said aloud as he carefully examined Jacob. I hadn't even seen him tear the t shirt down the middle.

"Alice, hand me that duct tape over there please!", he made Alice his nurse for the moment.

He began taping up Jacob's ribs for the trip to the hospital. I was crying and holding Jacob's hand, still very traumatized by the last half hour.

"There may be internal bleeding.", Carlisle shared with me, "We need to go now."

At the hospital, once Jacob was being worked on in the ER, Alice sat next to me in the waiting room. I was still in my bathrobe.

"He'll be okay, Bella.", Alice comforted, touching my hand softly.

"Thanks Alice.", I said with full sincerity, "Did you see it? In a vision, I mean, what Edward did?"

"No.", Alice frowned a bit, "If I had, I would have stopped him before he ever got close to you. He didn't make a decision until he saw you two…and heard what you were saying to each other. By then, we moved as fast as we could."

"Well thank you again.", I said, my hands still shaking hard as I looked at them.

Neither of us spoke for a few minutes.

"What are they doing to Edward?", I dared to ask.

"Nothing.", she said honestly, "They just took him home. We have a special room there that can hold Edward. It's okay. He won't be able to get out."

I gingerly touched my cheek and winced. "I still can't believe that was him…that he did that."

"Carlisle says Edward is very sick.", Alice explained, shrugging, "He hasn't been right since…you know…"

"So this is my fault.", I said, knowing it was true.

"No Bella !", Alice frowned more, "He hits you and it's YOUR fault ? Not a chance in Hell! It's his fault, all of it. He is just losing his mind. Carlisle's been trying to help him, talk to him. Edward keeps pulling away. At first, he was coping. But he was always torturing himself, watching you and Jacob – together and separately both. We all have tried so many times to get through to him. He keeps shutting us out."

"Maybe it's because he still lives in Forks.", I thought aloud, "He stayed away before…when he broke up with me after my birthday party that time. He came back from that and he was fine."

"Not really, Bella.", Alice shared with a morose expression, "He seemed like it, because he got you back. But I think he was never the same after that. Whether we see it or not, this relationship has taken a big toll on both of you. There's a reason it's very rare. It's so hard, almost impossible. Edward can't accept that. And it's driving him mad. See, he has some demons. I guess we all do. You were his angel, the one who kept him human, in his heart. You kept the demons away. Now you're not there…and they are working on Edward's head big time."

"What can I do to help him?", I heard myself asking, even with what he'd just done to Jacob and I.

"Nothing, Bella.", Alice warned, "Leave him be. Let us try again to help him. You trust Carlisle, right?"

"With my life.", I said without pause.

"He will get Edward through this.", Alice promised.

"So…", I said, "He's been acting strange all this time, for the last year or so?"

"I can't tell you everything.", she looked down in shame, "Yes, he's been acting in ways that show all of us that he's not…right."

"Like ?"

"He talks to you…when you're not there.", Alice gave me a little morsel there and my breathing stopped automatically.

"What?", was all I could muster.

"He comes into his bedroom and says hello to you, like you're there.", she looked hurt to be telling me this, "He lays on his bed and talks to the empty side, like it's you laying there with him. He asks you how work went, he smiles and listens to nothing, like you're talking back. It gives me the creeps."

"What else?"

"He has a couple pieces of your clothes.", Alice informed, "He keeps them close all the time, smelling them. It calms him down…and then agitates him at other times. Carlisle sometimes has to take the clothes away and physically restrain him to keep him from going to your house. I hear him ranting sometimes, to himself, about Charlie and Jacob. He really has a problem with them both. When you changed your phone number he demolished his whole bedroom."

"Did he break my windshield that time?"

"Yea.", Alice frowned, "That wasn't the worst of it, but that was the beginning I guess. He tried to make it right, but, he knew he screwed up. He felt really bad about it. He was still the Edward we used to know."

I didn't say anything.

"But this…tonight…", Alice looked so afraid, "I never would've thought he'd hurt you. I feel so guilty, I should have known…I should have warned you, hid you."

"It's not your fault, Alice.", I shook my head, "All I care about now is that Jake is alright."

It turns out Jake did make it. He had three broken ribs and there was internal bleeding but Carlisle stopped that. For a long time, Jake would be bed ridden and wouldn't be able to move much until the ribs healed. I thought of Edward and was terrified. Jake would be nothing more than a sitting duck waiting for Edward to strike.

Jake said he wasn't afraid of Edward. He was more worried about me. He vowed to protect me always.

I kept calling Alice and got no reply. I even tried calling Carlisle's numbers, both in his office and at the hospital. Nothing. I went to the hospital once looking for Carlisle and a nurse told me he hadn't been around in weeks. Another nurse commented he might have gone on a vacation.

Maybe he's staying with Edward, I thought. I hated how afraid I was but one Saturday morning, I had a plan. I would go to the Cullen house myself. I didn't tell Charlie or Jacob, they would never let me go.

The bruise on my face had been an ugly dark purple mess but it was nearly gone now. I convinced Jacob that it would not be a good idea to tell Charlie what really happened with Edward and us. Jacob wanted Edward arrested but I somehow talked him out of that idea. I told him Carlisle had him committed to the hospital where he would get help for his problems.

I didn't like the way Jake seemed to relax once I told him that. He thought we were safe now but I knew that was bullshit.

Charlie was told that we got hurt on the motorcycle. Needless to say, he had our bikes locked in the shed now and we were forbidden to use them again.

I lied and told everyone I had a shift at Newton's. Charlie was at Jake's house watching out for him and of that I was glad. I never left Jacob alone since the night of the attack. If Edward wanted to kill Jacob, he'd have to do it while I fought him all the way, and then he'd have to kill me too.

I didn't think things like 'Edward would never do that' anymore. The truth is, I was afraid of him now. The way he said we were FOREVER that night…he meant that with all his heart. I had nightmares all the time. I could never get much sleep. I tried to spend my time caring for Jacob but he was a rotten patient. He didn't like being treated like an invalid and he was healing so fast. He insisted on doing everything for himself, no matter how stupid or pointless it was.

I knew why. He didn't want me to see him as broken. He wouldn't let Edward beat him and I had to admire that. He was so brave. I was jealous. But then, Jake didn't know Edward was a vampire.

"If he ever touches you again," Jake had said to me, "I will kill him. I don't care if I have to go to jail."

"Jake, you can't kill him.", I said without giving away the secret.

"I don't WANT to.", he said, misunderstanding, "Well, maybe sometimes I do, when I think of that night."

"It doesn't matter anyway.", I said, "Edward is not coming back. He's committed for now."

"Yea", he agreed, "But his father is holding the keys. Who's to say he won't just let Edward out, you know?"

"He won't.", I denied.

Now I was in front of the Cullen house. I cut my engine and took a deep, shaky breath.

No one came out to greet me, as they used to. The house looked fine, lights were on inside. I swallowed and steeled myself to get out of the car.

I slammed my big truck door shut and called out with a meek voice, "Carlisle?"

Slowly I walked up to the glass door that Edward used to bring me to to enter.

The Cullens never locked their doors, at least, not when they knew I was coming. I tried the door and it gave way, unlocked.

"Hello?", I stepped in one foot, "Alice ?"

I didn't want to keep coming in. No one answered. Everything looked in place, Esme style.

Then I heard it.

"Come in, Bella.", a voice said. It was Edward's and it wasn't a nice, welcoming tone. He sounded calm but displeased.

Something told me to run back to my car but I knew he'd only chase me.

I made myself walk in, following the voice. He was sitting in the living room on a white sofa, his back to me. He was alone. No TV or video game playing. He was just there, doing nothing.

"Charlie knows I'm here.", I lied, in case he had any plans to keep me, "If I'm not back in a half an hour, he'll come and get me."

Edward gave a little snicker and almost snorted at my lie.

"Alright Bella.", he said, clearly not believing it or not caring.

He didn't turn to face me yet. I stood there, not about to come closer.

"Where is everyone?", I looked around, finding nothing, not even the noise of others nearby.

"Gone.", he said simply, darkly.

"Gone where?"

He inhaled…then exhaled, as if bothered by my question. He didn't say anything else.

"You're still a virgin.", he said, as if stating a fact he knew in all certainty, "And you'd better stay that way, Bella."

My eyes narrowed at this. How dare he !

"And what are you gonna do if I don't ?", I glared at the back of his head, his perfect hair annoying me, "You can't un-ring a bell you know."

God, that was stupid.

"I know you won't because if you do, you risk a repeat performance of the last time.", he said coolly, "And it will be worse than before. Daddy Cullen isn't here to save you now."

"Where did he go?", I asked again, trying to get off this subject.

"Forget them, Bella.", he said with a note of finality, "They're gone. You won't see them again."

I shivered, frowning more. This wasn't good.

My leg was shaking hard. I had to put my hand on it to make it stop.

I tried to think of something to make him talk. Maybe I could reach him when no one else could.

"How are YOU, Edward?"

I heard him give a little huff, almost a laugh.

"Like you care.", he answered, sounding bitter.

"Whether or not you believe it, Edward, I DO care.", I said, trying to make my voice sound clear.

I crossed my arms, not so much to have an attitude, but to warm my body. I felt so cold but it had nothing to do with the temperature of the room.

A pause went by and I waited for him this time.

"My so called family…", he said in a deep voice, still not facing me, "They tortured me. Carlisle leading the way. They starved me, shackled me…they were planning to put me in a box and toss me into the ocean. There are your precious little friends."

I didn't believe this for a second.

"And where were you when I was screaming your name?", he went on, "Making soup and fluffing pillows for that DOG!"

I closed my eyes and bit my lip. I decided to just be honest and open with him instead of being scared.

"What are you going to do Edward?", I asked with no venom at all. I just had to know. I would not be afraid and sleepless for the rest of my life.

He didn't answer me.

I forced my legs to walk over to him, moving around in front of the sofa so I could see his face. I had to know if his eyes were red. I prepared myself.

He looked the same as always, perfect and clean, a scowl on his face as his eyes raised up a bit to mine.

Gold.

Thank God. I released a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

We just stared each other down for a minute in silence. The tension was so thick but I didn't back down.

I knew I was taking a big chance here, but I had to try and reach him.

"Edward, you need help.", I said in a whisper, his eyes still locked on mine.

"Please let me help you.", I pleaded softly.

He looked away, almost pouting.

"Remember when you said you'd always be my friend?", I reminded gently, "Well I'm yours too."

After a moment he asked, "What will you do to help me, Bella?"

He didn't make eye contact. He was waiting for my ideas. And I didn't have any.

"I don't know.", I admitted, thinking harder, "First I think we need Carlisle back."

"I SAID – " he sneered, suddenly angry, "There IS NO CARLISLE !"

"Alright, alright.", I tried to calm him. His eyes were burning into mine now, pure fury.

He waited.

"I don't know, Edward.", I sounded so useless, "Maybe we can figure it out together, okay?"

"Together?", he said it like it was a dirty word.

"Yea.", I said, sticking to my guns, not allowing his tone to hurt me…much.

He stood up and I flinched. His eyes kept burning into me, and I wondered if that thing he could do with his eyes would work on me. He had to have seen my reaction but he didn't say anything about it.

He came closer to me, like a cobra approaching its prey. His hands stroked my hair on both sides of my head. He was so close to me, we were almost chest to chest when he tilted my chin up with his finger and kissed me.

At first, my lips responded…but three seconds in I resisted.

"No, Edward, don't…", I whimpered, pulling back a bit.

He just grabbed my forearms and pulled me to him, and his hungry lips devoured my mouth. I wasn't kissing back, just trying to pull away and mumble my protest by saying, "Stop!"

But he kept kissing me, only letting me have a little air here and there. His tongue pushed its way into my mouth and I let out a little scream.

My arms were getting sore, this kissing went on for about ten minutes. He didn't seem to care that I wasn't kissing back, or not enjoying it.

Finally, his cool lips were on my face…kissing my nose, my eyes…that's when I got my chance to speak again.

"This is not what I meant by help, Edward.", I growled in a semi tough voice, unable to get free of his grip.

"This is all I need, Bella.", he kept planting sweet kisses on me…now he was kissing my chin, then he licked my bottom lip.

"You.", he whispered, "You are my blood." He kissed my neck, "You are my heart."

I swallowed, hating this. This is my fault. How could I fix him now?

"You are my soul.", he brought me up on my tip toes, and kissed the skin right above my breasts.

"UGH!", I groaned out loud, my head falling back. I loved Jacob but could not deny that Edward did things to my body I couldn't control.

"NO!", I snapped my head back up, resisting the temptation with all my might, "Edward, NO!"

He kissed the skin again, more to the right this time.

"Bella, yes.", he answered smoothly.

"Edward, we have to stop.", I gritted.

He nodded, a small smile on his lips. One hand held my arm and his other hand began to unbutton my blouse.

"Yes, we must stop.", he agreed with a pleasant tone, "We must stop playing games and admit the truth."

I breathed harder as he pulled one of my sleeves down to my elbow, exposing my pink bra as I tried to pull back.

"Edward…", I pleaded, not being heard.

He gave my bra strap a quick tug and I screamed. He smiled at me as he let the strap fall to the floor, one cup of my bra sagging off my skin.

"This is the truth, Bella.", he smoothed his hand over the unsupported cup of my bra, moving it down off me, to my stomach, "You belong to me. I am the one you chose to be your first."

"Please let me go.", I was trembling, tears clouding my vision a bit.

He pressed my back into the wall, I was pinned here as he squeezed my exposed breast and cut a deep hot kiss into that space between my neck and my shoulder.

I shuddered everywhere. This was one of my favorite spots and he knew it.

" I know I pushed you away all those times you wanted me.", he reminded as he moved the other cup off my breast now. I felt the bra come loose completely and it fell to the floor. At this, I put my hands to Edward's chest, squealing and trying to move him off. But it was like pushing cement.

"And I'm sorry about that.", he kept talking, trying to seduce me, putting his forehead to mine, "But you don't have to wait anymore. I'm ready."

"God, no, wait !", I cried as his head moved lower, and then I felt his cold tongue circling my left nipple.

He still held my arms down at my sides as he took his time ravaging that breast with his tongue, his lips, his teeth even !

"Edward, please stop…", I knew it came out sounding weak when I wanted it to sound threatening.

Would he really make love to me while I kept saying no and stop throughout the whole thing?

"Mmm, I can't stop.", he said with a husky, aroused voice, continuing and sucking on my nipple.

I felt like a thing, not a person. Held against the wall while he played with my breasts, ignoring my pleas.

A lifetime went by as he paid attention to my right breast now. He was on his knees before me, humming and making sounds of complete bliss as he did all he wanted. My legs were wobbling like jello but I doubt he noticed.

I tried to think of something, anything to distract him. Would he fall for a trick of some kind? Even if he did, I couldn't get away. But I had to try at least. I was just kind of letting him do this. Things would only escalate if I didn't do something.

"Edward.", I breathed, trying to move my hands as he held them, "I need to touch your hair."

Instantly, he released my hands and I did dig them deep into his messy but glassy hair. He moaned out loud at the sensation of it and I felt like dirt. I pressed his face into my chest and clenched my eyes tight, praying to Jacob to forgive me.

I would try to act like I was agreeable, then when I saw an opening, I could make my move and try to get to the truck.

His hands, now free as well, were unbuttoning my jeans, his mouth all over my stomach now, and I felt the teeth again.

"Careful with the teeth.", I whispered, reminding him I was still human. He was always so afraid of his teeth near my skin. It didn't seem that way anymore.

I felt a tear fall as he pulled my jeans down to my knees, his fingers playing along the edge of my underwear. They were normal white cotton undies, not sexy panties. But it didn't matter to him.

"Uh, Edward?" I tapped my finger on his head. He looked up at me, frowning a bit that I was interrupting.

"Can we go to your room?", I asked timidly with a forced smile, "I would be more comfortable in bed, wouldn't you?"

"I'm happy right here.", he informed, still looking at me.

"Please?", I tried.

With a little growl, he stood up abruptly and picked me up with him, putting me over his shoulder since my jeans were around my ankles now.

In a flash, we were in his room and I was laying back on the bed. He was standing there, pulling my jeans all the way off my body a little roughly.

I yelped and instinctively, I pulled my panties up a little more, watching him as he let his eyes wander over me.

"Oh no.", he smirked, shaking his head, bending down and grabbing the sides of the panties, slowly pulling them down.

"Wait, Edward, can't we just…kiss for awhile first?", I tried to dissuade him without angering him but he went back to ignoring me again.

The panties were off and he put them to his nose, inhaling deeply.

"Ughhhh…", he sounded so impassioned suddenly, "God, yes…"

I inched back a little in the bed but he saw me and smiled.

"Where are YOU going, little girl?", he drawled, grabbing my ankles and pulling my body back towards him, legs apart.

"Nowhere.", I lied as he began removing my white ankle socks, one by one.

"Correct.", he agreed, bringing my right foot to his mouth. He grinned down at me and took my pinky toe into his mouth, gently sucking.

"Ugh!", I didn't know whether to be turned on or grossed out. But then when I felt the warmth and wetness, I had to admit it stimulated me.

How am I going to get out of here? My first plan didn't work.

Suddenly, something brilliant came to mind.

"I have to go to the bathroom!", I almost hollered out.

What good will this do? I asked myself. I didn't know…I just knew it would give me a break to think of something else. If I stayed here, he would have sex with me. And this is not how I wanted my first time to be. I didn't want to be taken by force while Edward was sick. I wanted to choose. I wanted Jacob.

"What?", he looked irritated.

"Really!", I insisted, sitting up, "It'll just be a minute."

"Fine.", he huffed, offering me his hand to help me up.

I took it and got to my feet. He let me walk there without any restraint but he followed me.

I remembered there was a bathroom right down the hall from here. I closed the door as my eye caught his face right outside. He looked at me sternly, warning me without words.

My cell phone. Was in my jeans. Damn it! I was totally naked with no keys, no phone. I was as good as fucked.

My only chance was to just make a run for it. No one could out run Edward, not even Emmett.

"Are you alright in there?", Edward's voice startled me.

"Yes.", I looked around, knowing I'd have to fake the noises.

I flushed the toilet and tore off some toilet paper, rustling it and tossing it into the descending water. I turned on the faucet of the sink, pretending to be washing my hands.

He'd never buy this. He had vampire hearing. He could probably hear my heart beating like a rabbit's at this very moment.

"Coming." I called, gathering up my courage.

"Not yet.", he sounded happy outside the door, "But soon."

Oh God. Please help me.

I took a deep breath and just did it. I shoved the door open, knocking it into Edward's face as I flew down the hallway…down the stairs.

"Bella !", he shouted and as I reached the bottom of the stairs, he landed on both feet right in front of me. He must have just jumped over the banister from above, no effort at all.

I let out a piercing scream and he had my forearms again. Without a word, he was kissing me so hard, lifting me off my toes completely.

"This is fun.", he commented between kisses, "Like a hunt."

I was fighting to breathe as he filled my mouth with his tongue. I squealed as he put his erection to my hips. He was still fully dressed but I wasn't. I knew I was done for. If he could catch running deer, what chance did I have?

"Come.", he walked forward, making me walk backwards…to the stairs…going up…going back to his room.

"Edward, wait.", I said as he kept walking me back, "Maybe we should wait. Like you said. What if you hurt me?"

I thought that would bring him back. This was his biggest fear. That is, until I left him.

"I'll be careful.", he said dismissively, still going up the steps with me.

"I'm not feeling very well.", I lied again.

"You'll feel great very soon.", he promised.

We were at the top of the stairs. Shit ! Where was Daddy Cullen when you needed him?

Inside his bedroom again, he lowered me back on the bed once more. He let go of my hands, sure of himself that I wasn't going anywhere and he began unbuttoning his gray shirt. I don't know why but I felt so nauseous. This isn't the way it's supposed to be. I couldn't let Edward do this to me. It would kill us both.

"Edward, I need to tell you the truth.", I said, panicked as he tossed his shirt next to me on the bed, his eyes firm.

He didn't say anything. He didn't stop undressing. Now he was unbuckling his black jeans.

"I'm not ready for this.", I said with a wobbly voice.

"Yes you are.", he said flatly, moving his jeans down, stepping out of them gracefully. He tossed them on the bed, too, over his discarded shirt.

He was wearing black briefs, his body a sculpture without an ounce of body fat anywhere. His feet were bare already. One more piece of clothing stood between us.

"I don't want to do this.", I said without hesitation, tears welling up in my eyes.

He looked at me as if I'd spit on him. So angry. Betrayed.

"What?" he spat out the word.

"I don't want this.", I was afraid to move off the bed.

"But you wanted that mongrel.", he said without raising his voice.

I looked away and felt more tears coming.

"You bitch.", he snarled almost to himself.

Before I could answer, he yanked me off the bed by my hair and shoved me out the bedroom door. I fell to the carpet as he shouted at me.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU WHORE!", he roared, standing over me like a horrible mountain as I crawled away on all fours like a scared dog.

"I MUST HAVE BEEN FUCKING DESPERATE TO HAVE EVER WANTED YOU!", he yelled as he followed me down the hallway, his voice echoing.

"You ugly, pathetic, FAT SLUT !", he stabbed me with his words as I ran down the stairs, him right on my heels.

Tears were blurring my vision so bad I tripped and fell down the last couple steps.

He laughed at me, cruelly, standing over me. I tried to get up again but he took my ankles again, one in each hand, and was dragging me backwards…towards the dining room.

"No!", I clawed at the polished marble floor, sliding along helplessly.

"Don't go yet, Chubs.", he taunted, scooping me up under my arms and throwing me face down onto the table, "You at least owe me something."

"Please…", I tried to kick and fight but he clutched at my bare ass, his mouth sucking the flesh and even giving firm nibbles, and I prayed he didn't break my skin. I screamed out. This was not a loving touch. He was angry with me, he was trying to humiliate and hurt me. He slapped my right ass cheek hard.

"Bad girl.", he commented, striking my butt again as I cried out. He gave me a good, solid spanking like a child. By the end of it I was sobbing and begging.

"Spare the rod…spoil the child.", he said calmly as he finished my punishment.

I was so scared he'd penetrate me without warning. I was sobbing, kicking. The whole world flipped over as I grunted in surprise. I was on my back again and he held my legs apart.

"NO!", I screeched, "NO EDWARD NO !"

He ignored me again and assaulted my vagina with his mouth. I screamed out again as he furiously rubbed his tongue up and down, back and forth on my clit. It was wet and cold but like a vibration as he worked so fast at inhuman speed.

I was crying, clutching at his hair, trying to push him off, but it wasn't happening.

He bit and pinched and sucked, he even blew air on me. My cries went unheard and a lifetime seemed to drag by while he took his time just tasting me, using his mouth. He slid his tongue inside over and over, his voice moaning in desire.

I didn't want to come, I fought it, but it was no use…eventually, my body just reacted.

I screamed out, stars flashing different colors behind my clenched eyes. My body convulsed, my legs tightened, even my toes curled up like an elf's. My back arched up so high I could look at the wall from upside down. My fists were in angry lumps at the sides of my head as I spasmed again, growling like a trapped tiger.

"Yessss.", he licked me even more now, tasting my juices that he worked so hard for.

I kept jerking uncontrollably, coming again and again. An hour must have passed I figured when I had come for the third time.

"No more, please…no more…", I begged. Every inch of my crotch was so sensitive now…it hurt and felt too good at the same time. It was almost torture.

He stood up straight, not bothering to wipe his face. It looked wet and messy but sated.

Reaching down, he grabbed my hair and pulled me off the table and to my feet. Walking me to the front door, he muttered, "I'm done with you…for now."

And he shoved me out, tossing me over the three steps and onto my face, my hands got hurt as well, going up to protect myself as I fell. As I began to get up on all fours, I saw my hands were scratched and bleeding a little. My knees too, I felt the wetness.

Then I felt my truck keys hit me in the back. After that, as I turned, I saw Edward tossing my clothes and sneakers out the door like they were unwanted trash, like me.

He looked at me with no feeling at all and said, "Thanks for your help."

And the door slammed shut with a horrible crash.

Oooh, evilward ! More to come soon !

Love WinndSinger


	8. Graves and Disney Songs

Chapter 8

I struggled to put my clothes back on in the Cullen driveway. As fast as I could, I felt his eyes on me, even if I couldn't SEE him watching.

I got in the truck and turned the key. The engine tried to start…and failed.

I let out a sob and turned, looking at the house. Nothing. I slammed the button down to lock my door and wiped my right eye.

"Come on you !", I threatened my truck, taking a breath and turning the key again.

It began to start…then chugged noisily…the truck shook harder…and the engine conked out again. I could just see Edward watching, laughing at my predicament.

One more try and if you don't fucking start – it's the junk yard for you. Now COME ON !

I turned the key a third time, praying. I would not go back in that house. I'd walk home first.

"Please.", I whispered, hearing the engine purr, behaving itself. The truck vibrated like it normally did…I waited. The engine was ALIVE !

"Now get us the FUCK out of HERE !", I screamed aloud to my truck, setting the gear to reverse.

Once I was off Cullen property, the fear sank in harder. I was sobbing at the top of my lungs while driving on the highway. It was a little busy, since it was a Saturday afternoon. My brain told me to calm down. First, I couldn't see for shit. My tears blinded me. Second, this is a small town. If even one person saw me bawling and screaming in my car, the whole town would know it and have their own versions of the story to tell. Charlie would find out.

Then I thought to myself. What would Charlie say ? What about Jake? They would both approach Edward. Charlie would want him arrested for sure. Jake would want blood. He might even come find Edward, half healed, for a fight. How would I explain to him that I came to Edward's all on my own when he was supposed to be committed somewhere in the hospital? But then what about the Cullens? Charlie would want to bring Edward in, question him about what happened to his family. I used to know that Edward was safe and wouldn't harm anyone. I didn't know that anymore.

I could not tell anyone about this. I thought of the Denali family but I had no idea how to get in touch with them or even where they lived exactly. I never listened much when they were mentioned. All I heard was the name Tanya and I would go into a jealous frenzy.

DAMN !

I couldn't go home, not like this. I held in my crying but it was still happening, deep in the pit of my chest. I turned up the volume on my radio, hoping no one in town would hear me or notice me while I passed through.

I thought of who I could go to, just to take a shower and maybe get some new clothes. I felt soiled and tired and my body throbbed with pain, especially my ass.

Going to the only place I knew of, I knocked on the red door, trying to control my shaking.

"Bella.", a woman's voice said as the door opened.

"Hi Mrs. Newton, is Mike home?", I asked meekly, hardly able to look her in the eye.

"Yes, come in," she frowned, knowing I wasn't alright, "What happened to you?"

I looked down at my hands and arms. They were all scratched up, dry blood painted dark brown lines all over my ivory skin. I knew my face had taken some impact when I fell outside Edward's house but I wasn't sure how bad it looked.

"I was changing my tire and slipped.", I lied…and I lied badly. That made no sense at all. But that was my story and I was sticking to it.

"Mike !", she called up the stairs and I kinda hated that I'd have to ask Mike Newton for help. But I didn't know of anyone else who would keep their trap shut. He was kind of my boss, so…what the hell?

"Come here," Mrs. Newton said, a fresh washcloth in her hand. She ran warm water over it in her kitchen sink and gently put it against my bottom lip. I felt a burning that shot right through me and I gasped.

Long story short, I asked Mike if I could take a shower and get some clothes, a t shirt and sweatpants would be fine. He agreed, giving me anything I wanted. I got band aids and Neosporin too, along with a warmed up lunch. It turns out it was around 4pm when I got to the Newton house. I had gotten at Edward's around 1. So he had me there for about three hours! God !

I only let myself break down once, when I was in the shower. I scrubbed myself raw to get the dirt off myself. They had glass doors on their shower and the water looked like sparkles…like Edward's skin. I had to turn away from the doors while I finished.

My body was a mess. When I got out of the shower, I got a peek at my backside. It was covered with purple and dark red welts and bruises. My forearms had angry light brown fingerprints where Edward had grabbed me. Great, July and I'll have to go around with long sleeves now. And my face…my bottom lip was swollen and black around the edges and there were hot little dots all over the area under my left eye.

"Fuck.", I breathed, an angry sound.

The first thing I felt was total rage. I wanted Edward's ass. If I ever become a newborn, he has a definite ass whipping coming his way.

"Mike, I need one more favor.", I said when we were alone in his kitchen while I ate baked ziti.

"I need you to go with the story that I fell and got hurt at work today.", I looked him in the eye, showing him I was serious, "I can't tell you why but please."

"Sure Bella.", he said, putting a hand on my shoulder. I jumped and before I knew it, I had shoved him arm off.

"I'm sorry Mike.", I sighed, "It's not you."

"Okay.", he looked a little hurt, "Are you alright?"

"Not really.", I admitted, picking at my food, "But I'll be fine. Thanks again."

So that was the way it went. I told Jake that I climbed up the ladder at work to get a tent and fell off accidentally. That sounded just like me so no one doubted my little tale. I hid the bruises on my arms from everyone all the time. I couldn't explain that away. I took care of Jake during the day, since it was summertime it didn't interfere with classes or anything. Jake didn't really need me to take care of him anymore, he was on his feet and pretty much doing everything for himself. But the truth was, I felt safer with Jake.

Edward was free and able to anything he wanted. All I could do is wait around for him to make his next move.

There was no more nights with Jake where I wore make up and teddies. I decided we couldn't do that again. Edward would hurt Jake more than just cutting his hair off next time. Next time, it might be his fingers or toes. I had nightmares all the time about it.

Sometimes Jake would start kissing me real heavily and touch me and I would pull away, trembling everywhere, crying, telling him we couldn't. Jake would tell me Edward is gone, he's locked up, he can't hurt us anymore. But I knew better.

I started blowing Jake off more and more as time went by. I was putting him in danger and I hated it. Being around him all the time, I wanted him so badly. And it hurt when I knew we couldn't make love. Edward ruled us again…still.

I agonized over where the Cullens went. Did he kill them? They wouldn't have just left, not with Edward being so sick, needing them now. I kept seeing Carlisle's face in my dreams, covered with blood, even though he is a vampire, and he was apologizing for failing me.

Charlie was working all the time and even when he was around, he didn't say much. We ate dinner in silence now and then and I was thankful for that.

I kept ignoring Renee's emails. I was never in the mood to write her. To even type the words 'everything's fine' would be too hard for me. I once told Mom everything. Now I had this terrible secret and it was eating me alive inside out.

The end of August came slowly and I was glad to have paperwork to fill out for my September classes at Forks Community College. Jake would be a junior in the fall at the Reservation Quiliette school. Two years until we could leave Forks. I sighed, knowing how fast Edward could destroy us. And he had plenty of time. I was trapped.

I tried to figure a way out. I almost wrote Edward a letter but quickly decided against it. I didn't want to call him either. He was most cruel over the phone. I remembered when Edward told me I could always call him, even if I were standing in my own kitchen. But how did I know that he wouldn't hurt me again? I didn't. He could hurt me anytime, anywhere, if he chose to.

I couldn't call to him. If he came to me, then I would have no choice but to deal with him, but I would not invite him to come and hurt me.

Labor day weekend came and Charlie wanted me to go with him to the annual celebration the town held. I really didn't want to go out much anymore but all the police were brining their families. I didn't want it to seem like Charlie didn't have family. He had gone a long time without any before I moved in with him.

I was so bored, sitting around in my t shirt and shorts on the float for the Police Department. It slowly dragged down Main Street and Charlie kept nudging me with his elbow to keep waving at all the people we passed by.

"This blows, Dad.", I grumbled, doing my Queen of England wave, mockingly.

"Smile.", he grumbled back, putting on his fakest smile, waving enthusiastically.

I rolled my eyes and laughed to myself at what a cornball my Dad was…and then I caught a blur of dark red in the crowd.

I looked into the people lined up along the street, paying more attention this time.

And I saw him.

Edward. Standing there, composed, staring at me. He wore a blue t shirt and a white open short sleeved one over it and on his head was perched a pair of sunglasses. He looked like everyone else here, just hanging out, enjoying the parade. But I felt my air supply cut off. Even on a float with 50 cops on it, I wasn't safe.

I stood up and my father looked at me as if I'd lost my mind.

"Bella!", he looked concerned.

"I have to go to the bathroom!", I lied, using that old favorite once more, and leapt off the back of the float, running around the float behind us and going right into the crowd across the street from where Edward had been standing.

I didn't know what I was doing or where I was going, but I was running hard.

After that, I was always running.

Everywhere I went, I saw him, standing there, watching me. At the food store, at the post office, at the college, even at the police station. He didn't speak to me, he just stared…and slowly followed me a few feet behind. When my classes started, he would be outside the window, watching me very closely. It made it impossible to concentrate. Once, the instructor asked me a question and I had no idea what he was talking about. The class laughed at me. And so did Edward.

Jacob called almost every day but I always told him I had to study. That was the truth. I was so behind in my classes. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't THINK. I failed tests. My papers were never good enough for my teachers. Edward was suffocating my life.

Every night I dreamt Edward came back to get me and finally finish me off. I didn't know which dream was worse, him raping me…or him killing me. And even worse, him changing me. I once wanted that more than anything, to be his forever 100,000 years from now and beyond. Now the thought terrified me. To be his, as a vampire, trapped for all eternity as everyone I knew grew old and died. The thought made me wake up in a cold sweat, shouting.

One night I guess I was tossing and turning in my sleep, having a bad dream. I struggled under my covers and in the darkness I felt fingers stroking my hair, a loving caress.

"Shhh.", his voice soothed, and he began to hum my lullaby.

When I realized it was real and not a dream, my eyes flew open and I saw him looking at me, eye level as he knelt on the floor at my bedside.

Before I decided to, I screamed and his hand pressed over my lips, effectively silencing me.

I still tried to scream and fight but he was stronger.

"Shhh….shhhh….shhhh.", he sat on the bed next to me and didn't release my mouth.

I heard myself crying, pleading as my fists pressed uselessly against his chest.

He ignored my shouts of "No, NO !" through his palm and spoke softly to me.

"Bella, no.", he looked sad, "Don't be afraid of me, please, you can hate me but don't be afraid of me. You were never afraid of me."

"I won't hurt you, I swear.", he stroked my hair with his other hand, "I just had to see you. You were having a nightmare."

Charlie was not home tonight. I was screwed and I knew it.

"Mmmmm!", I could only yell as his hand pressed harder against my mouth.

"Bella…", he sounded sad and disappointed that I was so afraid.

"Alright, I'm going to take my hand off.", he notified me, "Will that make it better?"

I quaked all over and nodded a couple times. I felt my chest rising and falling deeply as I struggled to breathe.

He took his hand away and stroked my cheek as if I were the most precious creature he'd ever laid eyes on.

I didn't scream…yet. Staring up at his face, I just waited for what he wanted before I let loose with my barbaric YAWP.

"There.", he smiled down at me, glad I wasn't yelling. He kissed my hand and let out a deep breath, "That's better, isn't it?"

I just nodded like a mute, paralyzed with fear.

"I saw you started school.", he said, "That makes me very happy. How are you enjoying it?"

I just frowned back at him.

"What do you want?" I asked with a shaky, coarse voice.

"Please don't be like that, Bella.", he said kindly, "I just want to talk to you. We never talk anymore. Please?"

"You've been stalking me.", I breathed, wishing I was tougher, "I see you everywhere I go. I'm failing my classes because of you!"

"I'm not stalking, Bella," he kept his sweet voice, "I'm just watching over you. It's all I have left now."

"What do I have left?", I felt a tear trickle out of my right eye, "I can't even see Jacob because I'm so afraid of what you'll do to him next!"

He frowned.

"I never said you couldn't SEE Jacob, I just said no one else will ever have you.", he pointed out.

"That's not your choice to make, it's MINE!" I liked the way I sounded now…fierce.

"Please don't yell, Bella.", he begged with his eyes, "If HE wakes up, well…it won't be good."

"Who?", I was confused, "Charlie's not here."

Great, Bella, tell him that.

Edward looked sick to his stomach.

"Just…shhh…please…", Edward leaned in and placed a small kiss on my lips.

Then another small kiss…a little longer than the first.

"Edward…", I said in a little voice, knowing where this was going.

"You have the most perfect mouth.", he whispered, kissing me again, as if he had to.

His hands were on my cheeks, then tightened in my hair. He was really kissing me harder now…the passion getting more and more intense.

"Please stop Edward…", I whimpered, "This is what happened last time…"

But he cut me off with another kiss, this one a bit rougher. I was panting for air when he released me from it.

"You are NOT going to attack me again.", I said through gritted teeth, and his eyes registered in understanding. He backed away from me then…sitting on my floor, his hands yanking at his hair.

I was glad he moved away from me but not happy enough to see him suffering this way. He started punching himself in the head on both sides, harder each time. It sounded like rocks hitting rock.

"Stop!", I frowned, getting out of the bed, standing up but not getting too close to him. I hated it that I was wearing a tank top, no bra, and little pajama shorts but I was in my own bed after all.

I looked around my dark room, wondering what I could say or do.

"Bella, if I asked you to do something for me…", he breathed, then looked up at me with his bright golden eyes, "Would you?"

I was afraid to wonder what he wanted now. I pictured myself performing a strip tease for him.

"What do you want?", I shivered as I waited, my arms around myself.

"Would you…", he looked down, then back up at me…."Would you please kill me?"

My mouth fell open as he stared at me.

"I know you can do it.", he went on, "You're brave. I've seen that. And I wouldn't fight you, at all. I swear. I have the chains back at my place, those ones Carlisle used on me. You'd just have to lock the padlocks over the chains and then start a fire. Pour gasoline on me and-"

"No!", I cut him off, "Stop saying this! You don't mean it! And I WON'T KILL you !"

"It's the only thing I can think of !", he raised his voice a little, then quickly made himself quiet, as if someone else would hear.

"I will just keep losing control…", he said calmly, rocking back and forth a little, "I will keep scaring you…hurting you…I mean HE will."

"Who is HE ?", I asked, wanting to understand this.

"HE—", Edward's eyes looked so terrified, crazy…"HE – the other one…ME! He wants to come back, he CAN'T come back ! I won't let him ! Not until you kill me! Please, Bella, please ! I can't hold him back for very long!"

I felt sick to my stomach. I watched him and knew he was insane. The other him…the Edward who hurts me. Is this the REAL him then? This scared rabbit, pained, and suicidal? Where is MY Edward? Did I even have an Edward anymore?

This is the first time I realized the two personalities were fighting each other. Inside him, was an Edward who still loved and cherished me…and an Edward that was angry, betrayed by me, and wanted to punish me.

"Are you…", I asked gently, getting down on the floor in my spot, "Are you the one who follows me all the time?"

He peeked up at me, ashamed, and nodded, still rocking, his hands in fists against his chest like they were bound.

"I make sure you're safe.", he panted, "That he doesn't get you. I'm sorry if I scared you."

I didn't know why but I wanted to comfort this Edward, to be closer to him. So I crawled closer, putting my hand on his arm, trying to rub up and down, wishing he'd stop rocking like that.

"I'm here, Edward.", was all I could think of to say, hoping deep inside him, the rational Edward was hearing me, knowing I didn't abandon him yet.

He didn't seem to hear me, and he looked to the right…there was no one there.

"I know, Mother.", he whispered, "Yes."

"Edward?", I just stared at him.

"Shhh, my mother is making a great point.", he put his hand over mine for a second, then went back to listening to "her".

"Oh my God.", I felt tears in my eyes as he nodded to the air on his right.

"What did I do to you?", I breathed, almost to myself.

"I'll tell her.", he said at last to the invisible figure beside him.

Then he turned to me. "Bella, Mother says the only way out is to die. Please come. It won't take that long…"

He stood up and took my hand and the touch was gentle, like the Edward I used to know.

"That's not your mother, Edward.", I said, my voice cracking on his name.

"Yes it is.", he looked at the air, "She's right there. She says she misses me. Father, too. We can finally be together again. In heaven, our house is even there!"

"No, Edward!", I yanked his hand back away from the window, "Those voices you're hearing are bad. They're playing tricks on you. Don't listen. Your real mother would not want you to die. Remember – she begged Carlisle to save you! You will listen to me…ONLY to me…do you understand?"

He hesitated, looking again at his mother.

"Edward?", I sounded stricter, like scolding a little boy.

"But you hate me.", he said, just as lost as a child, looking at me, "It should be easy for you to kill me."

He couldn't have hurt me more if he tore my arm off.

"Did she tell you that ?" I asked, heartbroken.

Edward just nodded, not meeting my eyes.

With a determined look in my eyes, I grabbed both his wrists and made him look at me.

"I don't hate you, Edward.", I said simply, truthfully, "I love you. So much that I can't even hate you when you—I mean—HE—hurts me. I am still your friend. I want to help you. But killing you is not the plan. Got it? Say it. Say you will listen to me. ONLY me!"

He looked torn. I knew the love he held for his mother. If she were really here, I would never make him choose. But I had to do this or he'd try to kill himself without me.

Almost turning to look at his mother again, I stopped him.

"NO!", I shouted, holding him tighter, "Don't look at her, don't listen! That is not your Mom!"

He swallowed, closing his eyes, looking down. "I will listen to you, Bella. Only you."

I wanted to be glad he promised me this…but he looked so alone just then…as if his mother had died all over again.

"I know you're confused.", I touched his cheek softly, "But I'm going to do all I can to help you, alright?"

"Yes Bella.", he sounded like a kid, trusting me.

This is my fault. I have to try and make it right. Even if that means putting myself in danger. Edward had done this for me, with James, with the Volturi…I would do the same for him now. If I didn't, I feared no one would be able to save him.

"Sit here.", I eased him down until he sat on my bed.

"Charlie will think I left early for school.", I said to myself as I put my jeans on over the shorts, "I'll write him a note."

I grabbed my keys to the truck and looked at Edward. He just sat there, looking down, so dejectedly.

"I don't know what we'll do…", I said softly to him, touching his hair, "But we'll figure it out."

And now, I was sitting here, at Jake's grave. Things had gone so horribly wrong. Charlie…Renee…Phil…if I had been able to reach Edward, maybe they'd be alive today.

I had no proof they were dead…but I just knew.

I said lots of things to Jacob, but mostly, I said I was sorry.

The Volvo pulled up along the grass and waited, the engine still humming. I turned and tried to see Edward's face. The glass reflected back to me…and I couldn't make out his expression.

"I love you, Jake.", I touched the earth and made myself stand up, "See you soon."

Walking back towards the Volvo, I noticed the engine was revving loudly. The car was jerking forward, then stopping.

"Edward?", I called, a little distance away from the car yet.

"BELLA GET OUT OF HERE !", he yelled, the window rolling down, "RUN! GO TO THE TREES!"

I knew what was happening. Bad Edward was struggling to come back. Good Edward was trying to fight him…but it looked like he was losing.

I obeyed him, starting to turn and run as fast as I could. I heard Edward growling in desperation and then a moment later, I heard the car roar to life. I heard screeching, the tires! I stopped and looked…

The Volvo was coming after me…at top speed ! And Edward's face was cold as ice…pissed.

"SHIT !", I took off, this time with more urgency than before.

The forest was so far off in the distance, beyond the entire cemetery. I would try to get there but it would not be easy to beat the Volvo.

I tried to use things to my advantage. I ran around, weaving in and out between tall headstones. They slowed him down a bit…they exploded on impact as he ran right into them. I screamed as they burst into dust only feet behind me.

He was almost upon me…I could feel the heat from the car's engine on the backs of my legs.

Then I leapt behind a very thick, large oak tree. I was on my face for a moment when I heard the metal crushing the wood. I got up instantly, standing behind the tree to catch my breath. The car backed up, the front all caved in and destroyed. Then he came on harder and smashed the tree again…making it tip a bit over me. It still stood, though…it wouldn't go easily.

I didn't wait for it to break. I used my time and sprinted towards the trees. It was still far away…but my legs were doing their best.

"BELLAAAAAA!", he screamed, angered. The ground seemed to shake.

I was looking for mausoleums but I didn't see any. A little stone house would be a perfect place to hide now.

I heard the car coming after me again. I gasped and went back to my strategy of going in and out of headstones. Sorry! I wanted to say to each one as I passed them. I bet they weren't happy their resting place was being disturbed by a Volvo of all things.

I didn't think Edward wanted me dead, but I didn't have the guts to stop running and face the car, daring him. I wanted to die…I wanted to be free of all this…I wanted to see Jacob and my family again…but I didn't want to be run over by a car ! And then…I felt another reason to live…Edward…my Edward. He still needed me.

"Faster, Bella!", I could hear his voice behind me, "You're boring me!"

And I heard him chuckle.

I would never make it to the trees, I knew that. Then, I saw an escape. A giant hole a couple feet away.

No, Bella ! I told myself. It's a GRAVE ! I was shaking all over but I didn't have time to think it all through…and I JUMPED !

I fell six feet down, and it was deeper than I thought. The skies were dark gray but I had some light. There was no coffin down here, only a green plastic tarp. And my ankle stung a little…I probably fell on it wrong.

Now it sunk in.

I'm in a fucking grave. Tears came to my eyes and I wondered if I should hide UNDER the tarp.

I could not get out of here by myself. The dirt walls around me were dark and wet and I had to admit…I was fucking scared.

I heard a car door slam and I got more scared. What was he going to do? Was this it?

I pictured myself dieing in here and I almost wet my pants.

"Oh, Bella…", his voice sounded amused, "BAD…bad choice of hiding place, love."

I looked up and he was smiling down at me, his hands on his knees as he bent over the edge, loving having this power over me.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!", I snarled up at him, standing mostly on my good foot.

"I don't think you want THAT, Bella.", he smirked, "It will get dark in a few hours…and colder…rain is called for in today's forecast…and you'll starve down there ! Unless you make use of the insects with you."

I glared up at him, not wanting to beg him for anything. But I wanted out of here…real bad.

"I hope there are no rats down there.", he commented, looking right and left in my hole.

I looked around myself with a little scream and Edward laughed, as if he thought I was cute.

His head tilted to the side when I looked back up.

"I guess I have time to hang out with you for a bit.", he said and sat on the edge of the hole, leaning back on his hands as he looked up at the gathering clouds.

I wanted to make a jump for it and try to get out myself…but I didn't want to do it with Edward watching me.

"Almost every human has a secret terror of being buried alive.", he shared pleasantly, "How about YOU Bella? Are you afraid of the dark?"

He chuckled again as I shot him another defiant look.

"We'll see.", he said to himself.

"This is where Jacob is right now.", he said, plucking a blade of grass from the lawn, and he tossed it into my hole, "Only six feet of dirt and shit laying on top of him. Bugs…worms…eating the flesh…chewing out the eyeballs…"

"SHUT UP !", I screeched so hard I hurt my own ears.

"I wanted to save you from this fate…", he said in a calm voice as he looked down at me, "I wanted you forever. And you chose this ?"

I didn't want to listen anymore. And Edward knew as long as I was in here, I'd have to listen to everything he had to say…for as long as he wanted to talk.

Leaping up, I tried to claw my fingernails into the mud and climb up, my feet digging in beneath me…but the earth crumbled wetly and as I sank to the tarp floor, some of it came falling upon me.

It wasn't much but enough to make me scream out, thinking the whole thing would cave in on me at once. Edward laughed as I stood up, brushing all the black dirt off my body.

"I wouldn't try that again.", he warned with a smile, "That earth is wet. No traction for you, my dear."

He was right about that. This whole thing could cave in if I messed with it enough.

"Back in my day premature burial was a real possibility.", he said casually, as if teaching a class, "Some diseases would still the blood, make the breathing slow so much that the person appeared…dead. Some of the richer folk had bells put in their coffins so they could ring for help." He smiled at that.

"I don't see any bells down there for YOU, though, my sweet Bella.", he informed.

Bells! I felt the bulge in my pocket. I have my cell phone !

I pulled it out of my jeans and sneered up at him, flipping it open defiantly right before his eyes. I so wanted to stand up to him, any way I could.

"Yes, of course.", he smiled, "Call for help, my dear."

"You have no friends or family.", he thought aloud. And that stung me badly.

"But you could call the police.", he pointed a finger, nodding to himself.

"A cruiser will be sent with one, maybe two cops to check it out.", he informed and I knew that was true from knowing Charlie.

"They may be cops who have families…", he worried, or pretended to, "It would be a pity for them to have to join you down there."

As he said that, his face turned deadly while he looked down at me like I were an insect.

It didn't matter anyway…my phone was flashing back at me…saying NO SIGNAL.

So I glared up at him again, shoving the phone back into my pocket.

"Good girl.", he approved, "Take your punishment without complaint."

"You are my punishment.", I muttered to myself, but of course, he would be able to hear me.

"Oh is that so?", he asked with a grin, standing up, dusting off his hands, "Well, then, I'd better start doing my job."

He walked away from the opening and I couldn't see him but I watched, knowing something bad was coming.

Did he leave? God, that might be the worst…to be left here alone.

But I heard metal slicing into earth and I almost called out for him. Then…dirt came falling in over my head. I cried out briefly, some of the grains of soil in my eyes as I rubbed them hard.

Another slice of metal sound came from above and then I saw a shovel toss a good heap of dirt into the hole…hitting me over the head again.

I let out another little yell, realizing what he was doing.

"God…", I breathed, hating this as another shovelful crashed down upon me.

"This is just too easy.", he said but I couldn't see him right now, "Just filling up a little hole…"

I held out without begging as he kept working…when the dirt was around my knees was when I broke.

"EDWARD, PLEASE !", I screamed, "Please STOP ! Please, please !"

The dirt stopped raining down on me and I heard the shovel stab into the earth above.

He stood there on the edge, a disgusted look on his face as he took a white handkerchief out of his pocket, wiping his hands clean.

"You just keep degrading me.", he sneered in contempt.

Edward knew this was a giant fear of mine. I had told him once, a lifetime ago.

"Can I please come out?", I touched my hand to the damp mud at my side, tears welling up in my eyes.

"No.", he said with certainty, tossing the cloth down into the grave, "You will remain there until I decide to – IF I decide to take you out."

I sobbed and left my pride behind.

"I thought you wanted death.", he reminded, "You're certainly in the right place for it."

"Please?"

"I have better things to do than this.", he looked up at the black clouds, "And a storm is moments away."

"No, Edward, please don't leave me here !", I shouted, trembling like a leaf.

"Adieu, Bella.", he kissed his fingers and waved at me as he walked away.

"NO!", I screamed, clawing at the earth wall and trying to climb and jump again, "EDWARD PLEASE ! I'm SORRY! SO FUCKING SORRY! COME ON!"

I heard a car door close and an engine purred to life…and his car drove away.

I cried like a baby as the skies turned to black and an evil boom of thunder whipped the air.

"No…no…no…", I cried, little daggers of cold rain showering me. In seconds, the drops were fat and heavy, pounding and ceaseless.

Everytime I tried to look up, I just got blinded by the rain and the cruel blackness. I was soaked already, freezing.

I looked at the walls around me, so afraid they'd get more wet and crumble, sealing me in. Hours went by…the lightning and thunder took pleasure in making me jump and cry…and scream.

I kept thinking Edward would come back…but he didn't.

I had decided to put the plastic tarp over me, like a very crude tent. If the hole did close in over me, I didn't want to see it. I was encased in the blackness now, rocking…my fists clenched at my chest…and I was singing Disney songs to myself. My mother used to sing me these after my baths when I was little.

She'd pick me up, the towel wrapped around me, then I'd sit on her lap. Then she'd put on the CD player and we'd sing a song together.

"What would I give…to live where you are…", I sang while I cried, "What would I pay…to stay here beside you? What would I give to see you…smiling at meeeee…."

See Chapter 9 next !

Yes, that song is Part of Your World from Little Mermaid…she is singing it, thinking of Jacob…Edward is so mean but I love him ! Evil laugh !

You're all so cool and brave to be with me still…I salute you !

Love Wind


	9. Being Dead

Chapter 9

The night came and I was still alone. The rain was terribly cruel, never stopping…only increasing every minute…every hour. I felt like I was trapped in a deep hole of ice cold sludge. There was no moonlight, it was pure black.

I felt worms under my hands when I was sitting so I stood up…time crawled by on hands and knees as I gave up on my Disney song thing.

Unable to stand it, and hungry as hell, I kept making attempts to climb out. I couldn't see what I was doing but I felt my way around. It was a useless exercise. I would get back as far as I could, then run three steps, jump up into the wall of slime and claw at it, trying to get deep into it, finding a firm surface somewhere under the layers of mud.

It felt like climbing up a hole of cottage cheese. There was no side of any of the four walls that was climbable. And not only did this make the walls slide in on me a bit more, but it exhausted me as the hours passed by so fucking slowly. Would it be night FOREVER ?

Every move I made I could hear a squishing sound but the crashing of thunder kept vibrating deep in the pit of my chest.

I kept screaming for help. But who would hear me in the middle of the cemetery, on a Saturday night, during a god damned thunderstorm? I kept feeling bugs biting me every now and then. And whenever I tried to climb up and dug my fingers into the soil, I got an occasional worm or two in my hands, or on my face.

I didn't know what time it was. I was using my cell phone for light when it first went totally dark, but the battery died.

I had called Edward when my cell said it was 9:25pm. My voice was so jittery as my teeth chattered but I didn't care. Maybe he would take pity on me.

The phone rang three times and went to his voicemail. I kept hanging up and calling again.

Finally, he answered.

"WHAT?", he sounded annoyed and angry.

I didn't have it in me to be tough at this point.

"Ed—ward…" I blubbered, hating myself, "Edward, PLEASE let me out ! I'm so cold, I'm freezing ! And I can't see my hand in front of my face, the WALLS ARE CAVING IN!"

"You should have thought of that before you went crying over that PIG'S GRAVE !", he shouted bitterly.

I was bawling, my hands shaking so hard I nearly dropped the phone.

"As far as I'm concerned, you two deserve each other.", he said with a lower voice, "Sleep tight, my love."

And with that, he hung up on me.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!", I howled, falling to my knees, sinking in the mud a little.

I kept screaming for Edward, praying for either one of them by now. I pictured him only feet away, in his car, listening to my suffering, enjoying every minute of it. He was nearby, I just knew that. His love for me was eternal, whether or not he liked it. Even when he was horrible to me, he still wanted me, would not let me go, even to death.

My stomach growled painfully and my body shivered in the October cold. I had to go to the bathroom, too, but I made myself forget about that. Also, I was so tired…exhausted. My arms and legs hurt from the efforts to climb out and I was dieing for sleep. But I would not be sleeping in here, that was for damn sure.

I kept saying I was sorry, even though I wasn't. I knew something would happen if Edward heard any part of me saying goodbye to Jacob. But I still had to. I was only sorry that I was in this hell hole…literally. I prayed to GOD that Edward wouldn't make me stay in here all day Sunday, too. God, I'm so hungry.

For a second, I considered what Edward suggested about eating the bugs or worms…but I wasn't THAT hungry…yet.

A few times I opened my mouth straight up and got some water from the rain. That's the only good thing about the storm. I was covered with mud but that was the least of my worries.

I kept trying to take my mind out of where I was…and think of other things.

The prom sprung up but I couldn't…not right now.

Trying to focus on Charlie was nice…but soon, I was crying, needing him, missing him.

"Dad…", I wept.

The only thing that came to mind was the last time I was this hungry.

After Charlie disappeared, I fell into a deep, deep depression. I didn't want to believe Edward did it, but it was hard to imagine anyone else would just kidnap him for no reason, no ransom wanted, no word, nothing.

Especially when Charlie had arrested Edward two days before he vanished. I knew Charlie wouldn't stay in the dark forever. One day he saw one of my bruises. At first he thought it was Jake, but I couldn't let Jake take the fall for that. I told him that Edward had done it. I didn't tell him about Edward being a vampire and I didn't tell him about any of the other attacks before this. I was wrong to keep Charlie in the dark.

Edward was in jail an hour later. I still don't know why he went with Charlie willingly. Maybe that was the good Edward. Sometimes they were hard to tell apart, and at times, they were fused together.

Edward was released on bail and two days later, Charlie's cruiser was found on the side of the road, empty, the door open, the engine running. He was just…gone. Not a drop of blood, not a thing.

Of course, Edward denied having anything to do with it. But it was the way he denied it that made me know it was him. For my accusation, I was introduced to Edward's whips.

I still lived at my house, but I was alone. Jake kept coming over, knocking, but I told him to leave me alone. I didn't answer my phone. I didn't live anymore.

I hadn't eaten, either. I just wanted to waste away. This is one of the first times I really wanted to commit suicide to escape Edward. I thought Jake would be better off without me in his life.

After three days of not eating, I was getting used to the pain of an empty stomach. I just laid on my bedroom floor and cried…I never told Renee anything about Charlie going missing. I didn't want her coming closer to Edward.

It was dark the night he came to me. All my lights were off.

Suddenly, he was standing over me…an irritated sneer on his lips.

"Jesus Christ.", he muttered, bending down and opening one of my eyelids with his finger.

"STUPID!", he shouted, picking me up in his arms as I limply folded without a hint of movement.

"I can't leave you even for a MINUTE !", he yelled, plopping me into one of the kitchen chairs, pushing me up to the table.

I slumped forward, laying on my hands with my head to the table. I just wanted to sleep.

I heard the refrigerator door yank open as Edward scolded me.

P

"Policeman's daughter, my ass!", he muttered, "You have the strength of a gerbil ! And the brain of one as well !"

I had no fight left. I just closed my eyes and started to drift off.

"UUKK", I heard him comment as he smelled a big casserole dish filled with something.

"This will do.", he decided, taking a large soup spoon out of the utensil drawer.

"Hey !", he yanked my head up by my hair as my eyes half opened.

"Wake up, it's time to eat.", he announced with distaste.

He placed a large glass of milk on the table and took a big helping of the casserole into the spoon.

I saw now what it was.

Pineapple cheese casserole. UGH! Sue had given this to Dad two weeks ago, I hated it then and now it was probably bad. It stunk and it was cold.

"It's cold.", I said, in a blur.

"You don't DESERVE warm food.", he sat right across from me, turning my chair to face his, and held my face upwards. His hand was under my chin. Was he really going to feed me like a child ?

"Open up.", he said as he delivered a huge bite into my mouth.

He closed my jaw together slightly, making my lips close against my will as I winced.

"Chew.", his glare was unmistakable.

It WAS bad ! Ice cold and hard, the noodles like rocks and the cheese tasted moldy and thick as plastic. And the pineapples…were acidy and too soft.

"NO !", I wretched and pulled away from him, spitting it out onto the table.

"That's awful!", I complained, "I can't eat that…"

"You're going to eat every bite of this, you little BRAT!", he got another spoon of food and grabbed me by the back of the hair, forcing my head up again, "Including that bite you just spit out!"

He stood up as I struggled, shutting my mouth closed tight. I FELT like a five year old.

"Bella, open your mouth !", he shouted, putting his hand around my neck now, "Open or you get no air!"

I felt tears come to my eyes as I gagged. All I could see was the rotten food right outside my lips, waiting to be shoved in.

He slammed the spoon down and went behind me, grabbing the string to my apron.

"Insolent little toddler.", he growled, grabbing my wrists and tying them behind me to the bars of the chair.

"You're dying, do you realize that ?", he yelled as he sat in front of me again, picking up the spoon again.

"I want to die.", I shared.

"Too bad.", he frowned, "You are mine and you always will be."

I noticed the whole bowl of the casserole was there waiting for me. Charlie hadn't eaten much of it, either that night.

"Now stop acting like a child and open your mouth.", he demanded, "If you behave and eat, I won't have to take my anger out on anyone else…"

Jake.

I felt tears coming out of my eyes and Edward sighed, getting pissed off.

He brought the spoonful of death to my lips and I blinked…and opened my mouth, letting the spoon in.

"Good girl.", he approved as I chewed, my body convulsing with disgust. I hurried and swallowed it fast…YUK….and here comes the aftertaste…SHIT !

Right away, another bite was being shoveled into my unwilling mouth. And they were huge bites…GROCE!

"I feel like a mother.", he smiled at me. SMILED !

"Here…drink your milk.", he brought the glass to my mouth and I began to drink…the milk was SOUR!

He kept tipping the glass and I kept swallowing until I choked. Most of it went down but some of it drooled out and onto my shirt while I coughed.

I gagged, thinking I would throw up but Edward raised a brow at me.

"Isabella…", he warned, "Don't."

He spooned more casserole and fed it to me as I whimpered, thinking of Jake the night Edward was chopping off his hair. If I could help it, I'd never let that happen again.

I took the food into my mouth and cried as the taste mixed in with the sour milk one.

"Oh, it's not that bad, come on.", he talked to me like I was an infant.

He wiped my tears with the back of his other hand, almost gently.

"Don't cry.", he kissed my forehead, "I'm just trying to take care of you. You need me now. You don't have to be alone. You can live with me."

I frowned and was about to say something when a new bite of food was being brought to my mouth.

So this is why Charlie disappeared. Besides the fact that he dared to arrest Edward Cullen.

I didn't get to say much that night. Whenever I tried, food was in my mouth. When the first glass of milk was gone, he poured another one.

I was full but the casserole was still half there.

"No…no more…", I tried to argue but he wouldn't hear me.

"Bella, it's this…or I can get a tube down your throat, it's your choice.", he threatened.

"Please, I'm not hungry anymore.", I whimpered, my arms struggling in their tight bonds.

"Isabella…", he was stern again, "I said you're going to eat all of it and I meant it."

"But I'm—"

"Here comes another bite.", he sang, brining it to my mouth. I didn't open it. I frowned fully at him. Damn his beautiful face and hair and body…and voice.

"I wonder if Jake would like some.", he grinned at me.

I got his message.

I opened my mouth and he smiled as he crammed it in.

Edward was not kidding. I had to eat every bite, including the one I first spit out. And all the milk, too.

"I'm so proud of you.", he stood up, kissing my forehead and putting the dishes in the sink and filling them with hot water.

It was over. The only problem left was the tastes in my mouth and my sore stomach.

I jerked again, the horrible taste making me nauseous.

I wondered if he remembered he had me tied to the chair.

"We'll discuss this little hunger strike in the morning.", he stood in front of me, crossing his arms as if I misbehaved.

I waited for him to let me go but he still wasn't.

I had a desperate need to brush my teeth…and tongue several times before going to bed. My body was so sore from laying on the floor these last few days and I hadn't realized it until now.

"Good Night Bella.", he walked into the living room and turned the kitchen lights off, leaving me there. I heard him turn my TV on and he was flipping thru the channels until some medical show interested him and stayed on.

I would love to be asleep in that chair now, instead of where I was. It seemed like time was frozen, not moving forward. It felt like I'd been in this hole for a hundred years.

Then, finally, the rain drifted off…turning into a light mist…then nothing. I tried singing my Disney songs again, the dark still holding me in his tight little hand.

"Oh I just can't wait…to be Kinnnngggg…", I sang to myself, leaning against a wall of sludge, rocking myself as I stood.

When the sun finally started to come up and a little pink light appeared in the sky I cried like a baby, like I had never expected such a miracle.

Soon after, I could not hold my bladder anymore and had to open my cold, wet jeans, pull them down, with my underwear, and squat to pee.

I was never more humiliated in my entire life. Not even when Edward licked me to death on his dining room table.

And it was no easy trick pulling up wet undies and jeans let me tell you.

My stomach growled and made all kinds of weird noises. I stopped trying to get out, I stopped calling for Edward. I sat and smiled as the sun came out completely now.

It was a Sunday now and there had to be people coming to the cemetery to visit loved ones. I wanted to call out for help again but I knew if Edward found out someone else saved me and got me out of here, they would vanish too. And I would really pay for it also, in a non lethal way.

The sun was out for a long time. I was so glad to be out of the dark that I almost forgot about the hunger, the coldness of my body, the dirt all over me. I kept telling myself MY Edward would come for me soon. I knew it.

"Tale as old as time…song as old as rhyme…Beauty and the beast…", I sang in a little voice, hardly audible.

A shadow fell over the sun in my hole and I gasped, looking up.

There was Edward, in all his perfection, wearing a gray suit. He was sparkling in the sun but didn't seem to be too concerned about it. So I guessed there were no humans in the area yet.

He was wearing sunglasses but now he pulled them off and stared down at me.

I was trembling everywhere…I HAD to get out of this hole. What if he didn't let me?

"Enjoying being dead yet, Isabella?", he tucked his sunglasses in his breast pocket.

"No.", I cried right away. This was still mean Edward.

"You seem upset.", he furrowed his brow, looking confused.

I sobbed without a shred of pride left and groveled.

"Please let me out.", I begged, "I have to get out, PLEASE EDWARD ! I'm sorry !"

He looked away from above and sighed, as if he didn't believe me.

"Look", I got on my knees, hardly able to breathe between my sobs, "I'm on my knees! I mean it ! You have to know how scared I am! I want to go home…with you."

"I've heard this song before.", he crossed his arms, shaking his head.

"What do you want ?", I was still on my knees, "I'll do it !"

Oh God, what am I saying?

Edward pondered this and his lips drew up into a wicked little bow.

"I don't want to ever hear the name of Jacob Black again.", he said, watching my reaction.

My heart broke.

"Alright.", I said with little emotion.

"And you will never come here again, not even with that pathetic version of me.", he sneered.

"Alright.", I repeated, a tear falling down my cheek.

"And…", he waited until I looked up at his face.

"You will give yourself to me.", he added. I saw his eyes. Lust.

I am still a virgin. And now that Jake is dead he wants me to have sex with him. He really thinks he will erase Jacob out of my heart.

I was hesitating and he saw it.

He frowned and said, "Take another night and think it over, Bella."

And he walked away again, slipping his sunglasses back on.

I didn't beg him as he left. But the roar of a scream I heard tear out of me was enough of a reply for now.

See next chapter soon !

Love WinndSinger


	10. It Sucks to be Dead

Chapter 10

Edward stayed with me at my house after I nearly starved. He wanted to make sure I was alright and could be trusted not to hurt myself again. He was so angry with me that I could want to hurt myself. He made me feel guilty, saying that I had to stay strong for Charlie. He could be found, Edward said, or come home and find out that I killed myself. Then he asked how I could do this to HIM…he waited over 100 years for me…and I was cruel to take that away and leave him in an empty eternal life now.

By the end of that talk, I was sobbing and apologizing. He sure knew how to press my buttons and get his way.

There were a couple of days in the start of that week where I knew I was still with mean Edward…but he was being kind, in his way…and patient. There was a hint of the Edward I used to know in there, as long as I was obeying him things were fine.

He didn't force feed me again, he didn't have to. I showered, dressed and cleaned the house. I went to class and Edward would surprise me with presents when I came home. I didn't protest the gifts with this Edward, I was afraid to. He made me wonderful dinners while I studied at the table. He made me gourmet lunches and packed it for me before I woke up in the morning.

Then, after dinner, he would tutor me and, like a brilliant teacher, he would explain things to me and show me where I had gone wrong. I felt something in me loving this Edward and that scared me. Charlie had told me all about Stockholm Syndrome and I knew that was happening to me. I found myself attracted to Edward all the time, like I used to be before Jacob. I looked for signs of sweet, sick Edward. But he never showed up. I was hurt about that. Didn't he care enough to come and save me? Was it his fault? Maybe he was trapped like I was…am.

Every phone call was my cue to run and grab it fast. I kept thinking maybe Charlie would be found or try to contact me. My mind was starting to believe Edward that he didn't take Charlie away.

The third day that Edward was staying with me the phone rang. We didn't have caller ID so I did as usual and ran to it, grabbing it up off the hook and anxiously saying, "Dad?"

Edward grinned at me, as if I were cute, while he washed the pan he had used in making dinner earlier.

"No, Bella, it's Jake.", he said, sounding a bit sad.

My eyes went to the back of Edward's head, his lovely hair brushed towards each other's side and meeting down into a sharp point at the back of his ivory neck, a perfect black birthmark in the valley of white. He made no movement that alerted me he was paying attention…he kept washing the pan.

"Hi Sue.", I said cheerfully, wondering if his vampire hearing included phones. I was taking a big chance here and I knew it. But I wanted to protect Jake.

There was a pause. Jacob was no fool.

"You're not alone.", he said as a fact, "Who's there with you?"

"No we haven't heard anything from Charlie yet.", I pretended to turn a little but I watched Edward like a hawk from the corner of my eye, "Edward's been taking good care of me in his place, though."

Edward kept washing the pan, no change in attitude at all. He placed it into the rack beside the sink, and started with his sponge on one of the dinner plates now.

Jake gasped. "EDWARD?" he shouted and I winced, clenching a fist around the phone cord.

"I'm coming there now.", he growled.

"NO!", I shouted and Edward turned to me, his brow furrowed as he washed.

I smiled at him and he returned my smile. I calmed down and said, "No, Sue, don't come over. Everything is fine here. I'm not feeling that well, anyway."

"Screw THAT, Bella!", he answered, not quieting down, "I'm coming to get you! Did he hurt you?"

"No, Sue, everything is fine I said.", I said through gritted teeth, "I don't want any company tonight."

Take a hint, Jake !

This tone I had was ruder than I would've spoken to the real Sue. I was sure Edward knew who I was talking to and I was about to get mine.

Jacob let out a frustrated breath, unsure of what to do for me now.

"If you want me to come get you, ", Jake offered one last time, "Say 'you're so funny, Sue.'"

"No.", I heard myself saying with a serious tone, "I haven't heard from Jacob lately and I don't want to."

"Bella…", he sounded helpless and scared for me. It was a quiet but heartbreaking sound.

"He's better off without me anyway.", I said with a sad voice, meaning it. I looked up and saw Edward staring back at me, silent but very serious also. He almost looked sorry for me.

I broke out of my drama and straightened up. "I have to go, Sue."

"No, Bella, wait !", he pleaded.

"Bye.", I said and hung up as if the phone was starting to burn me.

I took a deep breath and looked at Edward again. He turned back to his sink and picked up another dish.

"Sue Clearwater?", he asked calmly as I sat back at the table, picking up my pencil and staring at my notebook.

"Yea.", I sounded light, "She is worried about Charlie."

I just pushed the tip of my pencil up and down in the side margin of the page, unable to concentrate on homework now.

"Sounded like it.", he had his back to me, "She wanted to come over?"

"Uh…yea.", I felt my leg shaking and held it down to freeze it in place, "But I'm not in the mood."

"Me either.", he admitted, his back still to me, "Besides, we have a lot of work to do."

A lot of work? I thought I was almost all caught up now.

"I thought we just had the two chapters left to go over…", I turned some pages in my textbook.

I heard a crash in the sink and my eyes darted up to Edward's back. His fists were at the edge of the sink and his back was hunched over a bit, his head down.

"Why do you lie to me, Bella?", his voice was upset, not angry…yet.

I didn't say anything. I knew I was dead.

He spun around, not moving from the sink, his eyes filled with hurt.

"Haven't I taken care of you?", he asked, "Haven't I been nice to you?"

"Yes!", I said with a raised voice, "I just answered the phone! I thought it might be Charlie!"

"I thought that, too.", he looked at the phone, "But now I know you're a fraud! You don't care if Charlie's calling, you're waiting for HIM to call you ! Some DAUGHTER YOU ARE !"

Tears came to my eyes. I flew to my feet, ready to defend myself, verbally.

"That is NOT TRUE !", I yelled, clutching my pencil, "I am worried SICK about CHARLIE ! I haven't even THOUGHT about _**HIM**_ !"

"How can I believe anything you say?", he narrowed his eyes, then mocked my girlie voice, "Oh, hi SUE !"

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, "You really take me for a fool, don't you Bella?"

"NO EDWARD !", I felt tears pooling more in my eyes, "It's not like that ! You've been so good to me, it's almost like it was when we first met! I'm not trying to fool you !"

"Then explain that phone call.", he flexed his jaw, trying to control his temper. His eyes burned into me, accusingly.

"I told him not to come over.", I defended, "I told him I don't want to hear from him. What more do you WANT?"

"Honesty.", he sneered, "All I ever wanted from you was honesty. You just betray me over and over again. I don't know why you do it, but you make me believe you care for me again and again…and then you kill me all over again."

"That's NOT true!", I felt the tears on my face now, and he turned away from me, staring into the sink full of soapy water.

I came over to him, putting my arms around him from behind. My cheek touched his sleeve as I breathed the words.

"I love you, Edward.", I said, meaning that in ways I couldn't even explain.

"Shut your lying mouth !", he yanked away from my loving touch and in half seconds, he had me by the hair, so close to the scalp, and shoved my face into the soap water, holding it there.

I hadn't been ready for that, my mouth was open, about to speak when he did that. I had water in my mouth, and as I tried to exhale I inhaled right after and water went down my throat. My hands wildly tried to push against the edges of the sink and my body and legs struggled in vein.

I could hear Edward's voice shouting, and all I could make out of it was "I HATE LOVING YOU !"

Then I was choking on air, spitting up water, half my wet hair covering my eyes and face as I gasped and gagged. I felt bubbles erupting all around me as air came out.

I was out of the water and I heard Edward's voice growling in pain, and he brought my face to his lips, kissing the water on my cheek and nose…passionately.

I coughed, half opening my eyes, vision blurry…the soap stung my eyes as I hissed out loud, clenching them tight again, the burn so fucking intense.

My hands wanted to rub them but it was impossible. I was clinging to Edward's arms, my legs trying to push off the kitchen cabinets under the sink.

"Why?", he cried without tears, pressing his closed eyes into my cheek, "Why do you make me DO THIS ? Why DO YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME ?"

The anger and rage was back in a second, where before there was pain.

And my head was back in the water again, his voice screaming at me, words I couldn't hear at all this time, my entire head was submerged now. My body was half over the sink and I kicked my feet, trying to find the floor. I only swung at the air, though. My hands were in the sink, pushing against the bottom, feeling dishes…forks…I was trying to hold my breath this time, not letting water in…I was splashing water violently, begging in my brain for him to let me breathe. It seemed like I was under forever this time.

Now and then I would turn my head and one of my ears would hear his words.

"Should LET YOU DIE !", I heard him say with venom.

And again…I was out. Gasping and coughing as he sat me up on the edge of the sink, he was tearing at my shirt. I was so anxious to breathe, I didn't pay attention right away.

His mouth and teeth were on the hollow of my neck, at the bottom of it while I felt water erupt out of my mouth. The taste of soap was there and my eyes were afraid to open again in the fear of more burning pain.

I felt my breasts, wet from the water and knew he had torn my shirt open. I was wearing no bra as I was dressed for bed at the time.

"You're mine…", Edward sounded as if he were weeping again, his voice small, "You said you were mine always…"

I felt a sob come up out of me as his mouth practically inhaled my right breast.

I screamed out loud and he took a firm bite there…and I screamed again, wondering if he broke the skin. One thing I was certain of now was that I DID NOT WANT TO BECOME A VAMPIRE. Sure, I would be stronger and maybe I could get away from him. But that meant never being able to have Jacob, never having children…never able to die and escape him.

Those things had become important to me once I chose Jacob, once I had grown up a little bit. I remember telling Edward I didn't care about all that human stuff he wanted me to have…but the truth is…now…I wanted all those things.

I almost said, 'Teeth, EDWARD!' But I stopped myself. What if he turned me in spite of myself? Just to prove he could?

"Ughhh…", he growled, low and deep, "You fucking WITCH! Why don't you just LET ME GO ?"

I cried, hating this. I wish I were a witch that could release my hold on him with some magic words. I never knew why he loved me so much and I still don't. But even twisted Edward adores me, in his sick way.

He pressed his nose to my wet stomach, inhaling and shuddering all over. I whimpered, waiting for his attack. I just knew I'd feel teeth slicing into me any moment now.

"Don't…don't…", he squeaked, talking to himself…"Shhhh….shhhh…."

I didn't know what was happening here but I was so afraid. I did think of grabbing a fork or knife from the sudsy water and trying to stick it into him, just to buy me a few seconds to run. But Edward wouldn't get hurt by that. The knife would splinter upon impact and he would only get more angry at me.

I couldn't tell if Good Edward was trying to come back. I just panted and waited, afraid to move a muscle.

Then, he was grabbing me by my hair and yanked me off the sink edge, making me scramble after him as he dragged me to the hall closet where we kept coats and the vacuum cleaner. He opened the door with force and threw me inside, slamming it and almost taking off a toe as I screamed. There was so little room in here I was sitting on the floor, curled into a tight fetal like position.

This door had no lock but I heard a thud against the door, something propped up against it I was certain.

I heard him panting, pacing up and down the hallway outside the door. I shivered harder, trying to cover my mouth with my hands, my wet hair dripping over my face. What was he going to do with me? It sounded like he was trying to decide my fate.

"Not killing her…", he whispered to himself, sounding more and more insane with each pace, "No, not killing her…to kill her is to kill me. Can't kill her. Too beautiful. Too powerful."

I closed my eyes, quietly sobbing as he kept going.

"Can't change her.", he said, "Not yet. If she's a lying bitch now, she'll be a lying bitch forever, frozen in time. Like Rosalie. God, no! Have to wait until she's pure…until she's mine alone! Have to make her forget. Have to make her remember."

"How…how?", he asked himself, trying to figure things out as he paced faster.

"Time…", he answered himself, "Time. I have all the time in the world. I will make her mine again. Make her see."

"Yes.", he replied, sounding happier, "Yes. She will remember. She will."

"You know your problem…", he pointed out with a new attitude, "That Black kid!"

"I know.", he said to himself.

"You know what you have to do.", he whispered with a new darkness that made me cry harder, hardly able to silence myself.

"Not yet.", his voice said calmly, "She thinks she loves him. She'll hate us. She'll ALWAYS hate us."

"Alright.", he said after a long pause. Then he said, "She is very sick. Very sick. She needs help."

"I'll help her.", he said sweetly, with a noble voice, "I'll always help her."

The pacing slowed down and I held my breath. He slowly paced for hours. It was dark now but I had the little slit of light from under the closet door. I stayed quiet, hoping he was calming down.

I nearly fell asleep in my little ball when I heard something being moved away from the door. I tightened, staring at the door handle as it turned. The door opened and there was Edward, looking more beautiful than before. His ivory skin and dark red lips…his eyes…why did they always do me in ?

"Come, Bella.", he stepped back, coaxing me to come out with the voice of an angel, as if he were talking to a doe, "Come out, sweetheart. It's alright."

Now I was more afraid.

He moved backwards, giving me space. He squatted down so he could see my eyes. He smiled, that crooked smile. My weakness.

"I'm so sorry, Bella.", he almost sang the words with his hypnotizing voice, "It's all my fault and I'm sorry. Please…come to me."

He opened his arms. This is not the good Edward and I knew it. But maybe the "bad" Edward had some good in him, as misguided as it was. I started to move, my body sore.

"That's right, honey.", he cooed, "Keep coming. Don't be afraid."

He waited, his arms still open to me. I remembered my open t shirt that still hung on my body and I tried to hold it closed with one hand, crawling out with the other.

"That's a good girl.", he purred as I crawled out of the closet, towards him.

"Yesss….", he smiled as I let myself come into his arms. I was on my knees and so was he as he enveloped me in his strong embrace. He wasn't hurting me, he was really hugging me with love, rocking me gently.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie.", he said with a calm and loving tone, his hand petted my hair and he kissed my temple, "I love you so much. You know I don't mean to hurt you."

I started crying, against my will. I really felt that he meant this and it hurt to know it wasn't real. But then, I wanted to believe it.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…", he kept saying, holding me close, "Shhhh….I know, I was bad. I'm an asshole, I know it. I don't deserve you, my sweet little girl. I swear I'll never hurt you again. I promise."

I panted, feeling something…I actually felt comforted…and good. What the hell?

He kissed me gently, all over my face as my breathing calmed.

This went on and on until I wasn't crying anymore. I didn't even feel afraid anymore. Was this some new power he had? Or an old one he never used before? Or was it just me, turning as sick as he is?

"I love you, Bella.", he kissed my nose, "I'll always love you. Do you love me?"

He looked into my eyes and I felt myself nodding.

"Yes.", I breathed, my brain out to lunch.

"Say it, Bella, please?" he looked so fragile.

"I love you Edward.", I even smiled !

His smile grew like the Grinch's, spreading out all over his flawless face. He closed his eyes, as if so relieved…and thankful.

"I'm going to get you a new shirt.", he said so softly, as if I were three years old, placing a kiss on my forehead, "And then we can get back to our homework. Yes?"

"Yes.", I nodded enthusiastically, meaning it, as if nothing happened earlier.

He almost DROWNED me ! But I felt myself wanting him, needing him. Loving his approval and sweetness. Loving him.

"Good girl.", he lifted my chin up with his finger and placed a beautiful kiss on my lips. It was so full of love and no lust at all. I felt loved.

He dressed me in the new t shirt and threw away the ripped one. And we just went back to things like before. Edward started cleaning up the watery mess while I went back to doing my homework.

Once in awhile, I would ask him a question about something I didn't understand and he answered me with no bitterness, cleaning while he spoke, helping me to understand but not treating me like I was stupid. He encouraged me, telling me I was so smart. I remember feeling happy, as if everything would be alright.

I told myself it's good Jake called and this happened. Maybe we needed this to get past it. I told myself a lot of stupid things. I promised myself I wouldn't lie to him anymore and I told him so. That made him very happy and if he were human, I think he'd have gotten misty eyed when I said that to him.

It was when he took me to bed that night. He didn't try anything sexual and that relaxed me. He just stroked me, innocently as I laid there and he beside me, outside the quilt so he wouldn't make me feel cold.

His voice cracked with emotion when I said, "I'm sorry I lied to you, Edward. I'll never do that again. You don't deserve that."

After a long moment of silence, Edward spoke with a coarse voice.

"Thank you, Bella.", he was full of joy and looked choked up.

I closed my eyes, only for a moment, because I felt cheated at not being able to see the enchanting angel that loved me.

He smiled down at me like I was a kitten.

"You can tell me anything, you know.", he moved his icy finger over the edge of my bottom lip, "I'll understand. But lies…"

I frowned, seeing his face turn to sadness.

I stroked his hand that was touching me, wishing I could make him smile again.

"Lies hurt me so.", he shared quietly, looking away, "They mean you don't trust me. And how can we love each other without trust?"

I whimpered and he looked at me.

"I'm so sorry.", I wept, "I do trust you. I do ! I was just scared."

"Of me?", he looked more pained now, his finger dancing along my jaw.

"I don't know.", I breathed out, "I'm so confused. I don't know who to trust anymore."

"I know.", he looked at me with concern, "You've been through a lot, and losing your father…You need me now, more than ever. I know. I won't abandon you. I'll stay with you, always. I'll take care of you. You'll be fine. Better than fine."

And I believed that.

"I love you, Edward.", I sighed in contentment, holding his hand in mine.

"I love YOU, sweet Bella.", he replied absolutely, kissing my knuckles.

"Go to sleep now.", he glided his fingers over my eyes and I closed them with a smile on my lips.

I curled into him, on my side and snuggled. He let out a little chuckle, enjoying that and began to hum my lullaby to me.

I was in the grave hole, starving. The sun was getting lower, I could tell by the deep orange shades glowing into my prison. I was holding a worm in my hand, a long crimson colored one. Once I got used to holding it, it wasn't so bad. It was like a gummy worm, a candy I used to love.

Should I bite it in half or put the whole thing in my mouth? Biting it was horrifying to me. I opened my mouth and put my palm to it, letting the worm fall inside.

It wriggled a little but not violently so. I almost gagged but then I inhaled and accidentally swallowed it down.

I choked and coughed a little but the worm did not come back up. I didn't feel any different. I knew a little worm wouldn't fill my stomach. But I had gotten past the first hurdle. I ate it. I spent the next hour or so digging in the dirt for more worms. I placed them on the tarp, in a row. It would be dark soon and I wouldn't be able to search for them then.

Earlier, I had wrung out my wet shirt, I was still damp but I wasn't soaked like before.

Once in awhile, during the day, I had simply called out.

"Edward?", I called, "Are you out there?"

"I just want to know if you're close!", I hollered later on, "I'm not asking to come out or anything!"

I whimpered at the silence and the whipping wind laughing at me from above.

One thing is for sure: It sucks to be dead.

I kept thinking about the past…about Edward…about Jacob.

"You will give yourself to me.", Edward's voice stated like a fact.

I was okay with not talking about Jake. I could think of him, dream of him, talk to him in my heart.

I was even alright with not coming back here again. After these last two days, I don't think I could return here without having a fit.

But finally letting Edward have me….sexually. I had put Jacob through so much before he died, had hurt him. I felt like this would be the ultimate betrayal to Jacob. But Edward had waited for me to make the choice to make love to him. It had been awhile. Maybe, I told myself, if I gave myself to him, willingly, it wouldn't be painful. I didn't want to wait for bad Edward to snap and take me by force. And part of me did truly love Edward, the good part of him that was still in there.

Did I really have any choice in this ? If I said no to Edward, would he really bury me completely? I panicked, thinking of it. And how I felt like I'd have a heart attack before when he began to fill the hole.

By the time it was getting dark, I decided I would have to say yes to Edward.

And with the night approaching, I started to feel weak again. Scared. I barely made it through last night…and now another night was coming for me.

I started to try and climb out again, hoping the mud had hardened a bit during the sunny day. There were a few roots poking out of the mud walls and I tried to grab onto them, to use them like handles to lift myself up.

A couple of them were strong, but when all my weight was hanging from them, they broke and sent me falling on my ass with a screech.

I was pouring out profanities I'd never used before and pictured Edward laughing at me from his car, maybe reading a book while he waited for me to go insane.

And as mad as I felt, I also felt a little aroused. A beautiful captor enjoying my misery…waiting for me to give in and consent my body to his mercy.

A wicked angel. A dark love.

"Edward, please, not again!", I begged, clawing at the messy mud wall, "I can't stand another night in here, please !"

I cried like a baby, hoping he would have some mercy on me. I decided to try anything to get my freedom.

"Edward, I love you !", I sobbed, "Please…love me! I wanna go HOME! I wanna go home…you're my home!"

The sun just left a tiny sliver of light now in the hole. In minutes, it would be gone and I'd be in the dark alone.

"If you love me, Edward…", I shouted, tears pouring out of me, "Please save me! You said you would never hurt me again – PLEEEEAAASSSSEEEE !"

"Oh God!", I screamed, "It's getting dark! NO!"

I imagined him smiling to himself, listening…sighing and turning his page.

"UUUGGHHHH!", I leapt up, digging into the watery muck once more and falling on my back again. Everything was dizzy as I landed with a thud and I felt the exhaustion and lack of sleep kicking in….I couldn't get up and I didn't want to. I wanted to sleep. My mind wanted to shut off and take me out of this evil place, my brain wanted me to relax before it broke completely.

But as much as I wanted to close my eyes…I fought it. I called on all my strength, which wasn't much, and made my body stand up.

And I went back to begging.

"Edward!", I shrieked, "I admit it, I'm AFRAID! I want to get out, PLEASE! I don't want to be dead! I want to be with YOU ! I SWEAR ! I SWEAR !"

I was losing my mind…losing control of myself. I was betraying Jake by saying everything I said…I'm sure Jake didn't beg this way while Edward murdered him. But I didn't have any dignity left. I would say anything I had to say to get out, to get kindness, to get sleep and food. Even if it came from Edward.

I'm kidding myself, I said in my brain. I will never be free of Edward. I should just accept it and stop fighting. It's not like Edward was so bad to be around. When I listened, when I behaved, he was very nice to me. He would give me anything.

I would be his. I would behave. I would give myself to him.

"I want you, Edward, " I whimpered, looking up but seeing nothing…it was pure black again, I felt blind. If the walls caved in, I wouldn't even see them, just feel them as I suffocated. Would Edward hear that? Would he save me then?

"Please, I NEED YOU!", I groveled, panting harder, almost losing control of my breathing.

"Please don't let ME DIE HERE ALONE !", I screamed, tears never stopping.

"In the dark…", I sobbed…"I want to be with YOU! Please, I'm SORRY ! I love you, I love you, I love you !"

More blubbering came out of me. Wordless sounds I couldn't believe were coming from me echoed up into the empty air.

I was on my knees, touching the mud in front of me, close to the area Edward had stood earlier that morning in all his magnificence. What a sight that was…him…there…even if he was mean to me I wouldn't care…I just wanted him - NOW !

Anguished groans came out of me, and I sounded in pain, not only scared. Maybe I was in pain but my fear was greater.

"I promise to be good!", I begged, "I'll be a good girl…your good girl! Oh, please…God, please !"

I suddenly got a flash of good Edward, surely restrained somewhere deep inside of Edward's mind. I pictured him naked, bound with chains, and gagged with several thick chains around his head, padlocked in the back of his hair. He was screaming as much as he could, thrashing…wanting to help me, listening to me scream over and over again.

Then Bad Edward was walking up to him as he writhed on the hard concrete floor. Sweet, bound Edward's eyes looked up at his with pure rage and defiance.

"Crying like the BITCH you are, huh?", Bad Edward sneered, "She has an important lesson to learn and she will learn it. You have to be strict with children sometimes."

Then he struck bound Edward with a whip of chains, several long links of chain pounded over Edward's back as he growled out hard and ragged.

"You've spoiled her.", Bad Edward accused while good Edward panted in agony.

"Why do I always have to be the BAD GUY?"

And Edward screamed out again, feeling the crushing blow of the chain whip as it fell down across his cheek this time.

None of that was real, it was my take on what was happening in Edward's mind…but I knew I was right.

"Edward…", I was hardly audible…crying for him now instead of me. I slid onto my butt on the ground, leaning against the wall as I prayed for my Edward.

See next chapter soon !

Love Winnd


	11. A Deal is a Deal

Chapter 11

***Alright, this chapter has some slightly dark lemons, and next chapter will be even more black lemons. You've been warned. Don't cry to me later…lol***

I knew that Jake would not give up easily on me, especially after I told him Edward was with me. He was smart enough not to come chasing after me that night when I told him to stay away.

Part of me wished he had come charging in like a white knight, especially when my head was underwater, but Jake would not have won the fight. As much as I hated it, I decided to let Jacob go. I still loved him, but I belonged to Edward. I couldn't deny that. I went into the mode of "good girl" for Edward, determined not to mess up and anger him, hoping that would bring MY Edward back to me for good.

Maybe if the pain of Jacob was removed, or healed, everything would be alright. This is the only plan I had to try and fix Edward. I searched online under every abuse website, I even tried to recall things Charlie had told me about abusive relationships. I was way out of my league here. I wanted to ask a psychiatrist for advice, but I was afraid of Edward finding out. And I was afraid to ask him.

I brought wonderful grades home to Edward and I was very rewarded. Once, when I got a 96 on a difficult exam, I got to make out with Edward on the sofa for 45 minutes and then he followed that with an amazing massage. He never crossed the line into real sex, yes, he was sensual and touched me all the time, but he never pushed me. It was like the old days when Edward would not consider intercourse in fear of harming me.

I missed Jake…and then…sometimes I didn't. I began to feel like there was something wrong with me. I couldn't make up my mind and stick to it, to be faithful to one man. I felt bad…guilty…wrong. But when I behaved and performed as Edward liked, I was praised and celebrated…I wanted that feeling more and more as time passed. I didn't want to risk losing it and making Edward angry with me again.

I was walking a tightrope…desperate not to fall.

The police never located any clues or leads to find Charlie. They checked in with me all the time to let me know what was going on. They always apologized, saying Charlie deserved better. They said they were still trying…and that they wouldn't give up.

Weeks had passed and there had never been a peek at Good Edward. I knew I was still with "bad" Edward. But I didn't consider him bad anymore. He was strict…and tough…but he cared for me. He doted on me and never let me feel neglected. He dedicated every minute of his life to me.

Thanksgiving came and I thought I'd be sad with no real family around. But Edward turned a family holiday into a romantic little evening, complete with turkey and all the trimmings. Candles…a violinist playing just for us…my homey little kitchen never looked finer.

Since the sink incident, nothing bad had happened between us. Edward told me that he was proud of me for trying so hard, for having faith in him again. He told me he loved me….and that he was glad HIS Bella was back. I cried, so happy to hear those words. And he held me and kissed me. I clung to him, never wanting to let go.

Jake stopped calling and that hurt me, even though I had no right to expect him to keep chasing me. As far as he knew, I had kinda dumped him for Edward. He should have hated me. I hated me.

Edward had once broke up with me and left town, trying to protect me from his world.

Now I understood that. I was doing it now to Jake. It was hard as hell and I sympathized with Edward for what he had tried to do for me.

Edward seemed to be pleased with me but I didn't feel worthy of that. I felt like I was acting when I was "being good". I knew sooner or later, I'd screw up and show him my flaws. I would let him down. And THIS Edward, you don't let down.

Where is my Edward? Is he alright ?

It was December and Forks became a winter wonderland. Edward loved the snow. He looked like a sexy Jack Frost while playing in it, that fire red hair in the glowing white world.

I could hardly take my eyes off him and that made me an open target while we had snowball fights. He never hit me in the face and for that I was entirely grateful.

He cheated, always too fast to be caught by my slow balls. I didn't care. He was a teenager in those moments and I loved seeing him this way.

"Come here, snow angel.", he took me by my blue mitten and kissed it. The snow was gently falling around us. We were the only fools outside in the street at the moment.

He started slow dancing with me right in the middle of the empty street in front of my house. I couldn't help but be seduced.

We were nose to nose and he closed his eyes, nuzzling me.

"Are you cold, my love?", he asked quietly, concerned about me.

"No.", I said honestly, "I guess I should be, but I'm not."

"Good.", he kissed my nose, twirling me around as I giggled like a child. He brought me back to him and I was warmer than before.

"I thought you hated cold, wet things…", he reminded, placing a small kiss on my lips.

"And I'm dancing.", I pointed out.

"Yes.", he looked so happy, "I'm glad to see you have…expanded your horizons."

I didn't know what to say to that. It sounded like a compliment.

"I love you.", he said, kissing me again…more passionately than before.

"Well…this is CUTE!", a voice said a distance away.

We turned…and there was Jacob, scowling at us.

"Jake.", I frowned, feeling ashamed of myself at once. I moved away from Edward, looking down at my boots. Edward narrowed his eyes at me and that killed me. Then he turned his attention to Jacob.

Walking up to Jacob fast, Edward scared me.

I chased after him, grabbing his arm, saying, "No, Edward, don't!"

He shoved me away and I fell on my ass. Thank God there was lots of soft snow to land on.

"What are you doing here, Black?", Edward sneered, so close to him now, "Fancy another haircut?"

Jake's hair was hidden under a black knit hat but I was sure it was grown in a bit, but still short.

"I came here to see my girl.", Jake said as I got up to where they were facing off.

"MY girl.", Edward growled, "She was NEVER…yours."

"Please don't fight!" I tried to interject.

"SHUT UP!", they both yelled at me.

Well…damn.

"I just want to talk to Bella.", Jake informed coldly.

"Well, tough.", Edward crossed his arms, "No one talks to Bella without my permission."

Huh?

"Is that right, Bella?", Jake looked at me, his eyes like a stranger's.

Edward looked at me, waiting, his mouth a hard line.

I had enough trouble. I didn't want Jake getting hurt, which he was so close to right now.

I looked down and gave a nod, not speaking to him.

And Edward laughed.

"You, see, Black.", Edward said smugly, his nose in the air, "Bella has always been mine. You can try to steal a watch but that doesn't make it YOURS. Now scurry away like a good little pup."

Edward turned and grabbed me by the arm, taking me with him. Jacob didn't like that.

"Get your fucking hands off HER !", Jake shouted and grabbed Edward by the shoulder.

Edward spun around, with the grace of a ninja, and punched Jacob right in the nose.

Jake went flying and I screamed, fearing him dead. A vampire punch in the face should have killed him.

I ran to him as he laid on his back, not moving.

"Jake !", I screamed, looking at him, afraid to touch or move him at all, "Jake, are you alright?"

I was afraid to look at Edward behind me. I knew I was fucked but I was more concerned about Jake right now.

"No, please!", I begged God as I saw Jake's nose turn purple and swell right before my eyes.

"JAKE !", I shook his arm, "WAKE UP, come on ! Open your eyes!"

And he did !

He looked at me…and for a second, smiled at me. I was smiling at him, glad he was alive.

"He hits like a girl.", Jake said, his confident smirk lit up like the sun.

"Can you get up?", I asked, gently taking his arm, ready to help.

"No problem.", he began to sit up and I was so relieved.

He was on both feet but his nose looked broken. I knew Edward could've done much worse damage than this.

"Here.", I scooped up some snow and balled it, "Put this on your nose, it's all swollen!"

"Your boy is pretty pissed off there.", he muttered to me, thinking Edward couldn't hear us…a distance away.

"You provoked him." I said, "Why did you grab him?"

"HE GRABBED YOU !", he yelled to me, his eyes confused and worried.

"Tell me the truth, Bella.", Jake took both my arms into his hands, "Do you WANT to be with this guy ? Or are you being forced?"

"I'm not being forced to do anything !" I cried.

"Bella, you're afraid, I can see it!", he realized.

"No, I'm not.", I lied, tears coming to my eyes, "I want to be with Edward. We worked things out. He was here for me when no one else was."

I knew this was wrong. I remember Edward telling me he had to lie and be cruel to dump me when he did, to do what was right for me. I found myself in that position now.

"Bella,", he took my hand and pulled me behind him, "Come on, come with me. He can't MAKE you love him."

I wondered where Edward was. I knew he was behind us, standing there, watching. He wanted to see me handle this myself. Was I making him mad ? Would I be hurt tonight?

"I DO LOVE HIM !", I yelled, pulling away, "Go home, Jake ! It's OVER ! I don't want you anymore! I never did!"

I ran away from him and right to Edward. I heard Jake saying, "I know you're in trouble, Bella! I'm not going away !"

"Can we go inside now?" I asked, hugging Edward tight to me, not daring to look at his face.

"We certainly can.", he answered with no bitterness.

He walked me to the house and opened the door for me. I was inside and taking off my hat when Edward closed the door, not bothering to lock it. I peeked out the window.

Jake was standing there, right in the street, arms crossed, not leaving.

Edward helped me get out of my coat and gloves. I knew I was in deep shit. I was just waiting for him to say it.

But he didn't say a word.

He walked away from me, silent, and went to the kitchen. I heard cabinets opening and closing, with an attitude. I heard a pan hit the stove with a big BOOM !

I came to the doorway, afraid.

He looked like he was starting to make dinner and he wouldn't even acknowledge my presence.

Slamming things around with every move, it hurt me to see that the love and approval he had for me only minutes ago…vanished.

I felt like a child. And I was about to prove it.

"Are you mad at me?", I whimpered, hating myself.

Edward huffed, ignoring me.

"I was just scared…you hit him so hard.", I said in my pathetic voice.

"Bella", he didn't turn to look at me while he withdrew a large knife from the wooden block and began chopping vegetables, "Get away from me. Now."

I let out a little sob and ran up to my room, throwing myself face first into my bed.

He didn't look at me or speak to me for a week after that. But he was always there, acting like I didn't exist. To me, that was worse than if he had hit me. Every night I tried to talk to him, crying, to get a reaction…but he was too good at acting like he was completely alone, sitting on my sofa, reading or doing some other household task.

Edward always knew what to do to make me feel like the guilty one, the wrong one, the one who always begged him for forgiveness. He played me like a master, knowing when to push…and when to deny me…when to shout…and when to caress. It didn't take long for him to make me his in every sense of the word.

He kept asking me to move in with him at his place. I kept expressing my need to stay here in case Charlie was found or came home. I felt like leaving here meant I was giving up on him…and I couldn't do that.

Then, one night, after we came home from a New Year's Eve party, we found the house on fire ! It was totally consumed, the firemen told us. Nothing was left. The entire house was gone.

Everything I ever owned…gone. The last place I lived with Charlie…even my faithful old truck was a casualty.

Edward held me as I cried, and was so sweet to me. The firemen spoke to him, more than to me, telling him an investigation would be done to see what started the blaze. Edward gave him his home phone number, along with cell phone numbers.

Then, the next thing I knew, I was being carried out of Edward's Volvo and into the Cullen mansion, his lips kissing my head as I cried, exhausted.

I dreamed of being in Edward's arms now…if he would come and get me out of this cold, wet fucking hole and save me, I would trade my soul to the Devil.

"Edward, please come…", I croaked out, hoarse…my voice gone with all the screaming I'd done.

I was silent now…nothing left. I was laying on the floor of the hole, eyes almost closed from total exhaustion, fighting the urge to sleep.

I closed my eyes…a tear falling out of my left eye. I pictured Edward lying beside me, like when we were in bed together, smiling down at me with so much love…so much adoration. Would I ever see him again?

When I opened my eyes again, it was light, the dark gone! I had missed the sunrise this time and had no clue what time it was now.

I heard a car door slam closed outside. My body was slow to respond like my mind wanted to – to jump up and stare up, waiting for my God to appear.

Trying to sit up, I was dizzy and weak. My throat felt bone dry and I wondered how long I went without water since the storm ended Saturday.

I felt around, like a drunk, so disoriented, I was on all fours, trying to crawl.

"Ed-", I really had no voice at all left, but I tried to gasp it anyway, "Edward…"

Am I dieing ?

I coughed and it hurt like hell but still I looked up, searching for him.

He stepped up to the edge and looked down at me, a superior look on his hauntingly beautiful face.

He wore jeans and a long sleeved white shirt, looking so pristine and ready to be on the cover of GQ. And I was wet and filthy and mute, deep in a black hole.

"Jesus, Bella," he frowned, "You look like HELL."

I wasn't sure I could get to my feet now but I hissed out, trying to speak, tears spilling out of my eyes when I could no longer plead with him.

Putting a hand to my throat, I gagged and choked again.

"Have you an answer for me, Bella?", he looked bored up there.

I nodded and tried to stand up but I was just clawing into the mud wall again.

"And?", he asked, looking away, over the grounds around him.

"YES!", I squeaked out as loud as I could. It sounded sickly and weak.

"Looking at you now, I'm not sure I WANT you anymore.", he stuck the knife right into my heart.

I was crying…and it was hurting my chest more. If he left me again, I would die. I knew that.

I tried to say the word three times before a whisper of it got out.

"Please?"

I wanted to say so much more…but my voice went hours ago. I remembered some of my sign language and made the signs for "I love you.", putting my fist to my chest, then crossing my hands over my heart and pointing a shivering finger up to him as he watched me.

And his eyes were still so cruel. All I could do was wait.

He reached over next to him and took something into his hand. It was the shovel! He stuck it into the pile of dirt beside him and smiled down at me, about to throw it in.

I put a hand up, sobbing in voiceless gasps as I waited for the dirt to land on me. It was happening. He was going to bury me now.

"Just kidding.", he said from above and stuck the shovel in the ground out there.

I saw a shadow and then heard a large SQUISH sound next to me.

His breathing and voice were close…I turned the other way and he was standing in here with me now!

"God, this IS scary, being down here.", he commented as he lifted my body up into his arms, not caring about the mud all over me.

I sobbed like a baby, clinging to his neck with a death grip, covering every inch of him I could reach with dirty, cold kisses.

He gave a little laugh, saying, "You missed me, huh?"

I cried harder, shaking all over and clutching him tighter to me.

"Alright, baby", he said in my ear, "Let's go home."

He leapt up straight into the air as if he had wings and landed on the ground outside the hole. I let out a wail, so relieved to be out, that birds flew out of the trees around us.

"Shhhh…", he carried me, "I've got you. Everything's going to be alright."

I blubbered without care of the noise I was making. Edward didn't worry about it, either, he seemed to know we were all alone.

I lost track of where we were going, I wasn't paying attention to that. But then he sat me on the ground and tried to move away.

Anguished cries came out of me, grunts of fear as I clutched onto his once white shirt.

What was he doing ? Why was he trying to put me down and leave me?

"Calm down, CALM!" his face turned serious again and I tried to quiet down.

"Let go of me, Bella.", he frowned at me.

I did and he stood up, going over to a sprinkler that kept the grass alive. He unscrewed the sprinkler part and had the hose on its own now.

Then he came back to me and began removing my sneakers, then my socks.

"Ugh!", he winced, "You're FILTHY !"

I just blinked, new tears mixing with the dirt on my face as he undid my damp jeans, pulling them off my legs. I was too out of it to care now, but I thought he was going to take my virginity right here in the middle of the cemetery! I gasped, trying to calm my crying as he pulled off my panties too.

"Disgusting.", he said to himself as he removed my shirt…then bra. I was already so cold and now I was really freezing. I didn't even seem to care about being outside nude, maybe a chance of someone seeing me. My brain didn't register that, it was too busy with other problems now.

My teeth chattered again as Edward got the hose and stood over me, turning it on.

"My dirty girl.", he grinned as the ice water rained down over me, "If you think you're getting in my car like this, you are SADLY mistaken."

I screamed out, feeling water in my mouth, spitting it out instantly, coughing. The water was shockingly frigid and I just put my arms around my body, quaking.

"Don't just sit there, wash yourself off!", he ordered as the mudwater ran down my face, the hose water pointed at my head.

I put my hands up to my hair and tried my best to pull my hair back, digging the soil out with my fingernails.

"That's my girl.", Edward commented, coming about me with the hose, spraying my breasts then down my stomach into my crotch. Instinctively, I closed my legs but that angered Edward.

"Open your legs!", he demanded with a tone of dominance while he sprayed the water there for a decent amount of time.

"Those legs are never closed to me again.", he informed, then he brought the nozzle to my face. I choked on the water, my eyes had mud in them now.

"Wash your face.", he said, sounding amused. I wiped every inch of my face and cried out, hardly able to stand the temperature of the water for another second.

"Good girl.", he approved, and the water turned off.

He came back and picked me up, and we were nearing the silver Volvo a few feet away.

He opened the passenger door and moved the front seat up. I saw in the back there was a large fleece blanket spread out on the seat.

"Yes, lay down there.", he placed me inside and I let out a satisfied groan. The blanket was so warm, almost heated.

"That's right.", he smiled at me and then another blanket just like it was being placed on top of me, even warmer than the one I laid on.

"UGGGHHHHH!", I sobbed, cocooned inside, clutching it against me as I shook harder.

"My poor baby.", he leaned in and kissed my forehead, "We'll be home in a few minutes, I promise."

The car door closed and Edward was in the driver's seat in a flash. We were moving fast and classical music played. All I could do was shiver and cry…and thank God.

"Hang in there, sweetheart.", Edward tried to soothe me from his seat, "Two minutes."

I think I closed my eyes, enjoying the heat. Then I was awakened by Edward lifting me out of the car, the blankets still around my body.

"Edward…Edward…", I kept whispering, clinging for dear life…my savior…my angel.

Once in Edward's bedroom, I felt safe. He laid me down and gently peeled the blanket off my body.

"It's okay.", he said softly to me, "I have the heat turned to 85 degrees. You won't be cold."

I did feel very warm even without the blanket, nude. He dressed me carefully, in my softest, warmest pajamas. He put my soft socks on my feet and towel dried my hair with the utmost gentility.

He tucked me into his bed and laid about five blankets over me, my arms underneath. I didn't say much at first and just wept while he cared for me. He fed me some warm chicken soup and gave me a medical examination, just to be sure I was alright. All my vital signs seemed fine according to Dr. Edward and I finally felt myself start to relax a bit.

"Edward…", I could now speak in a little voice just above a whisper.

"Yes, love?", he was easing me onto my back now, taking away the pillows that had propped me up before.

"I'm sorry.", I heard myself saying, "I'm sorry…"

"Shhh…", Edward carefully turned me so I was laying to my side, facing him.

"It's over.", he said with a caring voice, "I want you to go to sleep now."

"I love you…Edward…I love you…", I said weakly, tears in my eyes.

"I love YOU Bella.", he came in and kissed my forehead, a deep, long kiss.

"Please don't leave me…", I shivered again, in fear, not due to cold, "Stay with me…"

"I will.", he looked into my eyes, his full of sorrow, like he was really sorry for leaving me in that grave.

He sat on the bed with me and reached over to turn the lamp off. It was daytime but it was another gray day and the blinds were all drawn so in my mind, it went dark.

"NO!", I screamed, my voice straining, "TURN IT ON, TURN IT ON!"

Edward jumped, surprised by this outburst. He immediately switched the lights back on.

I was crying and Edward looked at me in wonder.

"The dark.", he realized as he stared down into my face, his hand caressing my cheek, "Right?"

I nodded, shaking.

"Alright, Bella, the lights will stay on I swear.", he said cautiously, "I'm sorry."

"Don't turn them off…please?", I pleaded.

"I won't Bella, I won't…", he looked super concerned and sad now.

I got my right hand out from under the covers and clutched his hand in mine, tight.

I would not be able to sleep unless I knew he was with me every second.

"I'm here, Bella.", he assured me with the most angelic voice ever.

It took me awhile to relax again. I kept thinking Edward would take me up on his demand for sex but he didn't make any moves towards that right now.

"What's the matter, beautiful?", he saw I was stressing about something.

"You said…", I began…then started again, "Do you really NOT…want me?"

He shook his head a half turn and let out a breath.

"How can you really think that?", he asked, upset with himself it appeared.

"You said.."

"When you are better, when you're rested and able to speak in full sentences…", he said, "Then we will make love. Not before. We will BOTH get hours and hours of pleasure from it. It shouldn't be more than a couple of days. Can you wait that long?"

He smiled.

I nodded, my voice gone again and my throat burning a bit. I smiled back at him and felt my eyes getting heavier…I tried to fight it…wanting to keep looking at that lovely porcelain face.

He watched me with a pleasant look on his face as my eyes kept closing and opening…then I drifted and my eyes finally gave in and stayed closed, the hands of sleep caressing me.

If only my dreams were not so frightening.

Edward was there, crying, with tears, begging me.

"Please don't, Bella.", he sobbed, "Don't sleep with him! You need to wait for me, I'll find a way to come to you and then you HAVE to KILL me! You don't have to do this!"

Then I saw Charlie…in his police uniform, on the side of the highway where his cruiser was found.

He pointed out into the woods about a hundred feet away from where he stood.

I've had this dream before but I never had the chance or the guts to follow up on it.

Charlie pointed and looked at me, his eyes concerned and anxious.

"Dad!", I called to him as he faded away. I tried to run to him and reach him, but my legs wouldn't move.

When I did get to move in my dream, I walked and the scene turned into the Cullen's kitchen. Esme was there, smiling, putting water into a vase, a bouquet of wildflowers on the counter at her side.

Edward walked up behind her, smiling, as if he were glad to see her.

"Just the one I wanted to see.", Esme smiled as she turned towards him, then back to her vase, "Did you ever ask-"

And then Edward attacked! He grabbed both sides of her face from behind and spun her heard around in one agonizing circle, a terrible scraping sound stabbing my ears, along with her scream, that ended as soon as it began.

I wanted to jump awake right then but someone grabbed my hand. Turning to look, I saw Jacob, covered with blood and stab wounds, his face disfigured from the open wounds there. His eyes were gone out of their sockets and I screamed out in a HOWL as he said, "Do whatever you have to do to get away from him, Bella. He's gonna kill you."

I was sitting up, heaving breaths in and out, feeling dizzy and paranoid.

"Bella!", Edward's voice was right there in my ear and I realized he was holding me tight, "Bella, shhh….shhhhh….it's just a dream, it's okay. I'm here. I'm with you."

I was crying, not sure which was real and which was the nightmare.

"Oh, baby…", he sounded so sad and regretful as he held the back of my head, "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"

He spent every minute calming me down, taking care of me, and assuring me I would be alright. I missed school. He kept me in bed all the time, only letting me out when it was time for a nice hot bubble bath. He was always with me, he even washed me and shampooed my hair. Those couple days had gone by fast. I knew the day was coming that Edward would want me.

Part of me wanted that…and then a lot of me didn't and was afraid. The dreams never stopped, they just got more and more detailed and the messages became stronger and stronger.

I knew Charlie was trying to show me where his body was but I didn't want to face that.

I kept seeing Edward, destroying each member of his family. Jacob kept warning me to find a way out before it was too late.

Soon, I didn't sleep at all. I was afraid to. Edward didn't like it that I stayed up watching TV until 4am most nights. He even took the TV out of the house but that didn't make a difference. I would just lay awake, the light on every night all night.

I kept waiting for Edward to mention our deal. Then, one morning as I finished getting dressed for the day, he did.

"You look so much better, my love.", he observed as I brushed my hair.

"Thanks.", I felt myself blush while he moved his hand over the back of my head, touching the smooth hair.

"Do you FEEL better?", he asked, truly concerned, his eyes looking at mine in the reflection of the mirror.

I swallowed.

"Yes.", I said simply, my voice fully restored now.

He smiled.

"Good.", he touched my shoulders with both hands, giving a slight massage as I closed my eyes, unable to move. Would he do it now?

He nuzzled his mouth into my neck, moving the hair aside as he closed and opened his cool lips over the sensitive flesh there.

I felt his tongue and I gasped, feeling my body stiffen and my fists clench.

"It's alright.", he whispered with need into my ear, his tongue moving along the rim, "Don't be afraid. It's ME. You can trust me."

I let out a breath and his hands moved to my wrists, gently shaking my fists loose.

"Relax, love.", he suggested quietly, moving my hands until they were behind my back.

"Keep them there a minute.", he said in a deep voice, and from behind me, his hands moved up my legs…hungrily…then up under my blouse, his fingers tensely clawing along my ribs, clutching my bra but not ripping it.

"Uhhhh…", I heard myself moan as he explored my breasts, not damaging my bra.

Then he moved his hands down over my torso, along my stomach, and slipped them into my cotton yoga pants, easily they stretched to allow him inside.

I gasped a little loudly as both his hands fingered my vagina over the panties. He grabbed, squeezed…dug his nails in a bit. It felt so good and so wrong at the same time.

I let my head fall back on his shoulder, weak already as his ragged breathing sang into my ear.

He leaned his face against mine and I saw his eyes close, enjoying this as much as I was.

I kept my hands behind my back, as if they were tied up and that aroused me too.

Little whimpers were coming out of me as he worked his fingers up and down my inner thighs…then up and down my covered clit, the panties rubbing against it just made it rougher and feel hotter.

His hands withdrew and I almost pouted. I felt him unbuttoning my blouse…the first couple of buttons and I clutched both of my own hands, loving the feeling of them being "bound" and useless. I turned my head towards his neck and felt myself licking and biting.

"Oh, you little slut…", he purred in approval and ripped the rest of my blouse open with both hands. It was yanked off my arms and I immediately folded them behind my back, his slave.

I kept mewing, liking the way it all felt as he clutched my breasts, still inside my bra. He pushed them together and groaned out loud, then yanked my bra down, his teeth bit down on each strap on my shoulders, allowing the bra to rest at my waist as I peeked at my half naked reflection in the mirror before us.

"Yes", he breathed, "Watch yourself. Watch me play with you."

I let out a deep breath of want, opening my eyes and obeying him, watching his hands as they cupped my bare breasts, my skin so white, like his almost. My pink nipples stared back at me as his long, thin fingers went into his mouth, then came to rub around the areola in very wet circles.

"OHHH !", I felt my eyes widen as the sensation bowled me over. Then I focused again as he pinched the nipples, not too hard, just enough to make me wince a bit…and hiss out.

"Ohhh God, yes!", he said as watched me in the mirror as my back arched up, resting entirely on him behind me. I was on tip toes as he pulled my nipples upward, his eyes watching me so closely, loving my desire and obedience.

"I want you now !", he announced, and I felt my yoga pants being ripped apart all over, the cloth making a beautiful tearing sound as it was pulled off my trembling legs.

I screamed out, in ecstasy, loving the way it felt for him to want me this badly, tearing my clothes off like a savage. The Edward I always knew was so in control.

The panties went, too, with one quick rip.

"Edward !", I growled, in heat.

"Shhh.", he gritted thru his teeth and yanked my hair back, stuffing my torn panties into my mouth, "You can make all the noise you want…but no talking. Keep those in your mouth or I'll punish you."

Oh God, I am so fucking HOT right now ! Why does the cruelty turn me on so damn much?

"Bend over.", he shoved me down a bit until I was staring at my painted red toes. I would have tipped over, my hands still pinned behind me, if he didn't steady me by clutching my ass cheeks. Then he held my wrists, my whole upper half pointed down, my long hair hanging upside down all around my face.

"Don't fall.", he ordered as he shoved my feet further apart, my legs spread wide open. He held my hands possessively and I felt his lips and teeth on the spot right above the crack of my ass.

"MMMM", I muffled a cry through the cotton, clamping my teeth down into the damp panties so I couldn't lose them accidentally. They filled all of my mouth and a little bit of them stuck out.

"Don't worry, I'll take you again and again today.", he informed, "But this is how I want you FIRST."

And he plunged himself inside of me, entirely all the way in, a long, slow but deep stroke.

I felt a shot of pain and I screamed out loud, muffled and unable to form words.

"Relax!", he stayed still once he was inside me as I felt myself cry a little, "Relax…the first time is a little painful. It will pass."

I whimpered, trying to forget the pain. He stroked a finger gently along my clit and that felt very good.

"Shhh baby girl.", he cooed, "I'm here. I know you trust me."

"Don't move.", he said, "I'll be gentle this time."

And I closed my eyes as he began to move in and out…slowly at first, his voice moaning and growling in satisfaction as he took me.

"Ohhh Bella…", he whispered, "Better than I dreamed it…oh YES!"

I had stopped crying as time passed. It wasn't hurting so much anymore and the sounds of him, so pleased by me, made things more intense.

I even felt myself moving back up against him as his thrusts became a little harder and quicker.

"Oh Jesus !", he moaned loudly as I tried my best to participate, what with my position not being that steady for me to move much.

"BELLA!", he cried out.

I was making my own loud noises, screaming through the now soaked underwear in my mouth as his pace became fast and furious.

The sound of my ass cheeks slapping against his pelvis was turning me on so bad. And his cock slamming in and out of me was driving me to a place of pleasure I never knew could be so WILD!

I became a mute animal, grunting and growling as my owner rode me.

I didn't know what coming felt like, but I was sure I had. I forgot my own name and lost all sense of where I was. My body felt like it nearly died…then was jerking with lust.

"Good girl…good girl…", he panted, still fucking me mercilessly (although to him this was probably being gentle).

"Here I come, Bella.", he growled, "God, girl !"

And he held my ass to him tight as he screamed…and I felt hot liquid fill my pussy…and this was a wonderful sensation in my already tender vagina.

I yelled out again…liking the helpless sound of me crying out through the obstruction in my mouth.

I thought I heard Edward shout, "Fuck!" but I wasn't sure…I was out of my mind…loving it.

He panted and withdrew from me, still holding me in place. I stayed in position, afraid to earn his wrath now.

"Good.", he stroked my ass cheek. His voice sounded out of breath.

"You're so good.", he praised me, keeping me in place and moving his hands all over my ass, groping and stroking softly, then clutching roughly. I just enjoyed it all…making all the noises I could without speaking. He gave a couple of light slaps to my ass, but they weren't hard like the night he spanked me on the dining room table. He had been angry then.

"Love that pink blush in your ass…", he said gently, and started to finger my clit, they were warm and wet with the juices inside me. It was so sensitive there I screamed out, closing my eyes as he worked the little strip of skin so fast, it felt like a vibration. I bucked and struggled against my will as he held me, making me come again and again.

He kept being gentle with me at times, then rough and demanding at others.

"You sound like a happy little girl.", he sounded like he was smiling.

And for a second, I felt happy. And then Jacob's face popped into my head.

"Come with me.", he grabbed my forearms and pulled me up, still holding my hands behind my back, his captive toy.

I grunted through my cotton gag as he passed the bed, leaving it behind. We were leaving the room as he said, "I'm not done with you yet. It may take DAYS for me to tire of you."

**More lemony goodness on the way…next chapter…well…dark lemons. Evilward is only getting warmed up.**

Love Winnd

PS The move Edward just did with Bella is called Prison Guard. LOVE IT !

See u soon !

PSS No, Evilward doesn't DO condoms…he he he !


	12. Chef Edward

Chapter 12

"No!", I screamed, louder this time as I opened my eyes, staring out at the forest upside down, "Oh God, no, EDWARD PLEASE !"

We were both stark naked, standing out on the balcony, the entire scene around us was trees and sky.

Edward was standing up and I was faced away from him, upside down, my legs bent and locked behind his head. My arms were wrapped around Edward's back, digging my nails in to support my body and he was holding me around my torso, holding me tightly to him, without any effort at all, as if I were a rag doll.

My back was against Edward's chest, the back of my head against his giant erection as he continued to lick my clit, his tongue never getting tired. My head began to throb a bit but he was not listening to my pleas for mercy.

My breasts were hanging upside down but I kept holding on for dear life. He wouldn't drop me but I was still having a heart attack being this high up, outside, and upside down while Edward had his way with me. I knew Edward had seen things in the minds of other people since 1918, but I had no idea that he knew what he knew.

I was allowed to take the panties out of my mouth, as it was now a couple hours later, but Edward was getting annoyed with my constant questions as he tried out his many different positions and games with me.

"UGH!", I felt my legs convulsing as I finished coming again. Edward's vampire abilities were unstoppable. He would come and then one minute later he was ready to go again. If this was his way of killing me, he was certainly succeeding.

Another dumb question came out of my mouth then.

"Can't I die if I'm upside down long enough?" I wondered aloud, recalling something like that being on the TV show 1,000 Ways to Die.

He had been purring like a content lion the whole time. At first I was afraid but then I decided the animal sound of it turned me on. But now that I was talking again…Edward hissed and bit down on my swollen clit, causing me pain but not breaking skin.

"Owww", I clenched my eyes and stopped kicking my legs as he had told me several times.

"Sorry, sorry !", I stopped fighting it and held still, shutting up now.

He laid his heavy wet tongue right in the fold of skin beside my exhausted clit and let it rest there. This drove me even more insane and right away, I bucked and shrieked, not caring if I fell on my head anymore.

It may have looked to an outsider that I was struggling to get free but that was NOT what was happening here. He was just destroying me with pleasure.

I so wanted to try the usual missionary position, the way I pictured us when we'd make love for the first time. But so far we had done four different positions and I didn't think four was Edward's whole catalog.

There was never much rest in between, if any, and as I stared straight up at the tops of the trees and the clouds above us…I wished we could something a little more…relaxing…intimate.

With a grunt, Edward swung my body up and caught me like I was a yo yo. He threw me over his shoulder and turned, leaving the dizzy balcony and forest scene behind us. My hair fell over my face sloppily as I watched the marble floor moving backwards away from me.

I was panting, trying to catch my breath. I felt my naked ass hit the hard black surface of the island in the middle of the large kitchen and my hair was being pulled back, my face straight up.

"Open.", he demanded without romance.

I opened my mouth and cold water was being poured in…a little mouthful…

"Swallow.", he said next, as if I needed these instructions.

"Open.", he said again, sounding bored as he hydrated his human. He poured half a bottle of water into me little by little as I swallowed, gagging a bit in between. It's very tricky swallowing water while your head is forced backwards.

"Open your eyes.", he moved my head so I could look into his.

I did and he seemed to be examining me for something.

"How are you?", he asked, still sounding calculated.

"Good.", I nodded quickly, taking a deep breath.

"Just good?", he frowned, tossing me over his shoulder again, "Break over."

"Uhhhh…" I wildly looked for a place to put my hands, seeing Edward's adorable little ass. I tickled the sweet little white cheeks, hoping to get him to laugh or something…

"Are you playing with my ass?", he asked as he smacked mine very hard.

I let out a shout and he chuckled.

"Stop spoiling my day.", he warned, "We've only just begun."

He IS going to kill me.

"Can we…", I breathed, "BE…in your bed?"

So far we had done over the banister of the stairs, the outside balcony, Carlisle's desk, and the pool table in the playroom, where I had to hold a pool cue in my teeth the entire time. A couple of these times were terrifying for me, like looking down at the drop from the rungs of the stair banister while did me from behind. I was dangling over the ledge, hands flailing in terror as I stared so far down…at the dining room.

And Carlisle's desk…I didn't want to do that and Edward had to force me to get on all fours on top of it…later, he even tied my wrists to one of the legs of the desk, laying me flat on top of it so I could suck his dick as he stood at the corner of it, his hand controlling my head by the hair. I had cried while we were in there, the whole time, but Edward ignored that, choosing to shut me up by shoving his penis into my throat.

Edward let an amused breath cut out of his mouth as he opened the refrigerator door.

"My, my…", he sounded irate, "I think we need another gag for you, my sweet."

"I just thought it would be—"

"We are not making love.", he cut in curtly, "We are fucking. Learn the difference."

The wind just went out of my lungs at that statement.

My ass hit the silver metal state of the art stovetop. This wasn't like my old stove at Charlie's…you could lay down on this one and it was a flat surface, like they used to grill burgers and eggs on in restaurants. It looked pristine…probably never used before.

"Open.", he ordered and I did before I could see thru my disheveled hair what was happening.

An apple was pressed into my mouth, partially, my bottom teeth dug into the skin, tasting the juice, then he pushed it up and in hard, my top teeth slicing into the top of the fruit.

My jaw was locked and I could NOT open my mouth any more to even push it out, my teeth keeping it in place tight.

"Perfect.", he smiled, kissing the apple that jutted out between my lips.

I was still in shock, never knowing an apple could be so cemented in. I growled in complaint, still trying to move my lips, push my tongue against it. I even touched my fingers to my mouth but Edward firmly put his hand around my throat.

"Get your fingers OFF !", he hissed, full of fury.

I obeyed, of course, as he shouted, "Hands down! And keep them DOWN!"

I looked sadly into his eyes, hoping to convey an apology. His sneer, the dark look of his buttery gold eyes made me feel like a piece of shit.

I made a little sound of discomfort, my jaw already stinging.

"You're my little piggie.", he grinned, and moved my hair away from my eyes. I pictured myself tied to a spit like the pigs they roast with the apple in their mouths, a little fire beneath me, slowly roasting me while my vampire watched with a watering mouth.

"Shhh….", he didn't look that angry anymore, having me right where he wanted me.

"Be a good little pig and I'll keep the heat low.", he promised, taking some things out of the refrigerator, placing them beside the stove I was sitting on. I was fast becoming nervous about this one.

I whimpered a little louder but Edward ignored me.

"The first step to roasting a good pig is flavoring.", he played…I hoped!

He hadn't moved to turn any dials on the stove so I didn't panic yet.

"Lay down, piggie…", he gently and slowly moved me onto my back on the hard surface, placing a kiss on my neck as I shivered and made a "MMMMM" sound, fear creeping into it.

"Trust.", he said, each of his hands putting my hands off to my sides. I laid there and kept my hands where he put them but my body still trembled.

"Alright…my famous recipe…", he looked around at his ingredients.

"Olive oil…", he unscrewed a bottle and poured a line of thick oil onto me from my neck down my chest and pouring the most between my open legs. I squealed out loud as he chuckled down at me.

"Wine…", he said next, uncorking a bottle from the counter, "Yes, good year. Excellent."

And he poured that all over me, too. I clenched my eyes tight and tried to hold still.

"MMMM, yummm…", he roughly moved his fingers up and down my body, mixing the two together, spreading it everywhere in me.

"This is going to be DELICIOUS."

I really want to trust him, but it feels like I'm being prepped to be eaten, as he and Carlisle had once joked, how I would be the meal.

"Lemon…" he said, splitting a real lemon with his hands and squeezing the juice out, letting it rain down on me.

Then he put the half lemon wedges over my nipples and left them there.

"Honey and sugar…", he squeezed honey over my body and also on my face, taking a lick off my cheek and humming in pleasure, liking the flavor so far.

He sprinkled sugar onto the thick honey and rubbed it in between my legs…

I let out a thick, heavy moan, loving the way that made me feel. I was getting into this, feeling like his future dinner.

"Don't want too much sugar.", he dusted his hands off over me, "Too much sugar will burn. And we don't want THAT, do we, love?"

I felt my eyes widen but I didn't dare move.

I tried to say something but it was a garbled mess. I wanted to ask if he was really going to turn the stove on…but he didn't reply. He seemed excited that I was trying to speak but couldn't be understood, like a squealing hog that didn't require an answer.

"You smell wonderful.", he approved, rubbing the mixture all over me, massaging me in it…letting it shine on me and sink into my flesh…he groaned, liking what he had created so far. He also made sure to flip me over and oil up my back and ass thoroughly. Then I was roughly spun back around, laying on my back like before.

"Now…", he looked down at me, moving his hands up and down my oily thighs, "Do you trust me?"

I looked down at him and felt my breathing pick up.

"This stove is not like your ordinary one.", he informed, slowly turning dials between my legs, "You will not burn. On this lowest setting, the surface will just get warm, that's all. You have to trust me."

I whimpered and Edward actually took a swig of the wine from the bottle, waiting as the warmth approached.

I was afraid. I wanted to get up and run. Edward's eyes gazed over me, warning me to stay put.

"Good little pig.", he saw I was trusting him. But I wasn't liking this part.

I began to feel it now…it was lukewarm…not hot…my voice was panting…hard.

I let out a terrified cry and Edward put his hand on the surface I was laying on, a smooth, shiny silver table.

"That's as hot as it will get.", he assured, and I just felt very warm…it was like a steam bath actually.

"That's it…relax.", he reached his fingers in between my legs and inserted two or three inside me.

He moved in and out…in and out…I arched my back up, feeling my body begin to sweat in the juices of my marinade. I groaned and moaned loudly…the apple making me a voiceless thing once more. It seemed most of the day I had something shoved into my mouth to silence me.

"You're making me so happy.", he smiled as he moved his fingers a little slower. I felt so warm…so sweaty…it was relaxing me like a sauna. My eyes got a little heavy, and I just watched his angel face…trusting…

"Here you go.", he picked up a bottle of water and poured it over me and the surface of the stove in a circle, with flourish.

I screamed piercingly, thinking I'd get burned. But it was cold water, from the bottle I drank from a little while ago…and the only thing that happened was that steamy white air encircled me…so warm…so nice…no burn…I was starting to like this a little.

"UGGHHH", I exclaimed in desire through the apple, the taste of strong apple juice in my teeth and throat, a slow trickle going down now and then when I would bite into the apple more.

"God, you smell INCREDIBLE!", his eyes were gazing at me, as if I were a thick juicy steak. I remembered how the smell of my blood affected him…and now…being steamed and marinated right in front of him…I started to fear that he was planning to bite me…drink my blood…and only two things could come of that…death or eternal life as his vampire slave.

I felt wonderful and warm…a tiny bit hot now but never like I was burning at all. I felt sweat glistening all over me and smelled it a little, but the aromas of the marinade overpowered that.

I was seduced by the warmth, the steam…I didn't WANT to get off this amazing little rectangle…I felt myself getting so sleepy…weaker…

Edward was breathing hard…raggedly…watching me…caressing me, turning my face to the side, leaning in and kissing my face, tasting the flesh…going down to my jaw…licking thickly…I let out a small, aroused moan….and he growled low in his chest…lapping at my neck…at the jugular.

His breath hitched and he pulled away, taking another huge swig of the wine.

He poured more water around me…a hiss of steam rising up again…pinning me there in its sweet hotness.

I let out another contented sigh, his willing meal. I looked at him…he was blurred through the steam.

"Fuck, yes.", he was on top of me, pinning me down hard, his hands holding my wrists down as he ravaged my neck, licking and kissing every conceivable inch of it all, not taking any bites yet.

He picked something else off the counter and brought it to my chin. It was ice cold and wet…hard…he trailed it down my neck and then around my nipples…an ice cube!

He smiled down at me, laughing for a moment as I reacted to the ice when I was so hot.

I didn't like ice and cold…and he knew it…he was teasing me.

He took another cube and popped it into his mouth, sucking for a moment…then took it out and smirked at me.

"This should cool you off a bit.", he said, inserting the cube between my legs as I screamed. He had put it all the way in and left it there. It was melting…slowly…making things nice and chilly…the water slowly trickling out of me as I thrashed in protest.

Edward did this with three or four more ice cubes…and now I was nice and full…and cold between the legs.

The heat was so wonderful…it was making me like jelly and I looked straight up, the stove light shining , unforgiving, in my eyes.

Minutes later, the ice had all melted inside me and Edward was fondling and gently biting my breasts. He held them at the base, in his hand, squeezing so they were full in his hand…and he tasted his dish as it simmered.

"Should've done this a long time ago…", he sounded so dizzy with lust that it flattered me.

"God, you taste like SEX and HOT BLOOD!" he sucked my left nipple into his mouth, sucking hard…moaning louder, as if he could taste it.

I kept panting in heaving breaths, my body wet and hot…my pussy wanting his cock NOW! I was helpless to move, weak and horny as all HELL!

"RRRRRR", I sounded like a tiger in pain, my fists clenching and opening slowly at my sides, not daring to move away.

"Oh my God.", he nearly wept in his voice, "How badly I want to drink you down right now!"

I was scared for a couple of seconds, hearing the truth and the emotion in his words…he meant it.

"But I won't.", he assured me, kissing the valley between my heaving breasts, "Don't be afraid…I have other plans for you before you join me in this life."

I relaxed a moment or two when he added, "Like fucking you a thousand different ways first…"

He slid his hands under my ass and groped my cheeks with urgent fingers, kneading the flesh as I yelled out, wanting to beg him to fuck me already.

Then he yanked my legs apart more and penetrated me with force. I screamed out, thankfully….the pain was welcome and hot.

He didn't do slow this time. He was pounding me, his face in a beautiful sexy sneer, his teeth exposed as he watched my back arch up again, the heat getting more and more complete as he fucked me harder, his marble flesh making loud banging sounds on the stove as he pummeled me.

I made vulgar whore sounds through my apple gag but I didn't care anymore about being a lady. I let myself go and howled like a banshee.

After a decent amount of time had passed and I had already come once or maybe twice, he pulled out, and flipped me over onto my tits, then re entered my vagina from the back, his voice crying out in even more pleasure.

My breasts felt a little tender against the warm-hot surface of the stove. I put my hands at the sides like they were when I was laying on my back and I got a snarl of approval from my chef behind me. I wasn't burning at all, it was very hot but not painfully so…just causing a bit of discomfort…I kept my face up and off the area, the steam rising up and blurring my vision again.

I just laid there and bucked against him, and he slapped my ass on both cheeks while he rode me, and it was very sensitive from the heat and steam. But, by the time Edward came, I was a happy, hot mess…a pig that was oinking heartily with glee.

Edward came at last and filled me with his hot essence.

I heard him flip off the dials on the stove and then he pulled out of me, a high pitched yelp coming out of my throat.

I waited, staying where I was as Edward took another gulp of the wine.

The silver slab I laid on cooled off quickly. I did smell like a medium rare steak, covered in rich oily goodness.

I wondered why Edward would tempt himself like this so much…wouldn't this make him WANT to drink me until I was dead? Was that his plan and then he changed his mind? Or was he just playing and it went too far?

In any case, he HAD resisted. I am still alive.

Edward pulled me up by the hair until I got up on my hands and knees on the stovetop. He gave me a small spanking, making my body jerk forward over and over again. I cried and whimpered and held still while he touched me all over, disciplining me with no real reason.

Finally, he spoke to me.

"Make your little piggy noises.", he demanded pleasantly, kneading my sore ass cheeks with his lovely long cold fingers.

I hesitated, finding that humiliating…I wasn't even sure what to do…the apple was still in my mouth.

"Need I repeat myself PIG?", he gave my pussy lips a hard slap as I screamed out loud.

"Make the sounds, little piggy.", he chuckled.

I made snorting, oink like noises using my nose and throat. I felt tears in my eyes and I kept doing it while Edward giggled, fingering my clit. I didn't stop making the sounds until he pulled me off the stove completely, and I was over his shoulder again.

"Very good, Bella.", he sounded pleased, laughing a little more as he walked with me…off to a new adventure I was sure.

I felt so tired and out of it…I still had the apple in my teeth…my jaw aching now.

"Let's wake you up for round six.", he said, "A nice cold shower should do the trick."

"MMMMMMM!", I whined through the apple, protesting that idea as the stairs moved backwards under me as I dangled from Edward's strong shoulder.

*Poor Bella…(yea, right). And Edward is so not finished with her yet. I hope you guys didn't think that kitchen sex was weird, I thought it was a great idea, since Edward is a vampire…that's probably been a fantasy of his, being a carnivore and all.

See next chapter soon ! More black lemons…and maybe a nice golden one next. See ya !*


	13. The Game

Chapter 13

*Warning: Black lemon in this chapter. Not real bad, but dark. You've been warned. Ropes and blood play in this one. But Bella is not injured in the making of this scene…lol. Vampire sex… alright, enough warnings! LOL It's a vampire story, of course, there's blood in it. **

**And If you guys are reading my story, you know you're all tough and strong! So don't be scared, Red Line was much, much worse!***

The pulleys squeaked as Edward smiled at me, his hands pulling easily on a rope.

I had my wrists in front of me, wearing wristbands and several coils of rope around them, binding them together securely.

I didn't struggle. Edward had my consent to tie my hands together. He promised not to hurt me, he said it was for my own protection. He wanted to play a game and didn't want me to get hurt if I struggled too much. He said the word again…trust. And I agreed.

I let my eyes wander over his nude body and it surprised me that after hours of seeing him naked, that it still did things to me. He is a sculpture, created by God and venom…and dark magic.

My wrists were going up as Edward gently pulled down on the rope again. He kept his gaze on me, a smile on his lips. He was glad I had agreed to this. He was happy that I trusted him. He had tied me up a little before, but that was not with my permission. This was.

I was still undressed too, and a bit wet, shivering from the cold shower I had received before Edward brought me here. It was a shed of sorts, and he had carried me here over his shoulder again. We had to leave the house out of the back door, walking a distance away to this little concrete room. It looked just like a large cement box from the outside. There were no windows…only one door, a padlock sealing it closed.

"This is a room Jasper thought up.", he said as he unlocked the door, bringing me inside.

It was dark in here as the door closed behind us and I started fighting right away.

"IT'S DARK!", I screamed, kicking, "EDWARD!"

"Alright, alright, I know…hush…", he said and flicked a light switch on, a single bulb dangling from the ceiling on a wire. It gave very little light but it was enough, like a night light.

"Sorry.", he stroked the backs of my legs, "Vampires don't usually think about lights."

I relaxed a little as Edward stood me on my feet and kissed me, softly at first then quickly increasing the heat and need of his lips, opening them and tasting my tongue with his.

I never got to hear the reason Jasper made this room. I saw nothing special about it. Strange. Usually everything that the Cullens touched was elegant and flawless, like them. Not this place. Esme must have dropped the ball here.

Maybe if I could see more clearly in the dimness…but Edward didn't give me a chance to explore much.

The inside was all cement, no furniture. There was a little drain on the floor in the middle of the tiny room and that made me shiver. Up above, near the light bulb I saw hooks and a weird looking red thing with a chain hanging out of it, swinging lazily over me.

And he had talked me into playing a game with him. I wasn't sure what the game was, but I knew he wouldn't do any real damage to me. He kept asking me if I had any trust in him…and I kept saying yes, letting him do what he wanted with me. I started to realize…all the 'games' we played today were about trust. Me trusting him. Is that really what he wanted…besides sex?

And now this red pulley chain was laced between the ropes that held my wrists…and they were high over my head.

I swallowed and looked up for a second, then the rope pulled again, a little squeal coming from the unoiled gears inside the red box. The chain looked strong, Edward had said it would support 500 pounds.

I felt my feet arching up. They were flat on the rough hard floor at first but now my body was being stretched upwards…my toes were all that stood on the grainy floor now.

"Ughhh!", I sounded, feeling all my weight resting on my toes now. It hurt.

Edward grinned at me as I looked at him. He tied the rope off on a wooden post beside him.

"You look so fucking hot that way.", he complimented…and I did feel flattered that he thought so. No man ever called me hot before. Pretty…beautiful…but never 'fucking hot'.

He stood there, leaning back on the wall opposite me, a few feet out of reach, folding his arms and letting his dark golden eyes wander of every inch of me, not saying a word while my feet moved a little…I lifted one foot up and gave it a little shake, then did the same with the other foot.

Edward frowned, giving a large sigh. I looked at him, frowning too, and I stopped doing it.

"Posture.", he muttered to himself, "We'll have to work on that."

"What did Jasper make this room for again?", I said in a tiny voice, feeling cold and nervous.

"So talkative today, Bella…", he turned away from me, in the shadows where I couldn't see what he was doing.

"Sorry.", I looked down at my feet, barely able to make them out in the dark below.

My toes were crying out for relief, God, this floor SUCKS ! All jagged and sharp.

He was coming back over to me and took my chin in his hand. We were about eye to eye with me on my toes this way.

"Open.", he demanded without anger. Another gag…damn!

I opened my mouth, waiting. He smiled at me and said, "Tongue out."

WHAT ? I looked at him, my eyes round and large…I started to stutter…"Wh-what?"

"Tongue OUT!", he tightened the grip on my jaw and I screamed, sticking my tongue out, my lips wide open.

"I want you SILENT today.", he was rubbing his finger up and down and underneath my wet tongue, "You don't seem to understand…"

I wasn't sure what he was doing but I tried to be still.

Then I saw him bringing something up to my tongue. I felt wood tightly clamping down over the tip of my tongue, pinching.

He took his hand away as I started screaming, jerking my head violently. THIS FUCKING HURTS !

Edward laughed at first but then got angry very quickly as I kept howling and trying to get it off.

He held my head still, jerking my head towards him as I cried.

"It BETTER NOT…fall off!", he growled as I felt tears in my eyes.

"AAAA!", I cried, sounding like a damn baby.

"It will pass.", he looked right into my eyes, sternly, "Give it a minute."

I held still, the tight clamp felt like it was cutting into my tongue. It was throbbing…and he let me cry, saying, "Shhhh….shhhh" as he stroked my body, up and down my sides…along my ribs.

I began to quiet…my tongue began to go numb in the next couple of minutes. And then…I noticed a strange prickly burning feeling on and under my tongue. It hurt but not terribly so…I let out an open mouth moan of discomfort.

"Serves you well for talking.", he decided, walking back to his dark corner.

I could see his ivory back, a couple of small black birthmarks placed far apart there.

I was panting…trying not to do it very loudly. I carefully moved my tongue up a little, and I looked at it, almost cross eyed. It was a clothespin! I slowly moved my tongue back down, afraid it would fall off and piss Edward off.

I don't want a whole mouthful of these! I quivered, imagining that.

He was coming back over to me and I felt myself tense…

"Got some decorations for you, my love.", he smiled affectionately, and he licked his fingers, pinching my right nipple a bit harder than he had earlier today.

It stung and I cried out briefly, trying to be quiet. He twisted it a bit as I clenched my eyes, breathing harder.

"MMmmmm…", he smiled at my reaction, not showing teeth, liking my sounds.

"I'll never get tired of that.", he said in a low voice, kissing my mouth as much as he could with the clothespin in the way. He gave a little chuckle, putting his tongue on the clothespin, as if trying to make it come off my tongue. Our tongues had a little battle as Edward laughed, going after the pin as I tried to keep it away from him.

I made noises and winced, trying to keep it in place as his tongue, like a snake's, flicked the handles of the pin, making it pinch a bit more for a half second.

A garbled "NOOOOO" came out of my mouth before I could help it and then Edward hissed, his teeth showing, gleaming in the light, and then he bit on the handles of the clothespin, opening it but leaving it in place over my tongue.

As the blood came rushing back into my tongue, a worse pain I never imagined flooded in with it…and whatever he had rubbed on my tongue…was getting hotter and hotter…like I had Tabasco sauce on it.

"I said NO FUCKING TALKING!", he sneered, the open pin still in his teeth…as I shouted out, tears falling out of my eyes. Then he let go of the pin and it clamped over my tongue again, in the same area.

"One more word and you'll get FIVE more pins.", he threatened.

I sobbed wordlessly as he returned his attention to my nipple, his fingers still pressing and turning the delicate skin, working it like clay.

He ignored my bawling and jingled a little black bell in front of my eyes. The bell had a cute little sound, like when fairies sprinkle their dust over things. It reminded me of Alice.

"Cute, aren't they?", he grinned and I saw the bells had a weird black bobby pin kinda thing attached to them.

I nodded, wanting to be back in his good graces, trying to quiet down as the clothespin began to go numb again, slowly. The fiery sensation began to lessen a bit, the more I drooled. I could feel my saliva slowly seeping out down my tongue…crawling down my chin….down my neck.

His lips pouted a bit as his eyes looked at me in a strange way. I didn't recognize the look he gave me, but it was gone in seconds, going down to my right nipple.

"A slight pinch…", he informed, sliding the bobby pin part onto my nipple, at the base of it, moving it all the way to the side to its end, locking it in place.

SLIGHT PINCH MY ASS !

I let out screams I didn't even feel were my own voice. I bucked up and down, yanking on my wrists, my right foot kicking a little. I was trying anything to get my mind off my flattened, scorching nipple.

"Let it go.", he instructed as I heard the bell clink happily while I suffered.

Edward massaged the breast wearing the "cute little bell", as if trying to help me.

I so wanted to scream NO again but I held it back, taking every bit of my restraint not to beg.

I was crying but then he bent forward and kissed the bell, licking my pinched nipple as I screamed.

"You're such a baby.", he complained, standing straight up and his fingers began to play with my left nipple now.

I was pleading and shaking my head no as he began working my one free nipple. I felt my chest, damp with my drooled saliva, wondering it this repulsed him at all. He didn't seem to notice or mention it.

"It will pass.", he said again, "Let go of the pain. Come on…concentrate harder…"

He was speaking softly to me and I tried to do what he said…and my nipple began to go numb like my tongue.

I quieted…and then I heard the other little bell as Edward slipped the long thin metal piece into place there…my left nipple trapped as well…and I was crying again.

I tried to keep on my toes but I felt myself leaning back a little in my agony.

"Hey.", he frowned, smacking my ass promptly, "Posture, Bella! Stand up straight!"

I obeyed, growling from all the pain I was feeling at the same time.

"Stop the growling.",he said calmly, looking at my face, "Be nice."

I let out a jagged sob and made myself be quiet. Only my breathing cut into the silence.

And then I heard a third bell in his hand…and he licked his fingers wetly, bringing them to my clit, moving up and down.

I was about to beg for his mercy…this was a shock. I didn't even consider he could put one down there but now that I thought of it, I couldn't imagine it. I didn't want to.

I cried out, not making words but my fear was obvious.

"BELLA!", he glared into my eyes, "Bella, stop it."

"It only hurts for a moment.", he told me, like HE knew!

I wouldn't hold still or be quiet, though…and he frowned and shook his head at me, looking down between my legs.

"Such a child.", he expressed his dissatisfaction, sliding the bobby pin down, my clit trapped inside.

Edward smiled and moved his fingers playfully there, making the bell ring as I panted and sobbed.

"Sounds like Christmas.", he observed, looking at my body with a lightness I didn't share.

He moved his finger over the bells on my nipples, making them sing.

"Pretty.", he touched my body as the pins began to numb down a little.

"Make them ring.", he suggested, watching me, "Come on…play."

I jumped a bit, on my tired sore toes, wincing as they rang a little…I swung my body back and forth, in a half circle, to make them ring louder.

Edward laughed and clapped as my eyes closed and I halted, back to my first position.

"Good girl.", he stroked the sides of my face, kissing my nose.

I wonder if it's true…that every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. Do these bells count?

I wasn't crying anymore…or shouting. It didn't hurt much now, just pinched.

"Now…the object of the game…", he dotted my nose with the tip of his finger and backed away, "Every time I hear the bells, I get a point. And you don't want to give me a lot of points."

I whimpered. I was scared.

That was all he said. And he was opening a little box over in the corner, where I couldn't see.

I didn't hear anything about me being able to earn any points.

I kept panting like a dog, my tongue a limp muscle hanging out of my big mouth while I waited.

He was putting something on his hand…I couldn't see as the bulb over my head blinded me to anything that wasn't right in front of me.

I gave a little whimper.

"I'm coming, sweet heart.", he assured, turning back to me…slowly coming closer, his hands behind his back.

He strolled around my body, just looking like I was a hanging piece of meat. I half closed my eyes, feeling the hot wetness between my legs as he appraised me.

"I love you so much.", he said, sounding so sincere, "That you would do this…for me…for my pleasure…it means so much to me."

He gave my back a firm, circular massage as I tried to hold still, not wanting the bells to make a peep.

His words were healing me, making me forget the pain and discomfort. I felt like a strong human, doing the hard things without complaint to please my immortal lover.

When I could see him again, he had his pointer finger in his mouth…no…in his teeth. It looked like he was chewing on his finger. And there was a gleam of silver white light when he took it out.

Showing it to me, he put it right to my nose. His finger had a silver thing on it, like a big thimble, only it had a sharp point, like a claw.

"Don't be afraid.", he said first, easing me as I stared at it.

"It's very dull, not that sharp at all.", he informed, "See ?"

And he gently ran it down my nose…it was cool and hard…but not that sharp…it was like a butter knife edge.

"I could make it razor sharp if I wanted to.", he said darkly, looking into my eyes…and they turned so sweet.

"But I don't want to hurt you, Bella.", he whispered, kissing my cheek, "I love you."

I felt better right away.

"But there are things I need…", he breathed his aroma into my face and I felt high, full of happiness and lust.

"Things, as a vampire…", he explained, his other hand moving up and down my ass cheeks, "I will have to have…once in awhile. Would you like to give me what I need?"

Without knowing more, I nodded, staring back at his loving eyes that glowed in the half dark of the room.

His eyes looked pleased but then looked down at my mouth.

"I knew that already, Bella.", he said softly, "I know you're my soul mate. I know you're my life. My future. My eternity."

I felt tears spilling out of me…tears of love.

"I tasted you once…remember?", he asked, his eyes coming back to mine, more lovely than a second ago.

The ballet studio…

I nodded.

He gave a little smile. "You trusted me. And when your blood touched my lips…we were one, not just in the body…but in every way. And because of that, we are forever connected. I will always know if you're sad, afraid, or hurt. I will always be able to find you, no matter where you go. And if I ever lost you, or needed you, I could call you…in here."

He put his hand on my heart and I closed my eyes, loving him more as each second passed.

He let a moment go by in silence and then said, "I want to taste you again."

I said nothing but he quickly explained, not wanting to alarm me.

"I won't bite you.", he put his forehead to mine, holding my face, the claw of his ring below my eye.

"If I gently press,", he showed me the thimble on his finger again, "All it will do is scratch your skin a little bit. Only little tiny dots of blood will leak out. And when I lick those dots, your skin will heal in a few seconds. It won't hurt."

He waited for me to process this.

"Can you do this for me, Bella?", he asked me.

He waited while I thought about it. He made it my choice. He was asking me. I knew I couldn't understand the blood lust he was feeling, and always felt around me. He had given me everything I ever needed. And I loved him. I still do.

I gave a solemn, slow nod.

His face looked surprised…and emotion took over. He almost looked as if he would cry, his bottom lip trembling as he held me in his arms, so strong yet gentle.

"Thank you, Bella.", he wept into my ear, "I love you more than anything. I always will. You give me everything…just by breathing."

He said that to me once before…in the hallway of Forks High. Things were a lot simpler then.

He was nose to nose with me and promised again, "I promise it won't hurt."

I trembled and gave a little nod, saying I trusted him.

The last thing I thought before he started playing his game was…this is so incredibly dangerous.

"Uhhhh…", was the only sound I could utter when he began kissing me everywhere…his hands wiping off the slight wetness on my lower neck.

His hands touched like a lover's…the claw not biting me yet.

He gave a lick to my ear as his hands curled around my waist, holding it tenderly, as if I were precious.

"You are so perfect…", he spoke hotly into my ear, "In every fucking way…"

I felt my head fall back as my eyes glazed over…being seduced so easily.

It felt like hours passed as he took his time kissing, caressing me. Not one inch of me was overlooked. He even kissed my feet !

My body felt like it was warm and buzzing as he knelt down before me.

"The reason for the game is so you hold as still as you possibly can.", Edward's voice floated up from the dimness below.

"I am in full control of myself.", he said without doubt, "But if you move suddenly, it would be bad."

I understood this completely. He could accidentally cut a major artery if I jumped or jerked the wrong way. I had to trust in his medical knowledge, that he would stay away from those spots.

I nodded, panting a bit more, steadying myself…steeling myself to be brave.

"Trust me now.", he breathed, looking up at me, in all seriousness.

I closed my eyes, letting the dark in…standing it to show him my trust.

"Very lightly…", he whispered, and I felt the dull cold metal on my stomach. Slowly…excruciatingly slowly…he moved the thimble claw in a little swirl.

That did not hurt one bit. And then I heard Edward give out a deep, sultry moan, I guess watching my blood peek out in a line of tiny red dots.

"My Bella…", he panted now, kissing the line he'd made, then giving a thick, long…horribly slow lick up the entire design he had made.

I let out a thrilled groan, liking the way that felt…and how inflamed this made my special lover.

"Ohhh my God.", he held my legs securely as his body reacted, tensing and jerking slightly against my calves.

I felt so aroused, wanting him to do it again.

"How are you, Bella?", he asked, checking to make sure I was alright.

"Uhhhh…", I said with a deep, throaty tone, telling him I liked it as much as he did. I nodded and let my head fall back again.

"That sounds sooo sweet.", he smiled against my lower torso.

"More?", he asked.

"Uhh huh!", I agreed, not moving. The bells had not rung yet…I didn't give any points away yet.

"Uhhh, I love you so much…", he whispered with devotion.

I felt the metal slide with a snail's pace on my thigh next. He made a little heart shape and I heard myself laughing at that. He chuckled too and then gave another deep sound when he saw the blood open the door for him a second time.

"God…", he sounded like he was crying again, from the sheer joy of it all, and for me being so strong that I allowed him this.

He kissed his mouth over the heart and opened his lips, and I felt his heavy tongue dragging and roughly massaging my flesh.

I couldn't suppress a loud cry at how good it felt, both physically and mentally.

My head threw itself backwards and my breasts jingled out loud.

I winced.

"Uh ohhhh…", he sounded like a boy, "Bad Bella….one point for me."

He didn't hurt me or yell at me…he just kept playing the game. He took it very easy on me, not ever cutting fast or deeper than the first time. He was fully in control and I saw it, felt it.

Once or twice, I felt the blood slowly move down my body, some areas bled more than others he told me. But I found that very erotic as he lapped up and sucked and tasted me. And every single time, he acted with such emotion, as if each drop was a precious gift he didn't deserve. And then he would devour every drop, so sensually…passionately.

He had made me move only from pleasure, not from struggling or hurting. Each point he earned, he won it with class, laughing, smiling…kissing.

I lost track of time, not caring if we stayed here for a week while he sucked my ass cheek, his unclawed finger toying with my pussy lips.

"Christ, so WET!", he said aloud, surprised, and I heard the wet squishes of his fingers inside me.

I screamed, on fire with his touch and his voice.

"With every drop, you become more and more mine…", he sang in a wickedly sexy voice, massaging my sore leg muscles as he knelt behind me, "Do you know that?"

With a feeling of utter euphoria, I started to get dizzy again.

"Uhh huh.", I replied my best answer.

"Do you WANT that?", he asked, his fingers vibrating with inhuman speed inside my dripping crotch.

"YETTTHHHH !", I said, trying to say YES.

I knew I'd probably get more pins for speaking, but he just moaned out loud, now kneeling in front of me, his nose nuzzling the little bell there.

It gave a little chirp and Edward laughed.

"No point.", he conceded, "That was my fault."

I was relieved and happy that he was playing fair.

I felt the cold claw barely brush against my captured clit as I cried out in surprise.

Instantly, his mouth was sucking it, the bell ringing constantly as he held my legs with both hands, opening them, letting them rest around his head, on his shoulders.

And from the miracle of being off my toes and the animal way he was eating me, I could only scream and buck and struggle against the torture of the orgasms that wouldn't end.

I seemed to come forever while he ate over and over again…his moans telling me all about the intense pleasure he was getting out of it too.

I hadn't seen him so on fire before and I was loving it.

When he finally stopped and placed my toes back to the floor, I wanted to cry, not wanting to see it end.

He stood up and faced me, staring at me for a long time, a look of adoration there gleaming back at me. Me…Bella Swan…the plainest girl in the world. And I felt like a goddess as he watched me.

A wicked smile crept up on his lips and I knew something was going on in there.

He came in, so close…and bit his teeth on the handles of the pin that held my tongue for so long. I clenched my eyes together and whimpered.

Slowly, he dragged the pin away from me…not opened it…dragged it. I screamed out and braced myself, the wait was agony as it followed Edward's teeth.

"UUGGHHH!", I did a high pitched shout as it finally gave way, off my tongue, clicking together as it let go.

And a second later, the pin out of Edward's mouth, he was there, moving the claw finger slowly along the entire bottom of my lip.

"Kiss me.", he leaned closer, holding my face as our mouths joined, the taste of blood mixed in our kiss as he growled out loud, thrilled at the taste of it and sucking my painful tongue, trying to erase the savage hurt there now that the blood was racing back into it.

I kissed him back as the pain faded and I heard him laugh, in relief…in love.

We kept kissing, neither one of us wanting to stop. He moved his face from one side of my face to the other, giving me chances to breathe in between kisses. I felt high, strong and brave…feeling like the game was over. I didn't know if I won or he won…but then I felt like we had both won.

Edward looked at me, his nose to mine as he clutched my long hair in his hands. His lips looked more red now and I was glad his eyes weren't red. I guess a little bit of my blood wouldn't change them. I smiled, not even caring about my sore feet or aching legs or throbbing wrists.

"I love you…", I whispered, hardly audible, but I knew only he could hear me.

"I love YOU.", he said back, full of passion, and kissed me again…hard.

I lost something, though, around that time. Because the next thing I knew, I was being laid gently..oh so gently…into Edward's warm, plush bed.

I prayed he didn't want to make love now. My body was so sore and my pussy raw and worn out, sensitive to even a breeze blowing over it.

He had carried me bridal style to the bed and I smiled to myself about that. Not that I didn't love it when he threw me over his shoulder. That was a turn on in another way. But I loved it when he held me like this.

I heard myself whimper and my breath hitched as he laid me down on my back, still nude, like him.

It was night now…very dark, but the light was already on beside us.

"Relax, my love.", he said with a deep voice, his fingers touching my lips softly, as if to stop me from speaking.

"You've given me the greatest day…and night of my existence.", he glowed with love in his eyes as he spoke to me, covering my body with the hot covers.

"I know it wasn't all easy for you.", he said, proudly, "But you were…"

He searched for a word, looking up a second, his eyes so happy as he verbally stumbled. And Edward never stumbled.

"Everything.", he decided on a word, "Everything I ever dreamt of…everything I wanted, even when I was afraid to see what I wanted. You, Bella…you're all I'll EVER want."

I sighed, completely in the palm of his hand…so in love.

"I know I said you are mine…", he gazed down so deep in my eyes, "But I got that wrong. I am YOURS. On my knees, your slave…one million years from now….five million years from now…"

I trembled everywhere…tears stinging my eyes as I felt…on fire with his love, his adoration…it was so great…too much…too miraculous.

"I know how exhausted you are.", he held my hand, kissing it, "I am so sorry. And at the same time, I am not sorry."

I was about to tell him that I was fine and that there was no reason to be sorry but he didn't let me say another word.

"No, shhh..", he caressed his fingers over my lips, "You sleep now. Sleep, my sweet, sweet angel. I won't leave you. And it will never be dark for you again."

I smiled up at him, as if seeing a god. I snuggled into my pillow, turning on my side, towards him, laying my face on his ghost white chest. I didn't care that it was cold or that I heard no heartbeat. This is where I could sleep…the only place I could sleep.

Edward hummed a melody that was not my lullaby and gently worked his fingers over my hair, moving it away from my closed eyes while he sang me to sleep.

And all night long, I had no nightmares at all.

See next chapter soon!

Love Winnd

Thanks for staying and reading ! You guys rock !

PS A nice golden lemon coming up. Perhaps…Good Edward?

PSS I know some of you may see a flaw in the vampire lore with the venom mixing with Bella's blood and all that, but this is my story, GO WITH IT ! LOL…


	14. Nothing is Eternal

Chapter 14

* Here is the nice golden lemon I promised…hope you like it…this chapter is very lovey dovey…sad…and a little hot. *

I felt the chill first. Then I heard the little sound of lips touching flesh and I felt a soft hand move against my cheek. It was the back of a cool hand, the knuckles so gentle I barely felt it, like a feather's touch.

Still in the arms of sleep, I couldn't find any energy to open my eyes but I knew this touch.

"Edward…" I mumbled dreamily, smiling from ear to ear, "Sleep with me…lay down and close your eyes…"

I heard a heartbreaking sound come out of him, the breeze of it made a lock of my hair fall over one of my eyes.

"Wish I could.", he whispered…and then he let out a sorrowful gasp.

It sounded like he had covered his mouth and was trying to hold in the weeping noise that poured out of him, as if afraid to awaken me.

My eyes flew open like I was hit with a ton of bricks.

"EDWARD!", I was already sitting up, and I saw him sitting there at my side, like he was when I fell asleep hours and hours ago…but this was not THAT Edward. I knew…this was MY Edward, released temporarily from his cage.

"It's you!", I narrowed my eyes, watching closer. He was crying, but no water came from his angelic eyes. He was clearly in Hell, suffering, turned away so I couldn't see…wanting to spare me.

"Edward, are you alright?", I asked fast, as if we only had a few minutes together alone.

"I'm fine.", he lied, clearing his throat and running his hands through his hair violently, then he turned to me, his eyes downcast, on the blankets.

He was hiding his pain from me.

I realized what was hurting him…ME. He was here, and he knew I was naked under these covers, he knew everything about what Edward and I had done together…he saw every second of it…and he hated me.

"I'm so sorry.", I felt tears in my eyes, holding the sheet up around my neck.

"Sorry?", his eyes looked at me like I was insane.

"I wanted to wait for you…", I felt the tears falling, "I tried…but he -"

"Bella, I'm not angry with YOU!", his eyes grew wider at mine, "You could not stop him, he's a vampire, you're a human! I don't BLAME YOU!"

"I heard you crying…", I wiped my right eye.

"I'm crying because he hurt you!", he showed the hurt now, it blazed in his pupils like fire.

"I'm crying because I couldn't protect you!", he panted, his face twisting in torment.

He sobbed for a minute then his voice was hardly recognizable.

"I heard you…", he cried, "Calling for me…begging me to save you from that FUCKING HOLE ! I heard you saying you loved me…I heard you screaming when the sun went out…and left you alone in the dark…and the rain…"

I was sobbing now, too, and I threw my arms around his naked chest, his lower half under the comforter. I leaned my head on his perfect abs while he encircled his arms around me, rubbing my bare back, kissing my hair.

"Please forgive me, Bella.", he pleaded, speaking in breaths, "I failed you…so badly."

I whimpered and answered, "I told you, Edward, it's not your fault. But it makes me so happy that I know you heard me…and that you cared. I thought…no one did."

"All my strength wasn't enough.", he held me tight, breathing on my hair, "I gave EVERYTHING I had in me and still I couldn't get to you."

"It's okay…", I closed my eyes and clung onto him harder, kissing his heart, "It's okay…"

"No it's not.", he groaned, and tried to catch his breath.

"I'm alright.", I said in a tiny voice.

"And then…THIS!", he waved his hand over the bed we were in, noticing for the first time, as he looked down at himself, that he was naked.

His eyes went round as he gasped, pulling away for a second, grabbing the comforter and looking under it, at his body.

"GOD !", he shoved it back down over himself, and trembled in horror.

"Edward…", I tried to soothe him but he cut me off.

"Your first time…", he wept, shaking his head and locking his teeth together in shame, "OUR…first time…"

He sobbed again and I got close to him again, taking his face in both my hands and kissing his closed eyes, down his cheek.

"Please…please don't…", I cried, too, "Don't think about it, don't LOOK at it, please!"

Edward cried, unable to speak, unable to get all the images out of his brain…and his heart.

I wanted to ask Edward how he got away, how he came back to me…but I didn't want to stick the knife in his heart more than I already did. I figured it out on my own…the Edward I was with all day and night had been so sated, so satisfied and happy…perhaps he just felt in a generous mood…and let my Edward cuddle with me for awhile during my sleeping hours.

I don't think Bad Edward is a big fan of cuddling all night, especially with a half dead girl.

"I have never made love.", I said, an edge to my voice as I remembered Bad Edward telling me that we weren't making love, just fucking.

Edward looked at me, confused.

"I can only make love with you.", I said to him, honestly. I could have made love with Jake, but he was gone now, out of my reach.

"And I WILL only make love with YOU.", I told him, meaning it with all my heart.

"What happened today…that was just body parts smacking into each other.", I said, looking away for an awkward moment.

Please, God, please don't let Bad Edward hear me saying any of this. I pictured him coming after me with a running chainsaw.

"But with YOU…", I felt a tear run down my face, "With you…my first love…my true love…with you it will be pure…and romantic…and everything."

Bad Edward had said I was his everything, after all the things we had done in the last 24 hours. But I didn't feel that way in return. He hadn't given me my dream, my first time…not the way THIS Edward could. He had taken my virginity…but he had not taken my heart. That would always belong to THIS Edward.

Edward's face killed me, so much heartache etched in that artistic white canvas.

He shook his head, sadly, "We aren't going to have a happy ending, Bella."

I cried and held his hands. "I know."

He cried and sniffed, taking deep breaths. We just held each other for a long time, and he rocked me a little, comforting me.

"I thought our love would make everything right.", he whispered, "It was so beautiful…"

"It IS…so beautiful.", I corrected, blubbering right along with him.

"I love you Bella.", he said, feeling it in his bones.

"I love you, too, Edward.", I sniffed, touching his hair, making his lips come down to mine.

We kissed and it felt so right. It was paradise. I was 17 again…if only for a moment.

I was innocent. And so was he. We had never hurt each other. We had never been apart.

I wanted him, only him. I wanted to make love, here in his bed, like it should have been long ago. Before Jacob. Before Charlie. Before Renee.

I leaned myself onto him and his upper half slowly reclined back until he was laid on the bed.

I shoved the sheets off my body and revealed my nude chest, his eyes stared, bewildered, at me.

Leaning down without a word, I placed a deep, soft kiss on the spot where his still heart lay. Then I kissed again, a half inch lower…slow…soft…gentle…my small fingernails tracing little lines over his pecks.

Bad Edward had touched me every second we spent together today…but I don't think I got to touch him once. It felt magical. He shivered under my fingertips…as if no one else had ever caressed him before.

"Bella…no….we can't…", he breathed, sounding scared…and he should…he is a virgin. In a way, so am I.

"I haven't seen you for so long…", I looked at his face, "I miss you so much. What if I never get to see you again?"

"I know…but…"

"I would wait…until you're ready…", I explained, "But…"

"I could be locked up for a long time after this.", he finished my sentence, a little smirk there.

"Is there something I can do?", I asked, "Some secret you know about that I can do… something to make him let you go? Even if it's once in awhile…"

"No.", he grinned, playing with my hair, "He hates me. He would kill me if it were possible. I'm afraid that…I'm the equivalent of a lifer in prison…no chance for parole."

I cried, knowing that already, deep down. Now that Bad Edward had me, Good Edward would no doubt become a kitten locked in a box with no holes.

"It's my fault.", I looked down, burying my face in his chest, "If it wasn't for me and Jacob…"

I clamped my hand over my mouth at saying his name.

"No, Bella.", Edward took my hands away, "You love Jacob. I know that. You had the courage to follow your heart, and I admire that, even if it didn't give me what I wanted. Say his name, remember him and don't forget that love you two had. Remember how wonderful that was. It will keep you strong while I'm gone. You won't be alone…with HIM."

I was crying again…still. This Edward…MY Edward was so good and so amazing…so…

"You are SO…beautiful.", I breathed.

"It's the venom.", he said, "I told you…being a vampire gives you the face, the body…the voice…that's not really ME."

"No…", I shook my head, "I'm not talking about your face or your body…I'm talking about YOU."

"Bella…", he smiled at me…touched…"It feels so good to talk to you again…to touch you…to feel you laying on me…"

"Please, Edward…", I whimpered, not too proud to beg, kissing him with all the passion I had, my fists in his hair.

"Make love to me.", I begged, "After today, I NEED you to…I want to be more than just a SLAVE! Please!"

He thought about it for a few moments.

"I don't know how long we have together.", he warned, "If he took me away…during it…"

"I don't care if we have 30 seconds together, I want them!" I stared him down, meaning business.

"Can I pretend we're married?", he gave me the crooked smile…and I cried more.

I nodded, trying to find my voice. "Yes."

"I am honored to be your wife, Mr. Masen.", I said, my hands slowly moving up and down the sides of his chest, feeling all the chiseled muscles.

And, very unlike Edward Cullen, he smiled, biting his lip, deciding, and he actually said, "Cool."

I laughed. "Cool?", I asked as he smiled, showing teeth, "I didn't know that word was in your vocabulary, Mr. Webster."

"Oh, shut up and kiss your husband.", he said, watching as I crawled up a bit and took his lips in mine.

He trembled, feeling my hands on his body, so unlike the man I spent my day with earlier. He was nervous…unsure…timid…and I loved it!

As we kissed, I felt him touching my back, moving my hair down my spine as he lifted his comforter from his body, silently inviting me inside it with him.

I crawled in, laying myself down on top of him as he pulled the comforter up over both our heads, and we actually giggled like a couple of kids.

And we began to make love…the first time…for both of us.

We were covered with sweat, hours later, Edward and I struggling to breathe as we hungrily kissed each other. We didn't want to stop kissing as his body moved against mine…it was no savage pummeling…very slow strokes…each one making him gasp and quiver as I rose my hips up, meeting his thrusts with my own, clenching my muscles inside me so tight…holding onto him as he let out a ragged breath, his eyes losing themselves in mine.

He took my bottom lip into his mouth and sucked ever so carefully, licking…opening his mouth and kissing me full on the lips, his tongue gently looking around for mine. Not intruding, not pounding down the door with fury. A gentleman seeking his lady.

His hands touched my breasts like they were the only breasts in the universe. And they kindly explored…reveling in the feel…the slope…the shape…the taste…he took his time, not knowing how much time we would be given. He was not rushed. He thoroughly made love to me, not watching the clock.

I made circles with my hands over his round, bubble ass cheeks. I felt muscle, even here! I was learning with every touch what Edward liked, what he LOVED, and what didn't do anything at all for him. I felt like the couple hours with this Edward taught me so much more than I learned all day and night with the OTHER Edward.

He moaned out loud as I squeezed the butt cheeks. Ah, he likes that ! I smiled up at him as he moved up and then took a long, steady stroke all the way back inside me again.

"I love your fine ass.", I heard myself groaning in total honesty.

He kissed me again, harder.

"I worship YOUR fine ass.", he topped me with that sentiment, a guilty little grin on his lips.

"I can't get to it now, though.", he kissed me softly.

"Well, that won't do, will it?", I asked and his eyes looked nervous for a second.

I laughed and rolled us, giving him a little shove as I stared down at his frightened face now.

I laughed more, seeing him looking so scared with me on top, my legs straddling him.

"Don't look so scared.", I put my fingers to his lips and he kissed them, totally devoted.

"I AM scared…", he said, "I've seen you drive."

He laughed and so did I. This time with him is so…no word was enough to describe it.

I put my hand over his chuckling mouth and his pelvis moved up, reminding me we were still one…that we always would be.

"Ugghhhhh", I opened my mouth, smiling at his expression while he watched me enjoy it.

"Drive me, Bella…", he closed his gorgeous eyes, sucking my fingers into his mouth, being careful with his teeth.

"Edddwwwwarrrddddd…", I purred, moving myself up….then down….shuddering from the glorious feel of his thick, long shaft stretching me…completing me.

Suddenly, it was all too slow for me. I wanted to bounce harder and faster…so I did.

In about one minute, I had Edward screaming my name. I clung onto the iron designs in the headboard across from my head, using it for leverage so I could ride him, hard and wet. I thought maybe he wouldn't like this, but I was so wrong.

I almost laughed at Edward's voice. It was so high pitched when he screamed in the throws of passion.

"BELLA!", he screeched, holding the iron bars with both hands, holding on for dear life, "OHHH FUCK BELLA !"

"What a great idea!", I huffed as I bounced, grinding and squeezing my muscles with each jump.

And that made Edward hyperventilate.

The bed rocked and squeaked each time I came down around him, and I loved impaling myself onto his strong cock over and over. It was driving me into a fit…a haze of bliss and orgasm.

"Oh GOD BELLA !", Edward's eyes became two huge windows into his soul…and I knew it wouldn't be long before he felt that haze too. He had held onto his virtue for 108 years. I knew, when he came, I might just explode from the impact of it.

"Is it happening?", I kept working myself at the same speed.

He nodded fast, looking so lost and confused as to what to do next.

"Good.", I smiled down at him, hoping to relax him, "I want your cum…I want it all inside me…"

I knew I was talking like a bad girl. It was Edward's innocence that brought it out of me. But I was glad to find that it turned Edward on…he came right after I said that.

"Yes!", I clung to him as he jerked and cried out. Our faces were pressed together, hungrily French kissing as his juices coursed through my body…through my very veins as far as I was concerned.

Forever, we stayed this way, dieing together and then slowly coming back to life…as if we had just woken up for the first time in our lives….like new creations, starting anew, with a fresh, clean slate.

"My wife is so sexy.", he sighed at last, a huge smile growing as he peeked up at me.

"My husband is so HOT!", I topped him this time.

Then his face turned to sadness again…

"It was worth waiting for…", he said with a very quiet voice, his hand cupping my cheek.

"YOU…are worth waiting for.", he added.

I felt so heartbroken suddenly, when just a second ago I was flying.

"So are you.", was all I could say, tears welling up in my eyes.

"Please don't cry.", he looked mad at himself for doing this, "Oh, Bella, I'm sorry. Don't cry, not now."

"I can't help it."

"It's not a good thing.", he said, "Having a girl cry right after you've made love to her."

He was trying to be cute…and he was succeeding.

"I know what.", he tried to cheer me up, "I'll tell you some knock knock jokes."

He looked so hopeful and adorable that I laughed while I cried.

"Shut up, you.", I wiped my eyes.

"Knock knock.", Edward kept trying, always willing to do anything to make me happy, even now.

"Go away.", I giggled.

"HEY", he tickled my sides and repeated, "Knock KNOCK, BELLA! I KNOW you're in there! Come answer your door!"

"Okay, who's there?", I asked.

"Isabella.", he smiled.

"Pretty gruff voice for a girl, but okay…", we both laughed, and I said, "Isabella who?"

And in a cute little Italian accent, Edward said, "Isabella broken? I had to KNOCK!"

We laughed at the sheer stupidity of it and I felt so safe…so loved and so comfortable…not a hint of fear anywhere in me.

"Cornball Cullen.", I rolled my eyes at him.

We eventually cleaned up and put pajamas on. I wore a soft cotton t shirt and shorts while Edward did about the same, white t shirt and long flannel pajama pants.

I chuckled as he came to bed.

We held each other, fitting together so perfectly, laying down in the cozy blankets.

It was almost dawn but Edward still left the light on, knowing without me having to say a word.

"I don't want to fall asleep.", I said, afraid to miss a minute with him.

"But you have to sleep.", he said, not surprised I was arguing, "You are completely exhausted."

"But what if I wake up and you're gone?", I asked as his fingers wove into mine, holding my hand as I snuggled into his side.

"We've had three hours together.", he said, sounding very glum and trying to hide it, "I'm surprised we got that much. I feel like an escaped convict, waiting for the warden to find me."

He said it jokingly, of course, but I knew he meant that.

"I hate this.", I clung onto him, like I could keep him here if I held tight enough.

"I lose everybody.", I cried as Edward held me closer, "Charlie…Renee…Jacob…YOU! I don't want you to go. I want to be with you forever."

"I want that, too.", he said, gently, kissing my fingertips, "But we don't always get what we want."

I cried, willing myself to stay awake, even though I was dieing to sleep.

"I don't suppose you want to discuss killing me again, do you?", he asked, in all seriousness.

"Not tonight.", I said, still unable to even contemplate that.

"Even after that knock knock joke?", he asked, making me smile again.

"I could never hurt you, Edward.", I inhaled his scent, "Not on purpose, anyway."

"Bella…", he growled, not liking when I blamed myself for everything.

"You really think I could live after I chain you up, pour gas on you, and toss a match at you? You don't think much of me, do you?" I was not saying it with anger, just sadness.

"I do know you.", he said patiently, "But I don't know any other way. You can't kill HIM…and I can't kill myself. I can't even get to Italy to the Volturi, he wakes up and stops me every time I try it."

"I could always call them to deliver.", I said, wryly, "What's the number, 1-800-VOLTURI?"

And this made Edward laugh. He looked like a kid, carefree, and young.

He quieted down after a minute and then the room was silent again. We were both trying to think of a way out of this, both of us coming up empty.

Then, with an edge to his voice, Edward said, "I hate him touching you. I hate him LOOKING at you."

"Edward, don't…"

"He's a fucking psycho, Bella.", he sneered, "I would do anything to make sure he never hurts you again. Even if it means my own death."

"I'm not hurt.", I said, lying to myself and him, "He's been…nice to me…lately."

Edward sat up, looking at me as I followed.

"Bella, five days ago he left you in a GRAVE!", Edward reminded.

"You DON'T have to tell me THAT, I was THERE !", I shouted, enraged.

"SO WAS I !", he shouted back, just as hurt as I was.

"I'm sorry.", Edward calmed himself, not wanting to hurt me more. He held me in his arms, "I'm not yelling at YOU, I'm yelling at HIM !"

"I know.", I accepted that, not mad at him at all.

"I know how hard it is…", he said, "I mean, I think I know. Being alone with him everyday…your life is in his hands all the time…and at his whim, you could be hurt…or worse…"

I was glad he didn't say raped. But I knew he was thinking that.

"I know that you're being smart, behaving for him so he won't have any reason to hurt you.", he read me like a book, "And I am glad you're trying to play it smart. But it's HIM. You could do everything right for ten years and it won't stop him from snapping and hurting you just because he knows he can."

"He's smart, too.", Edward informed, scowling, "He steals my feelings and thoughts…and he recites them to you, like he means them. I think that's one of the hardest parts for me, watching him say he loves you, when he makes you smile…I hate him. I hate BEING HIM."

I just cried, unable to speak.

"And now that he's…", Edward paused, sounding weak again, "Fed on you again…his hold on you is even tighter. You can't run away from him. He can beckon you. He can make you come to him anytime he wants you. Even if you don't want to come. It's the same as…a leash around your neck. That was no game. That was him putting shackles on you. It's not your fault. You didn't know."

I cried, feeling more hopeless. I was glad that this Edward was helping me, telling me all this. This was a far cry from what he used to be. Afraid. Paranoid. Hearing voices. I had to believe that those few times I had Good Edward with me, I had brought him back from some of the insanity he was going through. I couldn't save all of him, but I was still glad that this Edward was alive and well…mostly…even if he's not free…YET.

Sure, he was still suicidal but I understood why.

"But you drank my blood in the ballet studio.", I was confused, "Why would he need to drink me again?"

"That was ME.", Edward informed, "In the studio. THAT Edward…never tasted you…never claimed you."

"There is no way out for us.", I realized, tired of thinking up escape plans.

"I won't accept that.", he said flat out, "For YOU…I will find a way out. I swear."

But I knew no one could promise that to me.

The sun was coming up outside and I saw rainbows and sparkles dancing around the room, bouncing off Edward's skin.

"Oh jeez!", he huffed, throwing the covers over himself completely.

I giggled, going under with him, "Where are YOU going, Glitter ?"

"I don't want to be a vampire today.", he complained, almost whining, "Can't I be a human with you ?"

"If you want to, it's cool with me.", I laid at his side, looking at his face while we hid from the world.

"Thanks.", he gave a little smile, closing his eyes.

"This is us, humans going to sleep now.", he announced, his way of telling me it was time for me to get some rest.

I wanted to sleep but I wanted him more.

I started to cry again and Edward's bright yellow eyes opened, like a cat's…concerned for me.

"I love you Edward.", I sobbed, saying goodbye…just in case this was the last time I got to see him.

"Don't do that, Bella.", he shook his head, "We will be together again. If I have to tear the world to SHREDS, I'll get back to you again. I won't abandon you…not until you're free of him."

"No more crying.", he kissed me, tasting my salty tears, "Please sleep now. Do it for me?"

I nodded, hating it that I was so damn wiped out.

He held me and in minutes, I was asleep…clinging onto the one love I had left. I couldn't think about anything for another second, I was that bone tired. (no pun intended). I prayed that we could have more time…I hoped us hiding under the covers meant we were hidden from all the world, safe.

But I knew better.

No matter what Edward says, nothing lasts forever. Nothing is eternal. And that both broke my heart…and gave me hope that someday I could be free of the monster that held me on his chain leash. Where he was leading me, I was afraid to think on it. But I knew it was nowhere I wanted to be.

Maybe later, when I woke up, I would be fresher and more coherent. Maybe I would find the answer. This was my only prayer now.

***See next chapter soon ! Hope u liked the lovely fluff ! Don't get used to it! LOL***

Love, Winnd


	15. 15 Punishment

Hey guys ! Thanks so much again for all the great reviews, questions, and feedback! I really do read every one and appreciate it, even if I can't always answer all of the questions. Sorry. Maybe after the story is done, I will. But in any case, thanks to each and every one of you.

** This chapter is very scary…but not as gory or violent as you think…it's more of a mindfuck than actual…well, you know. **

Love you and thanks for being brave and taking this walk with me in the dark….

Chapter 15

I could hear myself screaming at Edward…the words were unclear like I was underwater far away…but they got louder…and clearer.

"I don't love you anymore Edward, face it!", I shouted, "You hit me ! You hurt me all the time! I can't take this anymore! I WON'T TAKE IT !"

"You…will NOT leave me, Bella Swan.", Edward said, his voice low and dark, his golden eyes smoldering with danger, "You will NEVER leave me."

"I AM LEAVING!", I dared him, "I'm leaving you, this fucking town, and this whole GOD DAMNED SICK vampire LIFE ! I've had it with all this shit ! I want to lay on the beach, actually have FUN for a change!"

"And, just for amusement purposes," Edward sounded like he was humoring a three year old child having a tantrum, "Where do you think you'll go?"

I wanted to stand up to him, I wanted to defy him…I was so stupid to answer him the way I did. This was the reply that sealed Jacob's fate.

"With Jake.", I clenched my jaw tight, staring him down, telling myself to be tough.

"Black?" Edward elegantly raised a brow at me.

"Yes.", I tightened my fists at my sides, "He came to me…he still loves me…he's leaving Forks and I'm going with him."

"Like Hell.", Edward's lips turned up a corner.

"You can't stop me.", I whispered, knowing he could do just that.

"Oh, really?", he crossed his arms, smirking fully at me now.

"AAAAAAAAAAA!", I screamed as I saw Jacob's dead, bloody face.

Across the wall above him were bloody words.

They spelled out: HAVE A NICE TRIP

I yelled out, my eyes opening. My body was laying on my back, and I was staring up at the sheet over my head. Sunlight was glowing beyond the covers but my heart sank to find that I was alone here in bed.

Good Edward would be here with me…if he were still here.

I rubbed my eyes, and a flash of Edward's beautiful face here, beneath the covers, touched my heart. He was smiling, closing his heavenly eyes…God, those perfect lush eyelashes of his…I feel so empty…so…by myself.

Not sure what day or time it was, I looked at my digital alarm clock and saw the red numbers 4:32.

And judging by the deep orange glow from the window, I figured it was twilight.

Sighing, I moved the covers off my body, kicking some of them down with my foot. As I looked down at myself I saw the pajamas Edward picked out for me and I smiled. Then, I raised my sleeve up to my nose and inhaled….and there he was. The ghost of a memory, his scent was unlike anything else in the world. Sweet…gentle…alluring…and a little hint of something exciting mixed in…

What day is this, I asked myself and took a second to think about it. Monday morning was when Edward had taken me out of that grave, Tuesday and Wednesday I had recovered…Thursday was the day that Edward had his way with me…that was last night…so this is Friday and it's the end of the day.

I thought about what I would be doing during the summer now, since leaving town with Jake was not going to happen. Maybe I could take a couple of classes. Edward would like that. Education was very important to him. A deep, anguished part of me told me I could still leave, that Jake's death should be pushing me to go even FASTER out of this. But then, that weak, scared part of me told me no – that Edward was too strong – and he would never let me go.

Like MY Edward said, now that he tasted my blood, he owned me even more. That was his plan all along while he was talking to me about his NEEDS. He figured I'd still try to go, especially after the two days in the grave, and the 24 hour sex marathon. He still doesn't trust me. Maybe he's right not to.

"Get up, Isabella!", HIS voice broke me out of my thoughts and my body jumped at the tone of it. It was calm, not very loud but I could hear the bitterness.

He is mad at me. He said Isabella. That's not good.

He's not in the room but he's close by.

"Clean yourself up and meet me in the kitchen.", his voice was outside the door, then I heard his footsteps moving away.

"Alright.", I called, my voice giving me away. I don't sound tough AT ALL.

I turned and looked at the pillow beside mine…it was caved in a little. Smiling, I thought, this is where his head laid. I placed my jittery hand there, in the sweet valley and closed my eyes.

Good Morning Edward – I greeted him in my heart, hoping he could hear me there. Even though it's late afternoon.

It was so great…being human with you.

But I have to go now. My Master is waiting.

And I felt a fucking anger I can't describe. I hated Edward – the one down in the kitchen – for doing this to my Edward. For dragging him away from me as I slept. For chaining him up and making him watch in helpless torment as he hurt me again and again. Would I ever see my Edward again, after this? Maybe last night was mean Edward letting us have a little chance to say goodbye. Only neither one of us would say that word.

With an attitude, I whipped the covers down more and got out of the bed, yanking open drawers and slamming them shut as I got my clothes for the day. I went to the bathroom down the hall and washed my face, brushed my teeth, got dressed in a pair of jeans and a soft gray t shirt. I tried brushing my hair, too, but it just fell down around my shoulders in a tired cascade.

I didn't want to look at my face too closely in the mirror. I hated me. I was a weak fraud, a joke. I didn't deserve Edward's love…or Jacob's either. I should have just become a nun or something.

Finally, I took a breath…let it go…and went downstairs.

I smelled food. I didn't realize it until now, but I had been denied anything to eat during Edward's day of sex. I had only received water now and then. And then I slept after spending my time with Good Edward. I was starving and I moved a little faster, wondering what Edward cooked for me.

It smelled like breakfast. And I definitely identified bacon as the main aroma as I got closer.

As I came into the large kitchen, I saw Edward there, at the stove, sizzling sounds filling the air.

Without turning to me, he knew I was there.

"Go sit down.", he said without any emotion, his hands working on things I couldn't see.

I obeyed, not saying a word, wondering how deep in the shit I really was. If Good Edward could hear and see everything Bad Edward did, I'm sure it works the other way around too. I suspected that when I was with him, but I didn't care.

I will NOT apologize. I will NOT.

I wondered where all my strength had gone from a couple of weeks ago, when I had planned to run away with Jacob. I stood up to Edward then. I was brutal. It felt good. But then, the next day, Jacob was dead.

Could he see me now, too?

I sat at my usual chair at the dining room table, not at the head, at the side, in the center. Edward usually sat right across from me. There was a glass of orange juice sitting at my place, waiting for me. A black placemat. A fork.

I was even afraid to drink the juice before he said it was alright. I really wanted it. Edward made it from squeezing oranges himself. It was better than anything out of the carton. I nearly drooled from how good it looked, the glass looked frosty and cold.

"Drink your juice.", he said, right behind me now, making me start again with a little gasp.

He placed my plate down before me, and the smell and sight of a bacon and cheese omelet made my entire body relax before I could warn it.

I took my glass and drank. Mmmmmm….I don't know what he does to this juice, but it's fucking awesome. There's gotta be something more in it that makes it so sweet.

Edward sat across from me, wearing a black t shirt and jeans. I put my glass down, half of the juice gone as he gave me a little smile.

"Thirsty?", he asked, placing a large book on the table, moving it aside.

I looked down at my plate of food and gave a little nod, my hands in my lap.

"Eat.", he invited me.

I couldn't speak. All I could do was take my fork in hand, trembling…starting to work it into my eggs.

"I know it's nearly evening but I figured you would like breakfast instead of dinner right after waking up.", he made conversation, or tried to.

"Thank you Edward.", I said, trying to sound normal, eating, "It's really good."

"Anything for you.", he said, watching me eat. I couldn't look too closely at his face. My Edward's face, and my Edward not in there…would be too much to take right now. I was still grieving, wanting him. Wondering if he was okay now. Was he resting? Sleeping? Struggling? Screaming? How awful that he could be…and I can't even hear him, eating my eggs with his kidnapper.

I tried to smile but I'm sure it was weak and shallow. And I put another bite into my mouth, concentrating on my chewing.

"So…", Edward put his hands flat on the table in front of himself, and his head tilted a bit as he looked into my face, "What do you have planned today, little girl?"

It sounded like a light question. But, since he knew my plan was to have already been out of this town, starting my life with Jacob, it was a knife in my heart, twisting.

I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe go online and see what summer classes are going on at school."

And with that, I just told him out loud that I was not planning to leave him. That I was admitting defeat and staying with him. Like I had a choice in that.

"Good idea.", he sounded pleased, "Make good use of your summer."

With a little nod, I ate another bite, hating his fucking God damned rotting inside a pretty package guts.

WHERE IS HE ? I wanted to demand. But I didn't.

"Did you sleep well?", he asked.

He knows how I slept, I'm sure he could hear every breath I took while I was asleep. What is this? Is he trying to be my friend now?

I nodded again.

Then, Edward's face turned into something else. The friendly veneer was melting and there was something sinister happening in him now.

"Quiet today, Isabella.", he observed aloud.

"Thought you wanted me that way.", I said, and my attitude showed through a little bit as I spoke the words.

I took more juice, trying to think of something else…anything else.

His lips drew up in a little pout and then his eyes lifted to mine.

"How was Prince Charming ?", he asked, getting to the point.

I froze but on the outside, I played dumb.

"Who?", I furrowed my brow, looking at him, then away. His eyes scared me.

"The little prince.", he informed, his voice deep, "I'm sure he awakened you. He's selfish that way."

Oh Christ. That's RICH. HE'S selfish.

Now I had two choices. Lie – and be killed for it. Or tell the truth – and be killed for it.

Or worse.

I took a deep breath and tried to think of something to say…but I never got the chance.

"So, what did the two of you talk about?", he folded his hands, making a mockery of my Edward, "Did you cry together and hold hands?"

He snickered…and something in me wanted to tear his fucking head off.

"No.", I smiled brightly, eating another bite, looking him right in the eye, "We made love. Wonderful, amazing, life changing love. For several hours. And you'll be glad to note…I now know the difference between that…and fucking. But at least you make a nice omelet."

My bravery was back, in full force. I felt so strong as his face slowly frowned while I spoke, the cruel smile melting off to expose the rage right below the surface.

I imagined my Edward, shouting NO at me, struggling in his leather bonds, knowing he could not protect me, knowing I had said the wrong things, no matter how tough I thought I was at the moment. I knew I'd get hurt anyway, so I'd rather have gone down swinging.

"We have some business to discuss.", he said, his voice hardly able to control the monster within.

"Do we?", I asked, almost with a roll of my eyes. But I didn't sound scared. And I liked that.

I knew it was coming…any second now.

"Yes.", he said, "At the end of the night, I believe I had six points to your zero."

"I believe that was no game we were playing.", I said back, hard as nails, looking right at him, "I'm not stupid, Edward. I know you know everything and I'm going to be punished, so get on with it. I don't have all day."

He huffed. "Oh, Isabella…I think you do.", he responded with an ice cold voice.

And with a swing of his arm, my plate of food and juice flew into the air, the table flipping over as if it were made of cardboard, not marble.

I was on my ass, on my back and he was on top of me, his enraged face right above mine.

"You God damned whore!", he spat the words at me, "You just can't keep those fucking legs of yours closed, CAN YOU ? I'm surprised the fucking MAILMAN hasn't had his turn yet !"

"GET OFF ME !", I screamed, my eyes as angry and hateful as his.

I saw his hand draw back and then lash out, the back of his open hand slapped across my face…and everything went black.

I was laying face down on something cool.

The room was dark now, it was night. Only there was the light coming from above me…shining down on my back. I was on the dining room table again.

"Aww, she's waking up.", I heard Edward's voice a few feet away, some strange noises I didn't recognize right afterwards. I couldn't see him yet. My head was dizzy and my eyes were hardly open.

I felt something slick and sticky over my mouth and realized after a moment it was thick duct tape.

"MMMMM", I tested my voice to see how tight the tape held my mouth. It was very strong. I couldn't move my lips at all.

"Ohhh relax, little girl.", he answered me from afar, "You'll be getting all the attention very soon, I promise."

A smaller MMM came out without me even meaning it to as I slowly came to…more alert and aware with each passing second. My hands were tied with rope, I could see that and feel it. My arms were stretched up and out, very tight, separately. One hand bound to a leg of the table, the other hand on the opposite leg. My hands turned into fists as I yanked defiantly, and it hurt to do so.

I yelped out, hurting as my hands tingled. They felt cold and numb.

Then I felt my legs, spread like my hands, pulled as far down as they would go, no slack in the rope in the slightest. I felt rope biting into my ankles, several times around, and gave them a little tug, knowing they'd be the same as my hands.

I could feel my waist, bound with ropes too. They held me down on the hard table so I couldn't even raise myself off a half inch. I gave a little growl and tried to lift my head up more, to see where he was and what he was doing. But as I did, I felt a chain tighten around my neck.

"I wouldn't move much if I were you, my dear.", he said, "The more you struggle, the more everything tightens."

He sounded so relaxed, so cool.

And lastly, I realized now I was naked and I could now feel a tight, thin rope between my legs, and it pulled tight up into my clit, making it very sore.

I could hear myself muffled inside the tape, and it seemed to make a cross over my mouth, completely covering my lips, almost touching my nose. I was making noises against my own will as my body panicked a little, trying to move and free itself.

I held my head still, letting the chain loosen so I could breathe more.

More feelings began to arise now…my cheekbone throbbed and felt wet. My head hurt like a bitch, stinging with a dull ache that wouldn't go away.

"I just don't understand you anymore, Bella.", his voice said gently, sadly, from wherever he was.

"I laid my heart out and placed it in your hands.", he continued, "I tell you how much you mean to me…how you are my forever…and you return my feelings."

My eyes felt so out of whack…I got dizzy again.

"And then, hours later, you're bouncing on the cock of someone else.", he let that edge come into his voice, the dangerous one.

I heard him walking…towards me. I stiffened up and heard a whimper come out of my mouth as he stroked my hair, then tightened and pulled it hard as I screamed.

"You have no loyalty.", he sneered, "You don't know what love is. You're a bitch in heat, spreading your legs for any penis that hardens in your presence. I thought my love would be enough to keep you mine. But I see there's no heart in you. So tonight, we'll take a different approach. Pain is a great teacher."

He let me go and my head thudded against the table before I got a little control over it.

I could hear noises again, off behind me, away from the foot of the table. Metal banged against metal. A hiss.

"This is as much a lesson for the little prince as it is for you, Bella.", his voice was moving around me.

"He suffers when you suffer.", he said wickedly, "And then there's the guilt. I may not be able to get rid of him completely, but I kill him everyday. He's screaming now, groveling to me for your sake."

His fingers suddenly tore the tape off my mouth in one yank and I yelled out loud, seeing stars for a moment.

"So this time,", he informed, "I will let him hear you beg, and scream…and cry. And if he ever gets another minute with you, he'll hear that in his head. And his dick will shrivel up like a raisin. A vampire never forgets a thing…ever. This will be my little gift to him."

I shook all over, unable to stop it or hide it.

"But I'll make a deal with you, Bella.", he said, "You say now that you regret being with Lord Fauntleroy, you say that you hated it and you wish you'd never been with HIM…and I will lighten your sentence. I won't believe you, God knows you're a slut and a liar, but he will hear it. You'll still be punished for your mouth and your loose legs…but I won't collect on my six points."

I quivered, afraid. I wasn't sure what he'd do about these points but less pain always sounded better. But I saw Edward, struggling and almost heard him screaming and begging on his knees to spare me the pain, to let him have it instead…and I just could not force myself to say the words, even if it was an obvious lie.

A long pause filled the air and I clamped my mouth shut, my teeth holding it in place.

"You make me sad, Bella.", his voice was so low and lost sounding.

"I don't enjoy this, you know.", he said, "Hurting you brings me no happiness. I would much rather spend my time pleasing you. But you never let me. You always force my hand."

"You were being so good.", he sounded regretful, sorrowful, "I really thought you were improving. I ask for so little. I hate that it has come to this. But you must learn. You belong to me alone. Well, I hope you enjoyed your time with HIM. You'll never see him again."

I felt tears come to my eyes, knowing he meant that. He had made those threats come true with Jacob, and Charlie, Renee and Phil…the Cullens. And now Edward.

"In olden days", Edward said, his voice now more like the teacher he was during my study sessions, "The penalties for a woman who insults her husband's honor, or her own, was not a public spectacle, like a man's punishment would be. Her Hell would be private. She might be tortured by the husband himself, or her father, to teach her manners. Something your father obviously NEVER did with YOU."

I felt myself frown as he moved around the table, his hands behind his back as he continued.

"She might be locked up for a time, in her home or in a convent, everything taken away from her.", he said, "As a general rule, a woman's closest male figure is expected to keep her under control or to punish her if she misbehaves socially or otherwise."

"Husbands didn't usually kill their wives for adultery,", he said, "But it was within his rights to do so. No one would have thought less of him for it. But if he caught her in the very act of cheating on him, he is considered to be NOTHING if he doesn't kill not only the wife but also her lover."

"Kill me then.", I heard myself say, gritting my teeth, "You took care of half that with Jacob. So finish your duty and DO IT ALREADY !"

"Oh, but, wait, Bella!", Edward sounded a little excited, "I didn't tell you about the punishments a cheating bitch would receive if she is allowed to live after her…lack of discretion."

I closed my eyes and laid my hurt cheek to the cold table, wishing he would just get on with it and crush my head in his hands.

"There were such horrible tortures back then.", he shared, "Cutting off fingers, toes…burning out the clit with a red hot poker, gouging out eyes, slicing the breasts off..."

I shuddered, wanting to wet myself.

"They wanted to ruin the woman so no other man would ever want her again.", he told me, "Very brutal, that time."

"I really don't want to do that to YOU, Bella.", his voice was tender, "You are so lovely…so perfect…it would be like shattering a stain glass window…you would be a freak…an ugly thing that makes children scream and cry by just the sight of you. The rest of your life, you would have to live with that. Death is too quick, too easy. What do you think, Bella?"

He waited for me to say I was sorry. But I didn't. I wouldn't.

"So be it.", he said after a long silent minute…and he went to a table behind me where I couldn't see.

He sighed hard as I clenched my eyes and started to cry quietly.

Would he really do those things to me? Would I be able to stand it or would I say anything he wanted, hurting my Edward so I would be spared all that pain?

I heard a hiss again and I turned my head, the chain grabbing my throat as I grunted. I couldn't see anything. Bright light over my head, shining and blinding me to all the darkness around the table, kept me unaware.

"Men used to mark their property, such as cattle, with a brand.", he said, "And then with slaves, who were considered livestock and more likely to run away, it was very common. Some tribes called it a rite of passage, a sign that they were a man and no longer a child. Today, some submissives allow their Masters to mark them, as a token of love and devotion. Gang members…pledging their lives to their street family. And lastly, it is a very effective punishment. It is excruciatingly painful."

He let me think about that for a minute.

"I think this will be important for us.", he said, as if discussing the weather, "You need to know who you belong to…and so does HE. He will feel it even more than you will, and the pain for him will be forever. You are luckier. For you, the pain will fade over a few days time."

I shivered more and heard myself sob…but no words came out.

"I did some extensive research.", he said, "You should see some of the images floating around on the internet. Ghastly. Especially the ones done incorrectly. Black, burnt flesh…skin tearing off as it stuck to the iron…."

I prayed…to God then to my Edward….my voice only shivering in terror with panting and tears.

"It will be a third degree burn.", he lectured on, still a few feet away, behind me, "Once the burn heals, a design of scar tissue is left behind on the skin surface. Now…branding can be done either by striking…or with a medical cautery unit."

I love you, Edward…I said in my heart to my vampire love. I love you. Our time together…was the best thing that ever happened to me. I'll never wish it away.

"Strike branding is done with carbon steel sheet metal.", Edward said, "The metal is cut into strips and bent into pieces of the desired design. The design is laid out onto the skin and the edge of the steel is heated with a propane torch until it is hot enough. With a calm hand, the hot edge is struck against the skin for a split second."

I was losing control of my breathing, just hearing about it. Tears of horror were all over my face already.

"Then the next piece is heated for the next strike. The pieces are small so just making one letter could mean four or five strikes in a row.", he said while I cried, my body starting to struggle in vein.

"I know exactly what I want.", he moved his fingers over my bare back, tracing letters I couldn't see, "The word MINE, large as life, right here."

"It will take some time…and many many strikes.", he said darkly, "But I'm very patient…and I have all eternity…and so do you."

I cried and yanked at my restraints as he sat on the table next to my body, making little circles on my spine with his cool finger.

"The other kind of branding…", he went on, "Is called Cautery Branding. This form is much more like cutting. A hot surgical cautery pen is drawn across the skin along the design. When done properly, the design can be slightly more detailed than a strike brand. There are no visible seams in the alignment like with the strike method."

No one will save me. He's going to do this to me. He's serious !

"Both heal pretty seamlessly, but the cautery enables the lines to flow more like a brush stroke than an edge of steel. This elegance in branding has been said to take out some of the carnal elements you get with strike branding.", he was making brush strokes over my back with all his fingers now, as if imagining what it would look like on my flesh.

"I should prepare things now…unless there's something you want to say first.", he took a handful of my hair, yanking my head back, the chain tightening and digging into my throat.

I wanted to beg, to plead like a dog so he wouldn't do it. But then I kept seeing flashes of my Edward…his nose touching mine while he made love to me…his face when I was on top, driving…his laughing eyes under the covers…and damn it all to hell, even his knock knock joke.

And I didn't say anything. I just panted and choked.

"The strike method is harder on the canvas.", Edward said with an evil tone, letting my hair go, "And it takes longer. I like the strike method."

He stood up and went behind me, and a minute later I heard metallic sounds, metal instruments hitting the table. I heard something hiss….then a sound…PPPHHHHHSSSSSTTTTTTTT….I knew it was fire…shooshing up and down, from side to side…

I knew it had to be the propane torch he spoke of…heating the piece of metal that would make its first mark on me.

"A pretty blue flame.", Edward commented, almost to himself as he worked.

"Perhaps I'll use the other method right between your legs.", Edward thought aloud, "Something along the lines of - Property of Edward Cullen. I can make it look pretty, with calligraphy type letters. It will take hours, probably, but, I know you'll be good and hold still for me, won't you Bella?"

"UUUhhhhh…", I sounded, terrified and sobbing harder.

"Poor little Edward…", he said as the flames kept sounding behind me, "He's losing his mind, you know. Thrashing about with all his might. Crying like a girl. I'll bet he's sorry he fucked you now."

"Is it all worth this, Bella?", he asked, "I mean, it IS only body parts slapping together, right?"

He DID hear me last night! He saw and knew everything and yet he acted like he didn't know…just to see what I would say…or if I would lie. He let Edward free, just to test me…and to punish me if I failed his test.

I screamed and fought harder now, my hands light purple, my ankles pinching in the ropes while I yanked my feet.

It had been a few minutes since the flame torch sounded, and now it stopped with a click.

"Ooooh.", Edward said, "The metal is RED it's so hot!"

"Let's test it out, shall we?", he asked calmly, and came up around where my head was. I raised my face and looked at him.

He stood in front of one of Esme's paintings on the wall. It was a portrait of Esme's little son, the one she lost before throwing herself off a cliff.

With a cruel smile, Edward moved the little thin metal edge in a long line across the baby's face…the thick canvas burned black and melted, hissing and slicing in half as I shouted out loud, imagining my skin doing that.

He looked at me and showed no emotion at all, except maybe a hint of sorrow.

"Poor baby.", he said morosely.

Then, standing right in front of me, he clicked on the little propane torch, and began to heat up the piece of metal in his marble fingers again, his wrist moving up and down…side to side….slowly…letting me see the silver metal gradually turn to a red color….smoke gently arising from it as he worked.

I could feel the heat coming off it and he didn't even have it near me yet. My body was going wild in their bonds, only hurting myself more.

"SAY IT!", I almost heard my Edward screeching, "ARE YOU CRAZY BELLA? SAY WHATEVER HE WANTS, I DON'T CARE!"

"No.", I said, almost in a haze, my eyes feeling heavier.

"PLEASE BELLA !", I imagined him screaming, his eyes wild and bright, full of tears he couldn't really cry, "PLEASE ! DO IT FOR ME, I'M BEGGING YOU, DON'T LET HIM DO THIS!"

"No…", I whimpered, tears falling out of both eyes as I closed them for a second.

The clicker sounded and the torch stopped shooting its neon blue flame. The piece of metal was smoking and it smelled like charcoal and steel mixed together.

"I think it's hot enough now.", he announced, looking at it, both sides of the long thin edge.

He cupped my chin in his free hand and raised my eyes to his.

And I saw pain there in his face. Almost fear.

"Please don't make me do this, Bella.", he said, in all seriousness, "I really don't want to. I want to make you happy, not scream. But you must prove to me that you know your place. You must be mine…ONLY! Please say it, Bella. Say you are. Say you wish you never stabbed me in the back and let that FAGGOT inside you."

I wanted to say so much. I wanted to say, "That FAGGOT gave me more pleasure in three hours than I could get from HIM in three hundred years!"

I wanted to say that. And then I knew I would feel that burn…and many many more after that.

But I said nothing. I didn't beg…and I didn't tell him off…I just waited…refusing to give him one word.

I put my head down on the table, clenching everywhere, my fists so numb I didn't feel them at all.

"Fine.", he spat the word, "Enjoy."

He pulled my hair out of the way, off my back, and I felt a cold swab rubbing against my flesh…I guess, preparing it so there'd be no infections.

"Here we go, Bella.", he shoved my back down hard, pinning me so forcefully that my breasts flattened underneath me, temporarily shutting off my air.

The seconds passed like years. I cried, the anticipation killing me as I tried to picture Edward…all the wonderful smiles he could do…his hair…his mouth…those eyes…

"I can't read your mind…", I heard my Edward say…it was from long ago…in a meadow.

"You HAVE to tell me what you're thinking.", he almost begged, like he would go crazy if he didn't know.

And he was so close to me…his mouth almost touching mine.

"Now I'm afraid.", I admitted.

His eyes were hurt…but then, he slowly pulled away, only saying, "Good.", in a sad hardly audible voice.

I huffed. "I'm not afraid OF you.", I pointed out, "I'm only afraid of losing you. I feel like you're gonna disappear."

He almost laughed at me while I said this to him, he thought I was nuts. He expected me to run away. But I wasn't.

He looked at me, like he couldn't figure me out…almost asking himself what was wrong with me…but then his eyes looked deeper into mine and saw my love there. And he looked honored…surprised…afraid…but most of all…he loved me too. I saw that reflected back at me, plain as day.

"You have no idea…how long I've waited for you.", he said mysteriously, not breaking his eyes from mine.

He put his palm over my heart and kept staring into my wide eyes.

"So the lion fell in love with the lamb…", he said, seriously, deeply.

"What a stupid lamb.", I heard myself reply, knowing how dumb this was for me…but not caring…not having a choice when his every gesture or glance captivated me.

And then his mouth turned up at one side, the crooked smile…making a heavenly crease in his white skin there…

"What a sick, masochistic lion.", he came back, without losing a second.

And now, I could feel the heat so close to my skin…but the metal had not made contact yet. I tried to go to my happy place, that day at the meadow….when he kissed me for the first time.

This was taking forever! I wanted to scream, just do it already ! DO IT!

I felt heat…hot raw heat so close to my skin…I waited, every muscle in my body rigid and straining.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!", I suddenly heard him roar, like a furious lion.

I heard something small hit the wall, like a bullet cutting through the drywall.

And I didn't feel the hot metal near me anymore.

"YOU FUCKER !", he was screaming at the air, not at me, "YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE ME ON? COME ON THEN!"

I just tried to watch and listen…was my Edward in there, stopping him somehow? Fighting him? What if Bad Edward won and came at me again with the torch?

Then there was nothing. I tried to stop crying, wondering what was going on.

He rushed over to me and clamped his hand over my nose and mouth at once, shutting off air.

And he whispered into my ear.

"Let this little scene be a lesson to you, little Bella.", he said seductively, "If I wished, I could wreak unspeakable pain and harm upon your little paper body. I could just keep holding your face, like this, and end you in minutes."

Now I needed air and was kicking and struggling, my muffled scream only delighting him.

"There are 206 bones in the human body. And I know them all.", he informed, "I know which hurt the most and I could break so many without doing permanent damage to you. With a little poke of my finger…I could crush any of the fourteen facial bones…"

His other hand moved gently over my cheek and nose, then danced over my closed eyes.

"Or I could go for one of the vertebrae…", he moved his hand over my spine, "Maybe even cripple you so you could never walk again."

I kept trying to beg for air and jerk in my ropes, but he paid no attention.

"Arms and legs…", he touched them next…"Did you know there are 30 bones in EACH arm and leg? That's 120. All painful and very slow to heal."

"MMMMMM!", I growled, unable to even move my head at all.

"Then there's my personal favorite…the pelvic bones.", he gripped there under my bound body as I screamed louder.

"My point is…", he whispered, "I don't need fancy tools to hurt you. I don't need to burn your flesh to make my point. Don't fuck with me again, Bella. I don't think your witty remarks are cute…or funny. I could remove that tongue in two seconds with my fingers. And I will, if you ever talk to me that way again. Next time…I will have no mercy on you…you WILL get the torch. This is your last warning. I suggest you heed it."

I started to feel dizzy…like I was getting tired, my air still out of reach.

"You will go to sleep now.", he said, "And when you wake up, I will punish you in a less Medieval fashion. But, Bella, don't mistake my mercy for weakness. This is the final time that I spare you what you deserve."

"That's right…close your eyes.", he cooed, petting my hair as everything began to darken, "I'll see you very soon, my love."

And right before I blacked out, I felt his lips kissing mine, laying my head down gently onto the table.

"WAKE UP BITCH!", I heard Edward shout and a hard shower of ice cold water sprayed all over my body, up then down…in my face as I jerked and choked…spitting some water out, swallowing some accidentally.

"Nap time is over, baby girl.", he cooed, turning the hose on again as it smacked against my body, making me open my eyes and scream out loud, shocked to be jarred awake like this.

The hose went off and I heard Edward chuckle.

"There she is.", he said to himself, and when I focused, I saw him there a few feet away, wearing no shirt, only jeans…no shoes. I saw we were back inside the square concrete room, the same light bulb above me, ruining my vision.

"Hey sweetheart.", he walked up to me and had his fingers in my clit, rubbing with a little pressure.

My wet hair fell over my face as he slicked it back with his other hand.

"How do you like your new table, girl?", he asked me like I was a dog.

I wasn't gagged at all but was afraid to speak yet. I didn't like how cold I was, and being wet also…didn't help. I was sitting on a metal rectangle table, turned sideways, and there was a metal piece behind me, with black bars and posts everywhere. This piece served like the back of a chair, and I was leaned slightly back against it. My arms were behind me, tied tightly with what felt like leather at my elbows and then again at my wrists…and then they were also secured to something solid in the back of the piece.

The position arched my back up, shoving my breasts up and out, almost inviting attention. My breasts were bound with thin leather straps as well, painfully cutting into the skin a bit, around the bases of both breasts, then around my waist.

Then there was my legs. My legs were open so wide, they were almost in a split. And there were metal clamps pressing over my thighs, then right above my knees, and then again at my ankles…and those clamps secured me firmly to the table I sat upon. My vagina was thrust outward, hanging off the end of the table, and I still felt those thin ropes in between my ass cheeks, then up my clit, yanking it up painfully, and tied into my waist ropes.

I yelped as he roughly moved my clit up and down, burning a little against the rope there.

"Get wet you little slut.", he demanded as my head spun a little, the room almost tipping over as I fully began to come around.

He fingered me more violently than before and I cried out, "OWWW!"

He huffed out a little laugh, still working the sore tissue there, his dark eyes seething into mine.

"I don't blame it for being sore.", he said pleasantly, "You fucked and fucked all night last night, didn't you? You little fucking pig!"

I whimpered, unable to move a muscle to protect myself. Only my head could move now…and I let it fall back a bit, it felt so heavy.

"I think another trip to the stove is in your future.", he said wickedly, "And there'll be no playing around with the fucking STEAM knob!"

"NO!", I cried out as his fingers penetrated me.

"YES!", he shouted back, "I think that ass needs some color!"

"Edward…", I panted weakly as he yanked his fingers out.

"Shut up.", he stuck his fingers deep into my mouth, almost to the back of my throat as he held me by the hair, securing my head backwards.

"Suck.", he ordered as I gagged, trying to writhe in my impossible chair.

I sucked his fingers and he withdrew a little, not gagging my throat anymore.

"Good girl.", he cooed sweetly, as if he admired me, "Lick it all clean."

I did what he said, a salty thick taste on my tongue.

He took his fingers out and went over to the side of the room, darkness shrouding the area like the last time we were here.

My body was so sore and uncomfortable already but I didn't dare say a word. I merely gave a little whimper, knowing my legs would cramp up soon spread out this tight and far apart.

"You like sucking cock.", he said, coming up to me, standing right in front of my crotch as he held my chin up.

"Suck this…get it nice and wet.", he ordered calmly, and shoved something plastic and hard into my mouth before I got a look at it. It tasted like rubber and the rounded tip of it slid down, hitting the back of my throat.

I choked and struggled with my head but Edward held me still.

"Yes, swallow.", he shoved it a little more and I gasped, my air supply cut off for a second. He moved it up and down in my mouth, not bothering to hear my cries and growls of protest. It was getting very wet and sloppy as he continually shoved it up and down, in and out of my mouth, moving it more and more roughly as time went on.

He had me lick it and kiss it a few times then he would make me start again, my throat gagging and choking as he went deeper and deeper with its thrusts.

I was not enjoying this and that was the point. Edward liked watching me do this and the humiliation was a bonus. He was denying me his own cock. I was being punished.

When the cock was near the back of my throat for the last time, and it filled my whole mouth with its thickness, I heard a clipping sound. My head was pinned back so I was staring straight up at that bright light bulb.

"That's a good girl.", he purred, and took his hands away. Now I felt the cock was trapped in my mouth, a gag on the end of it that sealed over my lips, holding it inside.

"You keep sucking on that.", he stroked my wet hair and moved his hands over my soaking wet breasts.

"I love your tits tied up like this.", he shared, slapping them a couple times, the wetness making the slap sound more sharp.

"And this.", he yanked the rope between my legs upwards and it dug mercilessly into my skin. I screamed out loud and he gave a little laugh.

"Very nice.", he smiled, letting it go for now.

"I had to deal with your little boyfriend.", he moved his fingers along my inner thighs, "But he's also buckled down now."

I let out a hard moan, closing my eyes against the harsh light.

"Yes, you both misbehaved.", he said, "Frankly, I didn't think the little prince had it in him. I guess you just work your charms on everyone, don't you?"

"RRRR", I tried to argue back, hardly able to move my head, my throat gagging a little.

"Hush, my sweet.", he walked over to the side wall, "You have my full attention now."

I tried to move my eyes to see what he was doing now but it was impossible to make him out from this angle. I worried about my Edward…was he in pain?

"Kiss your Master's whip.", he put a flogger to my gag and he chuckled as I made a scared little sound. I felt thin long strands of leather on my face as he had me 'kiss' the whip he had selected. I hated the whip, I had felt some of Edward's floggers before and it was always hellish. But he had usually whipped my back, my ass…and since they were both leaning back against the metal piece behind me…I had a pretty good idea where I'd be whipped tonight.

I heard him testing his arm and the whip out before striking me with it. The air cut and wooshed right past my face as I awaited my punishment.

I heard myself make muffled noises of fear and anxiety, my body trying to move and wiggle in their steel prisons.

"Time to teach this hungry little pussy who's boss.", he stroked it again.

"No…no!", I tried to plead…not even wanting to know what this would feel like.

"Talking again.", he pressed a little button on the gag that was in my mouth and the cock near my throat began to vibrate noisily and painfully as I choked more, coughing and near gagging.

"There you go.", he said sweetly, "Now Master can work."

And he stepped back, gracefully swinging his arm back and in a circular motion, up high….then WHOOSH ! DOWN! And an inch to the right of my clit.

The pain was fucking unreal. Because the strands were so thin and hard, it felt like it had cut into the flesh as it landed. I howled loudly, my whole body arching up as much as it could while my scream shook the room.

Before I had time to process it, another stroke, an inch to the left of my clit, placed exactly where he wanted it. He would take his time, covering every inch of my lips until I was raw…and then he would strike right between – dead center.

I was crying and shrieking with all my might, the agony unbearable. He bought the whip down again, not saying anything, not giving me a moment between blows. He would not feel sorry for me, or negotiate, or hear me and ease up. I would feel the bite of his whips, many of them, in this spot, where the crime had occurred. And I would not want to have sex or make love…for a very long time after he was through.

Deep into the night, he worked on me. My crotch was swollen, red, and throbbing as I sobbed out loud. The cock gag had been out for some time now. I couldn't form words anyway. I just howled and wept, howled and cried some more. I begged and begged but that just made Edward angrier, so I learned to shut up and take my beating.

Another hard blow rose up from beneath me, Edward had struck from underhand this time, and the whip lashed against the wet center of my clit.

I panted, out of breath, the tears all over my face as I screamed again, my voice becoming hoarse.

"Now.", he placed the whip down and eyed me darkly, "Tell me what you've learned."

I gasped and tried to stop sobbing, speaking quickly.

"My pussy belongs to you, ONLY YOU!" I blubbered, not even caring what the words meant, just that this was what Edward wanted me to learn.

"And?", he sounded bored.

"And whatever you want to do to it, you can!", I heaved in hard breaths, "You can bring it pleasure or pain. Please don't whip me anymore, Master, please !"

"Silence, slut!", he closed his eyes, annoyed at my inserted plea.

"Tell me about the little prince.", he said, waiting.

This had been the part that I had trouble with. This was the reason my pussy whipping had taken hours.

I sobbed and looked down at my beet red pussy, angry purple lines criss-crossed over every inch of it…and the thighs too. Horrible lines seemed to be laughing at me, puffy and swollen.

"Bella.", his voice warned.

I cried harder and made myself say the words.

"I was a cheap slut to sleep with him.", I said it fast while I wept, "I was bad. I never should have done it. I hated it. I love YOU Master. ONLY YOU. I swear, I'll never be with anyone else again. I don't want anyone but YOU. Master…."

"Say it Bella.", he growled, waiting for the rest.

"I hate him.", I gave in, saying the final line, completely broken, "I hate him."

Edward came over to me and began to examine what he'd done. The second he touched his fingers to my skin, I roared out, a wild animal in agony.

"Easy, girl…easy.", he spoke like I was a horse.

"Shhh….", he soothed, gently moving flesh to make sure I hadn't torn, "Shhhh sweetie."

"You're a good girl.", he kissed my mouth, gently, "Such a good girl. Your Master loves you."

He had something over his shoulder. It looked like a leather bridle but I couldn't focus on it right now.

Taking it from his shoulder, he began to arrange it over my vagina.

I looked down, not sure what he was doing now.

"No, you said no more !", I jerked my trapped legs as he looked at me sternly.

"You said NO MORE !", I shouted out in his face, "I said what you wanted! NOOO!"

"This is for your own good, now quiet, slave!", he ignored me and I saw a black plastic dildo piece in the leather thing he had over me.

I had no way to prevent it. He inserted the piece deep inside me as I shrieked out again, my crotch like raw hamburger and in so much pain I thought I would throw up.

"Please NO!", I begged, "Please take it OUT ! PLEASE ! GOD IT HURTS! I CAN'T STAND IT, MASTER !"

"You can and you will.", he said coldly, and buckled the straps around my waist. I saw a little padlock and he closed it at the center, right between my legs.

"This is your chastity belt, Bella.", he explained, "It's nice and tight, secure, and when you're good, and I allow you, you can urinate. It can be unlocked if I wish. Your ass is free for the moment. (he groped my ass cheeks as he said this) but if that proves to be a problem, then I can get you one that fills BOTH holes securely."

"When I like, I can do this…", he pressed a little controller in his palm and the cock piece inside me vibrated gently…giving off a nice buzz of pleasure.

"Or I can do this.", he hit another button and I received a white hot shock, like a needle shooting up inside me as I screamed.

"So I suggest you behave in the future for me, Bella.", he said, starting to unclasp the metal binds from my thigh.

I cried out again as my muscles hurt, locked in place, not responding when I wanted them to move.

"Here…lay down.", he lifted me in his arms then placed me down carefully on a bare mattress in the corner.

"That feels good, doesn't it?", he petted my hair, wiping the tears from the right side of my face.

I gave a slow nod, my eyes dazed and my body shivering, in shock.

"Alright, Bella, pay attention.", he tapped the sides of my face gently, to make me open my eyes.

I did and he smiled at me.

"Here is the hose if you're thirsty.", he laid it in a coil next to the mattress, "But I would drink it sparingly. I won't be around to undo your belt so you can relieve yourself."

"What?", I woke up a little more, "Where are you going?"

"I have to go hunting.", he smirked, "I need to eat, too, you know."

"I know, but…"

"You'll be perfectly safe here. I will be locking the door from the outside. And I'll leave the light on for you."

"Master…" I began, feeling so terrified that he was leaving me alone…especially in here.

"Bella.", he raised a brow sternly, holding my arms as he laid me onto my back, "A punishment is not supposed to be pleasant. Right?"

"I know…"

"And every punishment teaches you something important.", he lectured, "I don't like disciplining you, but it's necessary. If I didn't care, I'd let you do anything you pleased, wouldn't I?"

"Please don't leave me here…", I felt tears come to my eyes.

"You must learn isolation if you're going to try and get away with cheating on your Master.", he said firmly, "See what life would be without me for a couple days."

"Days!", I tried to sit up again but he already saw that coming and held me down.

"When I come back, I'll bring you a wonderful dinner.", he promised, kissing my lips with passion, his tongue caressing mine.

"Stay.", he said, his eyes black as they looked down at mine. Then he took his hands off my arms and stood up.

He smiled that I remained in place as he moved to the door.

I watched him go in silence as the door closed, the padlock sound clicking down hard from outside.

I trembled, looking up and around this dreadful place. I started to rock, taking a cue from my Edward. It seemed to make him feel better. I prayed it would work for me as tears began to well up in my eyes.

** See next chapter soon!

Love Winnd


	16. We Have Forever

Chapter 16

Hey guys ! You're all so brave and I'm proud of you! (not trying to sound like your Mom, sorry)…LOL. This is about more than just Bella's abuse by Bad Edward, so thanks for seeing that. I also kinda feel a little sorry for Bad Edward. Yes, he's a sick little pup but his love for Bella is what's driven him mad. He loves her, he hates her, he wants her, he doesn't want to want her…he wants to trust her…he doesn't trust her. He wants to think she loves him…but he knows she doesn't. Him killing Jacob turned him into a saint in her heart and she will never forget him or what Edward did to him…and now his half self, Good Edward seems to have her heart.

Bad Edward is so lost and messed up. Aren't we all ? LOL

This is the monster Good Edward always spoke of, the one he wanted to keep away from Bella. And when he was in control and was sane, and had Bella's love unconditionally, he could keep the monster in his cage. But now the monster is out and has his revenge on Good Edward. And the monster loves Bella, too, in his way.

But there will be some story in this, don't worry. Well, worry if you want…

/

I couldn't believe it myself but right after Edward had left and locked me inside his little dungeon, I fell asleep. My mind and body were totally drained. My vagina was killing me and I couldn't even slip my hand into the belt to rub the raw skin inside.

I tried rubbing the leather on the outside, hoping somehow it would help…but it didn't.

Crying myself to sleep, I laid on the smelly bare mattress, only comforted by the small line of light that exuded from the bulb overhead.

I kept weeping, not really because of what punishments I had gone through just now, or because of the terror Edward had arisen in me with that whole branding lesson.

I cried because he had broken me. He made me say that I hated my Edward. I know he heard that. And while I knew he wouldn't blame me or hold it against me, I also knew it had to have hurt him, deep down, although he'd never say it or admit it to me. If I heard Edward – MY EDWARD – say he hated me…even if it was to stop his pain…I know it would slice my heart open.

I didn't dare even whisper anything to my Edward. I didn't feel safe to even mouth his name now…but I could THINK to him. Even if he can't hear me…it made me feel a little better to think, 'I am so sorry Edward. God, I DON"T HATE YOU. You know that. I love you…more than myself.'

In my mind, I imagined him beside me, stroking my back with affection.

And he whispered, "Shhhh…don't you worry about ME. I'm fine. Sleep now, baby. I'll be here to watch over you."

It was a little strange, hearing my Edward call me baby. But it did soothe me…and make me feel good.

And then I made myself hear him humming my lullaby. I really needed it now.

I sobbed as the melody began…and then I seemed to actually FEEL his hand stroking me. And in minutes, I was drifting…escaping…asleep. I was afraid to sleep. Afraid of what I would find there beyond that veil. Nothing good ever greeted me there anymore.

Luckily, my dreams that night had been simple and sweet. Charlie waited for me, but it wasn't missing Charlie…or dead Charlie. I looked far up and saw him smiling down at me. He picked me up into his arms and carried me away, towards a carnival in the distance. I clung onto him, and when I spoke, I heard a little girl's voice.

"Can we go on the horses, Daddy?", I asked, referring to the Merry Go Round.

"Anything you want, Bella.", he grinned, glad there were no real horses there for me to try out. I was a klutz even back then.

I could smell him. Old Spice. I snuggled into his neck and closed my eyes, inhaling with a smile.

I even recently bought a can of Old Spice just so I could smell my Dad when I really missed him. But it wasn't the same. I guess some of the wonderful scent I loved was Charlie's essence, mixed into the cologne.

God, Dad…I miss you so damn much. Thank you for being here with me now…thank you for taking me back here, to our past, where I can be four years old and have fun, and not worry about a thing except what flavor cotton candy I'll get.

My Dad always knew what I needed…and he still does.

I woke hours later, after the carnival ended and Charlie had tucked me into my little girl bed. For once, I wasn't afraid when my eyes opened. I felt peace.

I wondered if it was still night, or if day had come. You couldn't tell from in here. The light bulb was still working, thank God. My body was a bit sore, my crotch a little better – not throbbing anymore. My legs hurt the most at the moment, and I knew that was from the hours of strain and struggle they endured. The more he hit me with his different whips and canes, the more my legs tried to close and fight. But they were hopelessly trapped and would never protect me from the assault.

I saw one of the canes suddenly, a long thin wooden stick, oiled and shiny with an oak stain. It almost looked like a very long conductor's wand. It didn't look like it could do much damage…until it struck me, that is.

I discovered that thin equals a more cutting sting. Thicker canes and whips gave a dull thud, a different kind of ache. The thin instruments seemed to slice in, and they were the tools that brought up the long, purple welts and lines…dark red bruises.

I could see some of the marks right now, on my inner thighs, directly outside my vagina area. I tried to examine them, as much as I could see in the dimness of the room.

Almost at once, I heard Edward's voice.

"Put some cool water on it.", he suggested, reminding me of the hose nearby.

I shuddered, wondering if that would hurt more. But the more I thought of it, the more I thought it would feel better in the long run. Maybe it would keep infection away.

So I did it. I turned the hose on a little bit, just a trickle of water coming out into my cupped hand. Then ever so gently, I laid my wet hand on the horrid little lines in my flesh.

I couldn't help but let out a little cry when it made contact. But, in seconds, it did feel better. I continued this process for a long time, even getting more brave and massaging the bruised areas with the icy water.

"Good, Bella.", I made myself hear Edward's voice give me approval.

I felt myself smile a little, glad I was being smart and taking care of myself.

Then I took a couple of sips from the hose, my stomach growling slightly.

I washed my face off with some water and then noticed my body, smelling of sweat, needed a little wash also. I did what I could until I felt more clean.

That metal chair-table was always in my view as much as I tried to turn away from it. I remembered every minute of my time there and rocked myself a little, curled into a ball sitting up, trying to stare at my toenails, wishing the memories would just go away.

"I want to hear you beg now.", he had said, as he took the cock gag out of my mouth.

I was already in a decent amount of pain and was crying by this point, and my vagina felt as if it were on fire, three different whips had kissed it with their wrath.

"No….no…", I wept, my legs trying to pull again, "Please DON'T!"

"You've had a good warm up.", he turned his back to me, going to the dark wall for a new toy, "I think it's time for a nice little cane."

I let out a sob and quivered all over as he turned back to me with this long, thin stick in his hand.

He brought the tip to my mouth and ordered, "Lick it."

With a release of breath, I stuck my tongue out and gave a long lick up the stick, willing to do anything he said by now. And I certainly didn't want to piss him off more.

"More.", he said with an icy look. I lapped my tongue up and down as he turned it this way and that, so the whole stick was well coated.

"Suck.", he demanded, putting the tip of the stick into my mouth.

I sucked it hard, and it was smooth with no splinters.

"PIG.", he sneered, yanking it out of my lips.

And then, without another word, he placed it first on my inner thigh, and then lifted it up a few inches, then CRACK! Brought it down HARD. And I had thought the whips were bad!

I screamed out, feeling like my guts were coming out with it.

"Oh, that gets your attention, doesn't it?", he taunted as my feet curled and clenched, my head down, staring at the new red line raising from under my white skin.

I was crying, the pain only increasing after the blow. At least, with the whip, the pain would stop in a few seconds.

"OWWW OWWWW OWWW !", I heard myself squealing, my body jerking and begging for release.

"You deserve it.", he said, as if telling me to stop trying to get his sympathy, "Fat, disgusting slut…"

He struck again, in the same exact spot! I felt a screech roar out of me, and felt tears POUR out as my body tensed, my head flying back, wild and fast, my teeth grinding together.

"NOOO!", I growled, sounding full of hot rage with tears mixed in, "NO EDWARD STOP!"

"Are YOU telling ME what to do?", he grabbed my throat and applied a little pressure.

"No.", I breathed, crying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

He let go and allowed me to breathe, his face a painting of revulsion.

"You make me so sick.", he wiped off his hand on his jeans, as if my skin had slime all over it, "You will accept your punishment without an attitude! Don't you EVER…GROWL at ME! You brought this on yourself with your PIG behavior!"

He struck again…in exactly the same spot as the previous two lashes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", I wailed out, my fists clenched, my fingernails cutting into my palms behind me. To an outsider, I'd have sounded like someone being burned by fire.

The pain was raw, intense, and unreal.

"Tell me what a slut you are.", he prompted, moving the wand over my clit, "Tell me."

I would say anything to avoid getting hit again, even if it bought me a few seconds in between blows.

"I'm a slut.", I said in a whimper, looking down at the spot he had been caning. I saw three long purple lines now…one on top of the other…and they were shiny with a little blood.

"WHAT ?"

"I'M A SLUT!", I shouted, terrified, "I'm a filthy, dirty slut! I'm SORRY, Edward, PLEASE! It HURTS SO BAD !"

"I don't want to hear about YOUR pain, what about MINE?", he shoved my chin up with the cane, the point poking my skin a little.

"YOUR pain will heal and go away!", he yelled, "MY PAIN will be forever and just get more and more crippling! Do you even give a FUCK about ME ?"

"YES!", I cried, "I DO ! I LOVE YOU! I swear TO GOD! PLEASE!"

"Please what?", he sneered with a scowl.

"Please don't hurt me anymore, please, please!", I groveled, having no dignity left.

He huffed. "My sentiments exactly.", he answered with a cruel voice.

"You don't hear me.", he said, placing the cane on the three lines he had already made, "So I won't hear you."

And he brought the cane down again, harder than the three previous times.

I howled out again and again, my pleas having no effect on him at all, except to make him angrier. For a long time, he said nothing at all to me, he just kept striking that stick over and over again, many times in the same spot, producing a little blood along with the welts.

Once or twice he lapped the flesh as it bled, as if he couldn't resist, even though he wanted to, denying me any pleasure or relief. He would MMMM afterwards…and start again in a new location.

When I finally started to scream "I'm SORRY, I'm SORRY, EDWARD, PLEASE! NO MORE ! I can't take it! REALLY !"

"But you've known the pleasure of making love.", he almost sang with a charming voice, mocking me.

"No…", I begged.

"All I can give you is a decent omelet, wasn't that what you said?", he gave a single strike across my breasts, his lips frowning tightly. That lash was so hard, it felt like he'd sliced them right through. But it didn't bleed.

I cried out, surprised, and sobbed like a baby, my head hanging down limply.

He yanked me up by the hair and kissed my lips roughly, giving them a firm bite as I yelled out in pain.

"What if I were to fuck you right now?", he said in my ear, "That would hurt even more, wouldn't it?"

My eyes widened and I immediately pleaded for mercy. My vagina was so sore and filled with agony, I think I would die if he penetrated me now.

"No, please, not now…", I panted, trying to keep the sobs quiet.

"You're going to deny me?", he asked, "When every other dick in town has been here?"

And he inserted his fingers.

"NOOOOO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHH!", I was a wild animal now, howling, out of my mind with the pain.

"Feels good to me.", he teased, pumping his fingers deep in and out, hard.

"GOD!", I howled, "GGGGODDDDDDDDDD!"

"Guess again.", he yanked his fingers out, sucked the blood off, and started to unbuckle his jeans.

"NO PLEASE EDWARD, DON'T!", I watched him, helpless.

"It'll KILL ME!", I said honestly, heaving out my sobs and breaths at once, "It hurts SO BAD!"

He had his jeans down now, revealing his long, thick white cock. It was erect and ready.

"Yes, I know.", he stepped closer to me, "Sucks, doesn't it?"

And he thrust inside me…and it was like I was being fucked by a sword.

I snapped out of my memory…not wanting to be there anymore. That was all before he had broken me and made me say all the things he wanted to hear. It seemed like it all would never end. And just when I thought it would…he would start all over again. And I did faint a couple of times…but he hosed me off with the cold water to wake me up so we could continue.

He was very skilled at these punishments. And I knew that wouldn't be the last time, either.

My eyes were staring at something…and now that I came back to the present, I could concentrate on it.

A round jumble of white rope laid on the floor behind the metal chair table. That's what had bound my arms behind me. Before I was even thinking, I felt myself crawling over to it, as if it were my sunlight…my doorway out of here…a key to the door between me and Jake.

He just left this here…and me being loose and free to get it. Is this a trick? A test?

I stroked the long rope as if it were a little child in my arms. I held it to my chest and rocked it with me. Am I losing my mind now, too? That would be nice, to be crazy…and blissfully free of rational thought…free of all the guilt…and the pain.

Do I deserve to be free ? Edward isn't free. And Charlie, Renee, Phil, Jake, the Cullens…none of them are free, either. Not if their killer is alive and well and still hurting others.

I was already thinking of how to tie the knot so the rope would tighten as it raised up over my head. I would tie it to the chain pulley thing Edward used to lift me up that day. I would kneel up on the metal table…and then just slide off the edge. I would be inches off the floor…but it would work.

What if Edward is right outside the door? My wicked mind played devil's advocate and I hated it.

What if he planned this to see if I'd try it again? Every time I tried to kill myself I would get holy hell and then someone else would also pay dearly. Last time it was that little boy.

Only Good Edward had fought back then, too, and kept him safe and happy. I realized that the reason I never got the branding was because MY Edward had risen up and defeated the bad one then, too.

That had to be him that roared out and threw the piece of hot steel into the wall. He had been with me…for a flash of a second…but he was there…and he saved me…but it probably took all his love, all his heart, all his strength to do it…and then he was immediately drained afterwards, weak and ripe to be captured again by his dark nemesis.

Good Edward was locked up tight now, I knew that. What if Bad Edward killed a child this time? I can't live with another death. And what about my Edward? If I succeeded and died, what would happen to him? He would be destroyed. Forever alone and chained to Bad Edward. That is worse than death. I can't do that to him, no matter how bad I want to go.

Edward, MY Edward…said that I was connected to the bad one now that he had tasted my blood. I remembered his warnings. He would know if I was afraid…or hurt…even if he was far away. He could call me to come to him, anytime, even if I didn't want to come. He couldn't get into my head…but he was in my blood…and I was in his. He would know…and he would come and stop me. And I didn't want to think what the penalties would be, to myself, and innocent others.

No.

I placed the rope down, hushing it to go to sleep.

I won't leave you, Edward. If there is to be any escape, we will make it together…or not at all.

"You hold me without touch…you keep me without chains…", I sang to myself…and him…I didn't sing the rest of the song…I was scared to. But I played it in my head.

I mixed it all up and didn't do it justice in my mind but the important lines were there….

Something always brings me back to you…

I still feel you here…til the moment I'm gone…

Never wanted anything so much

Than to drown in your love…and not feel your rain…

Set me free…leave me be…

I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity…

Here I am and I stand so tall…

Just the way I'm supposed to be

But you're onto me…and all over me…all over me.

You loved me cause I'm fragile…but I thought that I was strong.

But you touch me for a little while…and all my fragile strength is gone…

Set me free….leave me be….

You're onto me…and all over me…

You're neither friend nor foe, but I can't seem to let you go….

(song is not mine, it's Gravity by Sara Bareilles – check it out sometime, it's great)

FUCK my life ! I cried suddenly, cutting off the song and the words inside me…I pounded my fists on the innocent ropes, yanking at them as if I could cause them pain for a change. I hurled it into the far corner, out of my sight in the blackness. And I cried. I cried so hard…for so long.

/

Maybe I was losing my marbles. Maybe I had a plan. Maybe I was really broken. But two days later, when Edward sliced his key into the padlock outside, I was tied up and waiting quietly for him.

White light screamed into the room as the door opened and I squinted slightly, my wrists bound together in front of me, resting on my leather chastity belt. I moved my ankles a little, testing that they were still bound together pretty tightly also. They were secure.

I heard him pause as he came in. The door closed behind him with a loud thud.

"What is this?", he asked, sounding confused.

"I tied myself up, Master.", I answered timidly, not moving a muscle.

He paused again.

"Why?"

"It didn't feel right to be free.", I said honestly, "I was so bad and I hurt you…and I'm sorry. So sorry that I want to die. But you don't want that. So…I'm never gonna try that again. I'll stay with you…only you…for as long as you want to put up with me. If that's ten minutes…or ten centuries…that's fine with me…Master."

I didn't look at him, I had closed my eyes as I spoke. But I heard a gust of breath escape his lips, as if he couldn't believe it. But he wanted to believe it.

"Are you lying, Bella?", his voice sounded so fragile.

"No Master.", I said right away, with no hesitation, "I can only prove it in time…with my actions. But I hope you'll let me show you. I'll never lie to you again. I love you. And that's the truth."

He didn't speak for a long time. I just laid there, on my back, waiting.

"I want to believe you…but…", he almost stuttered.

"I don't blame you, Master.", I said with understanding, "I wouldn't believe me, either. But I'll work hard to make you see…you can trust me again. I don't expect your trust again so fast. I'll have to earn that back. And I'll do anything to heal all the hurt I've caused you. Anything."

He waited again, probably having an internal debate about this unforeseen turn of events.

Finally, he opened the door and, making his voice dominant again, he said, "Crawl back to the house. I'll feed you now."

I knew he wouldn't crumble and cover me with kisses after my little speech, but this was him saying for now, he would still be hard…and protect his heart…but he was giving me the chance to prove my words to him. And I would.

I easily rolled onto my stomach and used my bound hands and knees to slowly maneuver myself so I could half crawl and hop, dragging my knees behind me as my wrists stepped out one step at a time. He slowly walked behind me, silently, as I trudged through the wet grass and dirt, a couple of rocks along the way. I paid no attention to the fact that I was near naked wearing a leather and metal chastity belt outside in the plain light of day. The sky was gray and overcast, as usual here in Forks. There was a nice breeze and I felt my lips smile as I realized how well I was moving towards the mansion in the distance.

I had not heard any objection from my Master so that made me happy.

A low rumble of thunder sounded above but I nearly jumped, thinking it was my Master's growl. I was relieved when it was just nature, showing its disgust at my behavior.

Finally, we approached the back of the house and I got to the glass door first, the kitchen waiting just inside. I waited there, on hands and knees while Master gently opened the door, allowing me in before himself.

I climbed in, moving a few feet inside as he closed the door behind him. He moved to the table and opened a Styrofoam container. There was an empty plate on the table already and he moved the food from the container to the plate. I could smell it and saw steam rising up out of the red saucy meal.

Like a dog, I felt myself drooling a bit. It had been awhile since I got solid food.

I was still on all fours, not daring to sit down on the floor until I was invited to do so.

Edward took a fork out of the drawer and pulled a chair out, sitting down.

He still had a strange look on his face. He looked a little sad but something more.

"Come here, girl.", he said with no emotion, swirling the food around on the plate as I approached the table.

I didn't show any signs of fear. I crawled right over to his feet and laid my head on his leg, giving it a nice long rub, like a cat.

His breath came out again, as if shocked by me…and again, a hint of sadness.

He almost touched me but he took his hand away, taking the fork in hand again.

"Sit.", he said a little sharply. And I sat on my knees, my legs underneath me, my hands tied and in my lap.

He poked something with the fork and shook his head, to himself, then brought the hot food to my lips. I opened and ate before looking at what it was.

Then my heart melted.

Mushroom ravioli. He remembered.

I felt tears in my eyes as I chewed. It was the best ravioli I'd ever had in my life.

"Good?", he looked at me from the corner of his eye, a small hint of a smile there.

I nodded with a smile, licking my lips, getting a little sauce there.

He smiled more as his eyes moved closer to me.

He got another ravioli and held the fork up above my face.

"Sit up…", he said with a pleasant tone, "Come get it."

I rose up on my knees and stretched, getting the ravioli and chewing, half closing my eyes at how fucking good it was.

He smirked at me…then made his face turn to stone again, as if mad at himself for letting his guard down.

He kept feeding me…bite after bite. A couple of times he made me work for it, stretching and arching backwards now and then to catch the noodle. I seemed to be amusing him, he smiled a couple times as I tried to get my bite from him.

Then, at one point, a glob of sauce landed on my chin and he smiled, saying, "I'll get that."

Then he leaned down and kissed the sauce, opening his mouth and licking as he sucked and ended it.

He would not trust me yet. He would be mad at me for a long time. But this was the start of him giving me a chance…a new chance.

I filled my head with good thoughts, shoving all the bad ones deep down inside. I would need them later. But for now, this was my life…my plan. I didn't even dare think it all through, in fear he would hear it somehow. But step one was: earn his trust back. This would take a long time, I knew that. But like Edward had said, we have forever.

After the last bite was gone, he placed the plate on the floor in front of me. I knew what he wanted and I didn't wait.

I leaned way down and licked all the sauce off the plate, my hair hanging like a black veil all around me, hiding me.

I heard Edward over me, giving a little sigh, content to watch me doing this.

"Mmmm", I sounded appreciatively, lapping up every little drop as my naked ass stuck up in the air behind me.

I felt his hand, stroking up and down my right ass cheek. Affection.

I was glad my vagina was covered by the belt so he couldn't grab or fondle it, and I had gotten used to the plastic thing inside me.

Then I felt the soft, subtle vibration coming from it.

I gave a little moan and kept cleaning my dish. This buzzing was nice, but it wouldn't make me come. It was gentle…and I liked it.

"Finish up.", he reached down and took the plate, checking to see if I had done a good job washing it.

I had gotten it all and he gave a little grin.

Usually, he would say 'Good girl'. But I was still not completely back in his good graces yet. He would keep being a little hard on me, not giving out easy praise.

"Follow.", he said, leaving the kitchen.

I quickly moved after him, he slowly and gracefully moved to the living room, sitting on the white cozy looking sofa.

I caught up and knelt next to the couch, facing him, my hands down.

"Stay.", he said, looking me right in the eye, watching for any resistance. He found none.

He picked up a red book from the cushion beside him and opened it, recalling exactly what page he'd last read with his perfect memory.

He didn't regard me again. He just read silently, letting me kneel there, staring at his angelic features while he ignored me. I couldn't see what the title of the book was from my angle. I'm sure it was no Harlequin romance, those were paperback. Probably some medical journal or something. He loves those. I wondered what he didn't already know that he could be reading now.

For over an hour I knelt there, keeping a straight posture, no matter how sore or tired I felt. He didn't look at me but I knew he was watching. And the little vibration inside me kept going all the while…making me happy…I could feel a little wetness between my legs.

I kept my eyes on his face, watching his eyelashes, noticing the way he never blinked as he read. Liking the fast way his warm golden eyes moved across the words from left to right, I couldn't hide my smile as I admired him. His mouth is so flawless. How full his lips are…GOD!

"So you tied yourself up, did you?", he asked warmly, not taking his eyes off the page.

"Yes Master.", I peeked down at the rope. It was not a skilled knot. I tied the knot once, holding one end in my fingers and the other end in my teeth, then intertwined another knot, pulling it as tight as I could. And that was all I could manage. It wasn't tight but…it was tied.

"That must have been slightly difficult for you.", he observed, still reading.

I assumed he meant the act of tying it myself.

I grinned as I looked at his quiet face again.

"It wasn't easy.", I admitted, adding, "Master."

He smirked, not looking at me. But that was enough to make me happy.

"Perhaps in time, I'll teach you better knots.", he said after a long pause.

I smiled more. "I would like that Master. Thank you."

Then he read for two more hours as I knelt there, staring at him. I must have memorized every little hair on his head. It went in a hundred different directions…I lost count of them all around 64.

It took a long time, but after another half hour, the buzzing had brought me to the brink.

I tried to hold still but my breathing must have given me away.

"What is it, slave?", he asked, looking deep in thought, his eyes still on the book as he turned a page.

"I…", I hesitated, not wanting to ask if I could come. I didn't deserve it.

He waited, still reading.

"I think my pussy wants to come, Master.", I put it this way so I wouldn't anger him, "But I won't if you say no. I know I was bad."

"Fine.", he said with no reaction, "Don't come."

GOD ! Now I want to come even MORE!

I clenched and tried to be silent. My eyes were seeing stars as the little buzzer jerked inside me and I was so hot and wet! It felt SO FUCKING AMAZING!

Think of something else ! Think of something else ! Dead kittens…old ladies naked…me naked being kissed by a naked old lady !

Ohhh, that works. I imagine an old lady with no teeth shoving her tongue down my throat.

UGH! That really works.

I let out a heavy breath as the urge to come slowly passed. I felt so relieved.

After that I really had to concentrate to keep myself from getting that close again. I squeezed my muscles closed tight and released them over and over again, trying to shut out the sensations.

Another hour passed and then the buzzing stopped. I wanted to cry in relief and lay my head in his lap but I didn't. I stayed straight and in my position.

I blinked the little tears back and felt proud I had accomplished my mission.

"Go turn on the television set.", he kept reading, as if he didn't even notice me, "Channel 210."

I crawled over to it and did as I was told, not daring to use the remote.

An operating room was there, a body on a table. A masked surgeon was speaking, a scalpel in his hand.

"Come back.", he ordered next, still hidden behind the book.

I crawled back and knelt like I did before, making sure I wasn't blocking the TV. I was more on his right side now than in front of him.

Night fell as Edward put his book aside and watched the operation. I kept my eyes on him, trying not to look in the TV's direction. No lights were on, besides the light shining from the TV and that was enough to keep me feeling safe. I liked the way Edward's face looked blue in the glow from the television and I smiled to myself, forgetting the ache in my legs and back or the strain in my knees.

My neck was also killing me but at least my crotch was starting to quiet now. The pain there was dull now…not razor sharp like before.

"Come here and get on all fours.", he pointed, in front of him, not taking his eyes off the screen.

I did and he raised his legs, crossing his ankles and laying them on my back, like a footrest.

I didn't understand all the medical terms the voice on TV used as he explained his procedure, but his voice was deep and soothing…almost making my eyes close in sleep. But I snapped right back up, making myself hard, not being lulled by the monotone doctor in the box.

It seemed to go on forever and ever. I almost whimpered and cried at one point.

Stay strong, I told myself. You must be tougher than this. Think of Jake. Think of YOUR Edward, I shouted at myself like a drill sergeant. That worked too.

Finally, I heard the doctor say, "This concludes procedure 576. Thank you and good night."

THANK GOD ! I heard my brain shout and then the wicked side of my mind went, 'He can always watch whatever's on next, you idiot! How do you know there's not a marathon of these shows on tonight?'

Oh Jesus!

"Turn off the television set.", he said, just as void as he did before, removing his legs from my back.

I crawled over, glad to at least use my muscles again, and switched it off, wincing, knowing it would put us in the dark now.

"Follow.", he said in the blackness, and he moved. I followed where his voice came from and heard his footsteps on the stairs. I quickly followed, having to pull my knees up, one step at a time, to climb the stairs.

For a flash, I felt like I might fall backwards on the black stairs, unable to see a thing. I climbed by feeling, like a blind person. And for a moment, I was in the grave hole again, this time tied up like I was now…and it was raining and dark.

"Ugghhh…", I released a little cry, making my tears go away as I got higher and higher on the staircase. I felt around thoroughly on every step above me before trying to hop my knees upon them.

Then, finally, I felt around and didn't feel anything but open space. I almost screeched out loud but I held it in. This must be the top step…I felt around more…yes…this is the hallway.

I wanted to call for Edward several times but I didn't. I would have to learn to trust myself, dip into my own well of strength to get through all I'd have to go through in the next months…maybe years. I would have to take care of myself.

"In here, girl.", his voice stabbed out from the dark all of a sudden and I nearly jumped.

He wasn't in the bedroom, he was in the bathroom!

I crawled in, feeling the cold porcelain under my tired kneecaps. It felt good for a second…if not for the hardness.

I heard him turn the faucet and a burst of water came pouring out, hitting porcelain. It was tub water, not a showering sound.

Still in the complete dark, Edward moved to the sink area. I heard the medicine cabinet open and he was taking some things out.

"Come here.", he said, his voice still blank. I moved closer to where his voice was, still on my knees.

He moved his hands over my arms and shoulders, as if examining them.

"Calm down, girl.", he had a little sympathy in his voice now, and I guess he could feel me shivering, "I'm with you. Nothing to be afraid of."

So he knows I'm afraid of the dark and still he makes me crawl around in it. He's testing me again. He wants to see if I'll obey…or cry and beg him to turn the lights on.

"Yes Master.", I said in a shy little voice.

Without a warning or another word, he was unlocking the little lock above my crotch. I felt the leather straps loosen a little bit and then his cold fingers were on my skin, unbuckling the strap around my waist. I was almost afraid for this to come off now…I imagined my vagina falling out and splatting onto the floor as the belt came undone. What would I say then?

He gave a small sigh as he unlooped the straps.

"Open.", he tapped my sore inner thigh and I spread my knees apart, as much as I could while my ankles were tied.

"Brace yourself.", he warned me and I did, clenching my fists and eyes at once.

With one slow but precise movement, he removed the thick hard piece that had buried itself in me for the last three days.

I tried to hold in the sound of pain as it came out.

He placed the belt into the empty sink and then I felt a hand stroking my hair, the other cool hand under my chin, raising my face up. I knew he could see me in the dark with his special eyes. I tried not to cry or whimper.

"It's alright.", he said gently, "Let it out."

And it came out. I breathed out hard and ragged…and allowed myself just a minute to cry, almost silently, while he comforted me.

But I didn't let myself bawl or sob…and I didn't cry for long. I put a halt to it right away.

"I'm fine Master.", I said, swallowing, taking one more deep breath.

"Stand.", he said, all business again.

I had to close my knees and hop a second to get on my feet, then stand.

"Come.", he took my hands and pulled me forward, towards the filling tub.

I had to make three or four little hops to follow where he was leading me.

Without untying me, he picked me up into his arms and gently began to place me into the water below. I gave a high pitched yelp as my vagina hit the hot water.

"Easy.", he soothed, sitting me into the tub as I fought with myself to remain brave in the nightmarish darkness. And now water was involved.

"Lay back.", he held his arms under my back as I reclined, closing my eyes as I waited for the back of the tub to catch me. It did, and the back of my head rested on the edge. My arms, still bound in front, were under the water as were my legs. My breasts were sticking up above the water but slowly it was rising.

I let out another breath, feeling my chin trembling. I refused to cry or beg.

The hot water did feel good now that my body was getting used to the temperature…my crotch almost sighed out in sweet relief. The only thing that bothered me now was how high the water was rising. I could feel it under my chin now…almost touching my bottom lip.

I heard the squeak of the faucet shutting down and the water came to a stop.

For a moment I recalled the kitchen sink of my house and when he almost drowned me.

"Just soak for awhile.", he ordered and I think he sat on the rug near the tub, his voice was lower around that side.

I stayed still, afraid to even try my wrists to see how tight the rope really was now. He would see the slightest movement, the tiniest reaction.

Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine that I was here alone, relaxing.

After a little while, I heard his voice again.

"Slide down and let your head go under the water.", he demanded, his voice firm.

I felt myself hesitate, not clear at what he wanted exactly.

"Is there a problem?" he asked without a hint of anger.

"No Master.", I felt my voice tremble. This is another test. To see if I'll obey.

I took a breath and closed my eyes, sliding and submerging my head under the hot water.

I stayed there a second, my fists tight and wet, my legs bent, knees up and out of the water.

I was laying on my back, my hair flowing like wet silk around my face while I waited, listening for his voice outside the watery ceiling above me.

"Head out.", he ordered a little loudly, making sure I could hear him.

I straightened my legs and pushed myself up, my head up and out of the water. I didn't choke or cough…just breathed a little heavier while I caught my breath. My hair was slicked back as I raised my chin up a little.

"Back down again.", he said after a few seconds.

I did what he said, staying under until he allowed me back up. A couple of times it was nearly impossible, and I was dieing for air…then he would call me and I would raise up, choking and panting.

This went on for awhile and then finally he decided it was time to wash me. I received no approval or praise during my water play. But I wasn't yelled at or punished, either.

He soaped my body with his bare hands, making no sexual moves. I hated to admit it but I felt humiliated, being washed like I was a baby or an invalid. He even did my underarms and my ass, never saying a word. He shampooed my hair, making me sit up while he worked. I had to say he is one great shampooer. His fingers were so strong and moved so magically against my scalp as he lathered.

I even moaned a couple of times during that part. He didn't say anything either way.

Afterwards, after the water was all drained out, he lifted me up and stood me on the rug. A nice big warm towel fluffed and dried me all over, his hands went carefully around my crotch area but were very stern and steady as he toweled my hair.

"Stay.", he said.

I almost panicked but he didn't leave the room. He began to move my brush through my damp hair, making long, straight strokes backwards, making it neat and sleek. He never tugged too hard or caught in a knot. Then he went to the sink and moved back to me, getting lower, as if on one knee.

I hope he's not proposing to me now…here.

"Open.", he gave my thigh a tap and I moved my knees apart, my ankles still strapped together. He moved his fingers along my inner thighs, a warm goopy substance gliding over my skin as he did so. He went on to coat my entire vagina, even the clit. Not one inch of me was overlooked. It didn't sting, it felt balmy…warm…soothing.

He took his fingers away and I heard him washing in the sink nearby.

"Thank you Master.", I said, glad I wouldn't have any problems with infection.

"You behaved tonight.", he said in a low, quiet voice, "You earned it."

I heard myself sniffle as I waited for him to further instruct me.

"Follow.", he said and walked out of the black room.

I hopped after him. After five hops, he was there, holding the rope around my wrists.

Then he led me as I hopped. I guessed he realized I was a klutz and may have fallen flat on my face without his support. It was a kind gesture, one he didn't have to make.

"Stop.", he said after what seemed like a million hops.

"Turn.", he guided me as I went where he wanted me, still blind as a bat.

I felt a mattress behind my legs and he said, "Lay back."

I did, feeling a bed. He turned me so I was laying in it correctly. Then he raised my arms up slowly over my head, looping the rope around my wrists into a part of the iron headboard. Then I heard a creak of iron and I pictured his fist clutching at the piece that held my ropes, sealing it closed so I could not free myself without his help.

My tied feet were allowed to lay there, unsecured for now.

I felt his weight sink down in the bed next to me.

I made no sound. I just waited.

It took forever…then…a thin, cold finger was on my forehead…and excruciatingly slowly….it moved down…down the plane of my nose, making a little dot on the tip of it. Then he moved down further….down the trail to rest upon my lips.

I kissed the cold skin there and heard his breathing above me suddenly, a little bit louder than before.

His finger kept moving straight down…over the curves of my chin…down my neck…in the hollow at the base of my throat…then past the hard bone plate until it neared the valley between my bare breasts.

I arched my back up off the bed so high, my upper half was reclined backwards a bit. His fingers were so gentle now…and all five of them moved up over the side of my left breast, barely brushing my skin with his fingertips. I almost thought it was MY Edward…but I'm glad I didn't say it aloud. Because it wasn't.

He touched me so lightly, so little that it was doing things to my stomach…it felt like it was melting. I made a little sound of disappointment when his hand moved away from me. I wanted to encourage him to touch me this way…I wanted to beg him not to stop. But I made myself shut up. It seems like everything with this Edward is a test of sorts.

His fingers were touching my face, moving it towards him, moving over my lips as they opened without sound, letting him explore. His finger slowly moved over my bottom teeth, going back and forth along the edge, feeling the little ridges. I licked once…getting his finger. Without a word, he withdrew…taking his hand away.

Another pause. No touching. I waited wordlessly, being patient and good. Letting Master decide.

I felt his fingers along the side of my cheek, leaving an icy little trail along my jaw line, playing along the underside of my chin. Then I felt him in the thickness of my hair, stroking at the wettish long strands. This seemed to fascinate him, as he took a long time there.

Then his fingers were gone again…for a long time. I couldn't fall asleep until he touched me again. I waited.

A single finger was on my armpit and moved a long, wonderful line down the side of my breast, then down my side, brushing the ribs while I tried to hold in a laugh. I was ticklish here.

That trail led him all the way down my leg. I so wanted that caress on my breasts…on my ass…NOT my crotch, though, that had some serious healing to do.

But the touching never went too far. He never said a word but he kept touching me…stroking me…exploring places he never seemed to notice before. He even toyed with my toes! He seemed to be sitting at the foot of the bed then, facing me, and he brought my feet up until they were flat on the mattress. Then he touched each single toe…feeling their shape, both on top and underneath…I nearly giggled a couple of times because it tickled.

He never came close to my out of commission vagina that night and he only moved his fingers over my breasts briefly, softly circling each nipple as I let a deep moan out of my mouth.

It was really turning me on, being tied this way, having him just tease and stroke me so sweetly, never speaking to me, as if I were his object, an inanimate thing he was using, like his piano.

He touched my fingers…and I opened them loosely as he felt the spaces in between each of them…then they spiraled and moved up to the tip of each digit.

I drifted off to sleep, bound there as my Master kept examining his real life doll. I could still feel his fingers making cold little designs over my flesh as I sank into the abyss of slumber.

I had no idea what awaited me tomorrow but I couldn't think of it right now. For a little while tonight, I felt special…unique…precious. I didn't know if it was real or a lie, but I was too tired and too weak to care. I just enjoyed it. Who knows how many nights I would get to ENJOY ?

/

End of Chapter 16

**Does Bella have a plan? Will it work? Will she convince Edward that she is being true now? Will she screw up and get in trouble again?

HE HE HE ! Tune in soon to find out. I know, I'm a cornball, sorry !

Bella is trying to regain trust. Don't bash me for making her seem like a weakling. As we saw with her omelet remark, there is a little fire in there still. She is still brave, but now she's being SMART too. You'll see.

Edward is no dope. He is not going to trust her right off. Like she said, it will take her a long time. And things will happen, believe me !

Thanks for still being with me and thanks for all the great reviews! I love the short ones as much as the longer ones, so thanks for taking the time to give me some feedback.

See you soon kiddies !

PS Tonight is the Jimmy Kimmel special – don't miss it !

One week to GO ! God, I'm like a bitch in heat waiting for this fucking movie ! LOL ! LEG HITCH ! TENT SCENE ! I wish my scenes from my stories were in the movie, then I'd really be jumping up and down in front of the theatre!

See u soon guys !

WinndSinger


	17. More to Life

Chapter 17

It's hard to believe but Edward had me so nervous and worried last night that my body completely forgot it had to go to the bathroom. But as I began to wake up, I definitely knew it was time.

I clenched my legs together and looked around me. No Edward. And my wrists were still hopelessly locked into the bent iron loop in the headboard above me.

Trying to hold it, I decided one minute later that I just couldn't.

"MASTER!", I called, trying not to be too loud, a feeling of embarrassment washed over me.

"MASTER!", I kicked my feet a little, hoping that would keep me dry.

"Yes – Bella!", he replied, coming into the room, wearing a nice looking blue button down shirt and light blue jeans.

"Ummm…", I held it in tight, smiling, "Good morning Master."

He folded his arms and smiled back, "Good morning Bella."

"I'm sorry to bother you…", I winced, "…but is it alright if I use the bathroom please?"

He grinned and looked back in the direction of the hallway.

"Perhaps it could be arranged.", he looked down at my body, surely seeing the internal struggle I was trying to hide.

"What will you do for me in return?", he asked, his eyes glinting a bit as he thought about that.

And that is why I am now a very relieved, empty bladdered naked girl under the dining room table, hands tied behind my back, and sucking as Master shoves his penis into the back of my throat.

My breakfast bounced on the table as my head smacked the underside of it now and then, and I'd get a little chuckle from Master as he sat in his usual spot across from mine.

"Ohhh yessss….", I could hear him hiss above me.

His hands gripped my hair tighter and made me move back and forth a little faster.

I sucked very hard and made sure my mouth was always very wet, making sloppy sounds that Master liked as he drove himself in and out of my noisy mouth.

I moaned and vibrated his shaft with my voice as he pumped. I wish I could see his face…but as it was now, I was like a dog under the table…only getting to see his bare white thighs and lowered jeans while he used me to reach his pleasure.

"FUCK BELLA !", he made a very lion like roar and growl, then I knew he was getting close to the edge. I was glad. My throat was hurting a little bit and my jaw stung. Also, my food was getting cold. And I knew I'd have to eat it all, cold or not, when I got to sit at the table…IF I got to sit at the table.

I gave a little squeal of excitement, licking the underside of his cock with my tongue in addition to the faster strokes he was helping me achieve.

With that, he shouted out and I heard a piece of marble break off the table in his hand.

He tossed it away from us and then said, "Take it all, Bella."

I felt a hot spasm of liquid erupt into my mouth and right away I began swallowing over and over again. I didn't want to lose a drop or I'd be in for it. I could hear him panting above the marble table ceiling.

I still couldn't see him but I licked every inch of his glorious long cock. It tasted so heavenly, like something sweet and hot. I wanted more.

"MMmmmm…", he sounded happy up there and I felt his hands loosen in my hair, letting go. Then one of his hands stroked my face. I took the chance and sucked his middle finger as it neared my lips.

"Ohhh sweetie.", he sounded aroused again…still. I took a gentle little bite and licked, sucking harder.

"Such a good little bitch today…so far.", he added, and then his hand came under the table with a long piece of bacon in it.

I smiled and licked at his fingers that held my bacon. I heard him give a little laugh.

"Eat.", he invited me and I devoured the bacon slice, making sure to lick his fingers clean after it was gone.

A minute later, he placed my plate of eggs and remaining bacon on the floor in front of me.

"Eat your breakfast, all of it.", he said, still not letting me out from under here.

I heard Master opening his book overhead and I got to work on my plate, glad to find it was still warm.

After breakfast, I was told to clean up the dishes and pans, tidy up the kitchen, and then Master showed me how he wanted the house kept at all times.

I was also told that in the house, I would always be naked, unless told otherwise. When Master would be away from me at any time, I would have the chastity belt on. I was to shave all hair off my body and keep it that way at all times.

When at school, I was to be home exactly within 15 minutes of leaving there. I had to call when leaving the school and had to call if I hit any traffic or other types of obstacles that would make me late getting home.

No one was allowed to call me at home. I was allowed no outside friends or companions. Master said it was because he wanted his vampire secret kept, but I knew better. He didn't want me to have anyone outside himself. He was to be my whole world. There was no room for anyone else. I had already decided that I'd make no friends. It would just be another person he could use to punish me…another death that didn't have to happen.

I would exercise every day, usually, with him, in the gym on the west side of the house.

When Master came home if I was here, I was to greet him on my knees at the door.

There were no other set rules. I was just to behave and listen…and obey. I was here to be loved, Master had said, and to love in return. That's all he wanted, he said. That and faithfulness…loyalty. He told me I wasn't out of the woods yet. That he was still watching me and would be for a long long time.

Punishment would be given out whenever he decided, whether I agreed to it or not.

I wasn't surprised by that. I expected it.

And so life went on for while. I went to school over the summer and Edward decided to pose as an ER intern at the hospital. I should have known he wouldn't be happy waiting around for me to come home, knitting a sweater.

I felt so inferior, taking basic English classes in community college while Edward was saving lives at Forks Hospital everyday. He was very proud of himself that he could keep his thirst under control the way Carlisle did. Of course, the reason he could control it so well is that he would taste my blood from time to time, as he did that first night in Jasper's little concrete room.

Edward Cullen became the most loved little star in the crown of Forks Hospital.

Whenever I went there to see him or when he beckoned me to come to him there, every single person told me how lucky I was to be with Edward. Edward was the nicest, Edward is the smartest, Edward is the bravest, yadda yadda yadda.

It's nice that Edward gets to have friends when I wasn't allowed to because they might find out his big secret.

It also didn't escape me that every female in the place, from 17 years old to 85 just worshipped the ground he walked on. He had them all in the palm of his hand. He flirted with a couple of them while I was there sometimes, usually after I'd get a punishment for "looking at other men." This was all in his mind, of course.

He told this one intern, a girl named Ally, what beautiful eyes she had. So beautifully blue, he'd said, staring deeply into her eyes, almost nose to nose with her, while I stood there. Then he looked at me and said, "I wish your eyes were that color. You'd be so much prettier."

I knew he was doing it to hurt me, to show me what it felt like when I "did it to him". I wished it didn't hurt me…but I had to admit, it did.

Then, another time, he was introducing me to a woman my age, named Emily. He went on and on about how smart she was, how much she accomplished in her life at such a young age. He told me how she helped him save a life that day, with some new technique she read about.

Then he would tell Emily how I was just taking classes part time in community college and he'd smirk at her, like…a secret little message saying, "Yea, I know…she's dumb…but don't make her feel bad by saying anything."

I hated going to Forks Hospital. Everyone called Edward a chip off the old block, like Carlisle. That made no sense. Carlisle wasn't Edward's block. He adopted him.

The one thing he still kept in him that Carlisle taught was not feeding from humans.

He still lived off the blood of animals, mostly. That's what he told me. How would I know otherwise? As far as I knew, no missing people were reported. I read the paper all the time and when the Forks police called, I would ask if Edward wasn't nearby.

And Edward's eyes were always gold, now and then black…but no red.

I still got a weekly call from the new chief of police, saying they hadn't found any trace of Charlie yet, nor any evidence of who it was that burned down my house. Once he asked me, "Are you sure it wasn't that Jacob Black kid? He has a reputation for being…unstable."

And I hung up on him…loudly.

I should have told them not to waste their time. I knew who it was.

Edward never got tired. He would come home from work, completely refreshed and ready to play. Every night there were new games, new positions, new torments. Then on my days off, it would be homework and study time. Edward, my astute professor, had me ahead of my class in no time.

And I never saw my Edward. Not even a peep. I couldn't even ask about him, for fear I'd be punished for disloyalty. But I thought about him all the time.

Edward hardly ever played the piano anymore, either. I wondered if that was MY Edward's talent, or if music just didn't appeal to my Master Edward since things had gone so horribly wrong between us.

At school, I kept to myself. Once in awhile, someone would approach me or try to make small talk. I just glared at them and walked away or simply ignored them. No one tried twice. It seemed no one else really wanted to be in my life anyway and that suited me fine. My life was a lot of things, but it's not a life. Every day is to please Edward, and to make him trust me again. Every night I fell asleep, I would tell myself why I was doing this…and not to lose sight of the goal.

I missed my Edward. Months had gone by. I knew he wasn't dead…or gone. I knew he was doing as I was doing…keeping a low profile…behaving.

Another Thanksgiving came and went…another Christmas. I was lavished with lots of gifts, all from my Master. Expensive things, jewelry, a new car, dresses fashioned by top designers in France and New York. Where I'd wear any of them, I didn't know. But it reminded me of Alice and I couldn't help bursting out crying.

I told Edward that I was touched by his generosity and he seemed to believe that. He held me as I cried myself to sleep that night.

The one thing I wished for never happened. I still didn't hear a thing from my Edward.

As time passed by, Jacob slipped further and further away from me. I couldn't forget him…but I forced myself not to think of him. I never got to see that headstone Edward bought for Jacob. I never returned to his grave. And I never said his name out loud.

As far as sex went, it wasn't an easy relationship. Edward was insatiable. When he wanted me, he wanted me NOW. And for several hours. He almost became frustrated with my weak human body, that it couldn't keep up with his vampire stamina.

Sometimes, when he was feeling especially jealous, he would take me along with him when he went to hunt. He liked tying my naked body to a big tree, gagging me sometimes. Then he'd go to hunt, leaving me there. That seemed to excite him.

He joked that he hoped he could catch the bears and lions before they got to me. At first I was afraid other hunters would find me and see me…but no one ever did. It was the cold weather I was most in fear of. Once he was gone for two hours and when he came back I was blue.

After that he said no more. He would only take me along on warm days. So for the rest of that trip I was confined to the tent, hogtied and gagged while he ate.

He loved to tie me up in every way and there was hardly a day that went by when I wasn't bound somehow. It excited him, being in control. That made sense, as he had no control of me before when I wanted to leave town with Jacob. It's like he was afraid if he let me out of his control, it would happen all over again.

I had no one else to talk to…about anything. Everything I needed or wanted I had to go through Edward. I never got another point of view or perspective, only his. I sometimes would picture Charlie in my head, or Alice, and have a little talk with them, imagining their responses and playing it out in my mind. It's the only way I can still see them, talk to them…my brain is the only place I have where Edward can't intrude.

At least, I hope so. I have to be strong enough to keep him out. I can't let him break me. If I break, my Edward is lost…forever.

Another fun aspect of my life with Edward was punishment time. Now, you make think that Edward was happy that I was obeying and so agreeable all the time. But I found something out: WRONG. He was getting bored, having me smile and be so submissive 24 hours a day. I saw that and realized that he created fake things I had done wrong so he'd have reasons to punish me.

Once, when I didn't argue about it, he got mad and asked, "Why don't you fight back, Bella?"

"Because I love you.", I said timidly, "I don't want to fight with you Master."

"I liked it when you fought back.", he shared, recalling me with a little smirk, "I didn't love it when you were nasty and disrespectful…but…when you stood your ground and spoke your mind…I liked that. You were strong."

"I thought you wanted me this way.", I felt hurt, and tears came to my eyes.

He cupped my cheek and leaned in, his forehead on mine.

"Don't cry, Bella.", he assured, "I love you. I always will. I'm just trying to teach you…I don't want you to be WEAK…never weak…just…"

"Respectful?", I finished with a grin, wiping my eye.

"Yes.", he kissed my lips briefly, "And loving…but I still want you to be my Bella."

And so once in awhile, I'd have to be fiery Bella…knowing it was going to cause me pain…because I didn't want Edward bored.

It could be something as innocent as me watching TV with him and saying, "Oooh, he's CUTE!"

Punishment.

Once, I purposely shoved a vase off the table, smashing it. I told him it was an accident.

Punishment.

Once I smiled at the pizza guy.

BIG PUNISHMENT.

Soon, it was June again…a year after Jacob died. A year since the grave punishment. A year since I gave in…or so HE thinks.

I drove home, feeling how uncomfortable it is to be wearing a tight leather chastity belt in 90 degree weather. I had a long denim skirt on, to hide any evidence of what I had on underneath. I always felt like everyone knew…and could see it.

Sure, my fancy car had icy cool air conditioning, but I had spent a whole day in school where there was no working air. I felt gross and sweaty…and irritable.

I didn't make my call to Edward today upon leaving the school parking lot. I had my cell phone in my purse in the back seat.

I will not be sweet and nice to Edward tonight. Given a choice, for today, I will be difficult. I will be punished. It seems only right since Jake paid the ultimate price today.

I turned on my CD player, knowing soon I'd hear my cell phone ringing. It would be him, calling and angry with me for not doing what I'm supposed to do.

I tried to listen to the music, classical piano, and not think of Edward's angry face as he left vile messages on my voicemail. I pictured sitting next to MY Edward as he played those keys…so effortlessly…impressing the hell out of me.

I liked it that I seemed to hit every red light. I liked it that there was some traffic. I didn't want to rush home. The longer it took, the more I'd get it, I knew that.

But it also meant, the longer I could think of Jake…out here in the heat and sunshine…on his bike…riding like the wind…with me on his back. I blinked a tear away and swallowed, seeing the turn into our hidden driveway….making that long bend around the lavish mansion that seemed to be crossing its arms and scowling down at me as I approached.

I shut the car door and got my purse from the back seat. Before I walked to the house, I checked to see how many messages Edward had left as I drove home.

Seven messages. God. Have a life much ?

I tossed the phone in my bag and shut the back car door, sighing and slowly making my way to the back door where I usually entered, into the kitchen and dining room area.

I put my bag on the counter, so glad this place had central air conditioning. I went to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of water, twisting off the cap. I was just waiting for it to begin. It always did.

"HEY BITCH !", his voice shouted from another room…it sounded close…maybe the living room.

"Yes, darling one?", I replied with a sarcastic tone and smile, even though he wasn't in the room with me yet.

He was behind me now, suddenly, like a flash of lightning. This didn't scare me anymore. I had become used to it.

"You didn't call!", he informed, as if I didn't know.

"Oooh, you're quick, Edward.", I snidely drank my water, not turning to face him yet, acting like I was looking for something to eat in the fridge, "That's why you're the genius doctor and I'm the airhead licking paste at community college."

"Who was it?", Edward asked, his voice so lethal.

Here we go again.

"Who was who?", I asked, taking an apple in my hand…then…thinking back to my past…I put it back down, looking for something else…something not dangerous.

"The dead man you gave a ride to…or were talking to before you left school?", he asked, fishing for information.

"Oh, come on, Edward…", I turned to him now, and tried not to be so afraid of the look I saw there on his face.

"You know damn well there is no other guy.", I said, too tired and hot for this now.

"Why didn't you CALL ME THEN ?", he shouted, holding his own phone in his hand, "And I called and called you – you didn't answer ! Why ?"

"The phone was in my bag…in the back seat. Okay?", I tried to move past him but he shoved me back in place.

"Don't you DARE walk past ME !", he threatened, "Who the FUCK do you think you are ?"

"No one.", I said flatly, knowing I really was nothing.

"That's the first right thing you said all month.", his voice calmed a little, but the anger was still boiling under the surface.

"So what's his name?", Edward asked again when he saw I was not going to reply.

"First…", I nearly laughed, "There is no HIM. Second, even if there was, I would NOT be telling you. I have enough blood on my hands…and so do you."

He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth.

"You are supposed to call before you leave school.", he informed, "That is the RULE!"

"YOUR RULE !", I yelled back.

"DAMN RIGHT!", he frowned, "MY house ! My RULES!"

"Oh…", I looked down, "Yes…you're right…I don't have a house because mine was burned to the ground…"

With a harder frown, he grabbed at my skirt and pulled it up roughly as I tried to move away from him. He saw the chastity belt was still in place, then he let go.

"It BETTER be on!", he growled, "ALWAYS!"

"Believe me, Edward, after YOU…I will never want another guy.", I said honestly.

"Are you as hot as I am right now?", he breathed, raggedly, and there was a smile on his lips.

I knew it. He was excited by the fighting. He thought this was me just playing the part of bad girl Bella to his evil Edward. Little did he know I meant every word of it.

But I had to play along. I had been working too hard and too long now to throw away the trust I had built up in him. I was hoping that I was nearing the end of the road, ready to begin with step 2.

"More.", I smirked sexily and with that, he threw me over his shoulder and we were off, on our way to another little adventure – vampire style.

Hours had passed by…and now we were both in the tub together, me sitting in front of him, laying back against his chest as the white bubbles covered most of us. Edward brought my sudsy hand to his mouth and kissed it, bubbles and all in the way. When I peeked at him and saw the suds on his nose, I gave a light giggle.

I wiped them off gently and he made a little cat like sound when they have a hairball in their throat.

I laughed more as he smiled. I leaned back again on him and closed my eyes.

"My wicked lion cub…", I almost hummed in contentment.

"My bratty little kitty.", he tossed back at me, his voice calm and relaxed.

"I'm sorry I got so tired there at the end…", I sighed, "I guess I'm only human."

"It's alright.", he said with an understanding voice, "You kept up for three hours…that's great!"

"I know.", I replied sadly, "I just feel so bad. I wish we could just go wild, forget being so careful. I just want to be everything you need."

"You are, Bella.", he answered.

"Yea.", I made myself sound depressed.

"Bella…listen…", he said, then he paused for a long time.

"I am listening.", I said, sounding close to falling asleep.

"I think it's time…", he began, then said, "I was wondering if…I wanted to wait until things were really right between us again. And I think they are now. I love you."

"I love you too, Edward.", I replied. Edward didn't like me to call him Master all the time, lately it would be alright to say that just during play time.

"My birthday is coming up soon.", he reminded, "And I think I know what I want."

"Uh oh.", I smirked to myself, half opening my eyes, "Should I get a physical first? I don't want to have a heart attack."

"It's not sexual.", he sounded insulted, "Jesus, Bella, there IS more to life than just THAT!"

"Really?", I asked, teasing, "Like what? Oh! I know…chocolate ice cream!"

"Bella…", he sounded so serious, "I want to ask you something…something important!"

"Okay, ask me.", I snuggled my head to his chest behind me.

He held my hands in his and wrapped his arms around me. His lips were at my ear, almost touching.

"I want you…forever.", he whispered, "Just like THIS. This is perfect. Don't you think so?"

"Yes Edward.", I responded, holding him back, "Everything is perfect now."

What a lie that was. I almost couldn't say it.

He took a breath, as if he was nervous.

"Bella…", he still whispered in my ear, "Would you…would you still like me to change you?"

I felt my head turn to his…and I looked into his eyes…my face turning into a mask of concern.

"You don't have to.", I said to him, holding his gaze, "You never talk about it. I thought…you didn't want me to…"

"That was HIM.", Edward said, and this is the first time in about a year that he mentioned MY Edward. I felt a sharp little pain in my chest.

"I want you.", he said absolutely, "Always. I know it's a lot to ask…and maybe you need to think about it first…and that's alright. I can wait. I'd wait for you forever. I have waited forever."

I swallowed and answered him, knowing this was a turning point in my life. Everything would change now.

"I don't need to think about it.", I looked into his eyes, without a shred of doubt, "I've dreamed of this…being with you forever and ever. I was just waiting for you to ask me."

"Bella…", he looked happy, but then concerned, asking, "Are you sure?"

I smiled brightly at him, kissing him softly.

"Very sure.", I said definitely.

We kissed each other over and over after that. It's very nice making out in a steamy hot tub.

"Won't you miss the chocolate ice cream?", he teased.

"Screw chocolate ice cream.", I growled, on the prowl, leaning him back into the water until his head went under, and me grabbing his naked butt cheeks as little bubbles flew to the surface. He was laughing under there.

Part of me knew why he wanted to change me now. For months, I've been saying how tired I am, how exhausted all the sexual games makes me. Lies.

Edward wants to change me because he wants me to be able to keep up with him, sexually. His ideas and games get more and more intense and complex every day. No human could do all the things he wants…or will want.

Also, I'm getting a little older. I'm 22 years old now and that's not old, but soon I may start to think about wanting children, a family. He could lose me all over again, just because I could choose to live a human life. He couldn't risk that.

Another thing: I was perfectly behaved now. I obeyed him, I respected him, I had no interest in any other man…but I was also not so good that I was dull. I had relaxed around him enough that I wasn't afraid to act like a brat when called for, to enflame his desire. But I never went too far. I didn't REALLY fight him. I was ripe for plucking. Me, frozen in time, exactly as I am now, appealed to Edward a great deal. I had worked hard to become his perfect little human. And now, it seems I am. So now, he wants me to be a vampire.

I have his trust. Finally. Onto step two.

/

End of Chapter 17

Hey, sorry this one is a little short. I am suffering from Eclipse fever, dying for the next few days to fly by.

I know, no big lemons in this chapter, but as Edward so eloquently said, "There is more to life than just…THAT! "

There is ? LOL

Hope you're liking this still, more to come soon!

Love you ! WinndSinger


	18. We are All Animals

Chapter 18

Hey everyone ! What's up ? Just a warning: my version of Edward changing Bella will be a tad different than the way Stephanie Meyers wrote it. To me, the changing of a human to vampire is a very sensual thing, and that's why I think SM watered it down a bit for her PG 13 audience. That was cool for her, but I have other ideas…thanks for your understanding.

Yea! Over 1000 reviews ! Thanks to all of you, you're the best ! This chapter will get a little…uhhh…intense. You're all brave and my favorite warrior chums…but you've been warned. You can handle it. Come on, let's dance ! LOL…

June 20th – Edward's Birthday.

Since the night Edward told me he wanted to change me, two weeks had passed. In that short amount of time, he had taken care of every arrangement. Legal things, he said, had to be dealt with. I wasn't sure what that was but I knew enough about Edward not to ask too many questions.

He told me we would be moving about a week after my change was complete. I asked where. And he just smiled and said, "It's a surprise."

I figured it would be somewhere far off and remote…away from any human. But my life had already become that. Even in school I had been an outsider, looking into life. Edward's job as a doctor could move anywhere, and he could certainly afford to take a few years off to babysit me.

He would be with me 24/7. My every move, my every moment would be happening under his eagle eye. It would be like in the beginning when I moved in here and submitted to him. Not trusted, always watched and analyzed. I felt like I would be starting all over again after all the work I had done to get to the top of this mountain. I didn't love that, but it didn't matter. Living with Edward for years and years as a newborn was not in my plan.

A big part of me thought that Edward had foreseen my plans and was already poised to pounce on me with his own back up strategy. Edward is not stupid and he's no fool. But he had a heart and I was banking on him following that and not his brain. I was prepared if it all didn't work. I think I am prepared.

I wondered what MY Edward was thinking these last two weeks. Surely he's not liking the idea of me changing into what he is. He never did like talking about it. I wish I could have just one chance to talk to him before…before it happens…as a human one last time, before my body dies.

I thought of a hundred different ways to ask for some Good Edward time…but none of them seemed to be smart. If this Edward thought, even for a second, that I still had an attachment to THAT Edward or Jacob or anything else…he would know this was not the time to change me. He would make me wait longer, until no hint of me wanting anyone else lingered. It would take me years to get another chance. And frankly, I don't think I can take more YEARS. I don't think I can take a few months even.

All day today I said my silent goodbyes to each person I had loved and lost as a human.

Charlie was first, then Renee, Alice…all the Cullens…Carlisle…even Rosalie got a turn. I saved Jake for last. I cried after each little "exchange".

Thankfully, Edward had given me today to reflect and walk in the sunshine, say goodbye to things. Things like the sweat under my arms and between my breasts as I walked, inhaling and exhaling the warm summery air, touching the wet grass with my bare feet. They didn't seem like extraordinary things…until the day you know you'll never feel them again. Until the day you lose it all.

I didn't say a damn thing aloud, even outside in the streets of town. I don't think Edward is just letting me roam around loose without him even keeping an eye or ear on me. The only time I spoke was at the café when I ordered one last salad. Something in me told me to order something special, like a big sundae or a super pizza with everything. But my usual salad felt more right. The freshness of the wet cold lettuce, the rich plumpness of the tomatoes, the wonderful crunch of the croutons…

I had never been a big lover of food. I ate when I was hungry and that was that…but now, I had to admit…I would miss eating.

I sat at the table where Charlie and I used to hang out, in those first days after I moved in with him, before he allowed me to cook his meals. I ignored the looks I was getting from everyone there. Even the waitress, who used to be so sweet to me, kind of kept her distance as I ordered. Rumors had gotten around in the last year, rumors that I was involved in Charlie's disappearance, that I started the fire at our house…all to land the glorious Edward Cullen and share his millions.

Normally I didn't go into town but once in awhile I'd have to and I got to experience what the Cullens used to go through at school. I was an outcast. It's okay, though…my plan doesn't involve staying in Forks.

I looked out the window behind me and remembered Mike Newton's ass in the reflection, wiggling and gyrating to get my attention. I almost giggled, thinking of Charlie's face when he noticed it. Little did they both know that by then…my heart belonged to another's ass.

If I had just ignored him…if I had not gone out with him…if I had taken Jessica Stanley's advice…

No. I can't go back and rewrite the past or second guess my actions. I had followed my heart, and it hasn't all been bad. I have known love…true love. My Edward…was so beautiful. We were beautiful together…what we had. First love is so strong…and dies so quickly. Like rosebuds…like us. But even now, I wouldn't wish it away. It was wonderful…the happiest time in my whole life. Some people would never know that place. But I was there. I was there…

When did it all go so wrong?

Or had it all been wrong from the start?

I savored every bite of my last salad and my sweet orange soda…and then I paid my check and headed back…saying goodbye to Forks…every little store got a private goodbye. I hadn't even been in some of these places the whole time I've lived here. So many things left unexplored. What a waste.

I didn't dare go to the reservation. But how I wanted to. Maybe it's better I didn't. I will only have good memories of that place.

Jake's grave. No way. I would be dead before I got halfway there.

I drove into the garage, my usual spot empty and waiting. Walking into the house from inside there, I put my purse down and kicked off my sneakers.

I had seen the Volvo when I arrived so I called out pleasantly.

"Edward?", I peeked into the living room, seeing no one, "You home ?"

"Yea, Baby!", he called back, "Up here."

Baby. He sounded happy. I climbed the stairs, wondering what he was up to. The sun was going down outside and the orange glow seemed to color every inch of the place.

Dark soon.

I had gotten used to the darkness in the last year, but I was never truly comfortable in it. I wondered if that would change when I did…I hated being afraid of night. I used to love it.

When I got to the top of the stairs, Edward came out of our bedroom, closing the door behind himself. He smiled at me, as if he had a secret.

"You're not allowed in there yet.", he grinned mischievously, blocking my way, looking very sexy in a black button down shirt and matching slacks.

"Who died?", I asked with a smirk, looking him up and down.

He narrowed his eyes with a bigger smile. That was the smile I would get when I acted bratty and began our little role play.

"What would you prefer?", he held his hands at his sides, "Shocking banana yellow? Oooh, no wait ! I know…jailhouse orange!"

"Shut up.", I responded, "I guess black is fitting. I am…dieing tonight."

His face turned serious.

"Bella, if you're having any doubts…", he touched my arms gently, his eyes full of worry.

"No, I don't…", I tried to smile, "I…just…had a weird day."

"We could do this tomorrow…or the next day…", he touched my face, trying to read the problem in my eyes.

"I'm fine, Edward.", I took a breath, "I don't want to wait. Besides, it's your birthday. Don't you want your present?"

I was brighter now, making myself light and bubbly.

His eyes lit up a moment then he looked confused.

"Bella, you are my present.", he said, "I don't want anything else."

"Ahhh", I took his hands into mine, "Obviously spoken by a man who doesn't know what he's getting this year."

I walked down the stairs, holding his hands behind me as I went…he slowly followed me towards his surprise.

"What is it?", he asked, a little boy who couldn't wait.

"Something you've always wanted…", I hinted, taking him out the back door of the house into the yard beyond.

He was silent and then finally he said, "I have no clue at all."

I was leading him towards the concrete room and I peeked back at him for a second, watching his smile grow a bit.

"You are going to be so surprised…", I almost purred.

I stopped at the locked door and pulled the key out of my bra, showing it to him…then kissing it. I put it to his lips and he smiled wickedly, licking up the copper edge of it.

I giggled and opened the lock, yanking open the door as it squealed out loudly. It was dark inside to me but I heard Edward gasp. He could see in there with no problem at all.

I smiled and strolled into the dim room, reaching up and making two tries before finding the string that turned the light bulb on overhead. I got it, tugging.

There she was, in the stockade, a black silk blindfold over her eyes…a black ball gag locked into her mouth. Her body was nude, only a line of crimson hair between her legs and the black leather seven inch heels she wore. A long mane of reddish blonde hair hung around her perfect ivory face. She made no sound. She didn't even seem to be breathing.

Beside her was a matching stockade, empty and waiting.

I handed Edward the key and closed his fingers over it. Then I kissed his loose fist.

I approached the woman and gave her hair a sweet, soft stroke.

"Tanya?", was all he could breathe as he looked on, still in the doorway.

"Happy Birthday.", I smiled at him, taking off my t shirt, no bra beneath it as I added, "Happy threesome."

I know it wasn't exactly the way I'd want to spend my last night as a human. But it would keep Edward occupied, and it would keep my mind off of what I was about to leave behind. Edward always liked the idea of us playing with another woman. But I wouldn't think of bringing another human girl into this world.

Tanya, I hated and although he denied it, I knew this Edward desired, at least in part. She is what he wanted me to be – durable…unbreakable. And I'm sure that when Good Edward met her, he was somehow excited by her but at his young age of 17, his morals would not allow him to act on it. His arousal scared him and he shrank away from her. She was aggressive and very sensual and he was so naïve and inexperienced. He wasn't ready for her yet then. So he told himself he didn't like her.

This Edward would love to play with her. And he would love to punish her. She would take most of the abuse tonight and Edward would go easier on me since I would be in lots of pain later and for the next three days. And Tanya was no innocent victim in this either. She practically jumped at the idea when I found her number in Carlisle's office rolodex and called her. While I tried to beat around the bush about what I wanted to do…and almost chickened out…she almost screamed "YES!"

God I hate her.

Maybe if she is around after my change, I can beat her ass myself!

I'll bet Edward would LOVE watching that ! A bonus birthday gift.

I could feel Charlie in my head, screaming at me but I turned that off. I had to play my role tonight or I might just change my mind about this whole thing. If I am romanced and caressed tonight, I will not want to die. I will weaken.

I have to be slave Bella tonight, following orders. That way I won't have a chance or time to think and chicken out. I knew this idea, the threesome he had always wanted, would reel Edward in to participate. If it were just me…this would be a sweet night…a loving night. I didn't want that. I want to hate this Edward tonight…so I can remember…the bad things…and follow through with my original plan.

"Kiss her!", Edward growled as he fucked me from behind, my body a hot wet mess, my eyes trapped in a blindfold as my wrists strained in their leather cuffs behind my back.

"Kiss her!", he demanded again as his fist found my hair and guided my head towards Tanya's face.

I found cool lips on mine and relaxed, making myself think of something else. I pretended I was kissing Edward…MY Edward. The cold skin helped.

I let my tongue lick and roam while Tanya and I kissed each other passionately.

I heard Edward roar out as he watched us and I knew he was loving this.

"Oh fuck!", he panted, pumping a little faster, slamming his palm down over my ass cheek.

"MMMMM!", I cried out, my pain muffled by Tanya's eager mouth and tongue.

"Oh yea, scream Bella!", he struck the spot again and I obeyed, screaming out hard as I kept French kissing the invisible lips before me.

I knew from before I was blindfolded that Tanya was on her knees in front of me, her hands bound behind her back as well, her ankles chained to the floor. She could break out at anytime…if she wanted to. But she played along.

"Enough!", he decided, yanking my hair up, bringing my head back up so I was leaning back into him while he kept pounding me.

"Finish her Tanya.", he ordered the girl at her knees below us.

"Ohhhh noooo….", I whimpered…not being heard as Edward gently held me by the neck, licking and kissing the flesh near my jugular.

I felt Tanya's mouth and tongue back on my sensitive clit, working her magic there. I was fucking amazed by her! I was never licked so well, in so many delicious places by any man before…she really knew what she was doing.

"Master…uuhhhhhh…", I cried out, the pleasure all becoming so intense that it almost hurt.

"Shut up slut…", he covered my mouth tightly with his hand, "Just take it. Enjoy it."

Between his cock and Tanya's tongue lapping everywhere it could reach, I was a quivering little pet trapped in their merciless little web. And I couldn't deny how fucking hot this all was. Who would have guessed?

I could feel her teeth gently grazing my inner thighs…not daring to really bite…but the sensations…I could hear her moaning low in her chest as she sucked hard suddenly, inhaling my wet clit and vibrating her tongue all over it as her saliva soaked it with hot wet abandon.

"OH FUCKING CHRIST!", I screeched out, even through Edward's hand while he thrust upward into me.

"I think she likes you, Tanya.", Edward chuckled as he kept fucking.

I had no idea where or who I was anymore. And that was exactly what I wanted. To forget myself. To lose that Bella.

Tanya kept sucking, not letting me escape. She bit down a little firmly and I cried out, more afraid than hurt.

Edward froze and tensed, snarling at the vampire girl at my feet.

"DON'T HURT HER TANYA!", he sounded so lethal and ferocious that it scared even me.

She released me and said with a quiet voice, "I'm sorry Sir. I didn't mean to."

She was not permitted to call him Master. That was for me alone. A slave serving a man who is not her Master calls him Sir. Tanya didn't care. She was just glad to be a favor at Edward's party.

"Bitch.", he regarded her and went back to fucking me, as if nothing had happened. My voice squealed out, trapped under Edward's steel hand.

"Continue bitch.", he commanded Tanya.

And they went back to their jobs, making me howl out like a wild animal while they picked right up where they'd left off.

"After I come…", he spoke jaggedly into my ear while my moans of pleasure sang under his palm, "I'll let you girls suck my cock. I'll bet you're better."

I didn't know about that. Tanya has over 100 years experience over me.

I just pictured us, fighting over Edward's magnificent white cock while he stood there stroking our hair with each hand, contentedly watching us battle for the position while our hands were clasped behind us. I'd have to be fast to get a turn. Or maybe Tanya would go easy on me and let me in once in awhile. Maybe he'd tell her to share.

The night was filled with many new experiences and by the end of it, I felt like someone else, someone completely alien to me and everyone I had known, even MY Edward. I was a wicked little slave, a human who had held her own against two vampires and was still standing afterwards. I felt hard and strong. This is perfect. This is what I need. Weak Bella is no more. I will be something new. Something powerful and unyielding.

Tanya was left in the dark room, alone and unwanted. She was hanging upside down by her ankles, fully sated and happy as Edward tossed me over his shoulder and took me home.

She said nothing as we went. But I could read a thank you in her eyes as I looked at her from over my Master's shoulder. I even smiled back.

Edward had not been very kind to Tanya, but she liked everything he did to her. He made sure to make me feel superior in the games, even if I clearly wasn't the better slave. I couldn't fault Edward for much during our night together, and even Tanya had not made me feel inferior or had acted in a jealous way. She just obeyed what she was told and did it well. I never thought I'd plan or have a threesome…but since I did…I decided it wasn't bad at all.

I almost worried about Tanya being left like this. Was it nice? I knew she'd be okay health wise. She's a vampire. She wouldn't be hurt or hungry in there. And she would probably leave on her own in awhile. But still I thought it wasn't very polite. Maybe Edward knew better. He could read her mind and knew she was alright with it.

"She's a big girl.", Edward said as if he read my thoughts, "She's in heaven right now. She's not mad at all. You can relax."

"Yes Master.", I responded, glad to hear that.

"She's so loving you right now.", he said, "She never thought she'd ever even see me naked, let alone do all the things she did with me tonight. I mean…us. You have a new best friend."

I know he was trying to make me happy, saying that. But my heart broke. I don't want a new best friend. I want my Alice.

Good, I told myself, focus on that. Keep your mind on why you're doing this.

Edward and I took a lovely hot shower together and he was taking such nice care of me.

"I think somebody liked his gift.", I smirked sexily up at him. I wasn't sure how long we were playing, but it had to have been HOURS. My muscles stung a bit, but they were surprisingly relaxed. Maybe I had gotten used to all this rough erotic stuff.

"Somebody LOVED his gift!", he corrected, his eyes almost aglow, "I still can't believe you did this for me…you didn't have to. How do YOU feel ?"

"I feel great.", I said honestly, "And I'm ready."

He stared down at me with a serious face as the showerheads ran over both of us, one on each side of the shower so we didn't have to fight over the one stream of water.

"I'm ready too.", he said back, no hesitation there.

"Close your eyes.", he kept his hands over my eyes as he led me into the bedroom later, "And no peeking, I'll get so mad, I swear."

He chuckled and I smiled.

"I'm not peeking.", I said as he stopped me gently, taking his hands away.

"Okay…you can open them now.", he said as I did.

I saw the bed covers pulled down neatly, and a hundred little candles everywhere, along with roses in every color all over the room, including some red pedals sprinkled all over the bed where I'd be laying soon. Soft opera music was playing.

But all that wasn't what I noticed. There were pictures, all over the walls around the bed. Huge pictures, blown up copies of some that were mine….others not.

I saw a picture of Charlie, one of my old ones, he was in a little boat with his fishing pole in his hand, wearing his old man fishing hat, his "lucky hat"…a little tiny fish on his line, and he displayed it like it was a whale, so cute with the smile he was making. I had taken that picture.

Then there was my Mom beside him, Renee. A picture of her holding me as a baby was there, and she looked so young and happy. That was in Charlie's photo albums. I thought those were lost in the fire.

"I didn't want it dark in here for you.", Edward spoke of the candles as I kept focusing on all the pictures.

At the moment, I was staring at a gorgeous picture of Alice, at the prom, dancing with a very handsome Jasper. They were both smiling at us.

I took that picture too. It was also one of mine. All I could think of was, 'now I know he burnt my house down. He took pictures out of the house before the fire got them.'

It's weird, when you think you know someone did something, and then, years later, you have PROOF…your stomach just falls out. What's worse is, I can't say a damn thing about it. And he knew it too. Was this another test…a final one before my change to see if I really was his submissive little girl, obedient and void of all argument? This is a tough test. I struggled inside…trying to pass this last hurdle.

He held me from behind and kissed my cheek, laying his chin on my shoulder.

"I wasn't sure if you'd like it or not.", he referred to the pictures, "I just…didn't want you to go through all this alone…without them. When I went through it, I kept wishing I could have my parents…I just WANTED them. I called and called but…I was alone. Carlisle was there but it wasn't the same. I wanted you surrounded by your life…so no matter where you turn, when and if you open your eyes…you will see someone you love. Was I wrong? I can take them away."

I had tears in my eyes…the idea was such a beautiful one. When I blinked, the tears fell over my cheeks. I couldn't tell if this was a loving gesture or a cruel one. Edward is so skilled at his game. Even I don't know what I feel.

My voice was weak as I said, "No, don't take them away. This is perfect. Thank you Edward."

I kept looking around, everywhere a new picture smiling at me.

Carlisle was to my right…dressed in his doctor scrubs and smiling, standing next to a bed where a little girl laid, her head bald, her face beaming. Carlisle had his arm around her and I put my hand over my mouth, knowing this was another patient he had probably saved.

Esme was next to him, and this picture was a funny one. Esme was handing Edward a lunch bag with his name written on it. He had a baseball cap on and was dressed much younger, looking like a mature 14 year old. Rosalie was next to him, waiting for her lunch bag, her hair in a ponytail, making her appear innocent and youthful. They were rolling their eyes at being forced to be in such a lame picture. The words "First Day at Forks High" were written along the bottom. Carlisle must have taken this one. This must have been so long ago, before I was even born.

I almost sobbed out loud. It was MY Edward…in this picture.

I was wearing my bathrobe and had planned to take it off when I laid down…but now I wasn't sure if I could be naked with all these eyes on me.

I found no pictures of Jacob…and wasn't very surprised. I wish there had been one, though. It would have been a nice move on Edward's part.

Or it could have been cruel…to have Jacob watching me turning into a vampire, helpless to stop it. Edward might have gotten some kind of victory out of that…showing Jake that he had won me…and that I was HIS alone.

There were lots of other pictures of Charlie and Renee, and the Cullens…but I forced myself to look somewhere else…the bed…yes, the bed…

I went to it and laid down, moving the pillows. Edward helped, wanting me to be as comfortable as possible.

I laid myself down on my back and saw Edward kneeling at my side, on the bed with me.

His chest was bare and he wore a pair of gray pants now, heeding my earlier remarks about the black.

"Hello.", I said nervously, smiling up at him while he looked at me, a mask of seriousness on his face.

"Hello.", he let himself grin, "You are so beautiful, Bella. And I love you so much…"

He stroked my face and I melted a little.

"I love you too Edward.", I answered, little tears in the corners of my eyes.

I loosened my robe belt, letting my body peek out as the silk fell off and pooled around my body.

Edward's eyes seemed to adore me as they moved slowly over my every curve.

"Kiss me?", I shivered…and he came down slowly, kissing me with so much love…gentle lips…cool but soft…no tongue. He nuzzled his nose against mine as he came in for another small kiss right after the big one.

"I know this is right.", he whispered, touching my hair, "Do you?"

"Yes.", I said, "I'm not afraid."

He looked proud of me then.

"It will hurt…", he reminded, "We discussed that. But you've become a tough little girl in the last year, haven't you?"

"Yes Master.", I said, just as proudly, reminding him who trained me to endure the pain and find the way through it.

"Such a good girl.", he moved his finger over my lips, "I don't deserve you…you're way too good for me you know."

I smirked. "Yes, I know."

He laughed and I did too.

"Brat.", he muttered pleasantly.

I stuck my tongue out at him and we laughed again.

"I rest my case.", he said as he kissed me again, this time more passionately, as if he were saying goodbye.

Maybe he was.

Goodbye, my Edward…don't watch this…close your eyes…don't fight. Let it happen. I love you so much. I am doing this for you…you and all the others…and for myself. This has to happen. Please understand.

Finally, he stopped…and held me for a long time. I held onto him, too, stroking his hair.

Then, he spoke, whispering in my ear.

"You remember all I told you…", he checked again, "…about what I'll be doing?"

Edward had told me every detail of the change process. Like the doctor he is, he made sure I was fully aware. He told me as best he could what I would be feeling every step of the way…I didn't feel scared because I was well informed. That was important to me, I had told Edward to hold nothing back…to tell me it all. And I hope he has.

The reason I chose to be naked during this is because Edward said once the venom begins to burn, even clothes can feel itchy and restricting, and hurt your skin like little needles. I decided weeks ago, the less pain, the better.

Also, I thought it would make me more like slave Bella, if I were naked, like our sexual games. I might be stronger during all this.

My eyes closed for a moment as I gave a little nod. He placed a soft kiss on each of my eyelids, treating me like a priceless treasure, one he was about to hand over to someone else.

"I'm not going to enjoy this, you know.", he whispered, his voice heavy with emotion.

I felt something inside me hurting and wasn't sure what it was.

"I…", he said and took a deep breath…"I…loved you…the first second I saw you, Bella Swan. You were clumsy and nervous and shy…and human. But I never saw you as the weak one…you are everything I wish I could be. And while I envied you…I adored you. It's very hard for me…saying goodbye to the human I love…more than myself…more than anything."

I felt a sob in my throat as I clung to him, not daring to look up into his eyes.

"I will miss her…", he admitted in a ragged whisper, as if he were crying, "My sweet little lamb…"

I just wept, not making much noise.

"But at the same time…", his voice raised a tiny bit as it danced hotly into my ear, "This is a happy day. You will be like a butterfly, breaking out of her cocoon, a new creature…more beautiful and alive than before. And then…we will begin our forever…together…and we will never end."

"A…lioness?", I choked out, shivering against his bare chest.

He chuckled and I felt it vibrate where my cheek laid on his frozen heart.

"Yes, my love.", he answered, a joyous sound in the magical atmosphere all around us.

"I love you Edward Cullen.", I said…and it didn't feel wrong…or like a lie. It was the truth.

"I love you Bella Swan.", he reflected back at me like a mirror, very sure and strong.

"Now.", I said, that one little word having so much power. I didn't have to say it again. This was it. It was time. NOW.

Edward let out a hard breath and stroked my cheek, looking down at my tear stained face one last time. He smiled, his eyes sparkling as he drank me in…the last time he'd see this little human face.

"Goodbye…", he whispered, a heartbroken breath.

"See you soon…", I stared back into his eyes…steeling myself not to back out now.

He gave a small nod, his sad smile still there.

Then he slowly leaned in…and I kept my eyes open…forcing myself to be brave and observe every second of this…I would not die a frightened little girl, a victim. I would die a woman…strong…aware…courageous. A lioness. Not a lamb.

I clung onto Edward's arms as his mouth opened. I felt his tongue lick up my jugular vein and that was a turn on. I felt his mouth kiss the flesh there…making this as pleasant for me as he could before the bite. I felt my eyes rolling back into my head as the arousal sunk into my veins…and maybe that was a vampire power taking hold of me…to seduce the victim so she would not fight very hard before the end…to make things easy and quiet for the vampire.

We had decided long ago that he would drain me from the neck. It was a cliché, Edward had said, but the jugular was the best way to go. It was sensual…and quick…

After a couple more kisses, he didn't torture me any further by making me wait. Before I realized it, his teeth were deep in my flesh…locked into the muscle…and I could feel my hot life's blood coursing…passing from my body…into his.

"UUHHHHH!", I let out a sharp cry but I didn't want to scream. I felt the pain of my skin pierced…I felt the pain of my neck muscles straining and maybe tearing as Edward's mouth clamped shut around the gushing vein he had opened.

Without a word, I felt Edward give a long, soft stroke over my forehead and down the length of my hair…a silent way of soothing me, telling me to hang on…that it would be alright. Part of me wanted to believe it was my Edward then.

I held in my anguished cries and felt my fingers tightening…finding his hair and clutching at the back of his head while he swallowed, a thick liquidy sound.

I gasped and stared up…not believing what I was seeing.

There is a picture on the ceiling…he really did think of everything.

It was a large picture of Edward at the lake in our meadow…and me sitting right across from him, my leg in that god awful cast after James had broken my leg. We were smiling at each other…with so much love in both our eyes. It was sunny…and Alice had been with us that day…a little private picnic in the summertime for vampires and their friends only. She took our picture and had broken us out of our "transe" as she called it when she teased us.

My Edward…and me. When all the world was perfect.

I heard my breathing, coming out in loud gasps now…my eyes kept staring at my face above me…and his…and my ears kept listening to him as he swallowed my blood…the deep erotic sounds he made as he tasted the nectar of his singer. I think I felt his erection bulging from inside his pants as his body pressed against mine. He didn't lean his weight on me, but he straddled my waist and was on his knees on the bed, holding my torso and head up in his arms, cradling it securely as my hair fell down loosely like a black waterfall behind me.

I wondered how many swallows of me it took before I was completely drained. I hadn't counted them…but each one made my body quiver like a near orgasm. This was already a very sexual experience for me and this was just the first plateau, the draining process.

And now I was noticing a few other things going on in my body as he groaned out loud, swallowing me again. Tiny little fireworks explosions seemed to be sparkling all over me…up and down my arms…down my legs…into my toes…then upwards again…

Also, my neck wasn't hurting all that much like before either. It felt numb. And actually…I felt my entire body starting to go numb…like the way my mouth feels after getting Novocain at the dentist. Edward had told me about this too. My body was starting to react to the loss of my blood. He said I would feel very cold, too…but I hadn't felt that yet.

"Ohhhhhh…..", I let the sound out of me…it sounded soft and aroused…and very tired…I was glad it didn't sound weak or afraid. I didn't want to sound that way now.

I heard Edward respond to my noise with a low purr, sounding like a very satisfied lion. I have always loved when he made this sound. It was so savage and animal…and even humans are that…deep down…stripped of all our manners and civilities…we are all animals.

I heard him gulp another mouthful of my heavy blood as my naked breasts were pressed flatter into his marble pecks.

My legs felt tingly, like they were asleep. I tried moving them…but nothing happened. It was happening…I was losing my bodily functions like he had said.

I felt so helpless, like a weak kitten in his arms as the rest of my body began to feel like a heavy weight….no response as my brain commanded it. I couldn't wiggle my fingers…I couldn't sit up more or lay back more…even my head became a loopy, dangling ball on the end of my neck. I felt Edward's hand move under it, supporting my head like one would hold a newborn baby…I was glad he had been through this before, and had perfect recall. He understood everything I was feeling…and did his best to make it easier, as much as he could.

I'm sure not every vampire took such care for their victims during this process. For that, I had to be thankful. And I accepted that "Bad" Edward wasn't all bad. Yes, he had done unspeakable things. Yes, he is sick and needs to be helped. But there is someone in there…someone that cares…someone that…loves me.

I was as strong as a wet piece of tissue paper when I felt Edward slowly open his teeth and release the pinched abused muscles he had been clutching onto so fiercely. I let out a little hiss as the wound burned a bit. He saw that and licked the flesh – one long excruciatingly hot lick upwards from the bottom.

That felt better and I let out a very weak breath, my arms slipping off Edwards' arms and falling like dead fish at my sides, against the bed under me.

"Shhh…", he stared at my face with utmost care as my eyes floated around…then somehow forced their way up into his.

"Don't be afraid Bella.", his voice was hot fire, melted lava…and he looked somehow enhanced to me…even more beautiful and angelic….his colors richer and deeper. Had my blood done that to him?

He gently laid me down on my back, against the silky full pillows below.

I felt wetness on my neck….a very warm line started to grow…downward…crawling down like a big drop of honey would have.

Was that the very last of my blood? Edward had said that he had to leave me a tiny bit of blood in my system so I would stay alive before the next step. If he drained me completely, I would be dead now. And he could not save me.

"Ohhh…", he leaned down like a drug addict who almost forgot the last snort of cocaine…and he lapped up that drop with such reverence, like a priest drank the last sip of wine in the chalice on Sunday.

"God…soooo goood…", he moaned a deep throated praise in my ear as I laid there, a mannequin with moving eyes and failing breaths.

His attention returned to me now that he had gotten all the wine he could drink from me…and he repeated, "Don't be afraid. Your body is almost empty now."

I was starting to feel cold now…my body shivering violently as I fought to breathe.

My eyes began to dizzy and Edward looked blurry to me now.

"You will feel paralyzed…", he moved his fingers over my forehead, then around my cheekbone, "And cold…that is normal."

My teeth almost chattered and he looked over my body, a small examination.

"The shaking is normal.", he assured as he watched it happening, "Don't fight it. Everything is perfectly alright, Bella. You're doing GREAT."

Yea, I shiver like a professional. Good. What is he waiting for ? Get on with it already before I DIE !

I inhaled and heard a death rattle sound…I remembered my grandmother's last gasps of breath…it was terrible! It sounded so painful…I never forgot it. Now I was doing it.

My eyes darted around until they found blurry Edward again…hovering over me.

"Bella…", his voice was so lost…and so sad…"Should I just…let you go?"

I wanted to speak, to yell! But I couldn't. I was frozen…and I couldn't breathe! I was losing my sight…oh God, I'd be in the dark!

"I've hurt you so much.", he almost wept above me as his fingers moved over my face, "I don't want to hurt you anymore…I should just let you fly to heaven where you'll be with all of them again…forever. I love you so much…I want to do the right thing for you…for once!"

I heard him sobbing as I tried to think of ANYTHING I could do to give him a signal, to let him know I didn't want to die. All I could do now was blink, furiously…and gag for air.

LOOK INTO MY EYES EDWARD! LOOK INTO MY EYES DAMMIT!

I was sure I didn't have lots of time left before I would slip into death's hands…

He looked into my eyes and I heard him ask, "What should I do, Bella?"

"Do you want me to let you go?", he asked.

I don't know what I did to answer him, but seconds later, as if he could hear me, he gave in and said, "Alright, Bella. I'll do what you want."

I didn't know what he was going to do…or what answer he thought I gave…but then I saw him put his finger to his bottom lip and slice a thick gash there.

He brought my head to his and kissed me, open mouthed, letting his dark seductive tasting blood flow from his mouth to mine.

"Drink me, baby.", he mumbled as he kissed me harder, his tongue slicking mine with his juices. I still couldn't move at all but the taste was beyond anything I'd ever eaten before. It was all flavors and none at all…it was sweet but left sugar far behind. It was sex and lust…and innocence…and purity…all mixed in together….it was Edward and I…our essences together for all time, one blood. One soul. One love.

It began to roll down the back of my throat while my voice gasped out harder, wishing it would fill me already…course through me faster.

"Here my sweetheart.", he said, moving his finger over the side of his neck and cutting without any care for himself. He brought my weak head up to his red neck and my open mouth suctioned itself to his stone skin, not letting any of it get away from me.

It was good now! The nectar GUSHED with fury and coated my tongue and teeth, moving down my throat and strangely not choking me or making me gag. It was smooth and hot, like summer air in liquid form.

I felt myself swallowing greedily, now knowing what Edward had been talking about when he told me about the desire for blood…the taste of it…it was a drug, like he said. One I was already hopelessly addicted to. Each swallow made me want ten more.

"Good girl…good girl…", he cooed, stroking me as he held me tightly to him, "That's right….it's sooo good, isn't it?"

All I could do to reply was swallow and swallow some more…I didn't even want to breathe…I just wanted more of him…I didn't want it to ever end.

"MMMMMM", I moaned out in bliss, hearing him chuckle in a deep voice.

He rocked me like a baby as I fed from him and in a way, I guess I was an infant, suckling on my maker…feeling a bond forming that made our love look like a weak joke. I was him. He was me.

My body didn't get any stronger, I still felt my arms hanging behind my body like limp rags, my head still wobbly, fully supported by the marble hand beneath it.

"Bella…", he whispered, sounding terrified, "It's going to start happening very soon. The pain…the venom…NO, keep drinking…that's good…keep going…I'll tell you when to stop. But I want to prepare you. It will be terrible…but I'm here with you…I won't leave you…you're NOT alone, Bella."

I was glad he was keeping me informed every step of the way. I felt more in control knowing everything. I was not looking forward to the three days of horrible agony…but with Edward here with me…I knew I could get through it.

"I love you…I love you…I love you…", he kept whispering to me, cradling me like his baby, hating what was approaching for me.

I answered each of his I love you's with a deep swallow, the only thing I could do. I never got full…I never thought I've had enough…I gulped it up…loving it…wanting more and more…

After a short time, I thought, Edward's breathing was becoming hard and shaky.

He put it off as long as he could….but then he finally said, "Alright Bella…stop now."

But I didn't…I couldn't.

I let out a pained whine as I kept swallowing.

"BELLA!", he growled, "I mean it! STOP! You're draining me Baby!"

I ignored him again. Funny, I didn't seem to care that Edward sounded weaker.

"I don't want to hurt you!", he whimpered, and then yanked on my hair with a sharp movement of his fist.

And just like that, I was cut off. The blood wasn't coming anymore and I was really pissed about it.

But, just as I was about to wish I could speak so I could say "FUCK YOU" to him, something happened to shut me right up.

FIRE! Only not just a normal burning fire…white hot molten lava…flowed through my veins…melting my muscles…shriveling up my bones….God, it was something no human could ever truly describe with enough detail to make one understand.

"Here it comes.", he whispered, knowing…never forgetting it from his own death.

He held my hands in his, and my body froze for a moment in shock as the damage began to register in my brain.

"I'm with you.", he winced, waiting…."Hold on."

Then….

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", my scream tore up out of me, as if all my guts and intestines were coming up with it.

"I know, I know…", he sounded so helpless and afraid as my back arched up then started flopping me around like a fish out of water.

"Oh, Bella!", he cried, knowing there was nothing he could do for me now but watch.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRR! UUUUHHHHHH!", I was an insane thing now, mindless and on fire from the inside, without the mercy of death to end my suffering. I could hardly make out what Edward was saying or doing…but once in awhile, I heard his voice and could almost focus on what he was saying, and that I wasn't truly hurting alone.

"UUUUHHHHHHHHHH UUHHHHHHHHH!", I eloquently said next.

"Your body is dieing…", he reminded as I howled out again. We had discussed this too. The venom and vampire blood was killing my human body now…and this would take about three days, maybe more or less depending on me and my metabolism.

"I'm sorry it has to be so horrible…", he wept, "I wish there were more I could do…Bella…."

I felt my body fling to the left as I wailed again, not quieting or calming down in the least since my first six screams of insane fury.

"I know that it helped me…", he said softly, "When Carlisle would speak to me…even if you don't hear all I say…I know this helps. I know you will hear most of it. It will keep you sane. So try and focus on my voice…focus on my words…"

"UUUUUHHHHH UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH UUUGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!", I was a mute unable to form words…the torture inside me was just too great to speak at all.

"I know, baby, I know…", he carefully touched my hair, afraid to touch any of my skin in the least little way…it would tear me apart and he knew it.

"Try to breathe when you can…", he tried to help, "Don't run out of air, that happened to me a few times."

After a few more screams that were wordless, I shocked myself to hear me scream next.

"EDDDDWWWWWAARRRRRRRDDDD!", I roared, making the room shake all over.

He smiled that I was able to say his name in the clutches of this mind numbing nightmare…but then his face quickly turned to horror and sadness again.

"I'm here baby, I'm here.", he said louder than before, making sure I heard him this time.

He held onto my hands, careful not to grab too tightly.

"GODDDDDD!", I shrieked harder, "HHHHUUUURRRRRRTTTTSSSSSSS!"

"I know Bella…I know Baby…", he sounded like he wanted to scream himself, "I wish to GOD I could take it myself. I would!"

"I'd go through it all over again, only for you, sweetheart.", he leaned down to place a soft kiss on my forehead.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", I screamed again, his lips felt like a red hot poker against my flesh when he did that just now.

"FUCK I'M SORRY BELLA!", he chastised himself as he apologized, "FUCK What's wrong with me? I'm sorry, I'm sorry…."

Time went on this way…over and over I screamed with the same intense agony as the first scream. Edward kept talking and trying to keep me strong. I would've walked away from me hours ago but Edward never failed me. He didn't leave. He didn't get sick of it. He was hurting too, and I could see it and hear it…but he was always with me, going through the flames with me, for the second time in his life.

I screamed nearly constantly while Edward talked softly, not ignoring my pain…but trying to give me something to grab onto in my mind…as my body roared out in unending torment.

Edward was moving a oval shaped piece of ice over my lips as I growled…the screams ceasing for a small moment as I felt the coldness…gripping that sensation like a life preserver.

Edward had been telling me stories for the last few hours, all about me and him and our lives. He was right, it did help, even though you couldn't tell that from the way I violently fought as I flung myself around, screaming like a person aflame.

Edward understood I had no control over that. But he gave me the gift of keeping my mind with him and our world…

"And I made sure that some ambrosia flowers were put in there.", he said gently as he worked the ice up and to the right along my bottom lip, "Ambrosia means love returned."

He was talking about my prom corsage now, and telling me the meaning of the flowers he made sure they included in there.

My response to him was, " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

He swallowed, watching me sadly and made himself keep talking…keep the ice moving….now it was on my top lip.

"And also baby's breath…", he went on, almost as if he needed to for himself, to keep himself from going crazy, and his voice broke when he whispered, "They mean everlasting love…"

I tried to keep the next scream less violent….and I think it was.

"MMMMMMMMM", I clamped my lips together, throwing my head to the left and kicking out my legs from the force it took to hold my mouth closed.

"Breathe, Bella, breathe….", he reminded…his voice a tad stern, his arm gently keeping me on the bed, not falling off the edge.

"Don't clamp your mouth closed.", he guided, "Go ahead and scream. It's alright. Don't worry about ME. Make all the noise you want, baby."

So I let out another ear splitting roar.

"Good girl.", he praised, his eyes full of concern.

I gasped for air in between my cries now…and I was getting pretty good at it. Edward was so proud of me.

"Yes!", he smiled as I gulped the air, my arms trying to flail against Edward's chest on their own accord. He didn't take any offense to this.

"You're doing so great, Bella.", he informed, "I'm so fucking proud of you. You are so much tougher than I was."

And now it was time to scream again.

"RRRRRUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH!"

"I think I was CRYING most of the way when I was changing.", he smirked, trying to make me feel better.

"EEDDDWARRDDDD!", I gasped and spoke at the same time, clutching at his body, "EEEDDDDWWWWWWWARRRDDDDDDDDD!"

"That is so great that you can speak now and then.", he smiled, taking my hands again, "Your brain is fully intact…that's amazing!"

I wish I could make myself say SHUT UP…but it was too difficult.

"Breathe…", he said again, going to the nightstand and wringing out the wet cloth in the bowl, and wiping off my face with the icewater as I choked and gagged for air.

"See, you said my name when you should've been breathing…now you're choking.", he informed, making me want to punch him.

"That feels better, I know.", he said to me as I whimpered, wishing I could thank him for being so good to me.

He moved the icy cloth down my neck and over the tops of my breasts, trying to ease the perspiration.

"Sweaty little girl…", he muttered to himself as I arched up again, gasping and feeling a new wave of pain coming.

This time I felt it in my lungs and it made sense that I was having trouble breathing as the venom began to attack this new organ.

"Uh oh…okay…", he saw it approaching and held my hand, wanting somehow to be there with me when it happened.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!", I cried, "NNNOOOOOOOOOOO UUGGGHHHHH!"

Three days of this seemed to be impossible to imagine. I wasn't even half way through day one and I was losing my mind. Why three days anyway? Who made up that rule? Why couldn't it be like the movies where it took six seconds? Is this Hell? Is this evil taking over my body? I want my Edward…I had been calling his name and he still wasn't here. I heard myself praying that I'd get to see him again, soon, PLEASE!

I kept trying to focus and see him in the picture above me…willing him to come to me…but he didn't…or he couldn't.

I screeched out again, unaware if I had just gotten air or not seconds ago…and Edward smoothed the wet cold cloth back over my hair, moving it out of my wild eyes.

"You'll get through this, Bella, I promise you.", he said, a fierce sound in his voice as he gazed deeply into my eyes, "You will be past this before you know it…and you'll never hurt again. I swear…I'll spend eternity making this up to you."

I knew my every scream and gasp was a knife in his heart. I could see his pain just as he could see and hear mine. I clung onto his words, trying to hold onto something sane and calm inside of me.

And I continued to suffer…screaming out loud once more into the romantic candlelit world around me, getting a little peek at my Mom holding me as a baby before I clenched my eyes together, wanting a way to escape...praying for strength...hoping I could make it until the end...

End of Chapter 18

Hey people ! Three days to the movie ! I can't wait! Well, Bella is on her way to becoming one of the sparkly undead. What do you think of Edward and how he's taking care of her? I don't know what I would do if I were him…that's hard watching someone go through such agony and you can't help. It kinda reminded me of a woman in labor…only there you get a break in between labor pains. Poor Bella. Poor Edward…Poor me! I want to see the movie DAMMIT ! I HATE waiting! LOL

See the next chapter soon ! Hope you guys liked Bella's present to Edward…lol…that was my hubby's idea! I said, what's a great gift a girl can give her man? And he said, threesome! Just like that ! No hesitation! LOL yes, I'm with my soul mate! And the more I thought of it…the more I was like…DAMN…I'll do it!

So thanks Mr. Winnd…lol….here's to you babe! And your next birthday ! evil laugh

See u soon !

Winnd


	19. To Love and Forever

Chapter 19

Oh, and by the way, Rob, I would so give you a threesome for your birthday, too. I bet Kristen wouldn't. (Wicked laugh)

Little side note about that: When my hub said give Edward a threesome…I was so tempted to have Bella open the door and see a big dude clad in leather waiting…LOL…God that would've been funny! For us, not Edward.

Okay, we left Bella in such a horrible place last chapter…and she's been suffering so loudly since then…I can hardly cook dinner because I can still hear her…let's go in and check on her, shall we? You don't have to tiptoe, she won't hear us…but don't get too close…Edward is very protective….

Chapter 19

"This is the second day, Bella…", Edward tried to smile at me as I arched up again, letting out a wail that made him wince, as if he could feel it himself.

I lashed out and grabbed his arm, wishing it would soften and pinch in my grip. But it was like clutching marble…too slick and hard to make any real hold on him.

I had not spoken for an eternity…it was proving way too hard. If I tried to form words, it would take all my breath away. Besides, Edward was talking enough for both of us.

He gave me a little smile and gently touched my hair while I roared…trying to gasp for breath.

"Your hair is getting darker.", he observed aloud, "It is SHINING…I love it…"

I clenched my eyes tight and flung my arm again, but he caught it, placing it firmly at my side so I wouldn't hurt myself more by striking against his stone body.

"It's starting to happen, Bella…", he informed softly, as if he were proud, "I can see the subtle little changes beginning already."

WHY oh WHY did we agree ahead of time that no drugs should be used on me during this? Was I NUTS ? I never knew pain could be like this…I thought I'd get used to it in time…but it just got worse and worse…and my body was getting weaker and more tired…but at least my hair seems to look pretty…thanks Edward!

I kept looking at the picture of Carlisle…he did this…and under a pile of potatoes, if I recall correctly. He made me want to be strong…he was…even with all his pain and thirst, he was powerful enough to care for humans. To the vampire world, I'm sure he was a laughing stock…but to me, he was a hero…150%.

I felt tears falling out of my eyes and I heard myself sobbing…this had started about 15 hours after I had tasted Edward's blood. At first, it was screaming non stop…then I started crying from the sheer endlessness of it all.

I can't do this…I'll never make it…I wish I'd just die already! I'm glad I can't talk for one reason…I'd be begging him to kill me and forget this whole eternal life thing.

"Oh, no, not again…please don't cry, Bella.", Edward looked helpless and afraid as he wiped my face down again with the cold water.

"You'll have trouble breathing again if you cry, you know that…", he reminded me, trying to calm me down.

Now I cried even more.

"Imagine there's no heaven….", Edward started to sing again, his voice so goddamn perfect it even put John Lennon to shame.

"It's easy if you try…", he sang like an angel…and I had to stop crying and screaming so I could hear him…I began to quiet myself a bit.

"No hell below us…", he continued, "Above us only sky…Imagine all the people…living for today….ahhhh haaaaa…."

And then I felt myself do it…I smiled !

God, I WAS really an infant now…quieting when I heard music…smiling at the funny little sounds Edward could make.

Edward gasped when he saw me give him that little moment…and he smiled back at me…and for one second…I didn't hurt.

Then my stomach felt as if it were melting and tearing to shreds at the same time…I screamed again…and Edward jumped back into his song, almost jerking physically as he sang, "Imagine there's no countries…."

Even in my torture, something in my head was working on something for the last few hours. Something curious. This was not MY Edward…completely…but it was him. When I called his name, he said, "I'm here." When he touched me…I could FEEL him. And just now, when he sang to me…I HEARD him. But it wasn't completely MY Edward either. MY Edward, if he were fully here, would be so heartbroken by me dieing…he would be expressing that. He would not have smiled at me just now.

Could they be together…somehow…temporarily, maybe…while I'm going through the transformation…this is something very important to both Edwards…neither of them would want to miss this or allow themselves to be locked away while I suffered this way. I went back in time, realizing that the day Edward split into TWO…was the night I was going to sleep with Jacob.

One Edward wanted to let me go and have a happy life, despite how it might be killing him inside. And the other…could not let that happen. He loved me so much and he would NOT let me go because of gentlemanly rules or human sentiment. That was the more honest Edward, the one filled with rage and hurt, betrayal.

Those two sides of Edward had always been in there…but at that moment they tore apart…and the more angry, the more dominant personality rose up, locking away the softer, gentler side of himself.

I knew the Edward at the threesome was ALL mean Edward, if I could really call him that. But wait…that Edward had been really sweet to me while we played. I mean, it was still a threesome, but…he was never cruel or vicious with me. Tanya got all the heat. I even remember him backhanding her across the face every time I screamed during our whipping. We hung there by our wrists, back to back, our ankles bound together, asses pressed against each other's. He whipped our breasts, first Tanya, then me, then Tanya…then me…

He told us not to scream. Tanya was silent…but a few times I had to let out a scream. When I would, he would backhand and punish Tanya for it, not me. He gave no reason or explanation for it, that's just what he did. Once, I think on purpose, Tanya let out a scream, thinking I would get punished for it. But he whipped her twice between the legs for that. And then he stroked me and whispered sweetly to me, asking me if I was alright.

Then he turned us around, nose to nose, facing each other, making us kiss while he went to work on our backs and ass cheeks. I think Tanya took a liking to me during that part especially….she kept letting her mouth wander down my neck…and all over my breasts. Edward loved that. And he rewarded ME for it, kissing my back and giving me a little vibrator action. Tanya screamed now and then, and for her punishment he ordered me to bite on her nipples. I did that carefully, but as hard as I could, and she reacted…but I don't think it truly hurt her.

Are they coming together? Little by little…or are they just together when it's really important? Or does bad Edward choose to let good Edward join with him when I need them both? Just now, when Edward had sang to me…my body reacted. The pain stopped. That HAS to be MY Edward.

I wish I could talk…I could even blame my questions on the haze of pain I was locked into. But every time I attempted speech, I paid for it by not being able to breathe seconds later. I had felt that a few times…it was not fun. I didn't want that again.

I was clutching onto Edward's hands hours later…it was night again but the candles were still lit up all around us. Edward had not moved away from me for more than a half second since the change began, and that was only to get me water, or to get something that might help me out more.

Crying kept happening but it didn't last for very long. Edward's singing voice was magical, and it always calmed me.

He wiped the cold wet cloth under my eye, taking the tears away, singing, "Michelle…my belle…"

I had to admit, I loved it when he sang the French words to this song. The Beatles is a group we both shared an affection for so he had done nearly their entire catalog. I liked it all….it was better than him talking all the time.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRR!", I growled, gasping right away…taking a bunch of broken breaths, swallowing and groaning out loud again.

"Sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble, Très bien ensemble.", he sang as I tried to hold in my cries…loving the way it all just rolled off his tongue…God, he's so sexy! Even dieing doesn't hide that fact.

I grabbed his hand harder as he watched me, his eyes soft and caring as he put the cloth into the bowl at my side, taking a new ice cube out of a glass there.

"More ice for you, baby…", he stopped singing and began to move the icy wet pebble to my tight lips, "Breathe…swallow…good girl…"

SCREW THE ICE – GIVE ME MORPHINE!

"AAAAAAAAAA!", I howled out instead of saying that. At the moment, I felt like my pelvic bones were splintering into dust…and that dust was on fire, boiling my blood!

"Come on…time to cool you down again…", he announced, gently picking me up into his arms.

OH YES! Time for a nice icy bath! Edward had tried this a couple times before and it was heavenly! He warned me we couldn't do it often, though, or my body could go into a deep shock. Yea, like it wasn't already.

He carried me to the bathroom as I panted for air and inside I was bouncing up and down.

"Easy, girl.", he cooed, gently easing us into the tubful of cold water and ice cubes. He would get in with me, letting me lay in his arms so I wouldn't fall under the water. It didn't seem to bother him at all. This was the one place I got to relax during this whole ordeal. The last couple times I had almost recovered enough to speak…but not quite.

I would really try this time.

"Uuuuuhhhhh", I moaned like I was full of desire…and the burning sensations began to lessen. There was still other pain…but it was manageable.

He smiled at me and leaned my hair into the water behind me, his fingers moving it back so it would be free from my face.

"That's my girl.", he purred, seeing the peace rise up in my eyes.

He gently tipped my chin up and placed a tender kiss upon my lips while my eyes gazed up at his angel face, a dumb animal in love.

I let out a jagged breath, and weakly brought my shaky hand up to his lips…wanting to touch them so badly.

"You're doing so well.", he encouraged me, taking my hand and finishing its journey, kissing my fingers with a new passion, then searing one huge kiss right into my palm.

"I love you so much.", he said, his voice deep and low, sounding pained…he held my hand in his now and held them against his chest.

I forced myself to try…and a couple of razor edged gasps stumbled out of my throat.

"I…..-", I actually got one word out ! I was so proud I smiled and quivered so hard the water rippled…Edward watched me with fascination…admiring my strength.

"lll-lllll-", I was messing this word up…I growled in frustration.

"Try again.", he said, trying to help me to not give up.

"Lllll-lllllll", I never knew how hard this word was to say…God!

"Llllloooovvvveeee…", I forced it out at last…and took a few breaths afterwards…needing to.

Edward smiled at me, as if I were the finest creature in all the universe.

"Yyyyy…", I finally attempted the last hurdle…the last word…Y's are hard too.

"Yyyyy….oooouuuuu.", I gasped, choking a little as the word ripped out of me.

I was going to try and say his name but he flung his arms around me and covered me with kisses…and in the tub, it didn't hurt now.

"Oh God, Bella, I love you…I love you!", he wept as he kissed me, "Please don't hate me for this, please…"

Now THIS is MY Edward! But it is also the other Edward too. I knew it. They are together….both with me. Like they had agreed to combine so I can have both of them…and I realized…I do love them both…need them both…hurt them both.

I managed to shake my head a little at him, weakly telling him I didn't hate him. I think he understood.

My eyes began to get a little heavy as his lips kissed me five more times. I think I was able to kiss back while I was in the ice water.

"It's killing me to watch you…die…like this…", he inhaled a sharp breath, "Why can't it be painless? It's not fair. You don't deserve it."

One more kiss and he looked me deep in the eyes.

"I have to take you out now.", he informed, saying my bath was over.

I wanted to complain. It was so nice in here…but he didn't want to chance it getting any worse for me than it already was.

I let out a sad little whimper and his eyes held that same feeling.

"I know, Bella.", he looked sorrowful, "But I don't want you dieing before the venom is finished doing its job. I'm sorry, angel."

And he lifted me out of the water, the cascade of cold wetness spilling from my hair and body as we quickly went back to my shrine…and I caught a glimpse of Charlie as we passed the wall.

Edward laid me on my side, rubbing my back vigorously as I closed my eyes, waiting for the burn to begin again. It wouldn't be long.

I clung to a pillow, digging my nails into it, afraid to imagine how it would feel when the ice water warmed and the burn would…

"OOOOHHHHHHHH OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!", I raged out loud, my body spasming hard as Edward rubbed my muscles even harder now.

"Scream, baby.", he allowed, "It's okay, let it out. I'm here."

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!", I shrieked, the burn was everywhere…my body kicked and thrashed around again like it did when I first felt it.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", I heard myself cry as Edward tried to hold me in the center of the bed, afraid I would fall off the edge.

Like I would hurt myself falling off the bed! HA ! But I gathered that, even though the venom was spreading, my body was extra fragile now, as it died…and if I hit my head or went into shock or anything like that…I could die before the venom was complete in turning me into a vampire. That would certainly suck, to go through all this pain only to die now anyway. I would be pissed off.

"Breathe, Bella, breathe!", he shouted, his eyes terrified as he looked down at me.

Oh yea. I had been holding my breath…I wondered what color I was turning.

I let the breath out and gasped for air. Something was wrong! I was breathing thick liquid…and I couldn't get a breath!

"Bella!", he put his hand to my heart as I choked, unable to rid myself of the fluid inside my chest. I was drowning in it…fast.

He examined my chest, rolling me to my side and feeling my back, touching where the lungs were located.

"Okay…got it.", he said, "Fluid in your lungs, baby. Too much in the cold water, I knew it!"

Before I knew it, I felt something being placed in my mouth, and then slide down the back of my throat.

"Hang on baby, I'm coming.", he assured as I choked harder, feeling his hand holding my body down and in place.

I saw him put the other end of the tube into his own mouth and begin to suck on it, like a straw. I didn't realize it until I felt something rumbling in my own chest…but he was sucking the fluid out of my lungs.

I began to see a murky white substance in the clear tube straw he was inhaling on and he took a huge mouthful of it, turning and spitting it out to the floor, then quickly returning to the tube and sucking more out.

Little by little, I could take small breaths again, and it was a lot lighter in my chest when I inhaled.

A few minutes later, he stopped sucking the straw tube and gently worked the other end out of my throat. I was so relieved to be rid of it…I had tears in my eyes as he stroked my cheek.

"Stop trying to get away from me, little girl.", he warned, a small grin on his lips, "I'm not letting you go."

"UUUHHHH!", I wailed, wishing I could properly thank him.

"No more ice water baths, I'm afraid.", he announced, looking as if he were more angry at himself for that mistake, adding, "I'm sorry, Bella. I meant no harm. I just wanted to ease your pain…"

I nodded, letting him know I understood and that I forgave him. My voice was gasping again, swallowing freely at the oxygen around me.

I held onto his hands again, clinging for dear life. Then I found myself sitting up a bit, laying my face to his chest, wrapping my quivering arms around his beautiful frame.

"My angel…", he sounded deep in emotion, holding me gently in return, stroking my hair with both hands, "I know your strength…I've seen it…I know you have the courage to get through this. And when you do, the whole world will belong to you. Anything you want…anything at all…is all yours. I promise."

It felt like a century later when Edward told me, "This is the last day, Bella. You're almost free."

Free? I wouldn't call it that. I'm almost dead, I'm almost a vampire, I'm almost finished but free? With this Edward I could never really be free. And neither could he. I realized that inside Edward was this same pain I was going through now. And he couldn't escape it either. I had done this. I can't blame Edward for a sickness in him that I created. I played with fire, I played with the monster inside him…and I released it. I had to pay for that. I intended to.

The pain never seemed to lessen with time, unfortunately, and I never got used to it…and I screamed out again, clinging onto his hands again.

Edward returned to his previous story and I tried to listen as I gasped for air.

"Cupid fell in love with a human named Psyche.", he softly put a finger to my nose, "And his mother, Aphrodite, Goddess of Love, had a big problem with that. See, Psyche was so beautiful, even more lovely than the Goddess herself. And Aphrodite was very vain. Not wanting a more beautiful goddess with her on Mount Olympus, Aphrodite did all she could to stop their marriage."

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!", I tried to quiet my screams, liking this story and wanting to hear it. At the moment, my entire body was roasting and it felt like my bones were about to pierce through my muscle and flesh…and I couldn't do anything about it.

Edward swallowed, still not used to my howls of pain, even after all this time, and he continued, I think in part, to try and keep himself as sane as possible.

"Your bones are rebuilding themselves, Bella.", he seemed to read my mind, "I know what it feels like. They will not tear you apart, I swear. Your flesh is becoming stronger as well. You will be alright. Just hang on, Bella. Hang onto ME."

And I did.

Edward told me more of the story, telling me about the impossible tasks Aphrodite gave to Psyche so she could prove her worth to marry Cupid.

"She did well in the first three tasks but failed the last.", Edward said, stroking my hair as his other hand held mine.

"Stealing Persephone's beauty cream from the Underworld.", he revealed, "Going to the Underworld is a very dangerous challenge, even for the bravest of mortals. But Psyche didn't bat an eyelash at that request. What was too much for Psyche was the temptation of being even MORE beautiful. For if this cream would improve Aphrodite's perfect looks, what would it do for an imperfect human?"

I had just finished my scream and Edward waited until I was finished to continue. He kissed my knuckles while I took some desperate mouthfuls of air.

"So Psyche opened the cream…", he continued softly, "And on doing that, she fell into a deathlike sleep. This was Aphrodite's plan all along. Psyche was tricked. Cupid was so broken hearted, he could no longer spread love around the world. He stayed by his sleeping love's side, swearing never to leave her."

A deathlike sleep. God that sounds wonderful. I got the part about Cupid not leaving Psyche's side. Edward is my Cupid, an angel god lover.

"So, eventually, Zeus stepped in and awakened Psyche.", Edward smiled, revealing the happy ending, "Cupid brought her to Olympus and they were married."

Sounds like Snow White. Disney ripped off the greek myths? Hmmm…

"And they had a baby girl named Pleasure.", he finished, "And Aphrodite doted on this princess with so much love that she was forgiven for all her meddling. And they all lived happily ever after."

He smirked at me and I wished I could roll my eyes at his little ending. It was cute though. I would've laughed at that if my body wasn't being ripped apart from the inside out. I wished things could have been different. I imagined Edward telling our own little daughter this story. He'd have made a wonderful father.

Pleasure…God, where are you little girl? I need you here NOW! ASAP!

"You will have pleasure again, Bella.", he promised, kissing my fingers with utmost caution, "Pleasure without limits…I know that part will make you happy. You hate limits."

That's true.

I looked around, wanting to see Alice. I found her…and it helped as I screeched out again.

"She's here.", Edward informed me with a very quiet voice, "They all are, you know. You haven't lost them."

I choked and gasped, getting some much needed oxygen.

JUST TELL ME! I wanted to scream at him, TELL ME WHERE THEY ARE…WHAT YOU DID TO THEM…JUST FUCKING TELL ME ALREADY!

"Have you heard enough stories?", he asked as if I were six years old, "Or would you like me to sing to you again?"

GOD HOW MUCH LONGER? I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!

I started to cry again.

"Oh no…", he winced, hating it when I turned on the water, "Bella…no…"

"When Alice first saw you in her visions…", he said, "She told me I would fall in love with you."

This made me stop crying…so I just panted instead.

"I…", he almost laughed then straightened again, "I was angry at her. I told her she was crazy. I would never love a human. I would never love anyone…that way. The truth was…I was afraid. I had given up on the idea that true love could happen for me. The more we went through the decades, the more alien humans seemed to me. I never dreamed I'd find one perfect for me, especially in the year 2008! It's so weird. If I stayed human, I'd have never known real love…with you…with anyone. I don't know why God placed you so far away from me but somehow I found you anyway. Or…you found ME. I don't regret being a vampire anymore…because of you. I used to hate it…and hate myself…what I was…but now I see the bigger picture. God gave me a way to reach you, Bella. And I don't know if he can hear me or wants to…but I thank God. I thank God for you and your love…your willingness to go through all this for me…for us. Maybe God can't hate me all that much if he's willing to give me a goddess like YOU, Bella Swan. And you were a goddess three days ago, before my bite ever touched you."

Great, now I'm crying more! But in the middle of all this, these were happy tears.

I put my shaking fingers to his lips and he kissed them reverently, like I was a true goddess to his mere mortal.

I mouthed the words I LOVE YOU and I think he made out what I wished I could say.

"You have to hold on tight now.", he said, "The last day is the hardest. Many humans slip and let themselves die, as the pain is just too much to bear anymore. But I want you to fight, Bella Swan. Use that strength I know you have. Hold on for US. You won't be sorry you did."

Then a long moment passed and he buried his face in his hands, and when he spoke he sounded like he was breaking down.

"I can't live without you again, I just can't…", he sobbed, sounding ashamed and so weak at the same time, "I lost you once…twice, really…I won't live without you, Bella, please! Please don't go…don't leave me alone…"

I never saw Edward so fragile before…pleading…it scared me.

That's when I decided I was going to stop crying and get angry…get tough! I would hold on, fight back…anything so my Edward would not be alone in this world without me again…and by saying MY Edward…I was talking about both of them…I wouldn't call the sick Edward bad or mean again. He needed a cure…I would make sure he got one.

I clung onto his hands with mine, speaking to him with my actions. When he looked at me, his eyes looked wet and sparkling. I stared up at him with fierce determination…I gave a brave nod.

This made him smile at me.

Hours went by the same as they did before, slowly and agonizingly. Edward did his best to keep my mind with him through the pain.

Then, out of nowhere, I heard him gasp. I looked at him, confused.

"Bella…", he tightened his grip on my hands, not enough to do any damage, though.

"Bella, hang on…", he stared at my face as I felt my breathing hitch…and the next breath came out in one long, slow drag….that horrid rattling accompanying it.

My eyes bulged out and I felt them do it…I frantically gazed up at Edward, my god protector.

"It's starting to happen, Bella…", he swallowed, looking more anxious, "Try to relax and breathe as best you can. Don't be afraid. I'm with you…I won't leave you."

Oh God. This is it. I'm finally dieing. These would be my last few breaths. Tears came to my eyes as I realized all that it meant…my human life…officially over.

I will never breathe again…never sweat again…never sleep again…never blush again…never cry again.

But I had my past with the word never. I had already learned the meaning of that word when Charlie vanished…and Renee and Phil…and the Cullens…and Jake…I would never see them again. And that's why I had to do this. Not just for me and them…but for Edward too. I had to make things right, in the one way I could. I just prayed they could all understand…and forgive me….be with me.

They say your last moments define you…and decide what you will be in your next life. I tried to be brave…and strong…and quiet…and remember every moment of love I had experienced during this little stay.

I thought of each one of them as my heartbeats began to slow.

Charlie. Dad. Daddy….

Mom…Mommy…..

I was a baby again…scared…wanting my Mommy to pick me up and make everything alright.

"Don't be afraid.", he whispered above me, "I've got you. I've got you. It'll only be a second…between your death…and your new life. But I've got you, Bella."

Just one second. And I knew…to Edward, this one little second would be the most terrifying second of his existence…and mine. This would be a place where Edward could not reach me. A little valley between human and immortal that I could very easily get stuck in…or choose to stay in…forever…without him. This one little moment could separate us for all time. We both knew it. And this little space for us was as humongous as the universe.

And for me to join him, I had to step through there. He didn't look very pleased about that.

I felt tears escaping from my eyes but the screaming was over…I tried to take another breath and again, it was a crawling, sickly sound…Edward looked scared to death, watching me.

"It's alright…", he whispered, more to himself than me, "It's alright…"

I tried to believe that. I clutched onto his voice…his words…

I would be alright. WE would be alright. Please God…just answer that prayer.

One more breath…even though it was dreadful and painful I was glad for each one. Who knew how many more I had left? Besides that, Edward looked as if he was hanging on by a thread. I wondered how much more he would be able to take.

Then…as I stared into his eyes…and he stared back into mine…I could not breathe again. My body arched up against my will and Edward let out a deep groan of torment. I felt my eyes flutter deeply, my sight going fast…I heard Edward let out a little scream.

Then I felt my body slump back down against the bed…and my eyes shut closed. I heard Edward sobbing above me…clinging onto my hands as his forehead rested against mine.

And for that one second…I felt peace. There was no pain at all…in fact, I felt wonderful. Rested, full of energy and life…and warm…I felt WARM! It wasn't a sunlight kind of warmth…it came from inside me…a glowing, loving embrace that not even a vampire god could perform. I had never gone to church much or read lots of the bible…but…I just knew…and I felt God. He loved me.

I couldn't hear a thing. The silence was not eerie or lonely, as it had been for me in life. It was lovely…like a song only I could hear and understand.

There was no Edward. There was no Bella.

And then…a light! A fiery, glowing light rose up from the dark silence and danced all around me…a billion little sparks…seemed to be speaking to me…all with so much love…whispers…none standing out more than another…but every message reached me…they all wanted me to go with them. To come home.

And I really wanted to.

But only one thing stopped me. In all the voices, there was one I could not hear.

Edward.

It broke my heart but I could not join them…not yet. I wasn't sure if I'd get another chance to see them all again but I found myself gently pulling away, floating backwards…I wanted to cry the further away from them I wandered…I felt alone and in the wrong place, being apart from the light…I felt scared and like a kid lost in the supermarket, thinking I'd never find my Mom again.

But I had to go back. I promised Edward I would not leave him here alone. I intended to keep that promise. There would be no paradise without him. There could be no heaven for me if I left him behind, after what I had done to him.

I opened my eyes and was staring at the ceiling…seeing myself and Edward in our meadow. I didn't breathe. I didn't need to. There was no pain…well, not like before. I did feel that sensation in my throat that Edward had warned me about. It felt like I had a block of sharp chalk in my larynx.

I just heard Edward gasp as he watched me jerking back to life. He spoke no words, probably wanting me to have peace while I adjusted to my new surroundings.

Well, not new surroundings. I was in the same place but now everything was different. The picture of Edward and I on the ceiling was moving…I mean, him and I, in the picture…we were smiling at each other and then Edward leaned towards me…and we kissed. The grass was blowing in the breeze around us. Wow! Cool ! I could even hear Alice's voice in the near distance.

"Oh God, you guys!", she teased, "Get a ROOM!"

We were laughing at that…

"Take your time, Bella…", Edward's real voice said, his voice sweet and gentle, "It's an amazing thing…seeing through vampire eyes for the first time."

The colors were what I first noticed. I had never seen them in such vivid tones…the blues…the reds! The fire from each candle Edward had lit for me appeared to dance like little pixies…they were laughing and doing backflips on their wicks.

All the pictures around me were smiling back at me, recognizing me and welcoming me. Even the ones of Charlie and Renee held no fear or sorrow in their eyes. Just love.

The fish on Charlie's pole flapped around, the water flicking off its gills as it struggled. Charlie's voice was far away, saying, "The biggest catch of the day! Sad, isn't it?"

I gave a little laugh and then Charlie turned to me and said, "You can keep it as a pet, if you want."

Then I finally looked at Edward…and let out a big startled sound.

He jumped back an inch, but still held onto my hands.

"It's me…", he assured as I let my eyes wander over the glowing angelic God beside me.

"I know I look different now.", he said, not wanting me to be uninformed at any turn, "Hope I'm not too ugly for you."

He smiled, because I had too.

I couldn't speak. I sat up with no effort at all and just stared….and he let me.

There are no words to describe what I saw when I gazed at Edward. His colors were so intense and deep…his hair…his EYES ! Inside those golden orbs I once knew…now I could see a million little designs…shapes…worlds going on in there…I could SEE both Edwards here…as plain as day…they were both here now…together. If only for a moment, they were with me. And they were gorgeous.

I spurted out words like an toddler.

"Your…eyes!", I gasped, trapped in their intense heaven, "Oh my God!"

He shuddered everywhere, as if filled with desire suddenly.

And he stared at me, just as powerless in my web as I was in his.

"Your VOICE!", he breathed, and I could actually SEE diamond tears being born from the ivory fields that held his pupil.

"The most beautiful sounds I've ever heard…", he searched my entire face…drinking me in as I did the same to him.

"Say something else…", he almost pleaded, his eyes on fire as he kept gazing at me.

I searched for something magical to say…but I came up empty. I laughed.

"I can't think of anything to say…", I giggled and he laughed right along with me.

He smiled so wide that I thought I'd cry from the sheer delight of it…if I could cry.

"See?", he stroked my cheek with the backs of his fingers, "You're still MY Bella."

"And you're my Edward.", I said, to both of them, meaning it completely.

"You came to me.", he said, sounding so relieved.

I knew what he was referring to. The second in between. The light…he never told me about that. But he knew. He had pulled away from it too. I wondered why.

"I told you.", I leaned my forehead to his lips and received a deep kiss there, "I will never leave you, Edward."

"I love you so much Bella Swan.", he took my face and kissed me, so hard….and it didn't hurt at all…it grabbed me and set me ablaze with lust.

"I want to marry you.", he informed, ravaging my mouth again, not giving me a chance to reply. I almost forgot I didn't need to breathe…

"We're closer than married.", I managed to say between his kisses, "We're ONE. I can feel that. Can you?"

"Yes.", he kissed me again, "But I still want to marry you."

"I just went through three days of Hell and died!", I cracked back, "I need a vacation first."

I felt tougher…stronger. Not just in my body but in my soul. I didn't feel inferior to Edward anymore. I felt like an equal…finally!

"Yes, you're right.", he agreed, kissing my bottom lip adoringly, "I'm sorry."

Hmm…Edward the agreeable. Who knew?

"Where would you like to go, my love?", he asked huskily, moving his mouth down to my neck.

OH CHRIST ! The sensations! These made my human reactions to Edward seem uninterested. I was filled with lust…was this how it was for everyone? How could Edward be so in control during our bedtime talks?

I let out a deep moan and he chuckled, taking a deep bite in the spot between my neck and shoulder.

"I think I'm already there!", I replied, clutching at his hair as he continued nibbling my neck.

"Mmmm", he tasted my vampire flesh admiringly, "Welcome Miss Swan, to your private room…"

And he bit down again, licking….

"But first…", he pulled away from me and went to the nightstand.

He held two glasses of dark wine, swirling them gracefully.

Handing me one, he sat back on the bed, nose to nose with me, lifted his sparkling glass and said, "A toast…to love…and forever."

I smiled back, 200% in agreement.

"To our love…", I whispered, "And our forever."

He smiled with sex all over his lips and his eyes clouded a bit, heavy with lust.

"Yes.", he said, and that one little word meant all the world to me.

I brought the glass to my lips but Edward gently stopped my hand first, his eyes concerned.

"Very gently, my love.", he warned, "It will take time to adjust to your strength. You must be gentle with things from now on."

I gave a little nod, understanding, and I slowly brought the glass to my lips, hardly touching them as I carefully tipped the glass up a bit.

Edward watched me with his mouth open slightly, as if watching a baby feed herself for the first time.

I wanted to prove myself capable and please him. The wine touched my tongue and I moaned out loud…it was thick and seductive…so delicious I wanted to drink ten more bottles of it.

Then as I watched Edward drink a sip of his…and close his eyes as it went down…he quivered, like it was very strong alcohol…like it was doing things to him.

"Is this blood?", I asked right out, where before I would have hesitated as a human.

"Yes.", he answered honestly, "We will keep living on animal blood if you wish…but for your first taste…I wanted it to be special for you."

My heart seemed to stop, if it hadn't already.

"Human blood?", I asked with a frown.

"Don't be afraid.", he touched my hand, "No one died for this. It's special…from long ago…I keep it tucked away for…special occasions."

It was very weird but I could taste things in it…I mean, the taste was incredible but I just knew things…about her.

"This was a girl's blood.", I informed, my voice and face serious.

Edward was serious too.

"Very good.", he gave a little smile, proud of me, "What else?"

I knew she was very young…and liked ponies. I was almost riding one…feeling her…as if I were her…happy and loved…with everything I ever wanted…my pony's name was Maddy. I could even SMELL her…

I put the glass down, shaking a little.

"I don't like this.", I heard myself say with my new deep musical voice.

"Shhhh….shhhh….", he held my face close to his, trying to comfort me, "It's alright, Bella. She never suffered a day in her life. Back in the forties, after I had left Carlisle and decided to try the animal diet again…I used blood from blood banks. Carlisle helped me, he understood. This little girl, Amanda, she died in her sleep…a brain tumor no one ever saw ahead of time. I tasted it…and knew it was special. She was pure innocence…not one bad day in all her life. That is very rare. I couldn't just chug it down like a beer. I only took one taste…that night I found it. And I felt it…felt her life…I felt…ALIVE. And I never touched it again since that night…until now. I just wanted you to feel that…I don't want you to feel…dead."

How complex this man is. Every time I think he's pure evil, he explains himself and I just want to hold him for six thousand years.

"I don't feel dead.", I whispered, taking his face into my hands and kissing him.

After a minute I heard Edward hiss and when I looked at him, he was wincing a bit, but still smiling.

I let him go and saw his cheeks both bared a crack in them, like broken marble.

I gasped and put my hands over my mouth.

"Oh God, I'm sorry!", I gasped, "Did I do that?"

The cracks healed up in seconds and Edward smiled gently down at me.

"Like I said," he chuckled, "You're going to have to learn to be gentle with things from now on. Especially me."

I smiled, glad he was alright.

"I know you said I'd be strong but…wow!", I panted, letting go of my guilt.

"Wow indeed.", he smirked, still holding his glass, "Don't think it hasn't worried me…you being strong enough to overpower ME for a change."

I felt something inside me start to cry but I ignored it for now.

I smiled, getting a delicious thought suddenly.

"Don't think I haven't fantasized about it…", I purred seductively, yanking gently on the back of his hair as his head drew back, and he cringed in a dark, sexual pain.

"Chaining YOU up…", I whispered into his perfect ear, "Having my way with your hot little body…whipping your naked white ass…while you scream into your leather gag…so helplessly…so beautifully…"

I released him and he was panting….staring up into my eyes as I knelt in front of him, my breasts staring right into his lips.

He looked speechless and I couldn't tell if he was angry or aroused.

"I would say….", I smiled down wickedly at his nervous face, "Count on it happening, love."

He let his face turn from fear to desire.

"When?", he asked, as if he couldn't wait. A child wanting his Christmas.

I had to make myself turn away and I retrieved my glass of wine.

Edward watched me do this as if I were giving birth to unicorns.

I brought the glass cautiously to my mouth and drank it all down, not pausing between gulps. It WAS the most amazing…almost orgasmic feeling…I WAS a little girl again…only not as myself. As her. I was graceful and beautiful…alive…riding on the wind, on Maddy's back…we seemed to be one as well…we leapt into the air…we almost had wings…we were on the way to heaven…together.

I could see Edward's reasoning, having some special blood here when I awoke. This sure was a lot more romantic than smelling a deer's ass outside while I sucked him dry. I still wasn't sure how I'd do hunting animals. I hated the stink of the zoo.

I placed my empty glass into Edward's other hand…and although he was stunned by me…he handed me his full glass like a dutiful, adoring servant…and I was his Queen. I took it with a loving smile…loving him.

"Tomorrow night.", I answered him, "At exactly this time…our one night anniversary."

He let out an excited, aroused breath.

"I look forward to it.", he looked dazzled by me for a change…and I liked that. I felt powerful…and sexy…worthy of having him drooling at my knees.

But at the same time, I didn't want to change completely and turn into this dark evil woman. I didn't want to become Victoria. I wanted to be me. A nice, good person that anyone could trust. A person Charlie and Renee would have been proud of. The person Edward fell in love with.

I knew how wonderful these vampire powers could seem, and how fast they would draw me into this world…but I wanted to keep strong enough to resist it. I didn't want to be seduced by all this. It would be too hard to give up. And I wouldn't give it up. A thousand years could pass and I'd be having too much fun to notice time flying by.

I looked at the picture of my mother holding me as an infant and I found myself again.

I smiled at Edward and kissed him again, not faking that. I do love Edward. Tomorrow would be like taking my child to the doctor for a shot. I didn't look forward to it, to seeing Edward hurt. But it was necessary. I hoped it would be his cure. Our cure. And then it will all be over. And we finally will be free.

Of course, if I'm wrong then we have an eternity to figure something else out.

I smiled at my Edward, placing the glass on his lips and tipping it softly as he swallowed, closing his eyes and trembling as the rare vintage did its work in his body.

"After this we hunt?", I asked pleasantly, loving to watch him drink and his throat swallow deeply.

He looked at me like a boy and silently gave me a slow nod, his lips red and wet as his tongue reached up to clean them, a single stroke.

"Mmmm now that looks good.", I smiled, leaning in and kissing his moist lips, feeling my tongue begin to explore the taste inside.

"Thanks for sharing.", he mumbled, smiling as I inhaled his lips again, wanting his body more than the blood.

End of Chapter 19

Hey guys, sorry I was gone for a couple days…ECLIPSE ! GOD Robert is fucking amazing! Thank you Lord, thank you! You do nice work!

See next chapter real soon! Love ya!

Winnd


	20. A Sad Doll

Chapter 20

Hey guys! Sorry it's been a couple days! Another chapter right up after this one! This chapter has some Edward torture in it. Don't cry. He'll be alright. Maybe.

Let's join our vamp couple…

I closed my journal and steeled myself to do it. It's no big deal. Just look. Just once. You've seen horror movies before.

Yea, but I've never BEEN one before.

Oh, stop it. You were never afraid of the Cullens' looks…especially Edward's.

Yea, but this is me. Not them.

Get some balls, girl. Charlie was brave. He would look.

Alright, get off my ass.

I walked into the bathroom down the hall and closed myself inside before looking up in the mirror's direction. I looked down at the sink, wishing the answers to all my questions were in there, down the black hole somewhere…even though now, with my new sight…I could see all the way down there…neat! There are some benefits to this vampire thing, one of them having perfect sight in all things. I love that. Usually I was squinting to make things out. I never needed glasses but I could never really see things clearly for what they were.

And now I am trying to find the courage to look at my own reflection. I'm glad Edward wasn't here with me while I'm doing this. He had wanted to throw me right in front of a full length mirror as soon as I was dressed to go hunting earlier. But I shrank from that and just let out a very stern "NO."

He didn't push. He said he understood that. He seemed to. And I was glad about that. It had been so long ago that he was a newborn but he acted like it was yesterday's memory. It gave me some comfort, having someone who could guide me, someone who knew the pains and the glories in this new life. A mentor. A friend.

He said that maybe later, when I was alone, I should take a peek. He told me not to be afraid when I saw my own eyes. He once had a big problem with it himself, but he told me I was gorgeous, stunning even for a vampire. I doubted that but the way he kept looking at me…as if trapped by me, unable to pull away, sort of convinced me maybe he was telling the truth. Edward is a lot of things but he's no actor. He doesn't pretend things, I mean. Good or bad, Edward is what you see before you.

I was kind of glad that the hospital called Edward in this afternoon. There seemed to be a full on emergency, a school bus full of kids had a terrible accident and spilled over a small cliff. I think they said the driver had a heart attack or something and the bus went out of control. And I thought I had problems.

He didn't want to go, he was about to tell them no, but I asked to have a couple hours of alone time. He understood that, too, and forbid me to go outside, or to answer the door. He knew I was a newborn, and that most newborns are wild and hungry for blood…human blood.

But this morning, after I changed, we had gone hunting together. He was amazed by me, he'd said. I was calm and in control of myself, like I had been as a human. I was not crazed or wild on the hunt. I listened, I learned, I obeyed all he told me. I drank from a deer and was very patient with myself as Edward guided me nearby, instructing me on the proper way to suck the blood, where to bite, where and how to hold the struggling animal, and how not to make a big mess of it all.

He hung back, a few feet away, not wanting to cramp my style, as he said Carlisle had with him. He told me I did very well, he said it was a gift, my control…my calm. I wasn't sure that was such a special gift, but I accepted the compliment.

And there was a moment when, accidentally, I had neared a couple of humans who were out hunting in the forest. I pulled back, afraid to get any closer, and ran the other way. That really impressed Edward. He kept asking me how I did that. I just shrugged and said, "I didn't want to hurt anyone." And that was very true. I don't want anyone else harmed. Maybe I carried that with me from my human life. Above all, the reason I chose this and embraced it…was just for that reason. I want it all to stop. I don't want one more person hurt. Not by me…and not by Edward. No more.

No more.

Who would've guessed that at the age of 21 I would be sick and tired of living? Not me. But I am. The heart is gone from inside me. I find no joy in most things anymore. Only Edward. And even that relationship is worn and faded from what it used to be. It's no one's fault. It's just how it is. And there is no way to get it back. Even now, as a vampire, I feel it. My heart is broken. And now it will always be.

Okay…now I'm going to look.

I shivered as I watched the top of my hair arising in the mirror reflection. Okay, it was dark…very dark. Black I would say. But not just flat black. Silk…shimmering highlights woven in…it shined! Like Edward said. It was like those Pantene commercials where the girl's hair is so gloriously beautiful and satiny that you scoff and say "computer magic" when you see it. This clearly was no normal human's hair. And this is after three days of laying on it, thrashing around, and a whole half day of hunting in the windy gray woods, fighting with animals.

I hadn't even brushed it since my death. But it looked fucking amazing.

Okay, Bella, pull back. Don't get seduced by the vampire glamour. Don't get sucked in…no pun intended.

Now…rise up a little more…peek your mug into the mirror. Be tough. Think of Xena.

I closed my eyes for a second then straightened up, facing the mirror. And I just did it. I opened my eyes and looked!

I stared.

The first thing I noticed was the whiteness of my skin. It was ivory white – marble porcelain against the dark ebony of my hair. I almost looked like a geisha girl. But the white was not unattractive, like a pale person would look sickly. It drew you in…the colors…and I made myself touch my chin. There used to be a little bump there, a blemish of some kind that never really went away…and now it was perfect and flat, curved in the right places. I searched my face up close for a freckle…or a pimple…anything that wasn't supposed to be there. Nothing. I wasn't surprised by it but it was still a little weird, now that I was looking.

I could not find a single vein…a single flaw. I sighed. I used to say a face without a flaw is a face without character. I still say it. Yes, my face was beautiful…but…it also wasn't real. Just like I first thought Edward was too beautiful to be real.

I touched my lips. They were dark red and glistened as if wearing lip gloss. They weren't. But they shined wetly even when I wiped my mouth off roughly into a washcloth. My skin also had a perfect smooth look to it, like it was made of cream. To my own hand, it did feel very creamy…but I remembered what Edward's face had once felt like to me…hard stone, bisque porcelain. Maybe to other vampires I would feel soft…but to humans I would be like a statue.

My eyebrows, once normal, now looked perfectly groomed, straight as if someone had combed them flawlessly. They matched the color of my long, straight tresses and I made them move up and down, testing them out a bit.

I was doing all I could to avoid looking straight into my own eyeballs.

Alright, coward. Do it.

Well, first, it appears that I have makeup on my eyes…but I don't. I rubbed under my eyelids where the shades of black and brown were…but they didn't rub off or fade. It looked like I had the most expensive, stylish eyeliner money could buy. I liked the way it looked, but what if I felt like going with a more natural look sometimes?

Now…my eyes.

Yes, they were red. And I had seen Jane's eyes…and Victoria's. But this is something more. They are a dark crimson color…but it looks like moving red water is slowly floating around in my irises. I stared closer, getting nose to nose with the glass, and I saw little designs in the blood red fields. A triangle? A swirl of silver? Strange shapes I didn't even know a name for…I remembered seeing these in Edward's golden eyes when I awakened as a vampire. What does this mean? Is it a vampire power? Can all vampires see this in me? Are they codes for something? Or am I imagining it?

The shapes kept changing and mixing together…it became maddening to keep looking.

Is this the power of compelling humans? Is it the glamour? Edward had compelled me to do things once or twice. Not ever to harm anyone. Just in situations when I was being difficult and my life was in danger, he'd "dazzle" me into agreeing with him to stay in the house, or to stay with Charlie for the day. It was innocent, but it worked. His eyes would stare into mine…and I would be helpless to resist anything he said. Edward had told me about this a few days ago, when I asked to know everything. Compelling, also called vampire "glamour" could force people to do anything you wished. It would only work on humans, not other vampires. And it took a lot of practice, according to Edward. Also, you'd have to be at full strength to do it. You could not be hungry. You had to be well fed to have the power.

I would have to ask Edward later. It wouldn't be good to call him now, in the middle of the ER to ask about this. I almost chuckled at the idea of him on the cell, his hands in the intestines of some poor soul while he says, "That's perfectly normal, Bella, vampire eyes are ALWAYS full of weird symbols. Can I explain it to you when I get home, love? Okay, thanks. Love you!"

I guess it isn't a big deal. But one thing is.

I look scary. I don't look innocent and normal anymore. I may be on the inside…but if I were a human and saw ME coming down the street…I'd get out of the way. I'd be nervous. I would be afraid. And that's not just because I'm a vampire. I wasn't afraid of Esme or Alice. Well, I was afraid of Rosalie. It's something…in me…that makes me look frightening like this. Some darkness inside me, showing through. Rosalie had it…after being raped and beaten by a bunch of drunks…she wasn't innocent anymore. She was angry when she was changed. She had a broken heart. Just like me.

I was angry too. After losing everyone I ever cared for. After being forced to live in the Cullen house after losing my own home. After all the things Edward had put me through. Yes, there is a deep anger inside me. And yes, there is horrible sorrow in me. And it will always be this way. Frozen inside.

I have a sad doll's face. A bitter mask of perfection hiding my pain. I am Rosalie.

It's alright. It's alright. Calm down. You used to like dressing up as wicked figures for Halloween, remember? This is not that different. It won't be long. Hold on.

Don't cry.

I can't cry.

Oh yea. Damn.

Well it doesn't mean I don't WANT to cry.

I don't like you, I said to my reflection…right before I punched her out.

I liked how the glass broke like thin ice against my hand. The sound was cleansing as the shards filled up the sink below. And no cuts on my knuckles…no pain at all.

Don't get seduced by the powers.

I know.

Go do something constructive. You know what to do.

I know! God, please don't tell me I have an inner demon now, too, like Edward's. Only mine isn't evil, she's just annoying. And preachy.

I imagined my inner monster getting loose and lecturing young girls about all they were supposed to achieve.

Chilling.

Charlie was pointing up into the trees, standing by his abandoned police car. I can still remember that image. And with my journal in hand, anything I might have forgotten was in black and white to remind me.

I had written lots of things down in the past year, while at school. My teachers thought I was taking notes but I wasn't. I was putting my life into the pages…everything I thought, felt, feared…everything I could think of…not wanting to lose a drop of it. I never told Edward. And I'm sure he thought I was slow, needing him to tutor me.

But I wasn't stupid…how I wished I were. The stupid me would've forgotten everything and everyone…and just lived my new life with Edward. She would've dealt with the pain and fear of past things Edward had done to me and with me…love would've held me to him forever…even if I was suffering. I want to be stupid. My life would be much easier.

But easy isn't always right. Or fair. Charlie taught me that. Justice isn't always black and white…some things aren't the way they're supposed to be. Charlie always believed that the guilty should pay. I kinda believed that too. But there were times when it was wrong. Should a mother killing her daughter's rapist pay? Hadn't she paid enough? It was gray areas like that were me and Charlie always clashed a bit.

I'm no Wonder Woman. I'm not doing this for justice. Or to balance the books. I'm not doing this for revenge. I just want Edward to have peace. That is all I've ever wanted. Only now…I want peace too. I hoped I could make him understand where my heart was in all this. I hoped he wouldn't hate me. Hate is not peace. And I don't give a damn what anyone else on earth thinks of me. But I hope HE knows…that I love him…and I always will.

I went to the front door and went out into the world, against orders from my vampire Master. And I'm not afraid. Anymore.

I glanced at the garage and knew I didn't need a car. I had loved running with my new vampire legs and couldn't wait to do it again. I knew where I was headed there would be no humans around. If I ran across one, I was prepared to run away again.

Before I knew it, I was almost flying through the forest…my brain perfectly tuned to where I was headed. I had like a built in GPS now…where as before I would sometimes blank and forget which way I was going…and if I had two choices of roads, I'd most likely ALWAYS choose the wrong one. My dad said that was just part of my nature, something I got from Mom. He would laugh but still…I didn't like that comment.

I reached the road where Charlie's car was left over a year ago. I reached my hand up to my nose and inhaled Charlie's hat, the only thing I had left of my father. It was on the roadside a few feet away from the car. The new Chief had given it to me months ago, after they decided there was no evidence on it. I had buried it in the back yard of the Cullen house under a large rock. Edward never found it, or if he did, he never told me about it.

Okay…I have the scent of Charlie in my nostrils now. Then I flashed on the image of my dad, pointing. There are the trees he was pointing at. I walked slowly, not wanting to miss anything on the way to wherever I was going. Maybe human eyes missed some things… but I would not allow my vampire eyes to fail on this case.

I realized that after all this time, maybe Charlie's scent would be faint…or gone completely…but maybe not. I don't have lots of experience with this but I have some time to teach myself. Winters had gone by since Charlie vanished, and maybe that sealed in his smell somehow…in the leaves and the grass…like DNA, maybe it never really went away.

My eyes scanned every blade of grass…every dew drop registered as I moved…nothing was out of my vision or reach. I could hear every cricket, I could feel every imperfection in the soil under the grass under my toes. I would find what I came here looking for.

Nothing yet. I kept going…miles passed by like feet as I scanned the area. I liked not getting hot or tired while walking, like I used to.

In the center of the wooded part of the field, I stopped like I was hit by a locomotive.

The SMELL of him was EVERYWHERE! Sweet and tangy…with something magical and warm mixed in…not Charlie.

Edward.

My stomach sank and I was glad I couldn't throw up anymore. I kept looking…searching…inhaling…

Even now, I was internally begging and pleading…hoping it wasn't true…praying!

These woods used to hold so much magic for me…so dark and comforting…a peaceful paradise where nature was untroubled by anything outside. I knew better now.

Now it's only a convenient place for predators to stalk and kill their prey, unseen by others…a dumping ground for remains.

I don't want to find Charlie's remains…but I do. I want to know. But I don't.

And now I'm troubled by the image of Charlie, suddenly popping out at me from behind, all covered with blood. Some big bad vampire I am.

Don't pop out on me, Dad. Not funny. Just don't.

I could hear the birds up above, squawking to each other, as if discussing me and what I was up to. I ignored them, following Edward's scent…watching out for Charlie's scent…

A lot more walking….and looking. Then I reached something. Something not obvious to the human eye, something no cop would've come across, something no jogger would have stumbled upon.

I can feel wood under this spot…it was far down below…but I could feel it under my boots.

"Okay, Dad.", I said, getting down on all fours, Edward's smell all around me. I placed Charlie's hat down gently on the grass, out of the line of fire from the soil that I would be clawing up to get to what was down here.

I found it easily. It was a small wooden box, not nearly big enough to place a body into. I was glad for that…until my inner demon's voice reminded me it was big enough to fit a head into.

Thanks, annoying demon.

I gently lifted it out of its hole and sat it on the grass. Then I got up and walked away from it, pacing back and forth, something I think I picked up from Edward.

Edward's smell was covering the box completely, so I knew it was his. Also, it was no regular wooden box. It was carved with elegant designs and a lion to the right, beside the monogram that lied in the center – EAMC

It appeared that at first it was only EAM with the designs around it. Then, years and years later, the C was added at the end of the monogram and the lion added. A human wouldn't be able to tell this from looking at it, but I could. Vampire sight is a bitch! I mean, a good bitch! I can be a detective with this shit!

I'm not sure how long it took me to work up the nerve to sit down and open the box…but I finally did. Placing Charlie's hat on my head, I dared to take a look at what Edward had buried here, at what my dead father had wanted me to see.

"Oh my God.", I heard my voice come out of me…not frightened…or scared sounding…no crying or gasping…but I could hear the pain in my voice…and I could feel it in me….everywhere.

"Bella, I'm home!", he said and I spun around, seeing him coming towards me.

I smiled and turned, not standing up yet, as he crawled onto the sofa with me and laid between my denim legs, resting his face on my silent heart, his arms curling under me snugly.

I kissed his temple and played with his hair as his eyes closed.

"Don't tell me you're tired.", I teased, wishing just once he'd wear the hospital scrubs home.

"I am.", he whined, making me smile more, "I know it's not possible but I am."

"Poor little thing.", I stroked him and looked up at the ceiling, "Was it really bad?"

"I hope I never see children covered in blood again.", he said softly, and it reminded me of Carlisle.

"Yes, it was pretty bad.", he continued slowly, not moving, "But we didn't lose a single child. I'm glad about THAT."

"Me too.", I agreed, massaging his soft shoulders, trying not to do it too hard with my newborn strength.

We laid together for a minute in silence and I just loved that more than anything. For a wonderful minute or so…we just held each other…and it was just Edward and Bella. In love. No lies. No secrets. No plans.

If I were human I would have shed a few tears, but my sadness lied dormant inside my own chest for now.

"How are you feeling?", Edward asked, breaking the silence, and his face turned to me, his eyes gazing into mine as he kept laying on me, no longer afraid to hurt my fragile human body.

"Fine.", I said, "I missed you."

"I missed you too.", he smiled, kissing my lips briefly, "In a few more days, we'll be together everyday…you're going to love it, where we're going."

I almost cried then.

"I know I will.", I kissed him deeper than he just kissed me, and I touched his beautiful excited face, "As long as you're there."

"I'll always be there.", he smiled back, definite in that statement.

"So, whatdya make me for dinner, woman?", he mocked with a southern accent.

I laughed and played back, using my best lazy woman voice.

"I don't see no ring on this finger!", I wiggled them, "Beeeoooottcchhh! Make your own damn dinner!"

We were both laughing at each other.

"It's so nice that we'll never have those kind of fights, isn't it?", he asked.

"Yes.", I agreed completely, watching him sit up in front of me.

"And as for your fingers,", he said, "I can only remedy that by doing this."

And he slipped a large ring onto my middle finger. I tensed and pulled back, this lovely antique jewel staring back at me. It was so unique, unlike anything I had ever seen before. There were so many diamonds in it and they formed an oval. I just knew right away it was from the past, like him…and it was mine, like him.

"I—", I began, my voice out to lunch.

Edward saw my panic and held my hands, placing his forehead to mine.

"I know, I know…", he whispered, his voice deep, "You're not ready…I know this. You've just been born, in the vampire sense, and I know you're dealing with so much already. I'm not even going to propose to you yet, because it's not fair to you. But I wish you'd wear it. No promises, no expectations…I will wait until you're ready for all this before I ask for your hand. But I would just like to know that you're wearing it. That you want to wear it."

I took an unneeded breath and said, "I would love to wear it, Edward."

And that made him so happy. I couldn't regret it.

"Move it you SNAIL!", I shoved Edward's back and he hurled into the concrete wall, making it crack a bit. He groaned as he made impact, his hands chained together behind him.

I yanked him up and shook him a second, gray dust from the concrete snowing off his hair as I brought his nose to mine.

"Aww, sorry, baby, did that hurt?", I cooed, mocking his pain a little as he steadied himself on his bare feet.

"Yes, Mistress.", he breathed, "But I liked it. Thank you."

"You're very welcome.", I smiled back at him, kissing his nose.

His chest was bare but his tight black jeans remained…for now. I didn't know a lot about dominating…but Edward had taught me some things in the last year. I was amazed he was into this. He had always been the dominant, in charge. I had no idea he had a submissive side. You just never know.

I tried not to sound fake, like someone else. I could be dominant and still be myself. I hoped.

I grabbed his hair with both hands and pulled hard enough to make Edward wince and pant a little, his eyes gazing up into mine.

"And why are you STANDING in front of ME, slave?", I asked sweetly and patiently as he came to his knees, trying to deal with the slight pain.

"I'm sorry Mistress.", he panted, "I'm sorry."

"Hmm…", I frowned, "Not good enough, pet. Already you're screwing up and making me mad."

"Uhhhh…", he breathed and moaned as I pulled harder and he clenched his eyes tight.

"It's not easy for me to be cruel to you, kitten.", I planted a very hard kiss on his lips, even taking a hard bite as he yelled out.

"But I have to do what's best for you, don't I?"

"Yes Mistress, yes.", he answered, really getting into this, loving my newfound durability and strength over him.

"I know…", he said further, "I'm bad…I'm sorry…."

"Ugghhh", I rolled my eyes, turning and grabbing an item from the counter, adding, "You talk too much, slave."

And I wasn't sure if it was what I found today, or the months I had taken it from Edward, or both…but I fast got into this little game myself. And I had to admit, a big part of me wanted payback. I think I deserve it.

And I shoved the cock gag into his talking mouth, keeping his head still with one hand while I deeply plunged the cock piece in and out of his mouth, hitting the back of his throat now and then, making him choke a bit.

"Oh, you like sucking that big fat cock, don't you, bitch?", I used his own words on him as he gagged, trying to shake his head.

"Yes, you love it…", I purred, continuing my assault with the dildo, "Oh, stop that, vampire sluts can't CHOKE! You won't make me feel sorry for you, now come on!"

"Keep it wet!", I demanded, working it down deeper in his throat, then yanking it out, "Nice and sloppy wet, you know! You always told ME how to do this…"

"That's it…", I watched him submit and do as he was told, his voice moaning in protest, not enjoying this.

"You're a good little cocksucker.", I observed, "You surprise me, pet. Yes…hollow your cheeks out…mmmmm that's nice…wish I could FEEL it like you did."

He kept obeying as I roughly fucked his mouth with it, this was more about humiliation than pain. This one needed to be taken down a peg or two if you ask me.

"Later, if you're good, you might get to suck my clit.", I promised as he made pleasured noises at that statement, "But NOT YET. You have some bills to pay, slave. And they're LONG overdue."

And he choked again, feeling the head of the penis hit the back of his throat.

Once I was satisfied that the cock gag had served its purpose, I locked it in place around the back of his head, the cock in place and the black leather flat over his mouth area.

"Keep sucking it, pet." I ordered softly as his cheeks showed signs of working it, "Don't stop."

Edward had nearly killed me when he wanted to be blown. He seemed so rough and hardly let me get any air. I wanted him to see what that was like. He was a vampire and wouldn't fully get it…but still, it wasn't pleasant for him.

"Good boy.", I moved my fingers over his eyes, closing them, "Now…what shall I do with you first, my little kitty?"

He kept his eyes closed and kept sucking, not wanting to piss me off further.

I wanted to play with his head and said, "I wonder how that cock would feel in your ass now that you've got it nice and wet."

His eyes snapped open, horrified.

"HEY!", I slapped his face and his entire head rolled to the left, his eyes huge and shocked at the pain I could now inflict.

"CLOSE THEM!", I shouted and he clenched them tight, sucking harder.

"I don't want those yellow eyes on ME!", I said, regretting it instantly. I loved those golden eyes on me….but this was part of the plan. He had hurt me in so many ways…most of all, emotionally. I remembered his comments about Ally's eyes from the hospital.

"Your eyes would be much prettier if they were green again.", I said, reminding him of his insensitive remarks that day.

He made a little sound that meant hurt. God, I suck. How do people do this and not feel like shit about it?

"Silence!", I warned, "All I want to hear is you sucking that cock. Harder!"

And I heard wet, squishy sounds.

"Good little pet.", I stroked him, playing with his nipples…right before I started twisting them.

All in all, I had been pretty tough on him. Not as bad as I could've been or should've been. But he got to experience the sexual things he had done to me over the last year. Some he loved, others I knew he clearly didn't. But he had obeyed and been agreeable for the most part.

A couple of times he growled and he was punished for that. But then he quickly recovered and behaved again. I knew this torture session was doing one thing I needed: bringing both my Edwards together…one was into the sexuality of it all…the other was there to accept his punishment, wanting it, for all the things he'd done.

It would also make sick Edward too busy and weakened to hold sweet Edward captive. His body could hold out forever…but his mind would be unable to handle everything all at once.

I was glad I couldn't cane him or make him bleed. I didn't want to do that.

At the end, Edward was nude, chained around the neck, hanging from the ceiling, hands chained behind him, and his feet were spread apart by a bar and chains, and he was on tiptoes, trying to balance as the chain leash held him up there.

He looked tired but I knew he never would be. We had done a lot in the last few hours and he had kept up nicely. This last punishment was proving to be a little too difficult for my Edwards.

"No, Mistress please no more….", he begged, his legs tense and shivering as I kept jerking his long, thick shaft.

A thin silver chain was tightly clamped around the base of his cock and it looked almost purple above it. I had heard about this from Tanya, my new buddy. Milking.

"Do you want to be gagged again?", I asked, not stopping as he panted and winced, peeking down at himself as I kept yanking it up and down, right above the drain in the floor.

"No but…", he almost wept, "Bella…it hurts…"

"Who is BELLA?", I shouted, twisting his penis cruelly in my marble hand.

"RRRRRRRRR!", he cried out, then quickly corrected, "MISTRESS! Mistress!"

"Stupid little whore.", I said as I kept working his strained penis and he almost cried in a new way now.

"It's supposed to hurt.", I quoted him again, "Remember all you told me about making the pain and the pleasure one? Well now you can try it. Oh, wait, what did you used to tell me? It will pass."

Milking is a terrible thing for a man Tanya told me. She liked to train her human male slaves this way. You bind their penis at the base so they cannot orgasm any more than a couple of drops at a time. And then you play with their cock until they HAVE to come. And when they do, it's not satisfying at all for them. In fact, it makes it worse. And then you play with their cock some more…and some more.

If you condition a human slave this way, every day, in time, they will have complete control of their orgasm and can hold out for hours at a time before climaxing.

For a vampire, you coil this tight thin silver chain around his cock and it makes the semen red hot when it drips out of the head.

We have been doing this for about an hour now…and Edward, although he scoffed at first, was clearly suffering.

"Tanya certainly gave me some very good information about vampire torture. Oh God.", I frowned at him, "Are you crying?"

He panted and blinked his eyes.

"OH GOD!", he gasped, "Mistress, it's happening again! Please! Can't you take it off? Just once?"

"No.", I kissed his throat, "I like this."

"NO!", he fought the orgasm every time. It was painful.

"Yes.", I corrected.

"UUUHHHHH!", he screamed out, and his whole body seized…and one drop…no…two little drops of cum leaked out of that tiny hole at the end of his cock.

He shouted out like razor blades were tearing out of him.

"Good boy.", I licked the head as he screeched out, and I added, "Again."

"NOOOO!", he jerked and yelled, getting mad now, surprised he couldn't break out of these chains. But I had done my homework on this.

"BELLA LET ME OUT!", he demanded, "BELLA I HATE THIS!"

"I care!", I yelled back, stroking his penis again, harder. "Too bad we agreed on no safewords earlier. Oh well."

"BELLA !", he roared.

"Say my name one more time and I get the fucking machine for your ass!", I threatened, waiting.

He stopped fighting with me. I had not done anything in his ass yet and didn't want to, but the threat worked.

"Good boy.", I stroked his naked ass cheek, making the process more difficult the more he was aroused.

"No please…", he gasped, struggling in his chains, unable to really break them.

That's what else I discovered from our little threesome. Sterling silver chains…could hold a vampire. Some burned, some didn't. It all depended on the silver you used. These didn't burn but I have the ones that do nearby if I need them.

I licked along the edge of Edward's inner thigh, jerking his cock with more energy.

"UUGGHHHH!", he complained, whimpering and trying to stay on tip toes.

"I love my slut's long, strong cock.", I purred, licking up underneath the shaft.

He shivered a bit and begged.

"Please, Mistress…please….", he whimpered again.

"Shut up, you little pig.", I ordered, sucking on the head wetly.

"Oh God!", he was panting again, panicking…"Mistress, Mistress!"

"Coming again, slut?", I asked, unsurprised.

He wept again without tears.

A garbled array of sounds came out of him, all of them weak and pained.

"Come for me, kitten.", I said seductively and that was it.

He screamed out again and came…as much as the silver would allow…and those three drops of venom sperm were boiling hot when they erupted.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!", he struggled as they crept out, only to be lapped up by my tongue.

"Mmmm…yummy…", I smiled up at him as he looked down at me, his eyes frantic.

I let my smile spread over my face. He thought it was over. Sorry, pet. Not for awhile yet. I need your brain exhausted…completely and hopelessly.

I began pulling on his shaft again, without a word.

"NNNNNOOOOOOOO!", he lashed his head back and yelled out again, trapped in the torment I was dishing out.

Little did he know, this was the fun part. The sexual part. The real hard part was coming up later. Much later.

End of Chapter 20

See more lovely chained Edward moments coming up!

WinndSinger


	21. So Alive

Chapter 21

"Alright, my sweet.", I finally said a couple hours later, "I think you're all milked out for now."

He was panting….and staring me down with a look that would have killed if I were still human. If he could sweat, he'd be soaked. But he just hung there, limply, and I left his chains in place, including the one at the base of his cock.

"You sure make a lot of noise.", I said coolly, "For someone who knows so much about control and discipline."

I grinned back at him.

"Maybe you just need more practice, boy.", I stroked his chest gently, "I have some time for you again tomorrow."

"When I get out of this…", his voice was low and deadly. I was almost afraid.

"Now that you're warmed up," I ignored his threats, "We can get to the real game."

Edward kept staring at me, almost snarling in his anger.

"What's that?", he asked, his eyes hard and piercing, "You gonna set my dick on fire or something?"

"Oooh, nice idea…", I grabbed his hair, "Or I could break it off and take it to another room to play with it…but not yet. First you better get rid of the angry face."

I stared at him and slowly, his face turned back to a blank expression. He tried to hide the anger, but I could still see it.

"Address me properly, pig.", I demanded.

He kept looking straight ahead, not in my eyes.

Then with a cold tone, he replied, "Yes, Mistress. Thank you for disciplining me Mistress."

He was like a robot.

"It needs work, slut.", I quoted Edward again, letting his hair go, "I'm not feeling the love."

He didn't answer…or look at me. What a brat. If I had done that to HIM…forget it!

"It's okay.", I kissed him and got no kiss back, in fact, he jerked his head away from mine, "I can always go back to milking you…"

"I'm sorry Mistress.", he made his voice softer…no edge to it.

I rolled my eyes and walked away from him, letting him worry about it for a few seconds.

"Please don't… milk me again…please, please…", he begged, "I'll do anything else…I'm sorry I was being angry…I'm sorry I underestimated you…"

"Alright !", I yelled, shutting him up.

He looked so relieved. He even smiled at me a little. I think that's a bit of respect shining in his eyes at me.

"The new game is called Interrogation.", I announced.

He paid attention but didn't catch on yet. God, he's pretty.

"I ask you a question.", I said, "You give a truthful answer. If not…I have ways of making you talk."

He smirked.

"Yes Mistress.", he agreed, "But may the slave ask a question?"

"Good boy." I was impressed by the nice manners, "Yes, ask."

"May I please, if it pleases you," he injected, "May I please have the chain off my…"

He threw his eyes down to his penis. Mr. Old Fashioned.

"Say it slave.", I enjoyed his goody two shoes attitude sometimes.

"Off my…penis?", he almost growled the word, embarrassed.

"Does it hurt, boy?", I asked, checking it.

"Well, not at the moment…", he began, "But—"

"To control a man's cock is to control HIM.", I quoted from Tanya, "No. It does not please me to release you. Now shut up about it."

He let out a hard breath, clearly not happy with my answer. Tough.

"First question.", I looked right into his eyes, in all seriousness.

He thought we were still playing…until I asked it.

"What did you do to my father?", I asked flat out.

His face went even whiter than it usually was. His mouth fell open and seconds later, his face frowned.

"I told you.", he said sternly, "I don't know."

"Wrong answer.", I turned to the table of toys.

"Bella…", he said, "You know that—"

"You know, Edward.", I began, cutting him off, preparing my tools, "The threesome we had last week was really educational. Not only did I get to see you work two girls at the same time…but I also picked up a couple tricks about…how vampires hurt other vampires…"

"Bella…", he warned, watching me closely.

"I knew Tanya would jump at the chance to play with YOU.", I informed, "And it seemed a lot smarter than going up to you and asking directly."

Then I lit up the little propane blowtorch thingy Edward had shown me awhile back.

Edward froze in place, recalling it.

"Remember this cute little thing?" I smiled as he stared back at me, and a touch of fear arose in his eyes.

"I remember you telling me all about this.", I played with it, careful not to let the blue flame touch my skin. "Branding…"

"Bet you'd never dreamed it would be the other way around, did you, pet?"

I walked around behind him as his head tried to follow me. I heard him gulp down a swallow.

"Now Edward…", I grabbed his hair and spoke into his ear, "You may not believe this, but I don't want to hurt you at all. Like I told you when we first met…I just want the truth. And you will tell me the truth. Please just tell me. We can handle it together, no matter what you say. And I won't have to hurt you."

He hesitated and almost spoke but then stopped himself, shaking his head…stubborn.

"Please Edward?", I asked, almost begged, "I love you, you can tell me anything."

Silence. He was a stern statue.

"Please don't make me do this.", I said one last time.

"Fuck you…_Mistress_.", he sneered, looking me up and down with disgust…waiting…not thinking I would do it.

"Okay.", I let out a disappointed breath, "I'll start off slow. I hope you'll trust me and tell me, though."

He was silent. Come on, good Edward…you should be able to break out of your cage now…your jailer is preoccupied.

I chose to start out on his toes that were already flexing to keep him balanced. I had seen Edward use this on Tanya during our threesome. He just placed it a couple inches away, and it would burn her, but it didn't scar the skin or do any permanent damage.

"One last chance.", I looked up at his eyes and they looked away, his jaw set.

Nothing.

Okay, time to be an evil bitch, I guess.

So I fanned the little flame across Edward's toes…steeling myself to withstand his screams and noises of rage.

An hour later, I still didn't have an answer.

"Come on, Edward, you can't take this forever.", I informed, twisting his hand behind him and letting the flame lick against his clenched fingers.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!", he screamed out, trying to be strong. He was weakening, I could see it.

"YOU FUCKING BITCH!", he spat out suddenly, "You never cared about ME at ALL! This WHOLE FUCKING TIME! YOU PLANNED THIS WHOLE FUCKING THING?"

"I said, I ask the questions.", I replied, and placed the flame against his palm.

He screeched out again and I yelled over his voice.

"Talk, Edward, TALK!", I demanded, "Talk and it stops!"

"FUCKING WHORE!", he growled, "LIEING FUCKING WHORE!"

"What did you do?", I repeated, "TELL ME!"

"FUCK YOU!", he struggled, trying to free his hand.

"Alright Edward.", I informed, stopping the flame on his palm, "I'm tired of playing with you. Say AAAH."

I parted his ass cheeks and inserted the spout in, not turning the flame on yet.

"NOOO NO NO NO NO !", he begged, clenching his ass and struggling.

"Start talking then."

He wept and looked down. I waited.

"Ten seconds Edward.", I warned.

"ALRIGHT!", he shouted and the ground nearly shook.

I counted to ten in my mind…but I didn't have to.

He sounded like he was crying a little.

"He was going to come between us!", he shouted, "He arrested me !"

"Tell me something I don't know," I warned, "Or you're gonna have one hot ass !"

"Okay, okay, wait…", he sounded afraid, "Just…"

He tried to turn and look at me but I was behind him.

"Can I look at you, please?", he asked.

I came up in front of him and looked at him, wishing he could see that I was taking no pleasure in this and that I did care.

"What?", I asked, trying to keep my face like stone.

He looked so sadly at me and said, in this little voice, "Just please promise me that you weren't lieing all this time. Please. This whole time…you weren't just pretending to love me so you could kick my ass…I can't believe that, Bella. Please just say it."

"Of course I love you Edward.", I admitted, "You should know that…you should feel that without me having to say it. I will always love you. But we can't go forward blind. If you want us to have a relationship, then there has to be truth. I need the truth now. All of it. Now."

He looked relieved but still afraid.

"And…", he swallowed again, "You will still love me…no matter what?"

"No matter what.", I promised, "I'm a little stronger now, being a vampire. I have to know, Edward. I don't completely blame you. I hurt you…so badly. I was a fickle human but your love for me was eternal and unbreakable. I have to live with that everyday. I tore your soul in two…and now that I have you two together…briefly…like an eclipse…I can speak to both of you, appeal to both of you. Beg both of you for your help. Now…what did you do to my father?"

"Why do you think that it was ME?", he argued, trying to avoid it, "Anyone could've taken Charlie, he could've left YOU! Why accuse ME?"

I thought about that a second.

"You're right.", I agreed, "I have no proof, only a gut feeling, an instinct."

He seemed to relax.

"And then I remembered a dream I kept having of Charlie pointing into the woods.", I pulled out the box I found in the dirt and slammed it on the table in front of us.

Edward just stared at it, dumbfounded.

"These are your initials, right, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen?" I asked, crossing my arms, waiting.

"Bella…", he began weakly, trembling a little.

"Now I could be lying when I say that I didn't open this box yet.", I said, "Or I could be telling the truth…want to make any bets?"

He didn't say anything but he was clearly searching for a way out of this.

"This is your final chance to tell me before your dick is roasted like a weenie at a barbeque.", I sneered, staring him down.

"Bella, listen…", he tried to explain, "Charlie was going to move, he told me that! He said you were better off without me, he thought I was just some punk teenager that he could leave behind!"

"I will open the box if you don't start getting to it, Edward.", I threatened.

"No, please don't, Bella!", he begged, struggling.

"You can trust me, Edward…please.", I promised.

"He didn't know about us, about how deeply we loved each other !", he shouted, "I had to tell him the whole story!"

"So you told him about your…being a vampire?", I listened.

"Yes.", Edward breathed.

"And?"

He hesitated.

I opened the box as he screamed, "NO!"

I ripped out one of the items inside and ran up to him, sticking it in his face, the gold glow making his skin glitter a little.

He shouted out as if it burned him.

"This is my father's badge!", I shouted in his face, filled with fury as he yanked his neck in the chain and tried to free himself in vein.

"This is in YOUR FUCKING BOX !", I roared, "Like a FUCKING TROPHY!"

"I didn't WANT to do it !", he roared back, his eyes full of anguish, "He shot at ME ! He aimed for my HEAD! He said you'd get over me! He said I was a sick fuck who would never hurt his daughter again! He didn't believe me!"

"WHAT DID YOU DO ?", I screamed.

"I KILLED HIM !", he screamed back into my face, the monster raging at last.

"I FUCKING KILLED HIM!", he repeated, "And I'd do it again ! NO ONE IS EVER TAKING YOU AWAY FROM ME! NO ONE!"

This side of him is all sick Edward. A minute ago, it was both of them, battling…I would get the other Edward back in a few minutes. The pain seemed to work with that.

"What did you do?", I asked again, making myself stay strong.

"I knocked him out.", he informed, more quietly, panting as he spoke, looking at the badge I was still holding in his face, "I couldn't have blood on the road. I wanted you to believe that maybe he was still alive. I didn't want you to think he suffered or died. I didn't feed on him, though, Bella, I wouldn't do that to you."

I just stared at him, my face empty.

He took a breath. "I did it quickly.", he said, "He didn't feel a thing. I promise."

I waited.

"I broke his neck.", he stated, his eyes sorry again, "It was instantaneous."

"Where is the body?", I dared to ask.

"Bella, no…", he looked heartbrokenly afraid.

"Edward.", I said sternly.

He exhaled.

"I gave him a hero's burial.", he informed, "In Greece, they burned the bodies of their warriors."

At this, I was enraged.

"You BURNED my FATHER!", I shouted.

"He didn't feel it, Bella, he was already gone!", he begged, "I didn't want them finding body parts or a beheaded corpse! I didn't want to put you through that!"

I laughed like an insane person.

"So let me get this straight.", I took my badge away from Edward's face, "You killed my father, but you burned his body so I would be spared of any pain?"

"Please don't laugh at me, Bella.", he said with a mix of sorrow and anger in his eyes, "You can hate me, but please don't LAUGH."

"And you burned my house down.", I said, looking at him again, "I knew that when I saw my album pictures all over your bedroom."

"OUR bedroom.", he looked hurt.

I let out a ragged breath.

"Ours.", I said the word, not even knowing what it meant anymore.

"Do you know how many nights I sat up worrying about my Dad?", I asked, "Of course you do. You were there. Do you know how many TIMES I cried waiting for my DAD to come home? How many nightmares I had that he really DID leave ME on his own? Or that he was suffering somewhere, held by some psycho? And you were right beside me…watching me die inside…every minute…and you DID NOTHING!"

I thought of all the times he touched me, kissed me, made love to me during that time…

"If I were still human, I'd throw up all over you !", I shouted, and got the sad eyes in return.

"I'm sorry.", he said.

It was a quiet sound…but I felt something rise up inside me…something so terrible that I was afraid of it myself.

"I'M SORRY ?", I screamed and he shivered at my fury, "I'M SORRY !"

"LET'S GO SEE WHAT ELSE IS IN THIS LITTLE BOX, SHALL WE, EDWARD CULLEN?" I bellowed at him.

"No, please !", he shouted, helpless to stop me as I spun around towards it, taking another item out.

"What is THIS, Edward Cullen?", I roared, shoving it in his face.

It was small but so big.

"Carlisle's ring.", he said, numbly.

"YOUR FATHER'S RING, bearing your family crest!", I screamed.

"MY FATHER WAS EDWARD MASEN SENIOR!", he shouted back, a wild tiger again, "Carlisle was a fucking monster who FED ON ME while I was choking to death on my OWN FLUIDS ! HE was the worst FORM of a COWARD !"

"HE SAVED YOU !", I screamed.

"HE KILLED ME !", Edward raged in return, and I saw the monster and my Edward combined into one again.

"He didn't ASK me !", Edward accused, almost weeping, "He just bent down and BIT ME ! Because HE was fucking lonely and wanted a playmate !"

"He didn't want you to die.", I answered, not as loudly, understanding some of Edward's side of that story.

"It wasn't HIS choice !", Edward sneered, "I should have died! It was better than what HE DID TO ME ! I kept begging him to let me die! He just told me to be quiet. He kept READING poetry to me, like I was a fucking LOVER or something! I didn't even KNOW HIM! I know you thought he was perfect but he WASN'T! He called himself my father but to me, he never was. I lied to myself and told myself we could be a family…but then he turned on me again!"

"When he saved me and Jake…", I finished.

"You've seen how horrible the change is…", Edward pointed out, "How would you like a stranger sitting with you those three days? A stranger who FORCED you into it? It's like BEING RAPED !"

"What happened to Carlisle?", I asked, "What happened to the Cullens?"

"He raped me and killed me…and then he wanted me to call him Daddy.", his eyes began to wildly dart around the room, "The sick thing is, I agreed."

"Edward, it's alright.", I actually said to him, seeing his mind begin to slip. All these sensations, both emotionally and physically were becoming too much for him.

"Shhh…shhh…shhhh….", I put my arms around him, cradling him as he quivered against me.

"Baby…I know…I know you've been in so much pain for so long…", I said, "I want you to tell me…just say it…get that poison out, as much as you can. You've been carrying it for too long."

"I killed them…", he cried into my hair, crumbling now, "I killed them all. They chained me up and tried to take me away from you. The one person in all the world that I loved. Why would they try to steal you away from me?"

I was glad at that moment I was a vampire. If I were human, I might have fainted by now.

"I don't know.", I said, my heart breaking for him as I stroked his hair.

"Everyone else got to have their soul mate…", Edward said like a child, "Why was I being punished? I did everything they said…I obeyed all their rules…"

"I know, I know…", was all I could think to say.

"I thought they loved me.", he wept tearlessly, "They really acted like they did…but then they were so cruel to me. They said they were trying to help me. But they hurt me…Bella, they really did…"

I know to him, it seemed that way. I held him tighter, not having words to soothe him.

"Shhhh….", I tried to ease him…wondering what he thought of what I was doing to him now if he was so pissed at his family. I'm sure they didn't burn him to get information.

I saw the connection to all the victims in this who died. They all had one thing in common: they all tried to stand between Edward and I.

Did I want to push for more information about how the Cullens died? If they suffered? Did it matter now?

Didn't I see it in my nightmares?

"Your mother…", he cried and I closed my eyes, not sure how much more I could stand.

I knew there was a cameo in that box too, that was my mother's, given to her by my grandmother.

"Charlie said he told Renee all about me.", he let it all flow out now, "I went there to see how she felt about me. I read her thoughts. She hated me more than Charlie did. She was going to have you move in with them in Florida. I couldn't live there."

I wanted to cry, imagining my sleeping mother and Phil in bed while Edward read her thoughts, deciding her fate.

"I did her quickly, too.", he informed, "She never woke up. Phil…he woke up and started yelling. He didn't suffer, either. I swear."

"And you burned them too?", I asked, still holding him in my arms.

"Yes.", he answered honestly, unable to hide anymore, "I scattered their ashes in the ocean that night. You said Renee loved the ocean."

I broke away from him, feeling so sick inside. Just hearing him say my mom's name turned my stomach.

I slammed the damn box shut, feeling like Pandora regretting the notion of opening it at all.

"And Jake?", I gritted my teeth, my back to Edward now.

"I…", he swallowed, "I…couldn't…give him a hero's burial…he…he…."

A long pause went by but I waited.

"He made you fall in love with him.", Edward cried, "He ruined our love. Smashed it like it was garbage!"

"Edward…", I felt myself near tears, clutching my fists as I stared at the lion carved in the box.

"He LAUGHED AT ME BELLA!", Edward shouted, his voice livid, "He said you loved HIM! And he said you could've never loved a dead, sick THING like ME !"

"He told me he'd send me pictures of your wedding and your kids when they were born.", Edward said next, "And I stood there, and right in my line of sight, on the kitchen counter, was a box cutter. He was packing his things, getting ready for his big trip with you…"

"Alright, Edward.", I stopped him with my voice, "No more, I know what happened to Jake."

I could hear Edward behind me, crying….suffering…I didn't know if Jake said those things or not. Jake could say some stupid things sometimes when he was emotional. But even if he said it or not, didn't justify Edward killing him. But I also understood where Edward's mind was at then…how he had hungered for real love after over 100 years…and then felt he had to protect it at all costs.

"Please just tell me that you love me…please…", he wept uncontrollably, as if he thought he were human.

I couldn't move.

"I know you should hate me…", he cried, "I hate me. But please lie to me and say you still love me…even if it's just a little…"

You got what you wanted Bella. Now move on. The plan.

I let out a breath and turned to him. I went and bent down, releasing the silver chain from around his penis.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Edward.", I said truthfully, ashamed of myself, "I'll never do that again."

I stood up and he looked into my eyes, lost and alone, like a frightened child.

This is not just my Edward. It is both of them…hurting…terrified.

"Yes.", I said, my face a hard shell, "I love you, Edward. I told you I always would."

He cried again, out of control. I took the chain off his neck, gently holding him as I removed the chains around his wrists, and then the bar and chains off his ankles.

"I think we've both suffered enough.", I said tenderly, massaging his flesh where the steel had pinched him.

He just slumped to the cement floor, like he had nothing left inside him to stand him up.

I'd broken him. Was this part of my plan?

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm sorry….", he kept saying over and over again, his eyes dilated, as if they didn't really see ME.

I let him go on and on saying that…as I dressed him in his black jeans.

He still kept saying it even when I lifted him up in my arms, and I kissed him on the forehead, right between his precious eyes.

"It's gonna be alright, sweetheart.", I whispered, "I promise. I'm gonna make it go away."

I remember Edward telling me that once, at the ballet studio.

When he was about to suck James' poison out of my arm, he said "I'm gonna make it go away, Bella. I'll make it go away."

And he did. He overcame the thirst, the pull of my blood, his very nature, to save me. Now I would have to do what was right no matter how hard it would be. It was time to give Edward his peace…finally…peace. Not just after these last few years…but after the last 109 years.

I knew that once he told me about all the killings that either two things would happen.

One, he would rage inside and that monster would break free, and he would try to tear me apart until I stopped asking questions…and he would be a monster for all time…hurting countless humans…all because he lost his true love. And then the good Edward would die inside him.

Or two, he would confess it all, the heartache of the memories and fear of losing me would all be so great for him that he would crumble…and both Edwards, bound together, would beg for forgiveness….and his mind would snap, knowing he could never really get that after all he'd done. And he would be hopelessly trapped in that guilt and pain for all eternity.

Either way, life for Edward would be too cruel after this. And either way, the cure was the same.

I laid Edward down gently on the grass, stroking his cheek as he kept whispering "I'm sorry" over and over again.

He had a faraway look in his eyes and I wished I could cry, seeing him this way.

"Shhh….", I soothed him, touching his lips slowly, "It's alright…it's alright baby."

"Bella…Bella…Bella….", he whispered, not moving at all, his eyes darting everywhere…"I'm sorry…."

"Just rest for a minute, Edward.", I touched his chin, placing a small kiss there on the cleft.

I took the items I brought with me from the box…and began placing them around us.

Alice's choker necklace that bore the Cullen crest…Charlie's badge….Renee's cameo…Esme's bracelet…Carlisle's ring….my full journal.

"We're at our meadow, Edward.", I informed, my voice sweet and loving as I worked.

I looked at Edward and he was talking to himself, saying words so fast and quietly even I couldn't make it out. His eyes were dancing everywhere….and his whole body was shaking hard, like he was ice cold.

I closed my eyes tightly, going back to what I was doing.

Rosalie's necklace…Emmett's wristband….Jasper's wristband…

"I wanted you to have them…", he whispered, "I wanted you to have some piece of them…but I was scared…scared to give them to you."

I placed them around Edward, like he had put the pictures of them around me during the last days of my life. Whether he knew it or not at the moment, Edward was loved. These were Edward's family. And mine.

"Don't be scared anymore, Edward.", I knelt beside him and gave him one incredibly long, deep kiss.

"Never be scared again.", I shook my head and smiled at him…"Alright?"

He smiled back. So innocently…a little boy.

"Alright Bella.", he agreed, not moving to rise up. He looked like a child about to get tucked in and kissed goodnight.

I held him and cried, rocking him in my arms, his body weakly laying inside. Everything inside me felt evil and sick.

Bella! Stop being weak ! Do what you have to do!

Oh shut up!

"I love you, Edward.", I said again, wanting to say it as many times as it took for him to be okay again.

He smiled more. He laid on his back and placed his arms up over his head, as if relaxing in the sunshine.

"I love YOU Bella.", he replied, with all the love in the world.

I looked in his eyes and saw the two Edwards…both utterly exhausted from the hours of torture…both sexual and emotional…both loving me…both trusting me to make it all go away. Even the angry one…wanted me to do it. And he laid back…waiting…not fighting it. As a human, I would not see that in his eyes…but I could see it now.

I felt my face twist into a field of agony, but I turned away from the beaming face of my love.

The moonlight loved him and I was jealous as she bathed him in her kiss.

"Edward?", I turned his chin so he would look at me.

He waited, smiling at me, raising his eyebrows as if to ask, "yes?"

"Would you sing for me, sweetheart?", I asked gently, nodding my head a couple times.

"Yes Bella, if you want me to.", he agreed instantly.

"Yes.", I smiled, "And while you sing, I want you to count the stars for me, alright?"

His eyes lit up with excitement and he nodded, saying, "I would do anything for YOU, Bella. But there's a lot of stars!"

"Okay then you'd better get started.", I grinned, hiding my agony.

I went into my backpack to get the things I needed…a little plastic bottle of gasoline…and Jacob's silver lighter that Billy had given him. He had lent it to me before he died…and I never got to give it back to him. It seemed right that part of him was here too.

Edward was singing.

"There's a land of….beginning again…", he sang like a little angel, not moving a hair while I stood up and began to squirt the liquid on the grass, a few feet away from where Edward lay.

"Where skies are always blue…", he sang, "though we've made mistakes, that's true…let's forget the past and start life anew…"

I didn't recognize this song but it sounded very old fashioned. But it was beautiful…and perfect for now.

"Though we wandered…", he sang, "By a river of tears…where sunlight won't shine through…"

I finished emptying the gasoline and tossed the container off into the darkness, the lighter still closed and in my hand.

And I looked up at the moon, wishing there was some other way…hoping she would tell me how to save this angel. And I realized…this is the last night sky I'll never see. The last time looking at this moon. The last time I may hear Edward sing. So I stood there and just listened…feeling the wind on my face…taking one last moment…to say goodbye to it all.

"Let's find that paradise where sorrow can't live….", his voice sang, almost beckoning to me, "And learn the teachings of forget…and forgive. In the land of…beginning again…where broken dreams…come true."

I closed my eyes and wished tears could come. I hope we can find that paradise too, Edward. I hope it with everything I am. And I prayed that Edward's words would happen for real.

Edward was silent now and I looked up at the moon one more time.

"Thank you…", I whispered, "For life…for everyone you gave to me…for HIM. For love. Thank you."

I walked the five steps back to him and smiled as much as I could, kneeling down and sitting beside him, stroking his hair out of his eyes as he gazed back up at me.

"That was so beautiful, Edward.", I said, my voice cracking a bit as I spoke his name, lost in his magical eyes that shone like candles in the blackness.

"My mother loved that song.", he shrugged, "But I'm not finished counting the stars yet. Right now it's 823."

"Oh, that's good, Edward.", I grinned at him, wishing I could put off what I needed to do.

I touched the ring on my finger and refused to take it off. My fist tightened around it and would not change its mind.

"I need you to do something else for me now, alright Edward?", I asked, my hands unable to stop touching him, stroking his face and neck, holding his hand.

I could hardly say it…and my voice weakened on every word…but I made myself ask it.

"Can you please…close your eyes for me, Edward?", I asked, withering inside, "Remember…we can pretend to be human again…and go to sleep? Remember that?"

He brightened even more. "Yes, I remember that."

God, why couldn't he be angry and swearing at me now? No…I'm glad that both Edwards are allowing me to have the softer side of himself now…not wanting our last words to each other to be curses and shouts.

"Good.", I whispered, "And no matter what you hear, don't open your eyes. Keep sleeping. I'll be here with you…you hold me, alright? Hold me close."

"Alright Bella.", he agreed, and before he closed his eyes I kissed him…hard and with all the passion I had.

"Uhhh Bella…", he moaned afterwards and his eyes were already heavy with desire.

"Good night, Edward.", I put my fingers gently over his eyes, closing them.

"Good night, Bella.", he smiled contentedly, "I love you."

I held a hand over my mouth and then cleared my throat. "I love YOU."

He held me close as I laid my body next to his, placing my cheek on his chest, right over his heart. His fingers moved along my hairline, stroking me with love.

"Don't let me go, Edward.", I whispered…and he held me tighter, his lips smiling in peace, his eyes stayed closed. I prayed I would see those eyes again…someday…somewhere.

"Never.", he assured me, not afraid in the least, just resting.

I curled my leg around his legs, as if that would keep him with me, to wherever we were headed. Would we be going together? Or would we be separated? Not knowing killed me.

Just let him be happy, I prayed, wherever he is, even if it's not with me…let him find peace. He's waited so long. He needs it so badly. He was just a baby when death stabbed him…he's never truly been happy since that horrible day in 1918.

Then I opened my hand and my thumb pushed on the lighter top until it fell backwards, exposing the switch inside. I flicked it without waiting another second, knowing I was so close to chickening out. The little flame caught and rose up…and I threw it…high over our heads, towards the lines of gasoline I had painted into the flowery grass around us.

I clung onto my Edward, closing my eyes and burying my face in his lovely warm chest.

And I pictured it in my head…what the flames would look like from over our heads…the flame catching and slowly spreading…..forming a huge heart around our bodies as we slept in our meadow, just like the very first time…and I tried to keep the smell of the lavender flowers in my nostrils, ignoring the stench of gas and ash. I tried not to think of the oncoming pain.

Edward never tensed or moved, except to hold me tighter to him as the fire slowly danced around us….drawing closer and closer until at last it embraced us in her red hot arms.

We didn't scream…we didn't kick or struggle. We just slept. And slept.

I don't know how much time had passed when I opened my eyes again. Was it 5 minutes…or five thousand years later? Who knew ? Who cared?

I jerked up and looked around, wondering where I was…and more importantly, where Edward was.

I didn't have to look far. He was laying beside me, his arms wrapped around me like before. Only now…the sun was shining over us…and there was no fire…only flowers upon flowers as far as the eye could see. I looked at Edward…and he didn't speak…and he didn't sparkle either. And his eyes were green. The most beautiful green I had ever seen in my life.

I was going to ask him…where we were, what happened….but then I got the feeling in my heart that I didn't need to say a word. He was smiling down at me, his hands soft and giving gentle caress….I stared up and felt this deep sorrow…this powerful guilt.

We were dead…for real.

Edward shook his head silently and leaned down, kissing me tenderly.

But this was not heaven, although it looked and felt like heaven to us. Like the song he had sung to me, there can be no sorrow or guilt or hatred in heaven, or the afterlife, or whatever paradise awaited an innocent soul.

We both still had all those bad feelings living inside our souls. But perhaps, because our love was so strong, so everlasting, that we had been placed here, in our meadow, until we were ready to join all our loved ones again. I kept thinking about this and Edward has his own theories, too, but that was my take on it.

Edward said that some religions believed – once you died, your spirit would go to the happiest place and time of your life. And you would live in that moment for all time.

To him, being in the meadow with me made perfect sense. It did to me too.

We were not vampires. We were not humans. We were just…souls…trying everyday to talk about every single thing we had felt in our lives. All the hurts, all the pain, all the mistakes, all the times we hurt each other. There was nothing else to do and if we had all eternity, I felt like we should try to heal our every cut, as much as we could. Now that there was no mental illness or fear of breakdown to worry about.

But also, we relived every wonderful moment…every laugh, every dance…every kiss.

We never saw anyone else here. We walked and walked, and would always be in our meadow. Once in awhile, we'd even find fruit hanging from the trees. I was a little nervous about eating it, remembering the stories of the bible…but Edward laughed and assured me it would be alright. There were never any apples.

Some things were easy to forgive each other. Other things were not. I struggled for so long to say the words I FORGIVE YOU EDWARD…for killing my mother, my father…my friends? I could never really say the words and mean it. Edward understood, as he had never forgiven himself either. He forgave me for killing him…us…he even thanked me for it. He had no more thirst. He had no inner demons talking in his head. His mind was clear, for the first time since 1918, he'd told me. And he did feel at peace.

And could he forgive me for falling in love with someone else? For breaking his trust and his heart? He promised he would…he wanted to…but it would take time. The gentleman inside him would've said, yes, I do forgive you, in life. But here, where the truth meant everything and lies would only hold us back…I was glad he was being honest and showing his hurt, not covering it up as he used to do.

But no matter what, we were always together here, like it or not sometimes. We sometimes fought and separated and the skies would go black and the wind would roar as lightning slashed the air.

But, very soon afterwards, we always worked it out and sat down to talk again, trying to leave the anger and pain behind this time…and we would watch the sun set…it would always be twilight when we came to an understanding or resolved an issue.

We slept sometimes…and it got peacefully dark whenever we laid down to rest. There was no such thing as a day or an hour…a week. Time didn't exist here. We made love in the thick grass and drank water from a fountain while we bathed there together.

I sometimes wondered how long we had been here…and what year was it back in our world? Was it the next day? Or the year 5091 ? Would we always be here? Was this it for us? Not that I was complaining…I just wondered.

I was sitting down under a tree, in the shade now, and he was approaching from the other end of the meadow. He was still bare chested, in those same jeans, and he was smiling to himself, the breeze playing with his hair.

I just watched him…loving him so much it was painful. I honestly did not regret a single moment of our lives for a moment. I knew everything, I knew he had done terrible things to me and my family…but I also felt that they were all at peace now. And that they would forgive him…that they weren't hurting anymore. And wherever they all were now…they were happy…and maybe…missing us. I really believe that they understood…and did not wish us any harm. I hoped they were all in a place like this, having the time of their lives like us.

It may have sounded strange to everyone else…but we had been here probably for thousands of years….working at forgiveness. And now…I couldn't remember what had taken us so long to get here.

I waited for him to reach me so I could tell him. And I didn't care if we stayed here forever alone…that was fine with me. I just wanted him to know that I loved him…and I forgave him…for everything. Every single thing.

He finally was here with me…and sat down on the grass at my side, a funny little grin on his lips.

"Edward…", I kissed him, full of excitement, "Where have you been?"

"Walking.", he said, "Thinking of you…"

"I was doing the same exact thing.", I shared, "And I wanted to tell you something…"

"What, love?", he asked, his eyes so open and full of life.

And then his eyes moved to the left…past me…and his brow furrowed, confused.

I turned, and usually where there was just forest and trees…there was a lake…a huge lake going far out into the distance of the woods…and there was a little wooden boat there on the edge of the water, an oar leaning on each side.

"Where did that come from?", I stood up, feeling the air whoosh out of my chest.

"I don't know.", he slowly approached it as I grabbed his hand in mine.

Edward didn't seem afraid at all. He was about to touch it when I jerked him back towards me. Edward had become a believer since the day we died, saying that God answered his prayers, first with me…then with this chance to try again…with me at his side. Edward used to say we were God's new Adam and Eve…I liked that notion.

I had believed once…and had lost my faith along the way in life. Now, I wanted to believe again…but I always held back a little…afraid I would be disappointed again.

"No, Edward, don't!", I shivered and pulled him to me when he was about to reach out and touch the edge of the boat.

"What if this is a trick?", I asked…and Edward looked into my face, saddened by my sudden fear.

"What if this takes us to Hell or something?", I asked.

Edward smirked. "I think we've done Hell, Bella.", he replied.

Okay…maybe he was right about that.

"Wait!", I yanked him to me again as he was about to turn towards it.

"I'm scared.", I admitted, "I don't want to lose you…not now. I was just about to tell you…that I forgive you, Edward. I completely forgive you…for all of it. I love you…please…just stay here with me."

He smiled at me and then laughed.

"What?"

"I was going to tell you the same exact thing.", he revealed with a smirk, "I can honestly say that I don't hate anyone anymore…I can't feel any anger at all in me. I think I even miss Jake!"

By this point, we knew each other inside and out…there were no secrets or lies or hidden feelings. We had worked hard to get here. And it was a miracle.

"I think…", Edward looked at the boat, "We're allowed to go home…if we want to."

I looked at it…in shock. We could see Charlie…and Renee? Alice, Carlisle…everyone? Even…Jake?

"But if you don't want to…", Edward said, and it looked difficult for him to say it, "Then…we don't HAVE to go now. We'll wait until you're ready."

"You want to go.", I said, reading it in his eyes. Why? Why? It's so nice here…just the two of us…why do I feel so afraid? Have I gotten too comfortable here? Or am I just trying to play it safe?

"Yes I do.", he said with no hesitation, "I mean, don't get me wrong…I love it here with you…but I think it's time for us to move on. I think this place is our…in between world…like when we changed into vampires. I think whatever we've done wrong on earth or to each other…well…I think we've learned from that and have finally shown ourselves worthy of seeing what else there is out there. That's why this boat is suddenly here now. But we don't go until we're BOTH ready. We've waited this long, we can wait a little longer. I don't think heaven's going anywhere."

I kept hearing the water lapping at the sides of the boat while Edward spoke. It's like the sounds are voices, speaking to me…calling me to follow and come home…like the second of time between my human life and vampire one. I'm feeling that same pull again. And I know Edward feels it too. I know he longs to see his human parents again…and the Cullens…and my family too…and Jake…so he can apologize…and try to atone for his past sins on them. Edward is always ready to do penance.

"What's wrong, baby?", he held me, closing his eyes and inhaling the smell of my hair.

"I…", I huffed, "I killed you. I killed myself. It can't be time already."

That was my real fear. That I didn't deserve to go. That I never would.

"Bella, we talked that out.", Edward reminded me softly, not letting me go, "You were right. I was meant to die of influenza in 1918. You were meant to die when that van came skidding at you. We cheated death and we've seen that doesn't give you a happy life. The only reason I wouldn't change it all is YOU. You didn't KILL US…you put us out of our misery. I was insane, Bella! Who knows what I would've done if I were allowed to keep going, with or without you?"

"I know…but—"

"And you could've just killed me and let me die alone…", he kissed my hand reverently, "But you DIDN'T! You came with me…giving up your OWN life! If I were capable of it at the time, I never would've allowed that. Don't make yourself sound like some psycho who murdered us for no good reason! You had mercy…God…or whoever is in charge here…believes in mercy."

"It was….", I repeated for the thousandth time, "The hardest thing…I've ever had to do in my whole existence…hurting YOU."

"Bella, we've been over and over this.", he looked into my eyes with a serious gaze, "We have forgiven each other. Now all we have to do is forgive OURSELVES. And until you do that, we're not going."

I thought about this and then Edward said, "The boat will probably sink if you sit in it before you're truly ready to go anyway."

And that made me laugh, imagining it.

"That or there's a shark in the water, waiting…or an alligator.", I joked.

"You told me…", he said, "That last night…that I'd never be scared again. And when that's true for YOU too…then we'll go. I won't force you."

I let out a breath, hating my stupid fears.

"I understand, Bella.", he stroked my hair, looking at me like an angel, "You fell in love with me and all the magic you thought I came with. You believed instantly…and followed your heart…and then it all went so horribly wrong. And you don't trust your heart anymore. I know. And it's okay. We'll wait. Just ignore the boat."

Edward began to take my hand and walk me away from it…but I stopped him.

He looked at me, waiting, wondering what I was thinking.

"I trust US. And we didn't go so horribly wrong…we're here. I do want to go.", I admitted, "My heart is bouncing up and down like a kid on Christmas morning…you're right, I am scared. But I'm going to face my fears and try trusting my heart again. I'm not letting myself be trapped anymore…by ME."

I took his hand and led him towards the boat…slowly.

We looked at it for awhile and finally I climbed into it, sitting down. No flames burst out of it…nothing happened.

"You're the man.", I nodded towards him, "You get to row."

I just hope the trip isn't a ten thousand year journey.

He laughed and crossed his arms, "Oh, is that so? And what's YOUR job here Miss Swan?"

With a firm shove, Edward guided the boat into the water until it floated…and then he climbed aboard.

"Ummm…", I looked up at the sun and blue skies full of clouds, "Sitting here looking pretty."

I laughed and he smiled at me, taking the oars into his hands, making a huge circle and pulling them through the sparkling water, moving our little boat firmly forward.

"You do it well.", he smiled at me, his face so peach warm and healthy looking.

"So do YOU.", I shot back at him.

"Ugghhh….", Edward looked away, not happy with my statement.

"What?"

"I hate when you call me pretty all the time.", he informed, "I'm a MAN, I'm NOT pretty!"

"When we get to heaven, or wherever….ask for a mirror and you tell me what that's called.", I argued back, poking his perfect nose.

"Handsome maybe…", he gave me some other adjectives…"Manly…macho?"

I laughed…"Macho? I wouldn't use that word on anyone if you PAID me. Macho."

"Well, alright…but pretty is no compliment either.", he said, rowing us away from our lovely little meadow.

"You're really gonna argue all the way there, aren't you?", I asked, rolling my eyes.

"I might.", he countered, "Especially if we DO end up in Hell, if I take a wrong turn…I don't want to go there being called PRETTY, if you know what I'm saying…"

"Oh I suppose MACHO would scare the gay demons away?"

We kept going…talking to each other as we always had before….bickering sometimes like an old married couple…and then other times we were so young, alive, and wild! I hoped we were right…and on the way to a place where we could be a family again and leave all the past behind. It could only truly happen in heaven. And even if we were headed to Hell, we'd be there together…and we'd be the sweetest devils there.

I wasn't afraid. I argued and bickered with my love and laughed without regret. Deep down, I knew we were on our way to somewhere great. And I think Edward knew it too. My heart was open…and it trusted like it was never hurt before. It felt nice…believing again. And I felt alive…so alive.

THE END.

Hey guys! Yes, it's the end. Not your typical happy ending but I like the tragic type end…don't shoot me for killing them…it all turned out for the best.

Love you guys, thanks for the reviews! I won't be gone as long as before, I promise. Maybe I'll do the sequel to Red Line soon. That should be fun.

Bye for now !

WinndSinger


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